I was catfished by a mommy dom.

[strawberryrosegirl]

Hi, recently, I went through a very heartbreaking experience that really shook my core. I'd like to post about my experience here so that other littles can read about it and learn from my mistake. I never want anyone else to experience what I did. Last week, I met a girl named Hannah Jackson. I had found her on a Wattpad chatroom for people into mdlg. She was supposed to be nineteen, from London, and with some experience in md/lg relationships. We hit it off pretty quickly, which should have been my first warning, as femmes are never into me. Our conversations were normal at first, but as I began to tell this person about my life, how I'm a caregiver for my grandma, explaining family issues, my history with sexual assault, they became more and more gentle toward me. We'd talk all night about everything. She made me so happy. And for the first time in a long time, I felt loved and cared for. But I had been catfished before as a preteen by a boy who was using the name Noah Munk (who happens to play the character Gibby on iCarly LOL), and when I asked about it, he got really defensive and upset with me before admitting the truth. Anyways, so, I kept asking her for snapchat pictures, to video chat, for a picture of her with a banana on her head and a drawing of a cartoon dinosaur on the banana lol. For a long time, she continued to refuse, saying she had social anxiety, or that I should just believe her, or to not worry about what my friends thought about it all. It gave me a bad feeling, but I liked her so much that I kept going. I just kept asking over and over. I wanted to hear her accent. I wanted that banana picture. I wanted something. I wanted so badly for her to be real. But finally, after asking several times over the course of an hour, she finally broke and told me that she had to tell me the truth.

 

She wasn't Hannah Jackson. She wasn't even a girl. He didn't tell me his name or his age or give me a picture. He just explained that at first he didn't really care about me, that he didn't mind doing this because he thought I was just another girl. But then, I told him about my grandma, who has dementia, and how I took time off school to care for her. And then, I told him about how I had trust issues because of all these things I had gone through. And then, I had a panic attack and he helped me through it. He said I was authentic. That I appreciated things. That I wasn't like other girls. And that he thought that if he told the truth, he would lose me because he thought I was a lesbian (I'm actually bisexual). My heart is broken. This person took advantage of the most vulnerable side of me, and now I'm just sitting here, unable to stop crying. He asked me, "If I had told you I was a guy early on, would you have even given me a second glance?" And I told him, "Yes, because I'm bisexual, you fucking idiot. You played yourself." I couldn't build a solid relationship or love on all the lies he told me. My mother did the same with my father and he ended up using her and then leaving us. I was not going to let that happen to me. I asked him who the girl in the pictures was and he told me that she was some cam girl, that it didn't matter. I coaxed her name out of him and contacted her to tell her all the accounts he used her photos on. She told me that this wasn't the first time someone had done this with her photos, and proceeded to share with me that this person specifically had actually asked her for nudes to send to me. Asshole. Anyways, then, I went back on Wattpad and contacted every single girl that responded to his ad, as well as the girls who had followed him (and that he followed back). Now, I'm here, sharing my story on different forums to ensure as many littles read this and get this important information as quickly as possible.

 

If you are a victim of catfishing, you might feel so stupid, like I did at first. But let me tell you this: People like this manipulate so much that they become experts at it. They tell you everything you want to hear and they are charming, kind, and loving. It's not hard to fall for someone like that. It's not hard to fall for a girl from London with pretty eyes that likes marvel comics too and appreciates you for who you are. In fact, it's so fucking easy to fall for someone like that, especially if you have had so much pain in the past from people who made you feel like you were hard to love or just too weird to love. You are not stupid. You are human, just like me. To ensure that this doesn't happen to you, here are some tips I've learned.

 

-Notice what they do. Not what they say. In an online relationship, it's easy to forget to pay attention to actions as it all looks like just words. But there were numerous things that made me uncomfortable about Mr. Hannah (my new nickname for him lol). When I asked for the banana picture, he started making jokes about me taking a picture with grapes, and then oranges, and then ham. I thought he was asking for a confirmation photo too, but when I realized he was playing around and started laughing, it bothered me that he quickly moved on from the topic, distracting me with sweet words about how adorable I was. When I asked for a video of him talking (I wanted to hear Hannah's accent), he said he had social anxiety and that he'd send one eventually. When I asked for a other forms of confirmation, he found other excuses or distractions, or would say he would do it but in the morning, or after work, or at some other time that was never to pass. This is a pattern. Remember if it happens once, it's probably nothing. Twice, it's a bit fishy. Multiple times, it's a pattern and a warning. Get out while you still can.

