Wanting to make my little space non-sexual

[NickyUsagi]

aaaaAAAA I don't know what to do. Just the fact that I'm a little and sexual while in little space makes me kind of hate myself. 
I feel like its embarrassing and the only way to stop me hating on myself its to make my little space a non-sexual thing. 

I want to turn my little space into a kind of self-care thing, that can make me feel loved and cared for by my daddy but also not hate myself after.
I guess what I'm saying is that I want it to be wholesome. yet, I do love being sexual at times.

 

The problems are

1: I think my daddy would be kind of sad, seeing as he's sometimes sexual when I'm in little space

2: I think I'm wanting to make my little space non-sexual for the wrong reasons and that's going to end up harming me

should I just learn to accept that this is who I am and just accept the fact that I'm sometimes sexual in little space? or should I change so the acceptance is easier?

[MelaninMaus]

I think you should make the little steps to feel more comfortable in that little side, don’t change for the wrong reasons or if it will hurt you later down the line. Do whatever makes you happy

[Littlest_Bee]

Hello NickyUsagi,

 

just my thoughts after reading your description: in my opinion if you hate yourself for acting in a way that doesn't harm anyone then something isn't right. So it might be more important to first figure out why you feel the way you do rather than starting to suppress a side of yourself.

 

The key here is if your actions harm anyone and anyone includes yourself. If you don't feel sexual in your little space I could see how acting sexual despite that would be harmful to you and lead to bad feelings afterwards but if you are just convinced that you should be nonsexual despite having sexual urges then it could be harmful to suppress them in the long run.

 

So if it's really the former then you should put up a hard boundary with your daddy and tell him that little space is nonsexual for you. But if it's the latter then you need to work on your self image.

There is no one true way.

 

In any case I think it would be good to let your daddy know about the issues you have and that you are struggling with figuring out what to do. Ideally he would then be better prepared to support you getting somewhere where you can be comfortable with everything in your dynamic. If he has been initiating some sexual play while you were in your little space maybe he could just hold off on that while you figure things out and wait to see if you want to initiate sexual play.

 

If you have no idea how you can figure out how you truly feel it might be a good idea to get a counselor involved. I think there are actually counselors who specialise in sexual health (though those might not be easily accessible everywhere). I'm willing to help you try to find resources if you want to do that. So feel free to contact me if you feel like you need help.

 

Take care and best wishes

[NickyUsagi]

Hey thanks for your reply!

I think what i'm going to do is definitely talk to my daddy firstly and tell him about the issues ive been thinking about, then i think ill explore my littlespace more and stuff. thankyou for the advice guys

[Guest alexander2265]

I feel a lot of similarities with  your situation. I wish I could make my little space nonsexual , but I know if I ever mention that to my caregiver he would leave me the same day. He needs me to supply him with sex in order  to keep him happy and our relationship stable. The problem is every time we have sexual times  after he leaves I burst into tears because I feel ashamed and sad. After our sex times , he never ever talks to me to see if I'm okay he just leaves.  I don't really know what to do as well.

[LittleTeacup]

I feel a lot of similarities with  your situation. I wish I could make my little space nonsexual , but I know if I ever mention that to my caregiver he would leave me the same day. He needs me to supply him with sex in order  to keep him happy and our relationship stable. The problem is every time we have sexual times  after he leaves I burst into tears because I feel ashamed and sad. After our sex times , he never ever talks to me to see if I'm okay he just leaves.  I don't really know what to do as well.

 

 

Ok you need to talk to your caregiver and tell him you get sad when he leaves straight after sex. If it's anything beyond vanilla, aftercare is really important, and if he isn't willing to provide that for you he probably isn't the caregiver for you. Sorry to say, but it sounds like he's just using you for sex. And that you're caring for him rather than the other way around.

[NickyUsagi]

Ok you need to talk to your caregiver and tell him you get sad when he leaves straight after sex. If it's anything beyond vanilla, aftercare is really important, and if he isn't willing to provide that for you he probably isn't the caregiver for you. Sorry to say, but it sounds like he's just using you for sex. And that you're caring for him rather than the other way around.

^^ I completely agree

[NickyUsagi]

Ok you need to talk to your caregiver and tell him you get sad when he leaves straight after sex. If it's anything beyond vanilla, aftercare is really important, and if he isn't willing to provide that for you he probably isn't the caregiver for you. Sorry to say, but it sounds like he's just using you for sex. And that you're caring for him rather than the other way around.

^^ I completely agree

[NickyUsagi]

I think you should make the little steps to feel more comfortable in that little side, don’t change for the wrong reasons or if it will hurt you later down the line. Do whatever makes you happy

^^ i shall keep that in mind, thank you for the advice ♡

[Littlest_Bee]

I feel a lot of similarities with  your situation. I wish I could make my little space nonsexual , but I know if I ever mention that to my caregiver he would leave me the same day. He needs me to supply him with sex in order  to keep him happy and our relationship stable. The problem is every time we have sexual times  after he leaves I burst into tears because I feel ashamed and sad. After our sex times , he never ever talks to me to see if I'm okay he just leaves.  I don't really know what to do as well.

Hi Alexander,

 

I have to agree with LittleTeacup and NickyUsagi as well.

 

A relationship (especially one with a power exchange dynamic) needs to be built on mutual trust and comfort. If you don't feel like you can say "No" to things then you aren't really able to make a choice. That's an unhealthy dynamic at best and an abusive situation at worst.

 

The decision what you do about it lies with you.

At the same time I would strongly recommend getting professional counselling on this because the help you can get over a forum is limited and we're neither experts nor in an ideal situation to be there for you in all the ways you might need to solve this.

 

I wish you good luck and generally all the best. Be sure to take good care of yourself.