New to DDlg and experienced the dreaded double drop - advice

[peakddandlg]

Hello all,

 

Apologies in advance for the long post, but I prefer to give the detail upfront rather than keep adding bits as replied to people’s inquirys! #Aspie

 

A bit of background:

 

My fiancée has called me ‘daddy’ a few times over the past year, and asked me to call her ‘little girl’ and variations of that ‘naughty girl’ etc... (we’re both in our 30s just FYI!) I figured it was just the sort of clichéd dirty talk you see in movies and on TV, and thought nothing of it. Then, via the Spicer app, she told me that she’d like to roleplay as a little girl.

 

I did a little research and found out all about DDlg, littles, middles, aftercare, and everything else associated with this kink. I did this mainly so that I knew what to ask her about what she wanted to try (she has difficulty communicating what she wants. She knows her own mind, but struggles sometimes to translate that into words.)

 

We talked for about two hours about her fantasy, guided gently by me asking questions and trying to coax the words out of her. Eventually I asked “How little?” She told me that it was “not that young” and explained that she felt about 12 years old (again, we’re both adults in our 30s!) She then went on to tell me she’d felt this way since we watched The Lion King together (which I’ve literally just discovered was in June 2017!!!) She tells me that basically every time we’ve had sex where she’s called me daddy, she’s been imagining herself as a 12 year old girl.

 

We talked and I suggested that rather than hide this from me, perhaps she’d like to roleplay it openly to see how she felt about it. We discussed a scenario that she felt she wanted and would enjoy, and later last night we proceeded.

 

As part of the scenario, we would use a condom (we’ve been together for over 9 years so this is something we don’t use with each other.) As soon as I opened the packet, her expression changed and she turned away. I knew something was wrong and I immediately safeworded.

 

I soon as I said our safeword, she broke down crying and wouldn’t look at me or talk to me. I told her to “come here” and held her tightly and stroked her hair until she was able to communicate again. (Thank goodness I’d done so much reading!) She told me that the condom was the reason - which I knew it was not. It might have been the trigger, but I knew there was more going on.

 

We talked, then carried on when she was comfortable (prompted by her) and she enjoyed herself. Afterwards she said she felt weird about it and that she is “not sure if it’s right for us.”

 

Now it’s the following day, and we talked about it more this morning (which led to a little light roleplaying in a similar vein as last night) I’m feeling a drop too. I feel like I’ve somehow not done enough to be there for her or that I’ve pushed her into her fantasy too quickly.

 

So we’ve both had a drop because of this, but for different reasons.

 

What I’m getting at:

 

Does anybody have any advice to help reduce/eliminate the drop?

Any advice for us newbies to help deal with sub & dom drop?

 

Thanks in advance (and sorry for rambling!)

[Amelia2610]

Choc was a common advice I get, but post ‘play’ communication and talking and aftercare is important as well.

[Guest You're adorable]

Well,

 

Maybe it's just me being stupid but I somehow wasn't able to pick up whether you are in some sord of sub/dom dynamic but it seems so, so I will just assume that. 

 

Well, what I am going to say may be completely off, but maybe, just maybe it might be of some use to you. 

 

When I first discovered what am I into, what my fantasies are etc, I was really insecure about it. Being in a country when things that are taboo elsewhere are absolutely forbidden here, my thoughts drifted to all kinds of places until I was finally able to make my peace with it and accept myself for who I am. What I am describing is in no way unique and I think each one of us goes through this and it may not necessarily even be kink related. 

 

So maybe your fiancée has just trouble accepting what she is into and from what you wrote I may not be that far from the truth. Because if you look at it from a normal standpoint, having thoughts and fantasies inside your head is one thing but actually acting them out with your partner is something else. And realizing that you like pretending to be an underage girl while having sex may be a huge blow to your self-awareness. It may shake your notion of who you are and you may start to ask questions why are you the way you are. 

