Being Single

[Guest New Kitten]

I've been single for about a year now, maybe longer, maybe shorter, I've lost track. It feels longer, it feels like years and years.

 

Being single is such an odd, bipolar sensation. Most days you're content, some you're happy and then there's the days you feel consumed with loneliness. For me, today is one of those days.

 

Society treats relationships weird too. If you're single, they say "good for you, live it up" and if you're committed they say "congratulations, you two must be thrilled". And of course, how everyone who's single longs to be in a relationship, and everyone else in one wants to get out. Generally speaking that is.

 

I recently started school again and on the first day, my teacher asked us to write a short paragraph about our future. When I wrote mine, subconsciously I left out any mention of a boyfriend or husband. When I read it over I saw that and thought to myself, "do I add that in?". I found it odd that I didn't write that originally. But I thought there's no guarantee I would find someone, there are in fact people who "die alone". So, I ended my paragraph with the short and simple sentence "And I'm happy." and felt good about it. (that is until the class was forced to read them out loud and I was the lone student to leave marriage out of my future...)

 

I tried not to let it bother me. A silly little writing assignment. But, it sort of did. Looking around the room I felt like I was looking at a room full of happy couples when in reality it's just a room full of tired students, all looking down at their phones.

 

I know happiness and self worth isn't measured by you being a relationship. But it is sort of a helping hand down that road. Most days, as most people, I'm content. I'm already a quiet, loner type so I can stand being alone longer than most. Most days when I come home, it's empty, silent and dark. And that's fine. I can do my studies in peace, I can cook or buy myself dinner without fighting with another person about what we want to eat and I can watch MLP or Pokemon for hours without bothering anybody. Then I can get into my bed, use all the blankets, all the pillows and use up the entire bed and I fall asleep, alone and fine. But then comes that bad day. I open the door to my empty home and it hurts instantly when I walk in and am greeted with silence. I go to study and that's it. I study.  There's no one there to bug and pester me, or encourage me, or just even someone's noise in the background. Then comes dinner. I definitely don't want to go out, and I don't have the enthusiasm to cook so I order in. Hm, what so I want? Chinese or Italian? There's no one there to ask. No one there to make a suggestion or get fed up with me and the sterotype of women not knowing what food they want. I pick Chinese. Now there's no one around to see the piece of chicken that looks exactly like a T-Rex. So I just eat the poor dinosaur and the rest of my meal in silence in front of the tv. I watch the shows I want to watch and somehow that makes me sad. It makes me sad that I'm not watching something I don't like as a compromise to my Daddy/boyfriend. I pick up a video game, maybe that will help. It doesn't. I can't beat this boss and I don't have a Daddy to help me. Then comes the worst part of all. Going to bed. I change into my pajamas, they're so cute but no one can see them. Then I crawl into my bed. It's a miserable twin and yet it feels huge and empty. It takes hours to fall asleep on nights like these. But when you do, you wake up and start a new day. And it's probably fine and you go on for weeks being fine.

 

There's really no purpose or point to this topic. I suppose I just wanted to vent.

 

It's okay to feel like this sometimes, right?

[Guest Penny]

I think you just described my entire life!

 

I've been single for 4 years now, I'm asexual and a writer so my job requires long hour of solitude. All of this is why for the most part and 99.9% of the time km totally play with being single, I'm happier than I've ever been.

 

But then there's always that one day. Usually it ends with me crying uncontrolably in the bathtub but it's usually about the same.

 

Humans are kind of hard wired for pair bonding, at least most humans. Some are hard wired for poly bonding, but that's beside the point.

 

On days like that I usually try to have a friend over or find a chat room or something. It helps to not be alone when you're feeling alone.

[JohnApple]

Aweee, you're so sweet and even though I don't know you, it breaks my heart to hear how sad it makes you feel

 

Like you and Penny, I'm fine with being single on some days. But then theres others. Sometimes its a bad day, where the weight of the world and adult life seems too much for a single person to bear, and you want, you NEED, someone to come home to, who will hug you and tell you it's going to be okay. You need someone to take your mind off things.

 

Other times though, it's even the good days that can make you feel oh so lonely. I know what it's like to accomplish something, like a promotion at your job, or win some free amusement park tickets, and then find you have no one to share it with. There's no one waiting at home to congratulate you and tell you how proud they are, or no one to get super excited that they get a surprise visit to the amusement park. It can be really disheartening.

 

But I hope you don't have to feel like no one is there for you! You do have a great community right here any time you're feeling down! And although it's only through the internet, if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want to chat about something completely random, please don't hesitate to message me! I too could always use the company

[Andrew]

This is a very accurate description. I relate to it deeply. Yeah it's okay to feel like that, it means you want a partner, most people do. Everyone has bad days, but when your soul yearns for human connection those bad days come with piercing loneliness. I think it's okay to feel bad sometimes, cause it means you still want more from your life, and loniless means you still want love and affection, and that's kinda beautiful, even though it's very painful.

 

A similar thing actually happened to me once; a writing assignment for English about our thoughts on dating, when the day before my first love had broken up with me. It was awkward and weird cause I was bitter and also had no idea about dating cause I'd never been on one. It was Valentine's Day too. we read them in front of ONE student, not the whole class, just one of our peers face to face. Ugh... That was two years ago, and I've been single pretty much since then just with brief yet meaningful LDRs along the way.

[RPcat18]

I have been single for a good few years now. Its good in some ways as I have got to a point in my life that I enjoy my own company and I also don't want meaningless relationships with people I don't really like. However it's also rather frustrating. Its hard to meet people I like because many people my age just want something casual or I don't know just seem very fake to me...or are so attractive I'm intimidated by them.

