Daddy has a child

[Guest LorenaKazanowska]

To start this off correctly, my partner and I have been together over a year and we both lead quite busy lives. Things have been progressing slowly but firmly and steadily. He is actually the one who started to call me ''Little one'' and ''Little princess'' and ''my little girl'' as well as offering to give me baths, read my favourite childhood story to me at night, he sometimes purchases little stuffed animals and things like that for me. Many little things. It is very sweet.

 

Our relationship has a dom/sub aspect to it as I've always been into that in general, but this is definitely more of a ''caregiving'' type situation. We are happy and it is a stable and safe relationship. However, he has a 9 year old daughter who of course takes up a lot of his time.

 

I have not really discussed this with him, as I feel it not to be my place to do so and I fear that it may come out in a way it isn't intended. I am not jealous of this child, she is a child and can be guilty of nothing. She has had to witness her parents break up and her mom get a new boyfriend, and many things a child doesn't understand and can't process. She knows about me, but I have put off meeting her because I admit I am a little unsure and uncertain about the situation, not wanting to make her feel as if I am an intruder and ''taking'' her dad from her, as kids often see it.

 

Anyway, long story short, I am not jealous of her, I think that it is wonderful that her father is involved so much in her life and wants the best for her, making sure to take her on many trips, outings, making many purchases and perhaps even spoiling her a little too much sometimes, but I do not judge. But I am jealous a little of the time spent with her, or rather the quality of it, and the tenderness. He is very good with me, and I am honestly not that ''little'', I had not much idea about ddlg until he started to call me these sweet names, even sometimes being so soft with me whenever I am down or something as if I was really a child.

 

Recently she said to him a few times that he should not be texting me so much when he is spending the time with her, and I agree. But I feel that already she sees me as something unpleasant. It makes me feel guilty and also a little sad that I must almost ''not be in the picture'' when he has her.

 

Sorry for the saga and rambling, but I needed to get it off my chest. 

 

Have any of you ever experienced your partner, daddy, caregiver, whatever you want to call that person in your life having a child of their own and a life with them that you feel so separated and maybe even dismissed from? Any ideas on how I can possibly bring this up without it coming out all wrong?

[Inmylittlespace]

This is a hard question to answer. There's a lot going on here and it is very kind of you to try to protect her feelings. 

Does she know WHO you are to him? If he was to explain that is his girlfriend, perhaps she would understand a little more? I think that a year is plenty of time to go between meeting her and if he is ready for that, for you to be a part of her life, then I would go for it. 

 

She may be jealous of you, because she is just a child and doesn't know how to hold those feelings and express them. She's already lost her parents, and her moms attention is now with this guy so she may feel threatened. But I think that children are a lot more resilient and smarter than we give them credit for. Talk to her. Befriend her. Show her you're not a threat. 

 

Kids of divorced parents struggle, it's a fact. I am one of them and am 26 years old, and STILL struggle with my parents divorce. You're doing the right thing. I promise. 

[junebug0325]

Hi there.

 

So I first have to start by saying that I am completely unqualified to answer this question, as I have not personally experienced anything like this in my own life. However, I can offer you some advice from seeing how something like this has played out in situations with members inside my family.

 

I think the fact that you are constantly thinking about her feelings really speaks to your personality. It is important that she feels comfortable in the situation and not feel like you are being pushed on to her. I also think that a year is a good amount of time for her to be warmed up to the idea of you. So, I personally don't see a problem with you meeting her sooner than later. But that will have to be a decision between you and him.

 

The first couple times that you are meeting her should be places that are fun. Like the park, the movies, going to a restaurant, or going bowling. This way she associates fun things with seeing you. This also helps her understand that you are not "taking her" from her father, but rather you are being incorporated into his and her life.

 

Hope this helps!

 

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

[sweetangelkitten]

Hi there, I have experienced rejection before. It's not exactly like yours, but someone that was more important to my daddy took priority.

 

I had a nonsexual daddy and he had a girlfriend that I knew about. I asked to meet her several times and my daddy always said she was busy. Well he flew me over on plane once during a time she was not there for a week. It turns out he was keeping me a secret from her. She saw him texting me and saw a photo of me and was insanely jealous. She told him that I had to go or she would go. He picked her and abandoned his little... It was really painful... 

 

Back to your story. Your feelings are valid and I get that. His daughter is important and you get that. It's good that she knows of you. The 3 of you should try to spend some time together in a casual place. Maybe go to the park and have a picnic? Let her get to know you and you get to know her better. Maybe you can be friends and spend time together so that you both get to be with daddy.