 

My advice would be, that if she hasn't done that already, let your fiancée speak to other littles or middles and maybe even encourage her to do so. It may make her realize that her desires and fantasies are not that unique and weird and it's not something to be scared or insecure about. It will make her see things from another point of view, and if nothing else, she will at least realize that she is not alone.

 

Nobody wants to think that they don't belong.

[peakddandlg]

[peakddandlg]

[Guest DaddyNinja]

Sounds like you experienced the fatigue state of 'daddy space', that I call the daddy dom burnout.

 

It is a state of mental exhaustion, where the daddy dom experiences sudden depression, then a strong level of denial of daddy space, finally dissociation of daddy space. It normally happens every few months to new daddy doms.

 

To counter that, the daddy dom needs to understand how their daddy space works. Normally, the daddy space needs to be balanced with ddlg related activities, where the daddy lets go of the outside world, and focuses on spending time in their daddy space with their little.

 

Not all people, use the term 'daddy space' and 'little space' to describe their inner parts. I use the term 'daddy space', to describe the inner part of the daddy dom.

 

Now, to the the daddy dom burn out and ways to tackle it. There is a process that I call daddy space sleep relaxation. It happens like this :

 

The main conditions for daddy space sleep relaxation are :

 

1. Entering Daddy space

2. Fixation of attention

3. Monotonous environment

4. Limitation of the movement of body

5. Limit of the field of the conciousness of the daddy dom

6. Inner relaxation

 

The room is darkened. A dim light is used. The Daddy Dom then reads something releated to DDlg. It can be anything about DDlg. Or he can look at DDlg quotes or DDlg pictures. Or He can sing a DDlg song. He continues to do that Until he feels like a Daddy or feels the urge to be a Daddy. Then the Daddy starts a low Monotonous music in the background.

 

Headphone should never be used. Mobile speakers or any other type of background speaker should be used.

 

The music must be monotonous. It can be monotonous sounds also. Examples are monotonous melody, Music of rain drops, the monotonous beats of a metronome. The music of rain drop is chosen generally. It is because raindrops are natural monotonous music. After the music is started. The Daddy Dom lays on the bed in a comfortable position. After that he closes his eyes and starts to breath slowly. He focuses his awareness on his breathing and the sound of his breathing. He starts to relax. Once he feels a little bit relaxed. He starts to repeat in a low voice ...

 

"I am entering my daddy space...I am entering my daddy space...." He repeats it 10 or more time. Generally he will enter Daddy space after 9 or 10 repeats. More repeats is needed until he feels he is in Daddy space. Once he is in Daddy space..

 

Now he focuses his attention on the sound of raindrops. He keeps his focus on the raindrops. He mentally focuses his mind of the idea of failing asleep. While keep hearing the rain drops, soon he will fail asleep. The rain drop should continue at the background.

 

The sleep can last from 20 to 1 hour or more. The Daddy Dom will normally wake up after sometime. If sleep does not comes then he should relax and continue to listen to the raindrops for at least 10 minutes and more until he feels a feeling of new energy filling his body. He should then wake up.

 

It needs to be performed atleast every two or three days to avoid daddy dom burnout at the beginning.

 

Be well.

 

_____________

 

1. Fundementals of normal and abnormal psychology by sidis

2. An experimental study of sleep by sidis

3. Energies of man by James

[Guest DaddyNinja]

For some daddy doms, the sign of their little being disappointed at them or showing that the daddy has hurt the little can also cause that mental exhaustion in few moments. You gotta learn more how your daddy side works. Edited February 10, 2019 by DaddyNinja

[Guest Mr Mister]

Ddlg isn't all about sex. Maybe start ddlg in every day life. Small things like calling her cute Nick names and having her sit on your lap.. if she only feels as though she can play ddlm during sex, I think it would make her feel better if used in other aspects of life. Help her find her little space. That's daddy's roll Edited February 21, 2019 by Mr Mister