Need Advice - Daddy Told Me I Need Friends

[PuppyHarley]

I am looking for advice on what to do. I've read these forums a bunch but new here posting because I had a big argument with my daddy and I need some advice. I used to have a group of friends but I had a bad falling out with them and my daddy blames himself for it. They really just weren't good people and didn't like my daddy and started fights with us to try and break us up and it just ended badly with them. Since then I've just had a hard time trusting new friends. My daddy says I have been over- sensitive when new people do things and quick to not trust people. So I pull back when I get too close to new people that are turning into friends.

 

He wants me to have other friends then him because he wants to hang out with his friends and doesn't like when I am alone when he is supposed to be having fun with his friends. He says he is feeling guilty and he feels guilty in looking for work again because I would be left alone. 

 

I am in an LDR with my daddy and we have some "friends" through some games we play online. I tend to not feel comfortable hanging out with them too much without my daddy. I guess sometimes things happen and I feel unwanted or a bit scared around them that they suddenly don't like me. My daddy says I am just being paranoid and our friends have bad stuff going on in their lives right now which is why they act up too and to not take it personally. 

 

The other thing is I have fibromyalgia and MS and I do get very tired and sore so sometimes I just like to rest when daddy doesn't need my attention either.

 

I guess I am looking for advice on 3 things... 

 

1. How do other littles cope with their own insecurities or worries to hang out with people without your daddy being there? How do you trust people to be friends with them after having too many bad experiences

 

2. Sometimes I just want to rest when daddy is off hanging out with his friends, how do I make sure he doesnt feel guilty. I think he doesn't always believe I am actually tired and sore and not pouting I just want to lay down and rest since he doesn't need me. Keep in mind I am a pouter so I guess I don't know how to let him know the difference of when I'm acting out or not

 

3. I've been thinking about just looking to be friends with other littles. Maybe I would feel more comfortable with them. Do littles benefit by making friends with other littles?

[DaddyDom3238]

Hi,

I am sorry that you are feeling this way and it is good that you have at least attempted to talk with your Daddy about it. To your first question, we all have insecurities whether a Daddy or a little, its really something you just have to keep doing and trust that most people are good and will not hurt you. Do not force yourself into an overwhelming situation that you cannot handle, maybe hang out with one person at a time and see what your comfort level is as  a large group of people can be a lot for any person.

Him feeling guilty is on him and has nothing to do with you, I would just hammer into his head and tell him how tire you are sometimes and that it will be nice to just have some quiet time alone where you can focus on your own well being and comfort. 

Being friends with other littles is a great idea and you can all understand each other and talk, I have had a few littles whose only friends were other littles and they had wonderful times together as they were all on the same wavelength with each other. 

Take your time and do not force yourself into friendships that are not good for you. Trust and respect are earned and cannot be forced.

[zanderandspike]

1. How do other littles cope with their own insecurities or worries to hang out with people without your daddy being there? How do you trust people to be friends with them after having too many bad experiences

 

2. Sometimes I just want to rest when daddy is off hanging out with his friends, how do I make sure he doesnt feel guilty. I think he doesn't always believe I am actually tired and sore and not pouting I just want to lay down and rest since he doesn't need me. Keep in mind I am a pouter so I guess I don't know how to let him know the difference of when I'm acting out or not

 

3. I've been thinking about just looking to be friends with other littles. Maybe I would feel more comfortable with them. Do littles benefit by making friends with other littles?

1. I actually have a bit of exp with this, and firstly: go with your gut. If someone gives you a bad feeling it's ok to not trust them. That being said don't push everyone away, make sure that bad feeling is there for a reason before you 100% write someone out of your life. I personally just got really lucky and really unlucky with some of my friends, so hold out of the good people.

 

2. You might try planning an alone activity? Like you could, instead of taking a nap, read a book, take a bath, draw, etc. Cause then he might feel less like you're board and more like you're just taking some me-time. Idk, hope that helps.

 

3. It's always good to have friends you can talk to about this, and having little friends should be fun cause then you can help eachother a little bit? 

 

Sorry if none of this us useful, I'm really bad at making friends cause of some simular stuffs, but good luck!

[Guest QueenJellybean]

we have a Friends Zone for posting ads looking for friendships.

start there!

[junebug0325]

Hiya! I'm going to try and answer your questions as detailed as possible to hopefully give you some ideas on your situation. 

 

1. How do other littles cope with their own insecurities or worries to hang out with people without your daddy being there? How do you trust people to be friends with them after having too many bad experiences

 

I often struggle with trusting new people, too. The biggest factor for me is: if they reach out and make an effort to make plans with me or make an effort to talk to me, they probably like me and want to be my friend. Sometimes this is hard to see especially if you are dealing with insecurity problems or anxiety. It might be helpful to have your Daddy weigh in on the relationship forming between new people. People outside of the relationship sometimes have a good insight and can tell you if the other person is making an effort, even if you can't see it. My best advice is to take it slow, and trust your gut. Treat every friendship like you would a relationship, kind of like you are dating someone. This way, you build a good foundation of trust.

