Thoughts...

[Guest ~*Lexie Lou*~]

Due to the overwhelming negative feedback, I have decided to delete my previous statements. I apologize for stepping on toes. I was trying to spark discussion not ill temper.

 

Sorry. Good luck.

Edited February 26, 2019 by ~*Lexie Lou*~

[Guest BabygirlSarah1]

On the same grounds  as  the thread starter  ive deleted  all my  replies in this thread and ask to have them deleted    

Edited February 26, 2019 by BabygirlSarah1

[Guest QueenJellybean]

i definitely think that a relationship should be about give & take.

it's a partnership, as was stated above. 

if one person is putting in all the effort, or depending on the other, it simply doesn't work the way it should!

that's also really unfair on the partner being relied on. 

 

i firmly feel that even though this dynamic is mirroring a parenting relationship, people need to keep in mind that we're all consenting adults. 

this is still play, even if it's a lifestyle choice or something that can be viewed as 24/7 or something you don't turn off.

if you can't be an adult & you can't stand on your own, you shouldn't be in any form of a relationship. 

 

in my honest, unpopular opinion. 

[Guest CandyFang]

I loved that, it takes two to tango. I believe you can create something beautiful if you can build off of each other. 

[Guest CharlieFPG]

I do not believe you are wrong. First we need to be whole individuals to be able to make an adult relationship work. Every relationship requires mutual collaboration and each individual that makes part of said relationship is equally responsible to make it work successfully.

 

Both members (implying a monogamous partnership) must consent, must want to be in that partnership and must certainly share values, ethics and objectives so one of the partners is not left alone pulling all the weight.

 

D/s and CG/l by extension, are ways to balance the roles; but I do not agree that subs are stronger that Doms, and I don't mean that Doms are stronger. Both roles take a lot of work and a lot of energy, but are different and entirely complementary.

 

As for power exchange, it is necessary for the sub to consent to control from the Dominant part. The way I would picture it, is that the Dominant can play in a sandbox clearly delimited by the sub. And all those rules, conditions, practices must be specific for the kind of partnership and each individual sensibility, inclinations and life (work, living, timetables). That why is paramount to know each other first before engaging on a power exchange dynamic.

 

To put it simple, and to quote 'Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns' "A wise and perceptive Dominant once told us, 'I can force a woman to do anything she wants to do'." In his particular context, the woman was a submissive and it can interchangeably apply to littles as well as submissives regardless of gender.

 

And all these things require adult, functional individuals that are aware of each other wants and needs in the first place to be able to articulate them.

 

Fall in love with the individual first.

Edited February 26, 2019 by CharlieFPG

[Guest BabygirlSarah1]

On the same grounds  as  the thread starter   ive deleted  all my replies in this thread and ask to have them deleted    

Edited February 26, 2019 by BabygirlSarah1

[SamL]

There are many things that I agree with strongly in this thread so far, and some, often-repeated bits that I strongly disagree with.  

 

Here's the stuff I agree whole-heartedly with:

 

1. If you NEED a relationship to make you whole it will never work. 

2. i definitely think that a relationship should be about give & take; it's a partnership.

3. if one person is putting in all the effort, or depending on the other, it simply doesn't work the way it should!. that's also really unfair on the partner being relied on. 

4. Both roles take a lot of work and a lot of energy, but are different and entirely complementary.

 

And the stuff I don't agree with:

 

1. Littles are strong people: 

Littles are individuals.  Some are strong, some are weak.  Most fall somewhere in the middle.

2. A true submissive is stronger than a Dom hands down. 

This type of generalization is about as helpful as: Whites are smarter than Blacks, Cis people are healthier than LGBTQ+ folks, and men are stronger than women.

3.  its the SUB that  actually  is in charge  believe it or not as its  the SUB that on her /his  own will  choose too  acept the Dom  and  give the dom  this honer of actually being allowed to  give   said Sub this gift  of domination.

The sub loans the gift of his/her submission and the Dom loans the gift of dominance.  Either or both can rescind that offer at any time. Judging from the status updates and comments here, the gift of dominance is as highly sought after as a gift of submission.  Equality exists in a true power exchange.

[Guest Aetherr]

hey how can a sub run the show if the dom decides he doesent want to participate, at the point there no submission and no domination so saying that a sub has more power is incorrect

[Guest CharlieFPG]

And it dont  have diddly to do  that   as you say  (   a Dominant (or a Caregiver) is expert in making a submissive do what the submissive wants to do.)     

 

Okay buddy. But just for reference, the quote is from this book.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008

 

[Guest BabygirlSarah1]

On the same grounds  as  the thread starter  ive deleted  all my   replies in this thread and ask to have them deleted    

                        

Edited February 26, 2019 by BabygirlSarah1

[Guest BabygirlSarah1]

On the same grounds  as  the thread  starter   ive deleted  all my   replies in this thread and ask to have them deleted  

Edited February 26, 2019 by BabygirlSarah1

[Guest QueenJellybean]

moderator note: 

 

please stay on topic.

if you've contributed, then you've contributed. 

this isn't a "who has more experience in the one, true way" party. 

this is a discussion of a topic.

thank you. 

[SamL]

Okay buddy. But just for reference, the quote is from this book.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008

 

 

I didn't even know people were still reading this all these years later.  Great, great book and the de facto manual for BDSM.

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

I don't know why, but this post is giving me very off-putting vibes.

 

While I agree with the general theme of "you gotta love yourself before someone else will love you," the post describes a specific situation, which not all of us have necessarily experienced.

 

Perhaps if this were written from the OP's point of view, I would feel differently. Instead, the sweeping generalizations seem to contribute to the conflicting information available about ddlg.