Someone who knows nothing about this community needs advice

[Guest Newtothis816]

I have never been involved in this community and do not personally identify with it. That is not to say that I am not supportive of it or am here to criticize anyone for their own feelings and beliefs. Quite the opposite actually. I am hoping to gain more of an understanding and maybe get some advice as well. Last night my boyfriend of a year told me that he experiments with being a little, although not to the extent of some of the people here. There is no other person involved and he says he does not feel the need to have another person involved. He has stuffies and occasionally sleeps in onesies or with a pacifier as a coping mechanism for handling stress and anxiety resulting from events in his childhood. I love him so clearly I care about his happiness and his wellbeing. I know it took a lot for him to open up about this and he told me repeatedly that it causes him a lot of shame and embarrassment. I have never known him as a little. Do I need to do something to show him that I support him? Is there a right thing to say? I told him that I love him and that I accept him for who he is, every part of him. But ever since I feel like I could have or should have done more. Any insight or comments are appreciated but please be kind. Edited April 5, 2019 by Newtothis816

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

Is that a statement or a question?

 

A good starting place would be to read the pinned topics in each subforum and the resources section.  If you have a question about a specific subject, there is a search bar.

[Guest Newtothis816]

Sachita, I am sorry. Forums are a whole new thing to me. I revised my original post after I realized how this works.

[DaddyDom3238]

Hi,

The fact that you told him you love and support him goes a long way after he told you this information. Asking him questions about it might make him feel that you are invested in the relationship and getting to know that side of him. I feel that the worst thing you could do is ignore the fact that he has little tendencies. You could go as far as helping him get into little space and caring for him during that time, take it slow if you do as it will be an adjustment for both of you. Baby steps are best in a case like this so that you are both comfortable. 

You coming here and asking the question shows how much you love and care for him which is wonderful to see. Good luck to you!!

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

I agree with the other comments - it probably took a lot for him to even bring it up to you, and the fact that you've been supportive and come to a place like this to learn more is already a huge step in the right direction. It varies a lot from person to person, but from your original post it sounds like, for your boyfriend at least, his experience of littlespace isn't something sexual, and it's something he does to relax and unwind.

 

Obviously how much you engage with that side of him - if at all - has to be entirely up to you. Some people who are not naturally interested in DD/LG can join in and do it in a way that their partner wanted. I have a friend who introduced her partner to it and they now include DD/LG in their relationship. But you mustn't feel like there's any pressure to do so. Everyone has limits as to what kind of behaviour they will engage in, both inside and outside of a relationship, and if DD/LG is categorically not something you want anything to do with then that's okay and, at least in my experience, most people in the community would understand if their partner felt that way.

 

Continue to talk to him about it. What does he want? Was telling you about it the first step to asking you to become involved, or was it simply that he didn't want to hide part of himself from you and felt you needed to know? It may be that all he wants is your tolerance, and he will continue to do what he enjoys privately, in his own time, without involving you. Knowing that you accept that side of him may be enough. Or he may want more, in which case it's up to you to decide to what extent you want to be involved. Keep talking to him, let him know you've started to do your own research maybe, and see how things progress.