 

2. Sometimes I just want to rest when daddy is off hanging out with his friends, how do I make sure he doesnt feel guilty. I think he doesn't always believe I am actually tired and sore and not pouting I just want to lay down and rest since he doesn't need me. Keep in mind I am a pouter so I guess I don't know how to let him know the difference of when I'm acting out or not

 

The best way is to just have an adult conversation with him. Tell him specifically what is going on. Does your body ache? Are you feeling tired? Tell him. And then tell him how you are going to combat it. "My body aches so I am going to draw myself a bath and have some me time" is a really great example. Also, like someone said above, if you don't have plans to go out with any friends, set some activities for yourself so your Daddy knows it's not you being bored or being left out. 

 

3. I've been thinking about just looking to be friends with other littles. Maybe I would feel more comfortable with them. Do littles benefit by making friends with other littles?

 

I have a couple of online friends who are little, and I think it's nice to have people to talk to that share the same experiences as you. Also, the Friend Zone on this forum is a great place to meet people, and also talking in the chat exposes you to some awesome people!

 

 

 

Hope this helps!

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

 

 

EDIT: Adding ideas and fixing grammar mistakes 

Edited March 15, 2019 by junebug0325

[Guest LittleSnowiii]

I try to be rational about my thoughts. Our mind can be the worst at times :/ But I just try to not overthink and talk to people. However if your feelings don't change, maybe you just need other friends? It might be something there that makes you feel unconfortable.

 

About your condition, tell your daddy that is something out of your control! You can't control your symptoms, and health conditions truly need alot of rest. Tell him is important for your health and happiness to rest, and for him to trust you about it. Also you can recommend him some articles about your health problem, so he understands better and understands why you need to rest often.

 

About little friends, I have none. But I think is a wonderful idea you trying to get some Here in this website there are many sweet littles! I'm sure they would love to be friends (me included, you can add me and PM me if you wish).

[Guest lil-kitten22]

So im nust gonna give some input on your second question about explaining needing to rest alone, i dont have much expierience with the other two.

So i have fibro and lupus, all my close friends and my mommy and daddy know this. I actually walk with a cane and we all go swimming since it helps with the pain when i am in the water *good advice for chronic pain, heated pools are a lifesaver*

Well the best way i have found to explain when i suddenly run out if energy or just dont have much energy is the spoon theory. https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ (sfw).

Because i have taken the time to show or send the spoon theory to all the people closest to me the understand when i say anything about low spoons it means any of the following, or a combination: 1. i need to stop the activity we are doing, 2. I need to sit/lie down/rest/nap, 3. I need to eat something, usually sugary as thay is quick energy until i have the ability or availability of a real meal, 4. I really hurt and need a bath or massage.

Since i always include that im running low on spoons they know that it never has anything to do with them, they didnt upset me or im not upset (well maybe a little cuz my body is mean, but never at them), and that im just doing my best to keep from getting more sick or hurt. On bad days my mommy and daddy commonly tell me to rest and recharge my spoons, or get more spoons. So if your daddy is worried about you being lonely or pouty when you really just want rest, you can explain spoons, that you are running low, and just really need to recharge.

 

Sorry if that waz really rambally, i didnt know how else to explain without background on how it works for me. I hope it helps some!

[PuppyHarley]

So im nust gonna give some input on your second question about explaining needing to rest alone, i dont have much expierience with the other two.

So i have fibro and lupus, all my close friends and my mommy and daddy know this. I actually walk with a cane and we all go swimming since it helps with the pain when i am in the water *good advice for chronic pain, heated pools are a lifesaver*

Well the best way i have found to explain when i suddenly run out if energy or just dont have much energy is the spoon theory. https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ (sfw).

Because i have taken the time to show or send the spoon theory to all the people closest to me the understand when i say anything about low spoons it means any of the following, or a combination: 1. i need to stop the activity we are doing, 2. I need to sit/lie down/rest/nap, 3. I need to eat something, usually sugary as thay is quick energy until i have the ability or availability of a real meal, 4. I really hurt and need a bath or massage.

Since i always include that im running low on spoons they know that it never has anything to do with them, they didnt upset me or im not upset (well maybe a little cuz my body is mean, but never at them), and that im just doing my best to keep from getting more sick or hurt. On bad days my mommy and daddy commonly tell me to rest and recharge my spoons, or get more spoons. So if your daddy is worried about you being lonely or pouty when you really just want rest, you can explain spoons, that you are running low, and just really need to recharge.

