finding my little

[manicpixidream]

had an interesting moment with Daddy last night. we've been trying to figure out how to do aftercare better. when we first got together, it was easy. it was new and neither of us got bored. Daddy has ADHD, which is sometimes difficult for me because i can be really needy after a spanking or other stuff. so i've been pressuring Him to talk more during aftercare. He has a hard time thinking of stuff to say sometimes because of the ADHD. so we figured out that He can read to me. and it totally worked last night! He spanked me a fair bit for fun, since our 6 month anniversary is this week. then He pulled out a book to read to me.

i snuggled in and got real comfy. i've been having trouble finding exactly what little space looks like for me personally. we don't really have a lot of stuff that helps at this point in time, because of money and the fact that i don't really know what i want. we have some coloring books, but that's about it at the moment besides some of Daddy's old stuffies that i do not yet have a personal relationship with. so while He was reading i started sucking my thumb. i had done it a couple times before, but not for long. He made some comment about it, but not disapproving or anything. i was very happy and felt very little, something that very rarely happens to me. i felt so safe. some time went by and He stopped reading and said that it kind of makes Him uncomfortable and He may get frustrated by it at some point in time. He had a good reason. He followed it up with that i didn't have to stop necessarily, but the damage was already done in my brain. i tried to calm down and be ok with it. it's not a big deal. it's not a big deal. it's not a big deal.

despite my little mantra i started crying a little. Daddy eventually stopped reading and noticed i was upset. i am still working on being verbal about my feelings because of some stuff in my past, so i needed a minute or two to collect my thoughts. it's actually an interesting experience not being able to talk sometimes. having to force the words out.

anyways, i finally identified what hurt so bad. one, telling me not to do something when i'm vulnerable is not the best way to do something. it's scary to be very comfortable and happy and suddenly be told that the thing that's making you feel comfortable is making Him uncomfortable. i'm a people pleaser at my core, so knowing i'm doing something that makes someone else uncomfortable means i am most likely going to cease the behavior. two, i was frustrated with the fact that this was one of my only real attempts at being little. we don't have all that fancy stuff i see on tumblr. sure i'd like a stuffy that's all mine at Daddy's, but i'm not going to whine about it. i know our actual relationship is more important than stuff around the house. but that doesn't mean i don't WANT some of that stuff or to feel little. 

the first thing He acknowledged, but i think the second hit Him harder. He felt bad about telling me to stop the only little thing i've really engaged in. i asked Him if He was sure. as much as i like to get my way, i'm always afraid when i DO get it because i'm afraid i manipulated others into giving me my way, if that makes sense. He said He was sure. 

i'm not sure if i'm going to suck my thumb next time He reads to me, just because i'm still dealing with the idea that crying about it got me my way. i logically know it's not true, but it's still at the back of my mind. honestly, i'd really love if Daddy encouraged me to do it or said something about it being ok. but i'm not holding my breath on that one.

as always, here's my advice on this situation having gone through it, specifically for caregivers. if you know something "little" makes you feel uncomfortable, talk to your little either before they ever do it or at a time when they are not actively doing it and are not emotionally vulnerable. i probably still would have gotten frustrated with the conversation for the second reason, but me being emotionally vulnerable did not help. also, check to make sure it is actually what some would call a "hard limit" as opposed to a "soft limit." if this something that makes you slightly uncomfortable but can handle, or is it something that could give you flashbacks or a panic attack or just a generally icky feeling? obviously your comfort is important, too. i'm never going to say that yours isn't. but think about the headspace of being little. is it going to hurt your little more to make them stop than it would be for you to put up with it?

and littles, don't stifle your feelings. if you feel like you need something, tell your caregiver! at the same time, try and be sensitive to the reality of a CG/l relationship. there may be some things that may make even your caregiver uncomfortable. don't just jump to anger talk to them about it and see if you can come to a compromise. but still, protect your little from having to deal with it. you little is precious, something i'm just learning. be nice to them. have those kinds of conversations outside of little space and set that expectation.

[BeautifulBabygirl]

Finding your "little space" is very important. I didn't find my true little space until last week, and I've been in DDLG world since I was 18, and that was 5 years ago. I have to be a little tipsy, in order for me to be truly comfortable to in my "little space". My voice changes, I am needy, and I am touchy. However, for "daddy", he needs to be a little tipsy too. you are literally bring out a new side of yourself. It is nothing the "adult" you. It takes a long time, to find what makes you, you. Your personal little space. For me, I do not like all the girly baby stuff. I like some pink, and cartoons, and such, but i by no means let DDLG control my life. I have a adult life, an adult home, adult friends, and adult responsibilities, However, when I am with "daddy", I let my self go, and let myself enter that little space. Some people in DDLG are kittens, babygirls, princesses all the time. I do not think that is healthy. You must have a good balance of ddlg and real life.  

 

Moral of story is you need to find a daddy that has time for you when your in little space. Someone who you can completely 100% be in little space, and get all the attention you need. make sure DDLG does not make you co-dependent, emotionally unstable, and out of touch with reality. Some little's, in my opinion, are emotionally unstable children, who can not make choices on their own. They literally can not function if daddy is mad at them, daddy isn't there, or something else is petty even thought they are well over 18... Its kind of sad to look at it. 

 

Just make sure you STAY AN ADULT, and only go in little space when you and your daddy are together. Do not let DDLG take over your life. You can literally go in a mindset as a child, and get stuck or to comfortable---- and lose touch with reality.