Don't be in a Rush

[DaddyRaven]

I've seen this a lot, whether in chat, in the forum or what not but so many are in a hurry to find a caregiver or little, rather than working to find the RIGHT caregiver or little.  Think of ddlg the same way you would a regular relationship.  You want to build something that will last so that you get everything out of it that you can. Sure, sex is fantastic and we all want to feel loved & wanted but if you hurry too quickly, just like with a one-night stand, it won't mean much after the deed's done.  I've seen so many say they found their caregiver or little, then 2 days later they're looking for someone new and that's because neither person took the time to get to know the other person.  

Get to know the person you're interested in as a person before you worry about the ddlg dynamics.  Very few ddlg relationships have both parties in the mental state of a little or caregiver 24/7/365.  Well, a caregiver maybe because it's really a part of who we are when we're a caregiver. Caregivers tend to try to help people all the time in one way or another but littles can't always be littles.  They have school, they have jobs and some even have children to raise so they have to also be in adult mode.  This is why it's important to get to know the other person not just in the role they like to have but also as a regular person. Really, from my experiences, if you don't have much in common as adults, the chances that your ddlg relationship is going to work out is very small.  

Then there are the ppl who think that the minute they say they're a daddy dom that they can tell another little what to do and get sexual already.  Sorry, that's not how it works or shouldn't work.  Again, think of the greater picture. What are your chances of being with someone if you go up to them at a store, a bar or wherever and say, "Hey, i'm so & so, I'm taking control of you in every aspect." Yea, you have a wonderful chance of being bitch slapped into next week with that kind of thinking.  You may say you're wanting to be a daddy but saying it and doing it are two different things.  if your experience as a daddy is only sexual dominance, you're NOT a Daddy dom, you're a Dom.  The beauty of this community is that the Daddy and Mommy doms aren't just sexually in control of their partner who identifies as a little or sub.  There is also the aspect of caring for that person. When someone  is in little space, whether a guy or a girl, they're in a vulnerable spot, they're like they are as a child and for many, their thinking goes to that place because it was a  time of innocence.  As a Daddy or Mommy dom, it's our job to protect,  nurture and care for that Little, not just in bed but in all avenues.  To give them things to do, to protect them if someone's coming onto them or trying to bully them or whatever the case may be.  It's our job as caregivers to help our littles grow as persons, both when in adult thinking and when in little space.  It's our place to give them love & affection; to let them know that they have someone they can truly rely on and care for and that this person cares for them as well.  

I'm sure this'll upset a few people but I think it's a topic that needs addressing from time to time.  If you're not able to provide everything your little needs, if you're only interested in dominance, then I would suggest you look to another area of the dom/sub community that is better suited for you.  

[Little kaiya]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I really dont think this message can be shared or repeated enough. Sadly, I think the ones who will take the time to read it already agree and those who really should wont bother.

 

That said, I cant agree with you more. I often get asked by people how my Daddy and I have managed to stay together for a year and a half and have only grown stronger. The answer is simple, we got to know one another first. He didnt collar me / I didnt ask him to be my Daddy until about a year after we first got together, about the same length of time before I proposed to my wife of 13 years.

 

A relationship is like a house, you need to build a proper foundation first. Again, thank you DaddyRaven for taking the time to write your post.

 

Little kaiya

[Guest DemureBelle]

This right here!

 

I cannot stress how important this is. I learnt this the hard way, I jumped in a relationship probably not as quick as the same day but in less than two weeks I had chosen him as my daddy dom. This led to a series of broken promises, painful words and countless arguments as I realised he wasn't someone who could support who I was and ultimately wanted one thing only. Now I refuse to jump straight in and this is something that a few 'doms' have trouble accepting. 

 

Please take the time to know the person you are speaking to, ensure you get to know each other, and make sure you both are on the same wavelength. 

 

I agree with Little Kaiya, relationships are like a house, it cannot remain stable without honesty, trust and communication. 

[DaddyRaven]

u are both absolutely spot on.  I'm glad though that you learned from that mistake Belle.  

you're very welcome Kaiya I thank u for the added information regarding your own relationship.  

[Guest BabyPeach]

That would be great if everyone had the same frame of mind. Unfortunately, many don't. Now, I'm not Daddy hating here, but in this community I have seen "needy" littles being made less needy through daddying and then traded off for a new "needy" little. In essence, being "raised" and then replaced by another who needs to be "raised". Rinse and repeat. I mean, think about it....if someone is looking for a large age gap because they equate "little" with youth (their young to "Daddy's" old), what happens when the little isn't young anymore? So few of these relationships seem to last extremely long term or even long term really. I just don't think a lot of people are looking for "til death do we part". It's more of a game and it's ugly because it ends in broken hearts. Now, littles aren't perfect either. Many of them are looking for bigger and better Daddies. Daddies get used up and tossed away too. I think, in general, there's just problems in this community. Anyway, now I'm rambling, haha. I see your point, but I don't see it in practice much. In an ideal world, we would all find the right partner and live happily ever after.

[LittleTeacup]

I agree.

 

Of course for me, I've always been somewhat shy and not interested in relationships. Even during my (very few) past crushes, I just wanted to be around them a lot and didn't attempt to make it a relationship (but that may have been because they were girls and clearly not interested... plus in my heart I knew we weren't compatible). (And my current love is REALLY not meant to be in a relationship with me - our paths are separate and he's more like a guiding light/angel to me now).

 

I know I'll run into the right person someday. Probably during the most unexpected situation. The Universe is funny like that.

[ForeverFluffy]

I agree wholeheartedly. Many people on here are in such a rush to find a partner to fulfill a role. To me, that's a way of using someone to get what you want. (I'm gonna start using "you" now as a general term, not OP) You don't want that person for who they are. You want them to fill a role, to fill a void that you feel in your life. And if they don't fill that role, you cast them aside. I think that many people have that void. Many people want to be in relationships, vanilla or otherwise, just so that they don't have to be alone. But relationships aren't built like that. They are built out of trust, shared values, common experiences, working together through the thick and thin towards a common goal. 

 

If someone has that void, if they yearned to have love from someone else because they're so alone, they should first learn to show themselves that kind of love.

 

When I was younger, I yearned for love. I wanted someone to love me, to need me, to be around me. I was struggling with so many issues and I wasn't dealing with them in a healthy way. I rushed into relationships with toxic people  that almost always ended badly. I ended up in toxic relationships and friendships that damaged my psyche and self image. It took me years to heal. And I learned that I needed to be happy with myself and be healthy before I could engage in a healthy relationship. I needed to truly know the person I was interested in instead of making them fill a role in my life.

 

I think most people go through something like this as they figure out how to navigate relationships and grow into healthy, mature people. Some people never leave this phase, though. 

[DaddyRaven]

each of you has raised very valid points and I agree with all of you to a degree.  I've been guilty of being in such a relationship too where things moved far too quickly and ppl got hurt in the process.  This is just my opinion but I say, build a relationship, then worry about getting into the daddy/little dynamic if you wish to do so.  That way you at least have a good floor to build on.  

[Angel24]

Say it a little louder for the people in the back I made the mistake of rushing into relationships too fast and I wasted A LOT of time on it, and that’s time you can’t get back...but it is something you can learn from and be better because of it.

[DaddyRaven]

Agreed Angel, if nothing else, learn from the mistakes made.