Behaviour correction vs punishment (or fun-ishment)

[Guest San]

Sorry if this is a dumb question - from what I have been reading about ddlg, the part I am having trouble understanding is behaviour correction. I get the idea of punishment of course, that it is often an enjoyable part of a ddlg dynamic but how does behaviour correction work? Like “You do this annoying thing so I’m punishing you to try and train you not to do it anymore”? Or as a dd, this is how I live my lifestyle and as my lg I am correcting your behaviour in line with my lifestyle/beliefs? How does it not cross the line into an abusive relationship?

[Guest QueenJellybean]

"how does it not cross the line into an abusive relationship?"

you talk about it.

you talk about everything.

you always. talk. to. each other. 

communicate! (!!!!) 

 

behavior correction is along the same idea of punishments, in my opinion.

you are discouraging a behavior you wish to see decrease by providing stimuli that the other person does not like, which will encourage them to not do it again. 

it's like pavlov with the dog -- repeated stimuli so that the desired result is associated with not having to do the shitty thing. 

except, we're not dogs. 

we're humans. 

and you're in a relationship. 

 

so, you just gotta talk to your partner.

sit her down + talk about rules.

what does she want to work on? what do you want to work on? 

is there something she's struggling with that she needs reminders on/guidance to complete?

talk about punishments.

what is an acceptable punishment to her? what is an acceptable punishment to you?

no, not "well, i guess this is okay to do to me, but i get really uncomfortable and sad when it happens."

not "well, i like when you spank me, so spank me when i'm bad." (that's funishment -- a play punishment that doesn't actually teach anyone anything, + 

is done because, well, it's fun!)

things that will actually deter behavior, but won't hurt your submissive in the long run. 

 

 

the only person who is actually going to be able to tell you what punishments are acceptable,

is gonna be your partner. 

so ask her! 

but it should be stuff that you /both/ agree upon. 

not just stuff that you believe your partner should or shouldn't be doing based on your lifestyle or beliefs.

remember; you're in a partnership. 

good luck!

[Guest San]

Thanks babyjellybean that definitely helps me to understand more - except I’m coming at it from the other perspective. I’m not a dd <— I’m female ☺️

[Guest QueenJellybean]

Thanks babyjellybean that definitely helps me to understand more - except I’m coming at it from the other perspective. I’m not a dd <— I’m female ☺️

 

sorry about that!

i saw the "as a dd," & assumed (incorrectly!)

but my thoughts still stay the same, & i'm glad they helped! 

[Guest San]

Edited March 19, 2019 by San