Bad punishments?

[willowbunny2787]

I've been having some trouble with this lately with my Daddy.

There are some totally normal little punishments(early bedtime, etc) that result in me not being able to spend time with him. But recently my mental health has not been very good because of a lot of school and family stress etc. and I really need him more than normal. I don't get to be little with him really often, and I don't even get into little space on my own much since I'm really busy with adult life.

So it's especially awful when the small amount of time we manage to get together with me in little space is cut short by him punishing me with things that make me have to leave or I'm no longer able to spend time with him. Any time I'm bratty or disobey it's pretty much always because I want to provoke him to be a little more dominant with me, because he isn't exactly a very demanding Daddy or pay tons of attention to the rules.

But it seems like lately when I do this he just resorts to getting rid of me, when I need him most. I've tried to explain it but he doesn't understand why I'm upset, I broke the rules and therefore he's doing his job to punish me. I don't really know how to go about fixing this. Help?

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

Just because he's in a "dominant" role as a daddy, that doesn't mean he gets to tell you what to do and have everything his own way. You are an equal partner in the relationship, and role-playing should never cross a line from something you do for fun as part of the DD/LG dynamic into something that's actually hurting you. It has to be consensual and he needs to understand the difference. You said that you've talked to him about it, and that's great because you need to communicate how you're feeling. But if he persists, you need to talk to him again and really tell him - "look, this kind of punishment is not okay. Please stop doing it."

 

You could suggest alternative punishments to him - writing lines or an apology, or any one of a number of punishments that other couples use that you're okay with. Take a look on the forum at threads regarding punishment ideas if you're stuck. But if he keeps persisting with a punishment you aren't okay with, that's not a good sign and if communication isn't working it's a tough situation to be in.

 

I'd guess that he maybe didn't understand exactly what you meant when you talked to him. Take a step back from the DD/LG dynamic and talk to him as your boyfriend and your partner, not your daddy/dominant. Write down what you want to say so you don't miss any key points or get confused, and most importantly, let him know how serious and important it is to you. Hopefully it was just a misunderstanding - he may have thought you were still in littlespace and trying to push your boundaries. This is why safewords are such a good idea, and if you have one, use it. He'll understand the severity at that point. If you don't have one, talk to him about that and set one up for the future so he knows unambiguously when you are and aren't wanting to be punished.

[BeGentletoKitten]

Im no expert, as i havent been in a Cg/L relationship just yet, so dont take my word as everything; but communication is key in relationships, especially in BDSM relationships.

 

You may need to start off a conversation by saying all dynamics are off during the conversation, i have heard this being called "porch time" i think by a BDSM educator. It seems this is a mildly serious issue for you, and changing bed time and/or other rules may be needed in the time being at least until adult life calms down and you have even a day or some time to dedicate fully to the dynamic.

 

I know for me personally i would have to be in a dynamic with my future partner first before any punishments are put in place so i can figure out what, or if any, punishments will be good for me, as i am VERY harsh on myself; also to not feel alone if you are willing to change things for your own betterment, i dont plan on having a bedtime dispite it being common practice in the typical Cg/L dynamic, im mostly a night owl and i can throw off my sleep schedule REALLY easily, and its hard to balance it again.

 

Also a temperary call off for most if not all punishments to make good, healthy time together is something you could consider and talk to your Top about, upholding your needs and mental health during stressful times is a good thing to do, and i hope for the best when talking to them about this.

[LittleTeacup]

You need to discuss it outside of the ddlg dynamic. Text him and say "we need to talk about reevaluating my punishments". And then tell him WHY you're not ok with your current punishments anymore.

 

If he keeps doing it anyway, use your safeword to end the scene which should emphasize how NOT OK you are with that kind of punishment. And if he continues trying to use that punishment despite your safeword use, that would be considered abuse and you should really consider if you should stay with him since he refuses to respect your boundaries.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

time for a meta-talk!

this is still a relationship, with or without the dynamic.

[Alaskan Daddy]

Hi, I am a daddy that has had rules. I always told any little's I had that I will push them to follow the rules as hard as needed unless they tell me I am pushing too hard because of they are in a state of physical or emotional distress. That is when I would back off and give my little all the loving care and understanding that she needed. It is up to you to communicate with your daddy what you need from him at the times when you feel really you are in distress.

I hope your daddy loves you enough to know when to be flexible with the rules.

I hope this helps.