 

The only really problematic side of me being single is I don't really feel comfortable being affectionate with people I'm not in a relationship so no relationship means no care or affection for me.

[Bienchen]

I am single for 3,5 years now. And I changed so much in my life since that relationship that it was good that there was no partner that could stop me. But at the same time I always missed the support that comes from a partner. 

 

On some days I try to imagine how it'll be if I never find that one person who will support me and will be okay with my support...but I don't really want to imagine that. I mean I am happy right now - on most days - but that is thanks to all of my awesome friends who support me...I am sure if they have partners, because right now most of my friends circle is single, that will be different and then I will have some problems...

 

It's just hard to find a new partner because I want to know a person before I even think of dating them...and whenever I see a guy/girl who seems nice and ask if they want to write a little and get to know each other they are always like: "Hey, let's go on a date..." which makes me uncomfortable. I don't mind meeting them and doing stuff like playing pool or having a long walk. But I have trouble with calling it a date. Because it is not for me. Date for me is with people I already like and think about maybe getting into a relationship with. Because if it is a date I have to tell them one day if I want to be serious with them...if it is just a meeting no one assumes that we will ever be serious with each other, so no pressure on me for that.

 

But yeah...enough of that...but I get how you feel. Feel hugged! <3

[Cigna]

Your day-to-day sounds horrendously similar to mine tbh

I've been single for about 2 years now since my ex-fiancee decided to jump ship from the whole ordeal.

 

 

Most days I just drift through my activities (all 3 of them), play some games with friends to pass the time. At the end of the day, it's all basically the same... right down to the twin-bed and minus the adorable pajamas.

 

Y'er not alone in the fight against being single-- it ain't a fun ride

[Ringdancer]

This sounds like most of my life too.  I'm very much an introvert and value my alone time very highly but I have days when I just must go out and be with people because otherwise the loneliness is crushing.  I don't think there's anything wrong with that, it's just the way we're made.  As much as we think we can stand alone at times we just need other people to make us feel more whole.

[cookiemonster]

Might not be the exact same situation but I definitely agree and feel what you're saying. I only got out of a rather short relationship recently and it was the one that taught me the entire ddlg dynamic to me for the first time. And to me, I think it had more impact on me than other relationships I've left/ended. Losing a daddy who I gave more trust and spent time sharing my side that I don't show anybody was hard. Well it is still hard. Whatever silly things I do, I still want to tell him, or a daddy. When I see things that we used to do together or talked about it together and now i'm doing it alone, It's..stupidly hard and I want to instantly find another daddy to stop this. I ended the relationship for my own good, not because I didn't like him. So I keep telling myself that I've made the right choice but it is true that I miss having somebody for me. I try to keep myself busy or tell myself that I've been doing just fine alone, and I've always done it well enough alone. But like you said, there are moments. 

 

I think it makes me even sadder that I know for a fact, finding a daddy, instead of just a vanilla/bf-relationship, will be harder for me and will not come anytime soon. But what can we do, to be sad for awhile and come back and just accept it? And continue to function. Oh I can so not function well if I kept thinking about it. But I try not to. I hope we all do, or try to think about better things in a hopeful way:)

[lesbixnbabygxrl]

is it me, or is the thought of being single for a really long time scare me? i don't know why but i feel like if i stay single for a long enough time, i get really lonely and sad. i personally find it annoying but yes, there are days that i'm happy to be single like when i hear about the relationship problems my friends have, or when i just want time for myself and do what i want to do without having anyone to tell me otherwise is it just me orrrrr?

[Alfadaddy]

Everybody needs love and hugs '' somme time allone is needed too '' but everryone deserves a hug and cuddles dailly ☺ everyone needs sommeone 'even if they think not its in our nature ''

[Guest LittleKittenEyes]

I'm having one of those days today. I'm chronically ill, and while I can take care of myself well enough and usually rather like solitude, some days it is really hard not to get a little depressed about it all. I miss having a Daddy to care for me and color for and and cuddle with and remind me that I'm a good little girl even though I'm sick...and then I start thinking on the reality that I may not find anyone and it terrifies me.

 

Tomorrow I will wake up, return to my usual hermitting routine when I'm single, and be happy as a clam though. I too wondered if this sort of cycle was "normal"...It is good to know that I am at least not alone in my struggles. Thank you all for sharing. I really wish for each of us to find our happily ever afters someday. Just hang in there, everybody <3

[Guest Penny]

I've been single for four years now and honestly at first I thought I was dying lol but now im pretty okay. I have taken the time to figure out who I am and what I want and when I DO finally find that special someone I know that our relationship will be south stronger for it

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

You're pretty courageous for being able to express yourself and I admire that. It is definitely 100% okay to feel- as we all forget that we have feelings. It's great that you can acknowledge those emotions and put them into words.

 

Thank you for sharing

[Dino00]

Can I join the club?

 

But don't worry. As evidence of other people who already posted here, we all experience lonliness from time to time. It's perfectly normal. There isn't any real way to get rid of it for good, no matter who you are. You just have to ride it out sometimes, or just talk with someone you know about this. Don't be shy or scared to do that, either.

 

"You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else" and all that jazz. Even though there isn't a physical connection, I'm sure there are people on here willing to talk with you, myself included. My life is very boring as well, and at least you have students to talk to; for me, it's wake up, go to work, come home and animate on my computer. I talk with my co-workers and family members, but I don't really have friends I hang out with regularly. I did, but he moved to a different state a few months ago, and we still keep in contact. That last part I mentioned two sentences ago is me making the best of the situation, doing something I find a lot of joy doing, and that alone makes me happy everyday. You just gotta find that one thing that'll make you happy too.

 

It's hard feeling lonely, but again, you aren't truly alone when there are others feeling the same way as you.