Male only chat

[Soulmatesearch]

OK,     so i wanted to vent, with other guys that may feel the same

Im a masculine guy.    but sexually a sub babyboy.
Quite frankly I sometimes despise this side of me..  So undesirable to females, who mostly want dom daddies

Find myself getting extremely depressed and lonely about all this, i guess im going through that now.

I actually could be a good daddy, but my confidence is shot to pieces..
Im also 5.7 and online this kills me for any kind of daddy profile I may setup. Im good looking, and get attention but ultimately being short only exagerates my sub side.  kind of pushes me towards it more I guess.

Any input from guys would be great.

And without sounding pissy.   please no patronising, you should love who you are, etc. etc.....   keep it real
Submissiveness is just not appealing to most girls

 

[Guest BabyPeach]

Okay, I'm not a man but I'm going to answer anyway because I'm a rule breaker, hehe. First, for me 5'7 is just fine for a man and I'm 5'7 myself. I get it though. Just as you see 5'7 as on the short side for a man, I see 5'7 as on the tall side for being a girl. I won't say love who you are, I will just say we have what we have and learn to live with it.

 

Now, you are sort of contradicting yourself. You say most women here want Daddy Doms, but that's because they are LITTLES. If you want a woman who wants a baby boy you, then you need to find a MOMMY or if you want a man then you need to find a DADDY (and not another little). The caregivers tend to appreciate submissiveness.

 

It sounds to me like you don't really know if you are a Daddy Dom, but you think you SHOULD be (there is no should be though, only who you are). If  you aren't a Daddy, you aren't. If you're a switch, then you can explore either role (or both....some couples who are switches switch caregiver and little roles so they both get what they need) as long as you are honest with your potential partner.

[SharkPrince]

As a sometimes submissive trans man I really connect with what you're saying as when I'm little I enjoy a lot of stereotypical 'girly' things and for a while I completely refused to allow that side of me out as I felt it contradicted who I wanted to be as a man.

 

Ultimately I think it's something you'll make peace with and when you find a good dominant woman it'll be heaven

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

I have no doubt it must be hard being a male little or a male AB/DL looking for a female partner. There aren't as many mommies as there are daddies, and that's a fact you're always going to have to deal with unless something in the CG/L or AB/DL community changes dramatically in the future. The unfortunate reality for some male littles is that they may never be able to find a partner within the community because the ratio of male subs to female dommes isn't in their favour. With that in mind, it could be that you're better off finding someone outside of the community. I've known people who did this and introduced their partners to CG/L later and had things work out really well, so it can happen. There are also ways to enjoy your little side without a partner, so if you met someone who wasn't really into CG/L at all you could still have a great relationship with them while still finding time for yourself to be little. If someone really loves you they will accept you, and while that doesn't necessarily mean they will participate in the way you might want them to, they will at least give you the time and space needed to be yourself. I know so many people who fall into this category, people who don't share everything or do everything together, yet still have been able to build really solid relationships.

 

When it comes to height, I would suggest that most people look much more favourably on a confident-looking shorter guy than a taller guy lacking in confidence. Confidence is something you can fake, even if you don't feel great you can dress well, stand up straight, walk with purpose, and so on. Take a look on Youtube for a channel called alpha.m. The guy is I think 5'5" or 5'6" and yet he's always well dressed and confident. Just in my own family, my sister's partner is much shorter than she is, so what "women" want isn't a guy of a certain height or even a guy taller than them, it's someone they connect with and fall for. It sounds like you may have an idea in your mind that "all women want a guy with X Y and Z" and that just simply isn't true. There are as many preferences as there are individual women - everyone is looking for something different.

 

I agree with what BabyPeach had to say. It sounds as though you think you need to be a daddy dom in order to meet a woman in the CG/L community. But if you aren't a daddy dom, it isn't really something you can fake. Any little you meet will catch on sooner or later to the fact that you are a sub/AB, and that's always going to end badly because 1) they're a little looking for a daddy, which you aren't, and 2) pretending to be something you aren't is deceptive, and there's nothing worse than being lied to. If you feel like online dating, either in the CG/L community or not, hasn't worked for you so far, then you really need to try something else. Meeting people locally, going on dates, and seeing who you connect with is the best way to find a partner in most cases anyway. Online works for some people, but not everyone. And if it hasn't worked for you, you can either keep trying it or you can decide to be proactive and make a change.

 

When it comes to hating a part of yourself, believe me when I say I get it. But trying to deny that part of yourself isn't going to make it go away, and there has never been a "cure" found for being submissive or being AB/DL. Most people who are submissives or littles will have those feelings for a very long time, so one way or another you have to find a way to come to terms with it. You don't have to love it, you don't even have to like it, but you will never be able to be happy and confident - two pretty important things when looking for a partner - if you can't accept yourself. And if you can't accept this side of yourself right now, finding a partner - even a mommy domme - won't fix that. What you risk happening is your own self-loathing and self-doubt will push her away and ruin the very relationship you're working so hard to find.

 

What you're experiencing could very well be a form of depression. And perhaps you would benefit from talking to a professional about all of these things. Having an outlet, if nothing else, can be helpful. Therapy could help you to understand better where these thoughts come from, normalise what you're feeling, and find ways to cope with the negative thoughts about yourself and this side of yourself. There's no quick fix or magic bullet for these kinds of feelings unfortunately, and it will take time, effort, and above all, honesty, to get you to a place where you're able to accept it and tolerate it. A lot of people who don't like a part of themselves benefit from therapy or other professional help, so don't just dismiss the idea out of hand. If these feelings are something you've been struggling with for a long time, it may be worth considering.

 

Whatever you decide to do next, I wish you all the best.

[LittlePupRune]

I'm a barely 5'1 trans guy. I get it, at first I was worried discovering a sub/little/etc side would contradict the masculinity that i was desperately trying to portray, but honestly all that came across was desperation. What I had to do was come to terms with myself (a lot of introspection and going through trauma and abuse forced me to do so) and become comfortable in that and find that my self worth came from me and not from my worth to to other people. Granted, I'm not fully there yet, and its a lot of hard work, but I need to do it.

 

I know a lot of women in my kink community that enjoy male submissiveness. It just takes some time and putting yourself out there.

[peachtokki]

submissiveness might not be appealing to most girls, you're right but there are still a lot of females out there who like subby guys. they're not just exclusive to mommy doms, you know? as a little, i prefer soft daddies aka sub tops. i don't know how far your sexuality goes but please don't feel  too discouraged.

 

i know a lot of masc type gay guys who still likes bottoming and subbing, they prefer it, because they're littles and being called daddy just doesn't do it for them despite looking like the stereotypical daddy dom.

 

what i'm saying is, what you're feeling is normal and valid and how you're feeling is more common than you think. i promise you, i'm masculine but i'm a little. granted, i pass off as someone who's "in the middle," but it doesn't mater what you look like on the outside, it matters how you feel and overtime, it won't bother you as much anymore.

 

i'm sorry you feel like this, though. i've been there, it takes a lot of self-love to get through these doubts. i'm rooting for you to feel better.