Change to DDLG after parenting?

[Tattooedprincess97]

Hi there! Just looking for some advice!

 

I’m 21, and am due to get married in a few months.

 

My “Daddy” and I were together for 2 years before we had our son. He’s now 10 months old. I love him with all my heart, but he was not planned and my fiancé works long days, I have no family to help me. So it’s just the two of us most of the time. Meaning I am CONSTANTLY in mum mode.

 

We used to have the PERFECT DDLG relationship, I loved being his princess, and he adored being my doting daddy. I always felt safe and secure and like I was able to explore my littleness fully. Particularly needing punishment.

 

However, since I got pregnant, my partner has been less and less like a daddy. I have tried to explain how I feel but he says because he is busy at work and with our son, it doesn’t leave much time for littleness. He tries to tell me to try to do things in the day, but I can’t just switch from the only responsible adult around, to little.

 

I’ve been starting to feel quite lost without my little self, and without my Daddy to guide me. Especially as I don’t even feel like I can call him daddy anymore?

 

I just need some advice on how to get him involved back in what was the most magical time.

 

Thank you all!!!!!

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

Not a parent so I have no input. But here are some previous topics about being little and having kids, maybe one of these will help?

 

Littles with Children

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/5513-being-little-and-having-kids/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/6253-being-in-cgl-and-being-an-actual-parent/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/7193-single-littles-with-children-no-dd/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/7628-does-everything-change-after-you-have-kids/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/8220-pregnancy-has-kicked-me-rich-out-of-my-little-space/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/9821-parent-littles/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/11345-pregnancy/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/14423-littles-with-kids/

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/17382-pregnancy-and-being-little-does-it-go-back-to-normal/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/17875-all-littles-having-children/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/18115-any-littles-with-actual-children/

[Guest Aetherr]

parenting sucks and i 100% agree with your daddy, he i imagine is giving work 100% because he has a child to feed and you say you are a stay at home mother so he needs to provide for you also

 

there are couples out there that have borken up because they couldnt work through it all and still remember to be in love and look after each other a kid doesen't make things closer despite what many believe you do bond with your partner

 

BUT

 

due to the experience the sleepless nights and constant care a child needs all of it puts massive strain on all but the strongest relationships and your daddy is right you are a mother first and if you ask me you are a mother then a partner then a little you need to understand your daddy is facing very similar challenges with his personality as a dom as you are, do you think he doesen't want to baby you and tuck you in bed at night?

 

i am willing to bet if he could he most certainly would

 

this is going to come across as mean but its the truth i am a father to a six year old girl and me and my ex couldnt survive the infant years with my daughter its was too much

 

being a little shouldnt be something you worry about until your child is old enough to be left with a babysitter

 

your daddy making money is what keeps you and the child fed he is right to focus on that

 

my father always told me that if you have a child everything even your life becomes secondary.

 

 

take the moments you can between nap time and bed time to be little, learn how to be little with your child i hear that is a good way to do things as a parent

 

but dont expect the dynamic to take priority when you have another human life to care for, it will never and should never be a priority

 

from a father to a six year old daughter to who i assume is a new mother, you need to accept that because that is your life now.

 

good luck, this will be some of the most difficult and rewarding years of your entire life so try to enjoy them.

Edited April 1, 2019 by Aetherr

[MadelynVictoria]

parenting sucks and i 100% agree with your daddy, he i imagine is giving work 100% because he has a child to feed and you say you are a stay at home mother so he needs to provide for you also

 

there are couples out there that have borken up because they couldnt work through it all and still remember to be in love and look after each other a kid doesen't make things closer despite what many believe you do bond with your partner

 

BUT

 

due to the experience the sleepless nights and constant care a child needs all of it puts massive strain on all but the strongest relationships and your daddy is right you are a mother first and if you ask me you are a mother then a partner then a little you need to understand your daddy is facing very similar challenges with his personality as a dom as you are, do you think he doesen't want to baby you and tuck you in bed at night?