 

-Stand your ground. I don't care how upset he gets or what he says. Do not consent to send photos of yourself or your family until after he has given you confirmation about who they are. Snapchat photos are a bit different as they disappear and you are notified if they screenshot. But Kik is an example of a bad place to send photos. Ask over and over, and if he tries to distract you with jokes or compliments, you should still continue to ask. 

 

-Beware of a Prince or Princess Charming. Flattery goes a long way, and since many littles have experienced a ton of trauma, it's easy to fall for someone who makes you feel beautiful by calling you that, or by giving you the illusion of choice. "Can I call you princess?" Beware of people who do this too early. Beware of people who become possessive too quickly. Beware of people who rely on charms alone to coax things out of you. 

 

Always make sure you are safe because the one time you don't, you may end up in a worse situation than the one I was in. Instead of your heart being broken, it could mean you being kidnapped, trafficked, or forced into a terrible situation, all because you trusted someone who never should have been allowed near your heart. Always take safety precautions, on dating apps, on forums, on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, etc. If anyone else has experienced something like this, I'd love to hear about it. I'm hurting so much right now. I was really staring to fall for this person and could use the support. 

 

Thank you.

 

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by strawberryrosegirl

[Voganpoetry]

Oh my god... i'm so sorry this happened to you. It's people like that that make me wary of online only relationships. I always want to know that whoever i'm talking to is who they say they are. I'm sorry you had to go through this. It must have been truly traumatic. I hope that experience hasn't soured your view on the wider community. 

[MysticSand]

Firstly, your profile avatar. Can't even describe how friggin adorbs. (Not the red flag sweet words you mentioned in your post! D: Fluffy animals are just life.)

 

Secondly, thank you for sharing this, and I'm sure that even if one person reads this and knows better for it, your heart ache is not for naught.

You are smarter and better off for this experience, even though you're hurting tons at the moment. The end of that tunnel will appear eventually, and the faux love you felt will be replaced by self-love as you realize that you were able to stand up to this false beau and love yourself enough to know you deserve better.

 

I really like the advice and tips you gave! Though, I'm curious. If you'd read this very same advice prior to being catfished, would you still have gone through the same path? I do think that as humans, we're emotional creatures and something about those driving emotions make us blind to logic many times. (Heck, I often find myself having sage advice that I just can't ever make myself adhere to when it comes to actions. XD)

 

I think there's something to be said about how you received support through some pretty rough sounding times, albeit under super not cool false pretenses. Something of a relationship of convenience. Needing someone/something so badly just to get through x isn't necessarily a bad thing because at the end of the day that someone/something did help you through x. No excuses, but perhaps a maybe very small sliver of a silver lining?

[strawberryrosegirl]

Hahaha, thank you. It's from a meme that still makes me laugh. 

And to answer you question (which I really thought about for a while before answering), I think I would still have gone through the same path. The thing is that I wanted this person to be real. I've gone through so much heartbreak in the last few years, and this person made me feel loved. No matter the fact that he lied to me, he was sweeter to me than anybody has ever been. And for someone who isn't used to being shown basic human decency in love, it was easy to be swayed by the first person who did it. Mr. Hannah felt genuine, and to extent, they were genuine. I think this person really truly liked me, and that they felt horrible for continuing the lie. Does this mean I'd ever go back? Hell no. The fact that he was even doing that in the first place says so much about his character already. Although, that's not to say that had I read this information prior, I wouldn't have kept it in mind. It's my instinct to be wary of people who are charming, as my father was like that, and so were some of the people in my life who broke my heart the worst. I even told Mr. Hannah that I had to be careful with charming girls because it's the charming part that trips me up. And I agree. I think this person was a stepping stone. Mr. Hannah made me laugh and smile a lot and honestly, after the last few years that I've had, that is saying so much. I really did need someone like that, and I think in my desire to have love, I put myself into a very vulnerable position. Unfortunately, it's not the first time I've done that. 

 

But I learned an important lesson from this, and that is that just because someone shows you basic human decency, that doesn't make them worthy of your heart. I also learned that I am capable of being loved, it's just a matter of who is doing the loving. And that I just have to have patience while I wait for whoever is meant for me to come along, and stop trying to rush it just because I feel alone. 

 

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. <3

Firstly, your profile avatar. Can't even describe how friggin adorbs. (Not the red flag sweet words you mentioned in your post! D: Fluffy animals are just life.)

 

Secondly, thank you for sharing this, and I'm sure that even if one person reads this and knows better for it, your heart ache is not for naught.

You are smarter and better off for this experience, even though you're hurting tons at the moment. The end of that tunnel will appear eventually, and the faux love you felt will be replaced by self-love as you realize that you were able to stand up to this false beau and love yourself enough to know you deserve better.

