New to DDlg, could use a little advice

[NewDaddyJ]

Hi all! I'm kind of new to DDlg, and I'm hoping for a little bit of advice from you daddies and littles that have more experience than me.

 

I'm 40, and about 6 months ago matched on Bumble with an 18 year old little. Such an age difference is usually a concern for me, but she insisted that her interest was mostly sexual. She is strongly in to DDlg and D/s, and imagines herself at around 4 years old.

 

We live about 2 hours apart and she doesn't drive, so the whole relationship has been online chatting.

 

I have always been a natural dominant, but more along the lines of sexual bondage and discipline. I've never been in a deep dom relationship where it extends beyond the bedroom, and role playing has never had a strong role in any of my previous relationships.

 

But now several months have gone by, and we've rarely had sexual conversations... we mostly just talk about her day, with me petting her a lot and treating her like a child. We've never met in person, but she does send pics and videos on Snapchat so I know that I'm not being catfished :-)

 

So this is where my questions are:

 

1. She's often a little bratty and should be disciplined. In person I would spank her, or maybe make her take a nap. In a regularly D/s relationship I would make her do something sexual. Online, though, these obviously aren't options. What are some good alternatives that would be interesting for a little?

 

2. Sometimes she will send a topless pic, but literally everything I've tried in return that is sexual seems to turn her off instead of turning her on... I talk about her looking sexy, kissing her body, sending pics of myself, etc, and she either says "no" or just doesn't reply for awhile. So how do I make this sexy, from a distance, while keeping it within her 4-year-old head space?

[Little kaiya]

Honestly from what you've written it sounds like she's not interested in a sexual relationship. Although she's stated her interest was sexual your description of her actions seems to strongly suggest the opposite; however it is hard to say for certain.

 

I'm going to suggest the same thing I normally do for these types of questions . . . Talk to her. She is really the only person who can answer your questions because every little, like every Caregiver and every relationship is different.

 

I haven't been in an LDR and personally never would be as my personality isnt suited to it but you can still use some of the same things as in person. If you would make her have a nap in person then tell her to have a nap and be sure she sends you a pic or video or whatever you two agree on to show she is listening.

 

As for the sexual aspect, if she balks everytime you try to engage it suggests you are perhaps on different pages, talk to her, ask her if it makes her uncomfortable and if so why.

 

As for the age difference it can certainly work. My Daddy is 19 and I'm 40 and it hasnt been an issue for our relationship at all although other people have certainly questioned it.

 

My suggestion, for what it is or usnt worth, have the conversation but not as a Daddy and little girl, rather as two adults in a relationship that seems to not be working for both partners.

 

Little kaiya

Edited March 18, 2019 by Little kaiya

[NewDaddyJ]

Thanks for the advice :-)

 

My biggest concern with the age difference was that we wouldn't have a lot in common outside of DDlg... at some point she's going to want to party with her college friends, I'm going to want to talk about politics and it's going to be way beyond her understanding, etc. And at some point my sex drive is going to wane while hers begins to peak. It's not necessarily a problem, they're just concerns that I plan to keep an eye on.

 

I'm also a little concerned that, over time, she will outgrow the fantasy, and maybe even think that I'm taking advantage of her (forgetting that she initially pursued me). That's happened to me before in a regular D/s relationship.

 

I will try to talk to her, though. With this being an online relationship, though, we rarely have real conversations when she's not in her little head space, so it gets a little complicated. I REALLY need to find a way to spend time together in person, it just hasn't really been an option yet :-( 

[Little kaiya]

Hi again,

 

I certainly understand where you're coming from with respect to some of the challenges with respect to common ground and the age difference. My Daddy is in College while I'm midway through my professional career. He is very into watching Youtubers, social media, etc., while that isnt my cup of tea. I couldnt tell from your original post where your relationship is just DDlg or whether it's broader than that one dynamic.if it's broader than just the DDlg dynamic you need to find common ground. My Daddy and I have multiple common interests but we also respect and trust each other enough that if he wants to go do something I dont or vice versa we can and do.

 

As for sex drive, well that depends on the person I guess. As I said before I'm 40 and mine is just steadily increasing. Even if sex drive fades there are still lots of ways to have very satisfying intimate relations.

 

I hear your concern about a possible change in time and honestly I sometimes have the same concern with my Daddy, that he may one day decide being with someone 21 years his senior isn't what he wants. If that day comes then I will graciously and respectfully let him go though not without tears or heartbreak I'm sure. Until that day comes though he has my heart, my love, my trust and my submission. Nobody knows what tomorrow may bring so you have to decide whether to live and enjoy the present or dwell on a future you cant predict. I would rather love and lose than never love at all but each person has to make that choice.

 

Lastly, whether online, LDR, in person or some mix communication is essential. If you are BOTH serious then you need to find a way to have those conversations and she needs to stay adult for long enough to have them, it's about priorities honestly. I will say, if you cant find a way or time to have them by phone or online I feel like spending time in person wont fix that issues. I would further suggest that in person she might be less likely to want to have those hard conversations because she would be so focused on being little with her Daddy but I dont know her so certainly take my opinion with a grain of salt.

 

If you want to chat further my Daddy and I are here.

 

Little Kaiya

[Guest QueenJellybean]

kaiya has said it all, but i want to just emphasize again that you need to communicate with your partner!

a lot of these questions will be answered just by asking her.

good luck!