 

Sorry if that waz really rambally, i didnt know how else to explain without background on how it works for me. I hope it helps some!

This is a really interesting article thank you, I will use this.

 

Giving daddy an explanation of what I am doing while we are apart is a good idea as well Junebug

 

Thank you everyone else as well. It is all useful info kitty. I think I am probably just too over cautious with new people but like you all said I will try to trust my gut and just take things slow with new people. 

[Cutieebbabyy]

Hi I can definitely relate to your situation so much. Like you, I used to have a group of friends and had a falling out with them, making it hard to be open with new people. It got to where it's just me and my Daddy and he feels guilty whenever he leaves me alone when he wants to hang with his friends. I dont know if I really have an answer, but making little friends online has helped me have more people who understand me. I would suggest maybe getting involved in some kind of Discord or group chat for littles. I hope this helps some ♡

[PuppyHarley]

Sometimes I can be shy I guess but I will look into some chats and maybe some discords too. I know there is a chat here I just havent hopped in yet. Thanks everyone for your suggestions and relating to me

[Guest brattynsweet]

I am looking for advice on what to do. I've read these forums a bunch but new here posting because I had a big argument with my daddy and I need some advice. I used to have a group of friends but I had a bad falling out with them and my daddy blames himself for it. They really just weren't good people and didn't like my daddy and started fights with us to try and break us up and it just ended badly with them. Since then I've just had a hard time trusting new friends. My daddy says I have been over- sensitive when new people do things and quick to not trust people. So I pull back when I get too close to new people that are turning into friends.

 

He wants me to have other friends then him because he wants to hang out with his friends and doesn't like when I am alone when he is supposed to be having fun with his friends. He says he is feeling guilty and he feels guilty in looking for work again because I would be left alone. 

 

I am in an LDR with my daddy and we have some "friends" through some games we play online. I tend to not feel comfortable hanging out with them too much without my daddy. I guess sometimes things happen and I feel unwanted or a bit scared around them that they suddenly don't like me. My daddy says I am just being paranoid and our friends have bad stuff going on in their lives right now which is why they act up too and to not take it personally. 

 

The other thing is I have fibromyalgia and MS and I do get very tired and sore so sometimes I just like to rest when daddy doesn't need my attention either.

 

I guess I am looking for advice on 3 things... 

 

1. How do other littles cope with their own insecurities or worries to hang out with people without your daddy being there? How do you trust people to be friends with them after having too many bad experiences

 

2. Sometimes I just want to rest when daddy is off hanging out with his friends, how do I make sure he doesnt feel guilty. I think he doesn't always believe I am actually tired and sore and not pouting I just want to lay down and rest since he doesn't need me. Keep in mind I am a pouter so I guess I don't know how to let him know the difference of when I'm acting out or not

 

3. I've been thinking about just looking to be friends with other littles. Maybe I would feel more comfortable with them. Do littles benefit by making friends with other littles?

 

1. I have social anxiety, and I'm an introvert. I feel better being alone, and if I'm comfortable being alone, no partner of mine is going to pressure me to do anything I don't want to. I've had a lot of terrible friends in my life. Most of them were selfish, judgemental people. I'm not anti-social; I'm selectively social. Take your time. Lower your expectations, this way you don't feel so upset when they let you down. Adopt a pet if you don't have one; this way you don't feel so lonely.

 

2. Keep reassuring him. You seem to have a kind, caring daddy. Continue to be honest with him about how you feel. Hopefully he will worry less.

 

3. I've only tried to make friends with a daddy and a mommy so far because I'm new here. I'm going to start talking to littles because they seem like wonderful people. I know you will have more in common with them. I hope you find some nice people on this website. Best of luck.

[PiperParadis]

He's worried, and it's normal. If you feel that the type of relationship you have sometimes gets in the middle when trying to be understood, maybe you could look for a place, a phrase of a key word for when you're being serious and honest. I think that if you talk to him as you've done with us he will understand you.

 

Some thinks that might work are: if you ask him for a specific day/period to be on your own because you want to, for example, have a long bath, use facial masks and dance naked in privacy, he'll understand that when you're alone you're not being neglected or crying in a corner, but enjoying your time and taking care of yourself.

 

Making new friends is hard. I find it useful to go to courses or activities like studying a new language, going to D&D meetups, going to a geekcon or to a reading group, playing some sport (even if it is individual), going to language exchange group meetings at bars. You'll end up meeting people with similar taste, having fun and going out. As you have the thing you met them as a base, if you feel insecure, you can reassure yourself with that.

 

Anyway, he needs to understand that, although being worried and pushing you to make friends isn't helping. He will support you, but it's nor his responsability nor something to be mad at. He needs to learn to trust you and to have fun without feeling guilty.

 

I hope I helped in something

[PiperParadis]

*although being worried, pushing you to make friends isn't helping. Sorry