Im Admiting to My Failure

[whalebard]

I'm not sure this is the right place to post this but today I had to break up with my little unfortunately because I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship and I feel awful for hurting her. I wanted a space to write this out as a sort of penance for hurting her as well as apologizing for not being ready. I had a lot of issues going in and convinced myself I was ready but I wasn't and I'm sorry for that. 

 

I won't go deep into why I left her but it stems from issues I have with stress and panic and I'm not ready for someone else to be part of my life. I can't handle having a little and it will be a long time before I can.  I was convinced I was ready but I wasn't so I had to own up to be a failure and let her go.

 

I didn't want to hurt her by forcing her to be tied down to me even though I wasn't ready so I did what I thought was the right thing I admitted to my failures and admitted that I wasn't ready and apologized for hurting her. I know this doesn't make what I did right but I don't know what else to do to avoid hurting her worse down the road. I'm not only sorry for her I'm sorry to everyone here for not being ready and causing a bad experience for someone.  I'm writing this to remind myself that at first, it can be tempting to jump in but my feelings aren't the only factor. I need to be sure I'm ready because if I'm not I'll hurt someone again.

 

To her, I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I'm a failure but I promise that I won't be in the future.

[Guest Aetherr]

it takes alot of courage and self awareness to admit what you did, take time to reflect on how you feel you are coming up short and work on improving yourself now that you have the time and freedom to do so

 

good luck!

[Spooky]

ditto what Aetherr said. Admitting and being honest about your emotional and mental availability is far from being failure. You both deserve an honest and fully committed relationship. It will hurt for awhile, but not as much as investing more time and effort, just to pull back. 

 

 

 

I hope you are looking into any resources available to help deal with stress and panic.