 

I really like the advice and tips you gave! Though, I'm curious. If you'd read this very same advice prior to being catfished, would you still have gone through the same path? I do think that as humans, we're emotional creatures and something about those driving emotions make us blind to logic many times. (Heck, I often find myself having sage advice that I just can't ever make myself adhere to when it comes to actions. XD)

 

I think there's something to be said about how you received support through some pretty rough sounding times, albeit under super not cool false pretenses. Something of a relationship of convenience. Needing someone/something so badly just to get through x isn't necessarily a bad thing because at the end of the day that someone/something did help you through x. No excuses, but perhaps a maybe very small sliver of a silver lining?

[strawberryrosegirl]

Of course it hasn't!! My heart is hurting, but this community as a whole has really helped me become less ashamed of my little side, and I am so unbelievably thankful for that!! It was very traumatic, but I'm glad I was smart and kept asking for proof. I wish I would have jumped ship earlier, but at least I kept asking until I got a reason for why I wasn't receiving. Thank you for your kind words. <3 One thing that has helped provide closure is contacting all the girls affected by this person. So far, I've spoken with one girl who was already talking to this person and she was super thankful that I told her. I was able to give multiple girls these tips and even make some friends in the process!! That really helps. Knowing that I've saved a lot more girls from being victimized the way I was. 

Oh my god... i'm so sorry this happened to you. It's people like that that make me wary of online only relationships. I always want to know that whoever i'm talking to is who they say they are. I'm sorry you had to go through this. It must have been truly traumatic. I hope that experience hasn't soured your view on the wider community. 

[CryBabyUniWolf]

Awww.. I'm so sorry you went through that... x/

Ugh... Some people are just absolute buttholes.

I hope you find the love that you seek at the right time!

Best of luck, Darling! <3

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

I've been catfished before myself, but by a little. In addition to the one who got away with it for several days, I've also encountered several other people that I'm 99% sure were catfishing and with whom I decided not to continue talking for that reason. Just like with ghosting, encountering issues like catfishing is an unfortunate reality of the online dating scene, not just in the CG/L community. Your post will be very helpful, because knowing how to spot red flags is important.

 

From my point of view, the biggest issue I have is knowing when to insist on seeing or talking to someone. I don't like to be someone who comes across as demanding, especially when it comes to seeing pictures, but there has to be a point in talking to a potential partner where it's okay to ask. I don't like to show my face to the entire internet and I understand that a lot of people feel that way too, but after my own catfishing experience I feel a whole lot better once I know I'm talking to someone who is who they claim to be. Video calling, even a brief call, is by far the best method. Pictures with specific poses can be good too, and some messenger apps let you know when a picture was taken then and there with the camera app (kik does this, for example).

 

Unfortunately OP, the catfish you encountered was particularly insidious to be able to string you along for so long. Many are more obvious and easy to spot, and just from my own experience a couple of things I consider red flags are: always talking about the same things - could be that they only want to roleplay, or only want to talk about a few aspects of CG/L, and disappearing for long periods of time with no warning or real explanation. If I'm talking to someone and they disappear, pop back up a day and a half later and want to talk about exactly what we talked about last time, I consider that a huge red flag.

 

When it comes to images, TinEye and Google Images both offer decent reverse image searches. If you copy a person's picture that they've shown you into one of these engines, it will tell you if that image has been used on another public website. So that can, potentially, catch out some catfishes. Of course it's worth saying that just because a picture wasn't publicly online doesn't mean it wasn't stolen from a private social media account, so these services are no guarantee.

 

At the end of the day we have to trust our instincts. If someone feels "off", that's your own innate warning system telling you to be careful.

[strawberryrosegirl]

Omg!!! He did do that!! There were a few times when he would disappear and then say that he was at work. After really discussing it with my friend, I remembered that he said something about having a corruption kink, and we realized that the real reason why he was doing this was probably because it was a fetish. He kept talking about that. I never saw it as a red flag because I've never ventured to talk to a mommy from these communities, so I wouldn't have known to catch that. Thank you for that tip!! And thank you for sharing your experience. I am so sorry people do this. 

I've been catfished before myself, but by a little. In addition to the one who got away with it for several days, I've also encountered several other people that I'm 99% sure were catfishing and with whom I decided not to continue talking for that reason. Just like with ghosting, encountering issues like catfishing is an unfortunate reality of the online dating scene, not just in the CG/L community. Your post will be very helpful, because knowing how to spot red flags is important.

