Am I a bad little...?

[Distressed_Kitty]

I'm a little and I don't think my boyfriend really likes it very much...

 

We've been together for about three years and I only came out to him maybe a year ago but I dont think he really likes having to take care of me.

I'm very insecure when I'm big but it gets worse when I'm in my headspace, and I've tried to Express to him that I want his attention or just to tell me I did good at something.

I had colored him a picture once in little space that was messy and outside the lines, he didn't say he was proud of me or anything like I see other daddies do. He just told me to color in the lines next time and didn't understand why I got upset. (I am an artist so I kinda understand why he would think it's bad compared to what I do in big space)

He says I'm always good at making him feel better, but he can never return the favor and usually just leaves because he gets too upset...

 

He's said that he's ashamed of me being a little before and that he doesn't want me to slip when we're out in public. I've tried to make a rules list and everything but he always forgets about it and he usually doesn't color or play with stuffies with me.

He says it's cute and that he likes when I slip and I'm happy but he get irritated when I feel bad.

 

Is it my fault? Should I just force myself out of little space more often? I really love him but I feel like the relationship got a whole bunch more difficult since I told him I was little, what should I do...?

 

Distressed_Kitten

[Guest Urthurs]

He is just not a daddy. Simple as that. Not your fault, or his either.

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

To show off your most intimate and vulnerable side to someone, and to have them throw it back in your face and tell you they're ashamed of you being the way you are is a horrible feeling. I had similar conversations with my ex-wife about being asexual, so I can sympathise to an extent.

 

You said he didn't understand why you got upset when you showed him your picture - but did you try to explain it to him afterwards? Communication is vital in a relationship, and if you haven't sat down with him and told him how he's making you feel about your little side, then you need to do that. It sounds from what you've said that he might be a decent boyfriend when you're not feeling little, but he just isn't meeting your needs in the DD/LG dynamic. That's unfortunate, because realistically you need a partner who can do both.

 

Think carefully about what specifically you'd want him to do differently. Enforce your rules - okay, but how? Punish you for rule-breaking? Rewards and treats? Show more pride or give you more praise while you're in littlespace sounds like another. Go through all of these things, write them down, and then sit down with him and tell him directly what you feel is missing. The thing is, the relationship won't last if you have this gaping hole in it. If he's not going to be able to meet your needs, or if he says he'll try but then goes right back to behaving the same way, you're going to have to make a choice: accept the relationship the way it is, or break it off and pursue something new.

 

I have friends within the CG/L community who've met partners and introduced them to CG/L later, and by all accounts those people have gone on to be great daddies. It's possible for some people, but obviously CG/L isn't for everyone and it isn't something everyone can do. Your boyfriend has at least made somewhat of an effort, and that's good because it means he's willing to try. Perhaps he just needs more information, which you can provide him by telling him what you need. It would also be an idea to direct him to a site like this where he could look at some of the posts about how to be a new caregiver. The fact that he's willing to try to be your daddy to make you happy is a great sign and a real positive mark in his favour in my opinion. Hopefully with some encouragement he can do more and give you more of what you need from the relationship.

 

One final suggestion - would he be okay with you having a part-time caregiver or a babysitter? Some caregivers are happy to look after littles who have other partners, and if your boyfriend can't give you what you need, having someone like that in your life might be something to consider that would allow you to stay together but still get the care that your little side is craving. This crosses a line for a lot of people, and you'd have to both be okay with it and find a caregiver who was also okay with the situation, but I've known it to happen in some cases.

 

To answer your questions - it is not your fault. Being little is part of who you are, and you shouldn't have to hide that from the person you love. It's not his fault either, because some people just aren't naturally inclined to be caregivers. Perhaps with some help and encouragement he can be, but if he can't that's just the way he is and it's no more his fault for not being a caregiver than it is your fault for being little.

 

If you find that littlespace is putting too much strain on your relationship, and after a conversation about it that hasn't changed and isn't likely to change, then sometimes you will need to find ways to avoid being little around him if you want the relationship to continue. That could be, as I mentioned, by having a babysitter or caregiver, or it could be by finding ways to enjoy littlespace on your own. There are plenty of posts on the forum about ways to be little without a caregiver, and those are definitely worth checking out.

 

In short - tell him exactly how you feel and take it from there. Best of luck!

