The psychology of ddlg.

[Fatherofroses]

So I've been doing a lot of reading about and exploring of the ddlg community. So far I found tons of support and advise on how to engage in the lifestyle in a healthy manner, but one question I have yet to find an answer to is "why?"

 

Why do I feel the desire to sometimes take care of another adult as if they were a child?

 

Why do some adults feel the need to regress to a behavioral pattern similar to those of a child?

 

What mechanisms of the Mind fuels these needs and desires?

 

I pose these questions in a more scientific capacity than I do advice seeking capacity.

[SamL]

I love that you are asking questions.  Seriously, well done.  

 

I asked a fictitious girl at the imaginary bus stop a question the other day.  She was just telling a friend on the phone that she was on her way to get a tattoo.  After she said good-bye, I asked her what prompted her decision to get another tattoo.  She said one of the following:

 

a) None of your f'in business.

I just like them.

c) I'm really into art and tattoo's allow me to express myself using my body as a canvas.

d) I'm trying to reclaim my body from x,y,z.

 

Could have been four different fictitious girls but it wasn't.  Nope, just one fictitious girl - I just haven't figured out how much self awareness I want to bestow upon her.  Which is pretty much what you're going to get here - a bunch of 'b' and 'c' answers, with a smattering of 'a's and 'd's, just like in life.  People that ask the questions are rare and, I think, a little special.  If I were you, I'd meditate on it and consider trusting your own counsel on this one over anyone else.

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

You could ask fifty littles why they're little and fifty caregivers why they like to care for someone and get a hundred different answers!

 

In my opinion at least, it's kind of like asking someone "why are you gay?" or "why are you transgender?" There isn't necessarily an underlying reason, people just are the way that they are. "Born that way" as Lady Gaga put it. That's certainly how I feel both about being a caregiver and about being asexual. I can remember having desires to take care of someone in a paternalistic, big brother kind of way when I was probably only five or six years old; literally among my earliest memories is wanting to care for someone. In those days it often was tv or cartoon characters, but that's evolved over time. And with asexuality, it's the same way. I've always been that way, regardless of attempts to try to change it.

 

For some people it's an evolution of another dynamic, like BDSM or a master/slave relationship. Littles who don't age regress might be more likely to fall into this group but again, there are likely to be a range of answers.

 

There has been some research done into infantilism and AB/DL. There used to be a website called "understanding infantilism" which had some basic information about the psychology of being an adult baby, and I would guess that at least some of that would be relevant to the questions you asked. Again, I think a lot of the people who were quoted there said that they had wanted to be little for as long as they could remember, and that the actual causes were unknown.

 

The problem with any research like this is that you're looking at a very small group of people in the context of society, and very few of us would be willing to sit down with researchers and psychologists and be analysed. Even if a major university or group of researchers decided to investigate, I'm not sure they'd be able to draw any solid conclusions. Sorry, I know that's a bit of a non-answer.

[MysticSand]

a) None of your f'in business.

I just like them.

c) I'm really into art and tattoo's allow me to express myself using my body as a canvas.

d) I'm trying to reclaim my body from x,y,z.

Took me a moment to realize the sunglasses emote was just the post auto-detecting an emote. XD

 

Now on to the actual reply!

 

I second what the above posters said.

(Except the part about why someone is gay/trans/etc.... because I thought there's clear science on that? Excuse my ignorance, I'm not up to speed on that topic. ><)

 

I think what you're asking very much applies to social science. And as with anything social science'y, there will never be a perfect causal relationship.

 

My own personal theory is that I feel like it's maybe 40% nature, and 60% nurture given what I've experienced/seen so far.

As with most of what makes us who we are, maybe it's what we experienced during our most formative years (infancy through adolescence) that has a lot to do with our tendencies (CGL or no). *shrug*

[Aston]

As with most of what makes us who we are, maybe it's what we experienced during our most formative years (infancy through adolescence) that has a lot to do with our tendencies (CGL or no). *shrug*

pretty much

 

if you're familiar with transactional analysis you'll find similarities between DD/LG and the so-called "Save Me" Game

 

'Save me' Game

 

Primary Purpose: Rescue

Secondary Purpose: Comfort

• A gets into a situation where they do not feel safe.
• A appeals to B to be saved.
• B rescues them.

The 'Save me' game goes back to early childhood, where the infant is left by itself and, feeling the pain and loneliness of separation, cries for its mother. The mother returns and sweeps the child into her arms, restoring the comfort of one-ness.

The pattern later repeats with father, whose dangerous strength is turned safely to one's own purpose in rescue from the pickles of childhood.

And so in later life, being saved triggers early feelings of warmth and comfort. This leads some people into patterns of putting themselves in some danger (real or imagined) and appealing to others to rescue them.

 

 

Eric Berne, (1964), Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships, Balantine Books

Thomas Harris (1996), I'm OK-You're OK, Avon books

[Guest QueenJellybean]

a lot of this has to do, to piggyback off of Aston's reply, with the stages of development and attachment styles growing up!