 

From my point of view, the biggest issue I have is knowing when to insist on seeing or talking to someone. I don't like to be someone who comes across as demanding, especially when it comes to seeing pictures, but there has to be a point in talking to a potential partner where it's okay to ask. I don't like to show my face to the entire internet and I understand that a lot of people feel that way too, but after my own catfishing experience I feel a whole lot better once I know I'm talking to someone who is who they claim to be. Video calling, even a brief call, is by far the best method. Pictures with specific poses can be good too, and some messenger apps let you know when a picture was taken then and there with the camera app (kik does this, for example).

 

Unfortunately OP, the catfish you encountered was particularly insidious to be able to string you along for so long. Many are more obvious and easy to spot, and just from my own experience a couple of things I consider red flags are: always talking about the same things - could be that they only want to roleplay, or only want to talk about a few aspects of CG/L, and disappearing for long periods of time with no warning or real explanation. If I'm talking to someone and they disappear, pop back up a day and a half later and want to talk about exactly what we talked about last time, I consider that a huge red flag.

 

When it comes to images, TinEye and Google Images both offer decent reverse image searches. If you copy a person's picture that they've shown you into one of these engines, it will tell you if that image has been used on another public website. So that can, potentially, catch out some catfishes. Of course it's worth saying that just because a picture wasn't publicly online doesn't mean it wasn't stolen from a private social media account, so these services are no guarantee.

 

At the end of the day we have to trust our instincts. If someone feels "off", that's your own innate warning system telling you to be careful.

[strawberryrosegirl]

Thank you for your kind words. I hope so too.

Awww.. I'm so sorry you went through that... x/
Ugh... Some people are just absolute buttholes.
I hope you find the love that you seek at the right time!
Best of luck, Darling! <3

[junebug0325]

Hi there! 

 

I first just wanted to start off by saying that I'm so, incredibly sorry this experience has happened to you. But I also want to thank you for sharing your story. Unfortunately, especially with the "digital age" that we live in, it makes us incredibly vulnerable to people who use the internet for instances such as these. It's important that when we involve ourselves with people online, that we really take our time verifying who they really are. That can be with live photos, snapchat photos, etc. 

 

Thankfully for you, you didn't give this person any personal information that could lead to identity theft, or having things stolen from you. I once read a story of a girl who have her personal information to someone on the internet and the next day her bank accounts were cleaned out. So, in that sense, you are lucky.

 

I don't think people realize how attached you can be to someone on the internet. You can develop a very deep and emotional bond to someone, without even meeting them in person. And I think this is why people don't realize the mental and emotional toll someone can experience after having to deal with a situation like this.

 

Again, I am terribly sorry you when through this, but please take it as a learning experience and give both yourself, and anyone else who reads this post, more knowledge on the topic and hopefully we can prevent situations like these from happening in the future.

 

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

[Inmylittlespace]

I've been in your shoes and maybe one day I'll write about the experiences but I just can't ever seem to bring myself to do it - yet. 
You are SO strong to write this. Incredibly strong. 
So strong that I literally burn inside with envy. I hope to be this strong one day. 

 

You didn't do anything wrong. 

You deep down knew it was bad and yes, you didn't listen to yourself, but you weren't wrong. You were human. 

 

Attachments even online can run so deep because through a screen we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. 

Through a screen we allow ourselves to tell our deepest secrets anonymously. 

 

You are so strong and I can not express how strong. 
Keep your chin up, it will work out. 

[Guest LittleSnowiii]

Hi, recently, I went through a very heartbreaking experience that really shook my core. I'd like to post about my experience here so that other littles can read about it and learn from my mistake. I never want anyone else to experience what I did. Last week, I met a girl named Hannah Jackson. I had found her on a Wattpad chatroom for people into mdlg. She was supposed to be nineteen, from London, and with some experience in md/lg relationships. We hit it off pretty quickly, which should have been my first warning, as femmes are never into me. Our conversations were normal at first, but as I began to tell this person about my life, how I'm a caregiver for my grandma, explaining family issues, my history with sexual assault, they became more and more gentle toward me. We'd talk all night about everything. She made me so happy. And for the first time in a long time, I felt loved and cared for. But I had been catfished before as a preteen by a boy who was using the name Noah Munk (who happens to play the character Gibby on iCarly LOL), and when I asked about it, he got really defensive and upset with me before admitting the truth. Anyways, so, I kept asking her for snapchat pictures, to video chat, for a picture of her with a banana on her head and a drawing of a cartoon dinosaur on the banana lol. For a long time, she continued to refuse, saying she had social anxiety, or that I should just believe her, or to not worry about what my friends thought about it all. It gave me a bad feeling, but I liked her so much that I kept going. I just kept asking over and over. I wanted to hear her accent. I wanted that banana picture. I wanted something. I wanted so badly for her to be real. But finally, after asking several times over the course of an hour, she finally broke and told me that she had to tell me the truth.

