little one and little

[Daddy - DJ]

This past weekend had a lot happen for me and I would like to kind of know others opinions, thoughts, ideas, and if you can relate at all.

First off, yes i'm new to the Daddy role in this context but i'm not new to being a Dad. I have an 8 year old son who lives with me. This fact I feel is part of the reason why I have adopted to the Daddy role so quickly and easily.

My little *Princess* "asked" me to be their Daddy about a week ago now, by ask I mean told our mutual friend what she called me before I even knew it but it was cute. I got to know her and knew part of the situations she had been in and were in at the time. We have had lots of adventures together already including hiking which is where, i feel, the connection started. After we hung out with some friends of hers and we parted ways. The next time we got together we were with some friends of mine (one being mutual who introduced us) and after some time hanging out i asked a question which the answer was yes. That same night after some bonding time together we parted ways and things took a turn for the worse.

She got a message from another guy who she had feelings for and was torn between us she sent me a message and I was instantly hurt over the situation (not knowing that I had already formed a strong bond with her so quickly) We both went through drop without a scene and my next day was rough, I was dealing with a lot on my mind and didn't know what to do and unfortunately didn't have anyone to talk to, she fortunately did. Later that day *lunch for me* her and our mutual friend came over because she wanted to apologize which I accepted, not because of what came next, our friend told me, since Princess was scared I was mad at her, that her and the guy had parted ways and were no longer friends. We gave each other a hug and our friend told us to take the rest of the day apart and start speaking next day which I was fine with.

I started doing a lot of research on being a Daddy at this point because everything had been explained and I knew that with how strong of a bond I had already had with Princess I was going to take this seriously and put 110% into this. The next day we started talking again and saw each other at lunch time. I told her I needed her to write down her boundaries and what she wants from me as her Daddy and I would do the same for what I wanted from her. My son was the biggest thing, he will always be my number one priority, communication was next because that ruined my past relationship. We agreed and started on a trial period.

Our next outing was this past weekend, I got her out with me and my Son and some friends in a public setting to help her with her anxiety and to get used to people that I am around all the time. She had fun hanging out with my son the whole night. The next day we made a day of going to the mall and then the park, i spoiled her this day because i knew she had been through a lot so I wanted to show her that I cared and got her some new stuffies. When we were at the park though is where the magic really happened. We were all swinging and having a good time, she got to see me and my son together out and about and playing, this moment we had together made her cry a little bit because she thought it was cute. She also witnessed that its not all fun and games however because my son did get himself into trouble after taking our playing too far and she saw that I do have the ability to be stern when needed but not go overboard (although I told her I would always be harder on him than her)

Its been great getting my son and Princess together even though he will not understand or even know the relationship we really have but he already likes her a lot and asked about her. At the park he even made a comment saying "daddy's little girl" which was both cute and very accurate and he didn't even know it. I know the challenge of having a kid in my role as Daddy is going to be a tough one but i'm out to take it on.

Now that i'm done with story time, are there any other caregivers or even littles out there that have a similar situation?

Edited April 3, 2019 by Daddy - DJ

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

From my perspective, the biggest point I think you need to consider is how quickly you became attached to this person. I've long felt that emotions in DD/LG can feel a lot more intense than vanilla relationships because of the roles we take on as littles and caregivers. There's almost an expectation that the bond between a daddy and a little should be deep, strong, and intensely emotional. We also see and read about other people's experiences within the community and how they have that deep bond that I think most of us crave, but what we miss a lot of the time is that for most of these people, those bonds were built over time, and didn't appear in an instant.

 

A new relationship is a great feeling, no denying. Just be aware of the danger of doing too much too fast. Not only do you risk burning out, but if you've already rushed into a deep emotional commitment, there's kinda nothing left to do from a relationship point of view. There's nowhere to go and nothing to build. And that's how relationships within the community seem to start off great and really strong, and then either fade out over time or just come to an abrupt end.

 

If you can avoid the temptation to rush things, now that you two have agreed to (presumably) an exclusive relationship, hopefully things will go well. Take time to get to know each other as individuals, both within the DD/LG dynamic, but just as importantly outside of it too. Most littles are not little 24/7, so for a relationship to succeed you need to make sure you're a good boyfriend and partner for her, not just a good daddy.

 

If you're new to the community, there are some great resources here and in other similar forums and communities online for new daddies. Take some time to read through things and learn from those experiences that other people are sharing. Most importantly, keep going with the great communication you described between you and your little. Talk to her about what she expects from a relationship, what kind of daddy she wants, what kind of boyfriend she wants. And be prepared to communicate to her what you want and need from a relationship too.

 

One final point: DD/LG has some surface-level similarities to real-life parenting, but the two are very definitely not the same thing. Some words and terms cross over, like "daddy" for example, but DD/LG is a power play, with a strong emphasis on the word "play". Everything you do together is entirely with her consent. She is an adult, trusting you to behave appropriately and not try to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. You may be playing the "dominant" role in the relationship, but that does not mean you get your own way all of the time. DD/LG is role playing, and that's very different from parenting an actual IRL child. I'm sure you understand that already, but some of what you wrote in your post about comparing DD/LG to parenting would alarm some people, so please keep it in mind.

 

I wish you two the best of luck together as you grow your relationship. DD/LG can be a wonderful experience and I hope you two continue to enjoy it together. Take care!

[Daddy - DJ]

Thank you for your response. I was a little tired when I was writing the post and just trying to get out my thoughts before i forgot them. I do understand the difference between the DD/lg dynamic and that separation is very clear. So dont think what I said was meant to be taken that way.

 

We have taken a step back a bit knowing that emotions kicked off very strong for both of us and I see lots of potential for growth. I've been in some rough relationships in the past and have learned from my mistakes on those. Never regret your past just learn from it.

 

I know there are still a few communication issues that we have had but that's mostly due to learning each other and the different ways we each communicate things other than verbally.

 

It's something I'm in for the long run and have been doing a lot of reading on here and other places. I appreciate everyone on here and their knowledge and feedback and hope that I may be able to help someone later down the road myself with my experiences.