[Distressed_Kitty]

To show off your most intimate and vulnerable side to someone, and to have them throw it back in your face and tell you they're ashamed of you being the way you are is a horrible feeling. I had similar conversations with my ex-wife about being asexual, so I can sympathise to an extent.

 

You said he didn't understand why you got upset when you showed him your picture - but did you try to explain it to him afterwards? Communication is vital in a relationship, and if you haven't sat down with him and told him how he's making you feel about your little side, then you need to do that. It sounds from what you've said that he might be a decent boyfriend when you're not feeling little, but he just isn't meeting your needs in the DD/LG dynamic. That's unfortunate, because realistically you need a partner who can do both.

 

Think carefully about what specifically you'd want him to do differently. Enforce your rules - okay, but how? Punish you for rule-breaking? Rewards and treats? Show more pride or give you more praise while you're in littlespace sounds like another. Go through all of these things, write them down, and then sit down with him and tell him directly what you feel is missing. The thing is, the relationship won't last if you have this gaping hole in it. If he's not going to be able to meet your needs, or if he says he'll try but then goes right back to behaving the same way, you're going to have to make a choice: accept the relationship the way it is, or break it off and pursue something new.

 

I have friends within the CG/L community who've met partners and introduced them to CG/L later, and by all accounts those people have gone on to be great daddies. It's possible for some people, but obviously CG/L isn't for everyone and it isn't something everyone can do. Your boyfriend has at least made somewhat of an effort, and that's good because it means he's willing to try. Perhaps he just needs more information, which you can provide him by telling him what you need. It would also be an idea to direct him to a site like this where he could look at some of the posts about how to be a new caregiver. The fact that he's willing to try to be your daddy to make you happy is a great sign and a real positive mark in his favour in my opinion. Hopefully with some encouragement he can do more and give you more of what you need from the relationship.

 

One final suggestion - would he be okay with you having a part-time caregiver or a babysitter? Some caregivers are happy to look after littles who have other partners, and if your boyfriend can't give you what you need, having someone like that in your life might be something to consider that would allow you to stay together but still get the care that your little side is craving. This crosses a line for a lot of people, and you'd have to both be okay with it and find a caregiver who was also okay with the situation, but I've known it to happen in some cases.

 

To answer your questions - it is not your fault. Being little is part of who you are, and you shouldn't have to hide that from the person you love. It's not his fault either, because some people just aren't naturally inclined to be caregivers. Perhaps with some help and encouragement he can be, but if he can't that's just the way he is and it's no more his fault for not being a caregiver than it is your fault for being little.

 

If you find that littlespace is putting too much strain on your relationship, and after a conversation about it that hasn't changed and isn't likely to change, then sometimes you will need to find ways to avoid being little around him if you want the relationship to continue. That could be, as I mentioned, by having a babysitter or caregiver, or it could be by finding ways to enjoy littlespace on your own. There are plenty of posts on the forum about ways to be little without a caregiver, and those are definitely worth checking out.

 

In short - tell him exactly how you feel and take it from there. Best of luck!

[Distressed_Kitty]

Thank you for the advice, I will do my best to try and communicate better with him.

I have tried to tell him how I feel before or things that I want but more than likely he forgets or just chooses not to try.

[Guest CollateralBeauty]

It's not that you're a bad little. He just isn't a daddy/caregiver. Not everyone is into that, and it's understandable. For example, I am in a very similar situation. I'm in a relationship with someone that is not a daddy/caregiver. However, my boyfriend is pretty comfortable with me being in my little/middle headspace. He does not take care of me while I am in this headspace, but he does not mind being around me when I am.

 

My best suggestion would be to just talk to him about it. Explain that being little is a part of who you are. If he is not comfortable with that, you need to think about how much you really want that relationship. Are you willing to only be little by yourself, or would it be best to find someone who can accept every part of you?

 

To answer your questions - it is not your fault. Being little is part of who you are, and you shouldn't have to hide that from the person you love. It's not his fault either, because some people just aren't naturally inclined to be caregivers. Perhaps with some help and encouragement he can be, but if he can't that's just the way he is and it's no more his fault for not being a caregiver than it is your fault for being little.

 

In short - tell him exactly how you feel and take it from there. Best of luck!

 

Basically what crazycatdaddy sad.

