Finding Balance

[Guest ~*Lexie Lou*~]

Where to start? How about the beginning....

 

I am a little, but I would identify most as a sub. If I had my way I would be submissive 24/7; however, I have a very important adult job and responsibilities.

 

The problem is that because my little and Big side are so diverse, they often “don’t get along” for lack of a better word. I am trying to find a healthy balance between the two because when I’m Big I have a longing for being little. I crave discipline and submission. I need it to make me feel whole.

 

When I’m little I don’t want to transition back to big and I struggle with the psychological transitions. I know realistically I can’t be Little all the time but I want to find a way to be submissive all the time. I think it’s the only way I can be truly happy.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas on this? Please don’t come in and bash me or judge me, if you don’t have something constructive to say please don’t say anything.!

[SamL]

Quick questions as I down my first cup of coffee... (no sense trying to respond before I've had coffee).  Are you in a relationship or single?  You can do it alone, but my input changes depending on whether this is a team effort on you're on your own.  Also, can you communication between your little and big sides?

Edited February 24, 2019 by SamL

[KittyPrincess626]

Hi hi Lexi,

I also ask the same as SamL if you have a partner or not. I do understand your conflict I've experienced similar feelings before and now that I've grown more into my little side I've learned that co-existing mental spaces is needed. When I am Big my little side for me is a reminder of comfort, and support wanting me to be happy pushing me to do my best knowing later when its safe I can be more little if I want to be. As for feeling more sub I am a switch that prefers more sub-space SO sense you like being more sub (if you have a partner talk with them try to come up with some small ways they can help such as a check up system to see how your feeling) If you don't have a partner I would still make a check up system for yourself to see how your feeling, if certain things are helping you, an idea I had if you don't have a partner is to make rules for yourself to help both sides mingle. Such as check in on your little side and vise versa, if you are in a sub mindset acknowledge your little side by thinking of a pretty color or looking at something cute for a moment as a way of saying "hi I love you, you'll get your turn" something like that.

 

That's all I have so far, hope that helped. You can do it! 

Edited February 24, 2019 by KittyPrincess626

[Guest Revurx]

Have you experienced a 24/7 TPE relationship? 

[Guest CharlieFPG]

I can't understand your question in an empathetic way because I have never experienced little or subspace but, I can suggest you the following. Regardless of a partner, which might help you in your conundrum, you can always apply self discipline. Choose areas or aspects of your life that you would like to improve, such as sleeping habits, and set timetables to comply with. You could try to be submissive of your own need to improve. As for little space and sub space, try to set a moment of the day or the week when to do 'little activities' such as drawing, watching cartoons, things that help your little side. In giving each aspect their space, time and their due (it can be flexible, but it could be a full hour dedicated to that aspect) you should be able to cope better with balancing. By having an order, or as much order as possible.

I do hope this is helpful.

[Guest BabygirlSarah1]

Where to start? How about the beginning....

 

I am a little, but I would identify most as a sub. If I had my way I would be submissive 24/7; however, I have a very important adult job and responsibilities.

 

The problem is that because my little and Big side are so diverse, they often “don’t get along” for lack of a better word. I am trying to find a healthy balance between the two because when I’m Big I have a longing for being little. I crave discipline and submission. I need it to make me feel whole.

 

When I’m little I don’t want to transition back to big and I struggle with the psychological transitions. I know realistically I can’t be Little all the time but I want to find a way to be submissive all the time. I think it’s the only way I can be truly happy.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas on this? Please don’t come in and bash me or judge me, if you don’t have something constructive to say please don’t say anything.!

 

To me    it sounds  first  like  you are like  MANY other Little's /Subs  that  according to what you say has a demanding RL with heavy responsibility  (you'd be surprised how  many so called Executives  etc...  that  crave this output of becoming  a Sub/Little  etc...      )    so its  not   that hard to figure out  why you crave to be able to be Little  / submissive 24  /7  to be honest  .     

 

Also  in this cind of  " life stile "  its VITAL  to try to find and maintain a balance between  this   and RL   (reel life  )     and to me  it sounds like you sadly  have   lost  this boundaries   and BELIVE me im NOT judging you and i have also  lost my self  MANY  times ) . The sad fact  is reg this Little life its not  have not even been designed as 24 /7  life stile  dear  (even those that claims  to do this 24 /7  DONT.  We all need to maintain certain  adult  responsibilities  simple as that   ) . So  what i would  suggest  is OF COURSE you can maintain the  Little  /Submissive  within you dear  BUT   you also HAVE to accept that to be able to do this  you MUST  accept that you also have to go ADULT  from time to time dear . 

 

Belive me i can understand  how you dont  whant to go back to the boring and high  pressure of being adult  from  being  Little thats  perfectly natural to feel . 

 

I would NEVER   Judge you or anyone dear  have never  will never    

 

In conclusion  what you need to try to do is find that balance you need between youre  needs of  being  this Sub /Little  and  also being able to  go adult  and do that part   wich i know aint easy BUT it can be done TRUST me on this  (and also  JUST because youre in adult  mode DONT mean  you have too block out youre  Submissive  /little side its just a matter of learning and finding  a way to incorporate the two in to a functional  way       

 

Hope this  have  in some way  managed to help utliest some  in youre problems  Lexie  Lou                                    

Edited February 24, 2019 by BabygirlSarah1

[Guest CharlieFPG]

I had to read, search for Maslow's Theory, re-read the power dynamic thread of SamL, re-read THIS thread and meditate on what I'm going to write.

 

First and foremost my suggestion is for you to draw a blueprint of what each aspect of your 'self' needs to be fulfilled. You want to 'be submissive' all the time but you also need to study and understand what is submissive to you AND how a healthy submissive relationship works. This also means that you address your little side and your submissive side and you have a general idea of how to comply with each aspect so you can put on the table those needs and have your partner help you with them.

 

Furthermore, you need to take baby (pun intended) steps towards that relationship. You cannot expect another adult to take full responsibility on the power exchange suddenly, so choose what aspects you will surrender first and agree on how you (together) will evolve your relationship towards 24/7 submission. It could take years, but the most important thing is never to rush.

 

It could be similar to the dynamics of a household in the early 50'; where the woman would be the home maker and the husband is the main provider. It could take many forms, but you need to know where you want to go with your partner and determine how you are going to reach that place in space and time.

 

You should know intimately (and I mean psychologically) this potential partner, know their flaws and faults, and both have to be ready to embrace the best and the worst from each other.

 

But both this partner and you need to be capable of self sustaining. By your posts I understand that Self-Esteem and what Maslow would call 'Esteem Needs' is not lacking on your case, but 'surrendering' is still a huge act of trust and a great responsibility.

 

I am, however, wary about M/s, TPE and 24/7 dynamics due to previous experiences where I ended up drained so I'm going to elaborate on this. A little or submissive is never entirely free of responsibility. While they surrender many aspects of their lives to their master, that process also require their conscious effort from them and they might also need to cover roles in the dynamic so the Caregiver is capable of 'being responsible' while their needs are also fulfilled.

 

For all this process, clear, assertive and explicit communication is paramount.

 

This (below) thread mentions something really interesting about how a fulfilling TPE (M/s) dynamic could work.

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/39283-power-dynamics/