bratty littles

[Phantom62]

hello all,

 

I'm still relatively new to the DDLG community and so far I'm loving every bit of it! i just have a question that i was wondering if any of you could help me with. so i have a little and shes the most amazing and wonderful little girl. the only thing is is that shes extremely bratty. we are in a LDR relationship so i cant physically be there to punish her if she breaks a rule (which she does very frequently). shes always touching without permission and talking back and using bad words. when I ask if we can talk about what shes doing what shes doing she doesn't want to talk. if i give her the stare she will just turn off the camera so she cant see it and the voice doesn't phase her. I'm pretty sure that she isn't taking me seriously. shes even talked about just touching and not telling me about it when i said shes not allowed to touch. i honestly love her but idk how to dom her. when i talked to her about how i felt, she got really upset and said she isn't a good little and also gave up on being a little to "stop causing troubles" which i got scared because i life both her little and big space.

 

I'm really out of ideas and feel like there isn't anything i can do if I'm far away. but I don't want to give up on her because shes everything i every wanted in a girl. all responses and advice is very appreciated. thank you for your time and ope you all have a great day.

 

maybe there's something I'm not doing correctly? maybe this is normal and I'm just not use to it? Again, thank you for your help and feel free to ask any questions to better understanding. 

[Guest LittleSnowiii]

Have she said she agrees with your rules?

Seem's like she's dodging anything related to rules/punishments, so might not be just being bratty.

You should ask her and see what she says

[Guest BabyPeach]

To me, this just seems like one person being disrespectful of another person and not just a "bratty little". I mean, she turns off the camera on you. You two need to have some serious grown up conversations about what both of you want and need out of your DDlg relationship. It could just be that this is the way little her is and you either take it or don't. I, personally, would not.

[Guest Aetherr]

have you tried talking to her about what you want and asking what she wants, i mean its all well and good to be bratty if both parties enjoy it but she seems to be a bit much for you so i would have that talk

 

you need to make sure she understands that you are not having a good time and that a talk like what i suggested is aimed at making it fun for both of you.

[Maeve]

Are you sure she's actually open to having rules? Like everybody else has said, it seems like you two definitely need to have some serious communication about what you are both wanting out of your relationship and what it would ideally look like for the two of you. It sounds more like she's disrespectful than bratty, but she could also just be immature and not realize she's being rude. She could be a non-submissive little, too, where she's just into the ageplay aspect or whatever. All you can really do is try to talk with her and figure out the disconnect together, but if she's not willing to communicate at all, then you're gonna have to accept that's how she is and see if that's something you can live with.

[Phantom62]

i have tried may times but she always responds with they're fine or she doesn't want to talk about it. shes also told be before that she likes them but she enjoys being a brat and wants to do whatever she wants. even if, it may be possible that ur right but I don't sense any discomfort. I feel like its more like she enjoys being bratty

[Phantom62]

whenever i try to confront her about her brattyness she starts feeling bad. when i say I'm disappointed in what she did when she breaks a rule she starts crying and thinks that i don't love her anymore. maybe this could be from her past relationships? 

 

she enjoys being bratty but when i tell her how i feel about things she feels bad and starts crying. she also says how her little space just makes me upset and its probably better if she doesn't go little again. i cant let that happen because i love both her and little her

[LittleCelticLass]

To me, this feels like manipulative behavior on her part. It seems like she wants the idea of rules, but has no intention to follow them, and then uses tears and self deprecation to get you to back down. I'm not convinced that's being a bratt in the DDlg sense, feels more like disrespect, and as I said before, manipulation.

If she refuses to have an adult conversation about it, you may have to make the hard choice to live with it or move on.

Best of luck.

Edited May 20, 2019 by LittleCelticLass

[Little kaiya]

whenever i try to confront her about her brattyness she starts feeling bad. when i say I'm disappointed in what she did when she breaks a rule she starts crying and thinks that i don't love her anymore. maybe this could be from her past relationships?

 

she enjoys being bratty but when i tell her how i feel about things she feels bad and starts crying. she also says how her little space just makes me upset and its probably better if she doesn't go little again. i cant let that happen because i love both her and little her

The more details you provide the more clear it is the two of you need to have a very serious adult to adult conversation.

 

It doesn't sound like she really wants rules. It sounds more like she wants to create situations where she can manipulate your emotions and make you feel bad which doesn't sound healthy to be honest.

 

She cant really have it both ways, wanting rules then ignoring you when you try and enforce them. I may not enjoy when my Daddy enforces our rules but we BOTH agreed to them and I know they are in place because he wants the best for me.