[Guest LittleSnowiii]

I'm a little and I don't think my boyfriend really likes it very much...

 

We've been together for about three years and I only came out to him maybe a year ago but I dont think he really likes having to take care of me.

I'm very insecure when I'm big but it gets worse when I'm in my headspace, and I've tried to Express to him that I want his attention or just to tell me I did good at something.

I had colored him a picture once in little space that was messy and outside the lines, he didn't say he was proud of me or anything like I see other daddies do. He just told me to color in the lines next time and didn't understand why I got upset. (I am an artist so I kinda understand why he would think it's bad compared to what I do in big space)

He says I'm always good at making him feel better, but he can never return the favor and usually just leaves because he gets too upset...

 

He's said that he's ashamed of me being a little before and that he doesn't want me to slip when we're out in public. I've tried to make a rules list and everything but he always forgets about it and he usually doesn't color or play with stuffies with me.

He says it's cute and that he likes when I slip and I'm happy but he get irritated when I feel bad.

 

Is it my fault? Should I just force myself out of little space more often? I really love him but I feel like the relationship got a whole bunch more difficult since I told him I was little, what should I do...?

 

Distressed_Kitten

You're not a bad little but you can't force DDLG into your partner. Just that. He seem's unconfortable with the lifestyle and that's ok, we're all into different things. 

[Arkadina]

I understand that being with someone for such a long time that you just kinda get comfortable with the relationship itself but you have to think about yourself mentally. You should never settle and it sounds like you are having to make yourself unhappy for someone else who is not willing to put in the effort that you are willing to sacrifice for him. I would honestly re-look the entire relationship, have a heart-to-heart, and talk about how to move forward or how to end it. Relationships are some of the most adult things we have to do and it's tough. (Besides taxes of course.)

[daddyscott87]

Nope you're not a bad little at all, he is a bad partner (forgive me for saying it bluntly) but if he can't feel anything but shame for an interest you have that is part of who you are and something you can't change i'm sorry to say unless he can find a way to either accept you for who you are and what you like or participate and get into it then it will be really difficult for you to both continue as from experience resentment inevitably sets in on one or both sides for our partners not conforming to what we would like to do, sadly this happens whether we want it to or not.

[Guest TokidokiHelloKitty]

It seems to me maybe he doesn't have a full understanding of it, and that makes since because from what you're saying about him, he's the type of man to be a boyfriend, but not a daddy. Or at least that's how it seems. He probably thinks it's cute in certain aspects, but he doesn't like the daddy responsibility that comes with it, nor does he understand it. He might like the idea of you being little, but in reality doesn't really like the real thing.

 

He's just not a "daddy" type of dude. He's more into being a normal bf.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

The others before me have made many relevant points so I'll just add a little (heh). Most boyfriends instinctively enjoy caring for their lady but it sounds like he's just not a daddy type at least not yet. I don't think most of what you said is strikes against him, just that he doesn't understand the dynamic and needs explanation. I do think saying he is ashamed of you being little was mean, but I won't say he meant it like that. I suspect what he meant was he's embarrassed to be seen with an adult acting like a child, and that is okay because we still face a lot of stigma. Generally most people have gotten used to the idea that if they see someone in public acting that way, that person has a mental illness or Autism or something, and the person with them is like their staff or whatever. So most people will be tolerant but for the wrong reason, and that's not their fault. This is funny considering the context but I would suggest baby steps! Let your bf dip his toes in the water, lead him into it slowly instead of throwing it all at him at once, and like others said try to be little on your own. Your bf likely feels guilt and shame on the inside for thinking this is cute; he might be afraid he's a [really bad word that starts with a p] and I'm sure you can understand that. It feels taboo to an outsider. Just reassure him that you are an adult and you can function perfectly well outside of little space. I hope this helps and you can stay with your man and be happy! I guess I was wrong about only adding a little and I had more to say then I thought, hehe Edited May 11, 2019 by Daddy-Tom

[Kinetic S]

It sounds like there are a few possibilities. Is he a new Daddy, new to BDSM? If so, he probably doesn't understand the nuances of DD/lg, I recommend discussing it further with him. On the other hand, maybe he's not into DD/lg, but more classic BDSM? You need to, in your big girl space, talk to him openly and clearly so you know where you both stand.