 

She wasn't Hannah Jackson. She wasn't even a girl. He didn't tell me his name or his age or give me a picture. He just explained that at first he didn't really care about me, that he didn't mind doing this because he thought I was just another girl. But then, I told him about my grandma, who has dementia, and how I took time off school to care for her. And then, I told him about how I had trust issues because of all these things I had gone through. And then, I had a panic attack and he helped me through it. He said I was authentic. That I appreciated things. That I wasn't like other girls. And that he thought that if he told the truth, he would lose me because he thought I was a lesbian (I'm actually bisexual). My heart is broken. This person took advantage of the most vulnerable side of me, and now I'm just sitting here, unable to stop crying. He asked me, "If I had told you I was a guy early on, would you have even given me a second glance?" And I told him, "Yes, because I'm bisexual, you fucking idiot. You played yourself." I couldn't build a solid relationship or love on all the lies he told me. My mother did the same with my father and he ended up using her and then leaving us. I was not going to let that happen to me. I asked him who the girl in the pictures was and he told me that she was some cam girl, that it didn't matter. I coaxed her name out of him and contacted her to tell her all the accounts he used her photos on. She told me that this wasn't the first time someone had done this with her photos, and proceeded to share with me that this person specifically had actually asked her for nudes to send to me. Asshole. Anyways, then, I went back on Wattpad and contacted every single girl that responded to his ad, as well as the girls who had followed him (and that he followed back). Now, I'm here, sharing my story on different forums to ensure as many littles read this and get this important information as quickly as possible.

 

If you are a victim of catfishing, you might feel so stupid, like I did at first. But let me tell you this: People like this manipulate so much that they become experts at it. They tell you everything you want to hear and they are charming, kind, and loving. It's not hard to fall for someone like that. It's not hard to fall for a girl from London with pretty eyes that likes marvel comics too and appreciates you for who you are. In fact, it's so fucking easy to fall for someone like that, especially if you have had so much pain in the past from people who made you feel like you were hard to love or just too weird to love. You are not stupid. You are human, just like me. To ensure that this doesn't happen to you, here are some tips I've learned.

 

-Notice what they do. Not what they say. In an online relationship, it's easy to forget to pay attention to actions as it all looks like just words. But there were numerous things that made me uncomfortable about Mr. Hannah (my new nickname for him lol). When I asked for the banana picture, he started making jokes about me taking a picture with grapes, and then oranges, and then ham. I thought he was asking for a confirmation photo too, but when I realized he was playing around and started laughing, it bothered me that he quickly moved on from the topic, distracting me with sweet words about how adorable I was. When I asked for a video of him talking (I wanted to hear Hannah's accent), he said he had social anxiety and that he'd send one eventually. When I asked for a other forms of confirmation, he found other excuses or distractions, or would say he would do it but in the morning, or after work, or at some other time that was never to pass. This is a pattern. Remember if it happens once, it's probably nothing. Twice, it's a bit fishy. Multiple times, it's a pattern and a warning. Get out while you still can.

 

-Stand your ground. I don't care how upset he gets or what he says. Do not consent to send photos of yourself or your family until after he has given you confirmation about who they are. Snapchat photos are a bit different as they disappear and you are notified if they screenshot. But Kik is an example of a bad place to send photos. Ask over and over, and if he tries to distract you with jokes or compliments, you should still continue to ask. 

 

-Beware of a Prince or Princess Charming. Flattery goes a long way, and since many littles have experienced a ton of trauma, it's easy to fall for someone who makes you feel beautiful by calling you that, or by giving you the illusion of choice. "Can I call you princess?" Beware of people who do this too early. Beware of people who become possessive too quickly. Beware of people who rely on charms alone to coax things out of you. 

 

Always make sure you are safe because the one time you don't, you may end up in a worse situation than the one I was in. Instead of your heart being broken, it could mean you being kidnapped, trafficked, or forced into a terrible situation, all because you trusted someone who never should have been allowed near your heart. Always take safety precautions, on dating apps, on forums, on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, etc. If anyone else has experienced something like this, I'd love to hear about it. I'm hurting so much right now. I was really staring to fall for this person and could use the support. 

 

Thank you.

Takes so much courage what you did. You put into words this traumatic and painful experience so others can learn. Is truly brave and wonderful of you.

I hope many littles read your experience so they learn with it.

Thank you and I'm really sorry for what you went through. Take some time now to heal <3