 

I dont understand how you tolerate the blatant disrespect. It sounds like the two of you want very very different things to be honest. That said, I'm not in your shoes or hers so maybe you both enjoy it but if not then talk it out, like the adults you both are.

 

Little kaiya

[Phantom62]

that's the thing tho. shes actually very caring and loving and makes sure that I'm happy. shes had a rough past with other relationships so its possible that that's the reason why she doesn't want to change anything. shes been cheated on so maybe that could be why she gets sad when she finds out that I'm not happy. 

[Maeve]

The most generous explanation I can think of is maybe she feels insecure and sees acting out as a way to get your attention. Perhaps she isn't trying to be manipulative, but turning a conversation about how you feel into a conversation about how she feels about your feelings is manipulative, whether she means it that way or not. You may need to just suggest taking a break from the D/s stuff for a while to see if she'll be more comfortable opening up with time, but if she's going to continue being manipulative, be on the look out for other emotional abuse red flags. Actions speak louder than words, as the saying goes. If she makes sure that you're happy until you're trying to talk with her about being unhappy and then shuts down and turns it on you... that doesn't sound a whole lot like wanting to make sure that you're happy, you know? Not trying to be rude or bad mouth her, but it sounds like her words and actions aren't quite matching up.

 

Maybe she's not ready to be in a relationship or maybe a D/s dynamic isn't right for her and she just wants to be little with you without the rules. Only she knows what's going on in her head, though, and if she won't open up to you, there's not really anything you can do beyond accepting the relationship as it is or deciding that it doesn't work for you. All you can really do is try and get her to open up, but if she doesn't... well, I don't know if it's possible to have a healthy relationship without communication. Either way, I hope it works out for the best for both of you, whatever that looks like.

[LittleGirlEmilia]

that's the thing tho. shes actually very caring and loving and makes sure that I'm happy. shes had a rough past with other relationships so its possible that that's the reason why she doesn't want to change anything. shes been cheated on so maybe that could be why she gets sad when she finds out that I'm not happy.

 

It sounds like she isn't in the right frame of mind to be in this relationship with you. Maybe take a step back from the dynamic and be adults together for a while. The "brattiness" is only going to frustrate you more, and she's only going to be more upset.

 

Time for a big talk, and some big time.

[Guest Aetherr]

shes either not mentally ready to be in a healthy relationship or a horribly manipulative person, either way shes not interested in giving you what you want and making the experiance pleasent for you

 

i suggest you tell her as much and stand by it, its not healthy what you have described and you don't sound very happy regardless of your feelings

 

end it now before what you are feeling turns into resentment

 

strongly suggest she get help

be with her through the healing if possible

 

but put your foot down and stand by it or this will never change for you or her and you will be as much to blame for it as she is

Edited May 20, 2019 by Aetherr

[Dada_Bear]

Hey dude

 

I know what you're going through here, I have a very similar situation in my own relationship. The advice I would give is like all the others to talk, communication is the most important thing in any relationship and is even more important in a bdsm one and this is something you need to help her understand.

 

It isn't easy working with a bratty little or submissive, especially so in a long distance relationship. It's alot of hard work but that's not a bad thing it's actually extremely rewarding. You need to find what works for you guys, what rules work, what punishments fit.

 

One thing me and my little have found works very well for us is a reward system because rather than seeing the negative side of being punished they see the positive side of good behaviour and being rewarded and praised for it.

 

I hope my advice is of some use to you and your little and if you would like to ask me anything don't hesitate to ask.

[SamL]

that's the thing tho. shes actually very caring and loving and makes sure that I'm happy. 

 

So you're here to get advice about what you can do about how happy you are?  I sincerely get you trying to have your girl's back - protect her and only talk her up, but I'm calling bs on how happy she makes you.  I don't think you're trying to pull the wool over our eyes though...but your own.  You're happy with the idea of her, but her behavior doesn't match your projection.

 

The more details you provide the more clear it is the two of you need to have a very serious adult to adult conversation.

 

The more details you provide the more clear it is that a very serious adult to adult conversation may not be possible.  

[LittleGirlEmilia]

I figured I would add something in.

Littles don't have to be bratty, or submissive. I've noticed quite a lot of littles aren't submissive at all, and there is a difference between being a bitch and a brat.

Are you two possibly trying to fit into the generic stereotype of a DDlg relationship without catering it to your relationship?

 

(Just a thought.)

[SamL]

 

 there is a difference between being a bitch and a brat.

