Constructive ways to cope with ghosting

[Guest CharlieFPG]

So it happened, apparently is common occurrence here and I should not take it personally.

 

But how do you cope, heal and find closure with ghosting.

 

I've analyzed what I did (and found myself not guilty), kept busy and kept a positive mindset and attitude. But since its commonplace, I would like to ask how other users manage to get these bonds severed, how you guys close ranks and move on.

 

Thanks.

[DustBunny93]

So first off let me say that I'm sorry you were ghosted by someone.

 

I have been ghosted on here, and on non ddlg dating apps too actually.

 

I have also been one to ghost people. So I will give you a different perspective.

 

My "ghosting" is a little different in my opinion because I tend to come back.

 

I have really, really bad depression. It has gotten so bad to the point where I don't feel like myself anymore, but I'm not going to talk about it.

Because of my depression I honestly don't feel like talking to anyone. I actually just do the very bare minimum of talking to get me through my day.

 

When I start feeling like my depression is getting worse that's when I start cutting people off, deleting friends on social media, not responding to texts or calls, etc.

When I start feeling a little better and like I can actually communicate that's when I come back and apologize and explain what I need to say.

 

Maybe it's not a good excuse, but it's the truth.

 

I'm not sure why the person ghosted you.

 

I would say to maybe give it some time and see if they come back and talk to you. You can make the decision to talk to them or not.

 

I'm sorry if I wasn't helpful. I hope everything works out for you.

[Guest CharlieFPG]

I would say to maybe give it some time and see if they come back and talk to you. You can make the decision to talk to them or not.

 

One of the ways I found that helps me cope is actually be kind, charitable and forgiving. To myself and to the other. So I am willing to talk and pick up where we left, but I would try to approach this another way. I have shuffled the possibility that this particular person had only this strategy to cope, so to speak, with their issues and it just hurts my ego.

[Guest Revurx]

How long were you communicating with this person?

[Guest CharlieFPG]

How long were you communicating with this person?

 

I recognize I 'bought' too soon, it was too good to be true, had only one or two means of contact and it was within one or two weeks. Which is what hurts more because I am usually cautious and cynic.

[LittleTeacup]

I just try not to make online relationships. Casually chatting on here is pretty much it.

 

My friends are all in real life and I can text them after a month of no talking and it's no problem. Online if you're not talking every day the relationship falls apart, so I don't try. I will end up hurting someone by deciding I don't want to get on the computer for several days or quit a website.

 

I'm sorry you got ghosted, but it's the nature of online-only relationships. Some people (me included) just cannot handle the constant connection required. If I'm spending time with somebody in real life, I can space out or quietly cuddle or something that doesn't require talking. Online, the relationship is made by talking/writing. If you don't feel up to it, you have no more relationship.

 

Sorry I probably didn't help, but this is just my two cents.

[Guest Revurx]

I recognize I 'bought' too soon, it was too good to be true, had only one or two means of contact and it was within one or two weeks. Which is what hurts more because I am usually cautious and cynic.

 

That's a pretty short amount of time. The only advice I have for people is to slow down. Don't get attached so quickly. I'm not saying to be cynical or skeptical, just sloooow down. Enjoy getting to know someone but remove all expectations. If they end up not liking you or stop talking to you, no big deal, move on. Also, try dating some people out in the real world.

[Guest CharlieFPG]

I just try not to make online relationships. Casually chatting on here is pretty much it.

 

So it's not ... your cup of tea

 

But that's what is more aggravating, I had the same politic and yet I went all in.

[Guest Revurx]

I just try not to make online relationships. Casually chatting on here is pretty much it.

 

My friends are all in real life and I can text them after a month of no talking and it's no problem. Online if you're not talking every day the relationship falls apart, so I don't try. I will end up hurting someone by deciding I don't want to get on the computer for several days or quit a website.

 

I'm sorry you got ghosted, but it's the nature of online-only relationships. Some people (me included) just cannot handle the constant connection required. If I'm spending time with somebody in real life, I can space out or quietly cuddle or something that doesn't require talking. Online, the relationship is made by talking/writing. If you don't feel up to it, you have no more relationship.

 

Sorry I probably didn't help, but this is just my two cents.

 

Exactly this.

[LittleTeacup]

So it's not ... your cup of tea

 

But that's what is more aggravating, I had the same politic and yet I went all in.

 

Haha yeah apparently there's lots of things not my cup of tea And unlike other people, I go ahead and announce them.

 

We all make mistakes sometimes. It's happened to me too, where I tried to not talk to someone for a month because I wasn't feeling up to answering their very long message (on another website), and they got mad and blocked me, accusing me of falsely trying to make friends while mocking them. It made me very sad because apparently I hurt them but it wasn't my intention. I really don't want to hurt other people.

[Guest CharlieFPG]

Haha yeah apparently there's lots of things not my cup of tea And unlike other people, I go ahead and announce them.

 

It's great, I just had to make the joke and leave it on a post so it doesn't get lost in the wind. Last time I make it I swear. It is great that you are straightforward and vocal about your dislikes and limits.

 

It is rather frustrating for me, all my past experiences on LDR were actually frustrating and I thought that under certain conditions it could still work. But it's not the conditions, which I cannot control, but the mindset and my approach to ALL relationships, LDR or otherwise.

 

And I am thankful because I actually learned a lot from this experience where I could practice and arrange many important things I've been learning these past few months. If anything by reading and thinking about what I wrote to this person in text and in actual ink and paper.

Edited March 4, 2019 by CharlieFPG

[MysticSand]

Step 1 -- Reassess your life.

Step 2 -- Remember you're a BAMF who is all that and a bag of mother f*cking chips.

Step 3 -- Thank the lucky stars that you came out ahead because it's your gain, and their loss.

Step 4 -- Meet new and wonderful people and remember to maintain high standards because [refer to Step 2]

 

Throw in some super sad and super happy music between those steps.

 

I find that it's helpful to surround myself with people while doing things. Having distractions in in the form of productivity and interaction helps a lot. ^^