New ddlg experience with someone I have known for some time

[Guest San]

[xBabydollx]

Is it common for a Daddy Dom to distance themselves from their little after a sexual??? (Not sure if it was as this was not clear...) experience? No it is not common imo. Even with nonsexual acts, there is usually a follow up etc as the people involved are in a committed dynamic

 

Is it common for a Daddy Dom to distance themselves from someone who is NOT their little? It can be, yes. Just like in the vanilla world, one night stands and casual play sessions does happen for some people (and is mutually agreed upon in advance).

 

Since what the two of u did sound very heat of the moment, I would focus on contacting them and trying to clear things up on where u both stand. They said they want to explore stuff with u in the future and see if u fit. This could mean various things. They may want u as a play partner (think casual sex, even tho in this case things may not always be sexual), or they may see u as a potential future little to share a ddlg dynamic with. The only way to know for sure is to ask them. Personally, I wouldn't play with them again until things are cleared up. This brings me to the main thing to find out, which is to do research and ask yourself do u want this as a casual play thing, or do u truly desire a ddlg dynamic. If u want a dynamic and to be someone's little, then being his play partner will likely not be a good match/cause issues. Same if the tables are reversed.

 

As a bonus, I highly suggest looking into the meaning of aftercare.

[Guest San]

Thanks so much for responding xBabydollx. They really pursued me that night - I was unsure about even being with them. Then bam, all this bdsm stuff was bought up so they must have seen something in me maybe? We just fooled around but I was a bit emotional as I haven’t been with anyone except my ex for like 5 years. It is very early days but it absolutely turned me on and I can’t stop thinking about them. I’m not sure if I just want to play or something more - they have a pretty full life themselves. I guess I feel a bit in the deep end. Especially as they seemed keen to see me again and they are technically someone I’m friendly with socially and I’m going to see soon! And yes I’ve looked at aftercare but it didn’t get anywhere near that point. Edited March 7, 2019 by San

[Guest San]

[xBabydollx]

Honestly yeah, I bet they would. He's clearly just fucking around with ppl. Only thing complicated about that is if he have a gf/bf to top it off. With him 'loving too many people" he could even be poly. It does sound very complex, but the most obvious factor is that he likes/messes around with multiple people. If you're fine with that, great. If not, I would steer clear. That could lead to a drama-fest real fast.

[VentralStriatum]

Gahhh I feel really naive and so confused but I can’t really talk to any of my friends as I know my girlfriends won’t understand and just tell me to keep away

 

People generally give that advice when they see someone is overcome with emotion in a situation where there is a risk someone is taking advantage of exactly that. Maybe he has the best intentions and things end well, but generally speaking taking a step back to really consider all aspects of this new situation is the best approach long-term.

 

Since you've been so open about the whole situation, there's a few things that jumped out. After reading your first post - DD's are just humans too, meaning that the range of behaviour that is possible for humans is possible for DD's as well. On average DD's may be craving more intimacy and be more clingy, but that doesn't mean every single DD in the world should behave as such in every situation. There's various reasonable explanations this may happen if we only know how they behave in one situation:

 

1) They're generally not clingy/intimate people

2) They may have been extremely pre-occupied

3) They felt like they were pushing you too fast

4) They don't genuinely care about you as much

 

4 would absolutely suck, but there's plenty of other legit reasons, so it's hard to really judge based on just that.

 

What's also clear is that this experience left a deep impression on you, fulfilling a desire that you've apparently been longing for for quite some time, and now this person is the only way to get more of it. This is fine if you offer them something that they can only get from you - that's the stuff those real, passionate, intimate, amazing relationships are made of. The problem is that from your description, it seems like this is only going one way. You're fun to mess around with, but you're not even their only one. There's always the possibility this person feels something for you that they haven't shared yet, but the more common explanation is that it's the thrill of having you, perhaps behind his girlfriend's back. In that case, you're replaceable, but they're not to you. This is exactly the situation that opens you up to being used and left behind the moment it becomes inconvenient, which is what people around you are trying to protect you from.

 

Then the event after happened, you essentially told him you were disappointed he didn't react more, and his comeback was to say he couldn't because work and you started touching all over. Good, that means we can scratch 1 & 3 from possible reasons. Now we know he really was pre-occupied or he just doesn't care as much and it's a convenient excuse. Now he made it incredibly easy. If he continues this behaviour, all you have to do is ask him about his work and what's keeping him so busy. Believe me, as someone who's been in over his head with work/exams, if someone I love would kindly give me a chance to vent, I'd take it and also appreciate their understanding and taking me seriously when I told them I was busy, and try to make time and put in effort to compensate down the line. If it's just a convenient excuse, you're not going to be able to genuinely convey anything of the sort, it'll just be a vague "so much to do! you know?" or a specific story that doesn't really explain why he couldn't put in more time. Of course, this isn't 100% proof of anything, but you'll have a rough indication of where you stand from something relatively straightforward, rather than trying to contain the complexity of everything going on in two lives in the middle of such an emotional moment, which is nearly impossible.

 

The best way always remains to honestly talk it through. You're not going to push people away by trying to communicate your needs and wanting some clarification on the whole situation. I think in general people are too scared to be perceived of as clingy that they just hold in their emotions. The only time you could be "too clingy" is when you push him after he specifically said "I would really like some space" or where you start virtually harassing him for attention. Being direct and specifically asking for clarification in this vague mess of a situation is just good practice. If he reacts poorly to this, then he wasn't the right person anyway, and that's a solid answer in its own right.

 

Of course, all of this is assuming you were looking forward to being intimate with them. If you're fine with what it is now, a casual play opportunity without it being much more, then please go ahead and casually play - but in that case you're also free to look for other people to fill the other desires you have in your life just like he's staying busy with other people too.

 

(Also I've noticed you switch between him & they throughout the story - which confused me at first because first I thought they were different people )

Edited March 12, 2019 by VentralStriatum

[Guest San]

Hi VentralStriatum (great name btw) - I didn’t want to go into too much detail as I already feel too exposed posting what I have posted. I tried to send you a friend request if you don’t mind me messaging you that would be better for me ☺️

[VentralStriatum]

Hi VentralStriatum (great name btw) - I didn’t want to go into too much detail as I already feel too exposed posting what I have posted. I tried to send you a friend request if you don’t mind me messaging you that would be better for me ☺️

 

Thanks first one to spontaneously tell me so haha

 

I understand and you're very welcome to message me more. I've accepted your friend request.

[Guest San]

Ha - I was looking at your profile and saw the description of why you chose your name