 

 

That is a fascinating turn of phrase... 

[Phantom62]

Thank you all for your input. It is greatly appreciated. I’ll keep all of these in mind.

[Guest LittleSnowiii]

whenever i try to confront her about her brattyness she starts feeling bad. when i say I'm disappointed in what she did when she breaks a rule she starts crying and thinks that i don't love her anymore. maybe this could be from her past relationships? 

 

she enjoys being bratty but when i tell her how i feel about things she feels bad and starts crying. she also says how her little space just makes me upset and its probably better if she doesn't go little again. i cant let that happen because i love both her and little her

If she is ok with the rules then this is another situation. She's flat out disrespectful honestly. I can't talk for everyone else, but if someone turned the camera on me I would see that as flat out rude.

The relationship isn't just her and what she wants and likes. Is about TWO people. She needs to understand your feelings and needs are valid aswell!!

[baby_k]

i have tried may times but she always responds with they're fine or she doesn't want to talk about it. shes also told be before that she likes them but she enjoys being a brat and wants to do whatever she wants. even if, it may be possible that ur right but I don't sense any discomfort. I feel like its more like she enjoys being bratty

 

Generally speaking this is superduper bad thing. You should always be able to talk.

 

whenever i try to confront her about her brattyness she starts feeling bad. when i say I'm disappointed in what she did when she breaks a rule she starts crying and thinks that i don't love her anymore. maybe this could be from her past relationships? 

 

she enjoys being bratty but when i tell her how i feel about things she feels bad and starts crying. she also says how her little space just makes me upset and its probably better if she doesn't go little again. i cant let that happen because i love both her and little her

 

She seems quite fragile to me. Sure, it can be that she is just selfish and manipulative person but it also could be that she may not want to ( or even can't ) talk of the rules etc. because she knows there is an issue and she has acted poorly and upsetted you. It is not great coping mechansm but some people try to act as if there is no issue, so they don't have to face it.

 

Maybe try starting the convo with tender way, tell how you like/love her and want to be with her and how you adore her. And that you want your rel to last eternally, so you want to make sure it will happen. Just that now you think that things are not really working FOR HER because she is giving you mixed signals: wanting rules, not obeying them and not being able to talk of that ( phrase them as "you don't see too able to talk of this, so there must be something that is really hard for you" instead of "you refuse to talk of this" ). So, tlak about her, what she wants, how she thinks things should go, what she wishes, is somehting difficult or confusing to her etcetc. Be comforting and understanding, and maybe you are able to talk of the actual issue. ( Or even write her a letter if you think that way it is easier for her to process what you say. )

[Phantom62]

She seems quite fragile to me. Sure, it can be that she is just selfish and manipulative person but it also could be that she may not want to ( or even can't ) talk of the rules etc. because she knows there is an issue and she has acted poorly and upsetted you. It is not great coping mechansm but some people try to act as if there is no issue, so they don't have to face it.

 

Maybe try starting the convo with tender way, tell how you like/love her and want to be with her and how you adore her. And that you want your rel to last eternally, so you want to make sure it will happen. Just that now you think that things are not really working FOR HER because she is giving you mixed signals: wanting rules, not obeying them and not being able to talk of that ( phrase them as "you don't see too able to talk of this, so there must be something that is really hard for you" instead of "you refuse to talk of this" ). So, tlak about her, what she wants, how she thinks things should go, what she wishes, is somehting difficult or confusing to her etcetc. Be comforting and understanding, and maybe you are able to talk of the actual issue. ( Or even write her a letter if you think that way it is easier for her to process what you say. )

[Phantom62]

She just says she doesn’t know or it Doesent matter. U are right tho. She usually just take things regardless if she agrees or not. It’s possible because it’s from her past relationships. She has been hurt and damaged before.

[Guest daddygentle]

like many others have already said I think she just enjoys the "idea" of rules and accountability, but only as far as the online conversation goes, probably that excites her, but she doee not want to live the less funny side of the coin. which would be okay by itself, but right now it looks like she is only taking advantage of you

[hanibun]

she honestly sounds a lot like me, i'm not even going to lie

and i'll try to explain from my perspective but it may not be the same for her

she obviously is very very bratty, and trying to find fun in things

but she may not fully understand what you both want, and you should sit down and talk with her for a while about this

show that you enjoy talking to her, but also bring up that you would like a change
it won't happen right away, it's a hard habit to break.
but if she really is dedicated to you and making you happy, she probably will make the attempt to be a bit less bratty for you