I don't know what to do now...

[Guest Fillyarcana]

At a lost now...Not sure if I should break up with my daddy because I feel like he was too controlling. He punished me for being too angry about something while telling him about my opinions and said that he expected better from me without telling me that he doesn't like it or give me time to calm down. He wasn't like this until 2 days ago... Before this, he was really nice... He said he will use softer punishments but I am scared of him now. I told him that I think that our relationship won't last and he is not replying my messages socI don't know whats going on... Does he see this as a breakup? I am not sure...

[Guest QueenJellybean]

if you're scared of your partner, it's time to leave them.

 

it doesn't matter what he promises for the future. 

it doesn't matter if you feel badly about it.

it doesn't matter if he's not replying to the messages. 

all that matters is that you feel scared of your partner.

 

in my opinion, the moment you used this sentence was the moment you knew in your heart of hearts what was going to happen here.

[Guest Aetherr]

 

if you're scared of your partner, it's time to leave them.

 

it doesn't matter what he promises for the future. 

it doesn't matter if you feel badly about it.

it doesn't matter if he's not replying to the messages. 

all that matters is that you feel scared of your partner.

 

in my opinion, the moment you used this sentence was the moment you knew in your heart of hearts what was going to happen here.

 

 

 

 

this, all this

 

leave now and never look back

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

If he has done something that's scared you, and punished you in such a harsh and severe way, maybe it is time to move on. You don't say in your post how long you'd been together, but it sounds like he has shown his true colours. A lot of controlling or manipulative people appear to be very nice people when you first meet them, but you eventually encounter their true self. Had you discussed with him beforehand what punishments you found acceptable and unacceptable within DD/LG? Remember that just because he is taking on the "dominant" role it doesn't mean he's entitled to do whatever he wants. You are an equal partner in the relationship and you have limits to what you'll accept. If he knowingly crossed that line, he's been abusive and if it were me, that would very definitely be the end.

 

It's always best to sit down with your partner or prospective partner and set out some ground rules for things like punishments, if for no other reason than clarity. If you have hard limits that someone doesn't like, or vice versa, it's much better and easier to just say so up front and not pursue the relationship than end up in a situation where someone crosses a line. Establishing a safe word is also a great idea at this point.

 

Having no contact for a couple of days to give you time to think has probably been to your benefit overall. How do you feel now that that time has passed? Do you think you could forgive him and get back to the way things were, even if you had more time? Or has his behaviour permanently changed the way you view him and the relationship?

 

Don't be afraid to walk away from someone, especially someone who has crossed a line or pushed you past a hard limit. There are other caregivers out there when you're ready. Don't make the mistake of settling for someone wrong.

Edited April 9, 2019 by crazycatdaddy

[Guest Fillyarcana]

If he has done something that's scared you, and punished you in such a harsh and severe way, maybe it is time to move on. You don't say in your post how long you'd been together, but it sounds like he has shown his true colours. A lot of controlling or manipulative people appear to be very nice people when you first meet them, but you eventually encounter their true self. Had you discussed with him beforehand what punishments you found acceptable and unacceptable within DD/LG? Remember that just because he is taking on the "dominant" role it doesn't mean he's entitled to do whatever he wants. You are an equal partner in the relationship and you have limits to what you'll accept. If he knowingly crossed that line, he's been abusive and if it were me, that would very definitely be the end.

 

It's always best to sit down with your partner or prospective partner and set out some ground rules for things like punishments, if for no other reason than clarity. If you have hard limits that someone doesn't like, or vice versa, it's much better and easier to just say so up front and not pursue the relationship than end up in a situation where someone crosses a line. Establishing a safe word is also a great idea at this point.

 

Having no contact for a couple of days to give you time to think has probably been to your benefit overall. How do you feel now that that time has passed? Do you think you could forgive him and get back to the way things were, even if you had more time? Or has his behaviour permanently changed the way you view him and the relationship?

 

Don't be afraid to walk away from someone, especially someone who has crossed a line or pushed you past a hard limit. There are other caregivers out there when you're ready. Don't make the mistake of settling for someone wrong.

I told him that his punishment is a hard limit of mine and that's why I didn't like it. I actually talked to him about this once, at first, he said that he was willing to compromise but it seems that he never changed at all and still used my hard limit as my punishment. At first, we also had a Master/slave relationship but I found that that I could not do it and he agreed to just a purely ddlg one. He is the kind of dominant who believes that a slave/submissive should not have any limits.

 

He said that he is fine with using softer punishments but he didn't sound happy.

Edited April 9, 2019 by Fillyarcana

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

Okay, so if someone has knowingly used a hard limit to "punish" you, that is most definitely abusive behaviour. If I were you, I'd walk away. You don't need to talk to him, you don't need to justify or explain your decision. Put your safety first.

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you. You don't deserve to be treated that way, no one does.

 

Do you feel safe? And do you have people around you who know what's happened and will be able to help and support you?

[Guest Fillyarcana]

Okay, so if someone has knowingly used a hard limit to "punish" you, that is most definitely abusive behaviour. If I were you, I'd walk away. You don't need to talk to him, you don't need to justify or explain your decision. Put your safety first.

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you. You don't deserve to be treated that way, no one does.

 

Do you feel safe? And do you have people around you who know what's happened and will be able to help and support you?

A few people know about what happened and they said they can try and help. The good thing is that my daddy is in a different country than me so he can't really hurt me. I did get a little sexual with him but he can't really do much with my pictures because none of them have my face in it . Edited April 9, 2019 by Fillyarcana

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

The important thing is that you're safe. It's good that you have people around you to help, that's important too. Give yourself as much time as you need to move past what happened. You're going to be alright. 

[Guest Fillyarcana]

Thank you

[Little kaiya]

I think everyone has made the important points already but I really feel the need to reinforce what they've said. Anyone that uses a hard limit as a punishment and that scares their partner . . . That's not a Dom, a Daddy, a Master nor anything other than an abusive asshole.

 

Of course a submissive or slave or little should have limits. Any reasonable and mature adult will have hard limits, that's part of being an adult, it stems from maturity and self reflection.

 

Protect yourself. Move on. Do not look back and do not feel bad about leaving.

 

Little kaiya

[MasterPhotog]

In addition to what Little kaiya and others have said, a real Daddy will never place his little in a situation where she feels scared, not fully secured or loved. Re-evaluate your situation and take steps to make sure that you're never, ever again in similar situation.
Good luck!

MP

[Guest LittleSnowiii]

At a lost now...Not sure if I should break up with my daddy because I feel like he was too controlling. He punished me for being too angry about something while telling him about my opinions and said that he expected better from me without telling me that he doesn't like it or give me time to calm down. He wasn't like this until 2 days ago... Before this, he was really nice... He said he will use softer punishments but I am scared of him now. I told him that I think that our relationship won't last and he is not replying my messages socI don't know whats going on... Does he see this as a breakup? I am not sure...

Mental abuse is always like this: starts being wonderful, perfect and can even last a while. Until one day someone shows their true colours and they flip. Once they flip, they'll always flip.

If you felt at danger and scared then you did the right thing.

Don't go back if your gut is telling you that you're right.