 

i am willing to bet if he could he most certainly would

 

this is going to come across as mean but its the truth i am a father to a six year old girl and me and my ex couldnt survive the infant years with my daughter its was too much

 

being a little shouldnt be something you worry about until your child is old enough to be left with a babysitter

 

your daddy making money is what keeps you and the child fed he is right to focus on that

 

my father always told me that if you have a child everything even your life becomes secondary.

 

 

take the moments you can between nap time and bed time to be little, learn how to be little with your child i hear that is a good way to do things as a parent

 

but dont expect the dynamic to take priority when you have another human life to care for, it will never and should never be a priority

 

from a father to a six year old daughter to who i assume is a new mother, you need to accept that because that is your life now.

 

good luck, this will be some of the most difficult and rewarding years of your entire life so try to enjoy them.

Atherr said it all. It's never something fun to hear, but your little one has to come first now. You and your daddy are both stressed and working hard, and it's going to impact little space and daddy time. You really won't get a break until your little one is old enough to be with a babysitter, or they're school age. While your daddy isn't available, there are things you can do to be in little space by yourself when you get some free time to yourself, or try to set aside time with your daddy at night when you have some time with each other. I wish you the best of luck. It isn't easy with a baby, but you'll get back there eventually

[Guest]

I don't disagree that your baby is your main priority to make sure that he/she is safe, happy and fed. However, I totally disagree that they are your main focus to the point of losing yourself and your relationship with your Daddy. If you follow that advice you will wake up one morning not knowing who you are, who your Daddy bf really is and that all that connected you is gone or forgotten. Following the above advice and burying yourself deep in mom and dad mode is how people fall out of love. Atherr is right having a baby doesn't make a relationship stronger, it makes you work harder to keep a relationship. Even worse, you might be one of those parents that hover and try to control their children because they believe their children are their life (in the most negative way).

 

I can't say your Daddy is wrong for his focus, but the same goes for him. Your kids are individuals you look after, they are not who you are, so my same advice is for him. I am stating this from both perspectives of being in a relationship and being a single parent. I am raising my own children (now teenagers) without any help from their father and that's okay.

 

My encouragement is that you still keep your baby your focus, but you are going to have to bring yourself happiness. Others aren't going to do that for you and no one should go without it. You can be little and have little time even with your children around, just be responsible! Your baby is 10 months there is nothing wrong with coloring with them, playing blocks with them, tag, peekaboo, etc. Make sure all your duties at home are done then have fun. You can't delve so deep into little space that you risk not paying attention to your child, but you can enjoy it all at the same time.

 

Being a parent doesn't mean sitting on the sidelines and becoming a moldly old soul. As your child grows just try to keep a clear divide between fun mom and being serious mom. I'm not a very strict person so this part is harder for me.

 

And, let your Daddy know that you need him to participate in the relationship! He isn't just a father, he is your partner. That doesn't mean he has to baby you the way he did, it may take on a different way of expression because he is tired and mentally stressed, but it needs to be there. If being a Daddy is something he really wants then he will need to make time for it the same way you need to make time for yourself as a little.

 

If someone asks you to tell them about yourself you shouldn't stop at I'm a mom or dad. You shouldn't even stop at I'm a girlfriend or boyfriend. You have a right to keep growing and finding what makes you happy as a person.

[Guest]

Oh I almost forgot. You should def check to see if his perspective on DDlg has changed since he now has a child. It may be weird for him now. Make sure you stay on topic when ask him so you get a clear answer. Not everyone can mix the two. And I'll reiterate, if you are going to enjoy playing as a little be a responsible adult. It's actually always in the back of my mind when I'm coloring or playing to check and make sure my kids are okay. If I'm having fun watching a cartoon I'm not letting them run buck wild unattended outside or a different room because that would be neglectful and irresponsible. Good luck!