Is this bad

[MiniMochi]

So me and my online daddy have been together for 206 days and recently, he has become more distant and usually he is very good at getting me not to act bad but I was being mean yesterday and then he said bye for some reason and since I was acting bad I said bye back then after a while I fell deeper into little space and I apologized to him then he said I was selfish and that he didn’t want to be with me I was still in little space and he knew this so I said I was sorry for being selfish and begged him not to leave me then he said if I didn’t act bad anymore then he will stay with me and it’s up to me to decide, I don’t know what to do anymore.

[AngelLove]

B. No leave HIM. That all just sounds horrible and no one should be treated like that. Firstly you shouldn’t have to beg him not to leave, second you shouldn’t HAVE to act good all the time just to keep your relationship? Like? F*** that. Leave him and move on and find someone way nicer, you deserve a good relationship

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

I get where this guy is coming from...

If my partner was being "mean" to me as you said you were to him then I'd probably be like "yeah bye" as well IF I had already attempted to discuss it and that discussion had led to no change in "mean" behaviour. 

You say you said "bye" as a response. It sounds like you're relatively uninterested about how your behaviour impacts him. It appears you've both given up on dealing with this to the same extent from this. You cannot control his behaviour, but you can control your own. 

 

As for not wanting to be with you in little space whilst he's unhappy with you. This I understand completely. Littlespace can be used by littles to win arguments such as this in a very clever form of manipulation and emotional blackmail. In short as a formula: What guy wants to upset their little right? Ipso Facto they let the argument drop. 

If I have an issue with a partner I expect to discuss with them in their adult head space not littlespace. I may be willing to allow for some littlespace in the meantime if I am not particularly vexed by what's happened. If the issue is particularly grievous however there will be no littlespace, treats etc until it is sorted by two adults having a conversation to get the heart of the issue and solve it. Why should someone provide for littlespace if they've been rather hurt by something a partner has done until it is sorted. It is not a case of keeping things away but rather not putting pressure on a caregiver to be perfect all the time. 

 

Ultimately, I think his choice is fair. If you want to be with a person you ought to stop doing the things that upset them, provided they are reasonable. In this case his request whilst vague, appears reasonable. He ought to define vague but other than that it seems fair to me. For example, when my little and I got together I drank to deal with my problems and now I do not at her request. Likewise she has learned to deal with her emotions in a more collected manner during arguments eg listening when I talk and thinking about it rather than hearing it and immediately arguing; thus it becomes a discussion instead of a fight. There are many examples and these are just a couple. 

 

You have been accused of being "selfish", "bad" and have admitted to being mean. I suggest stopping this behaviour provided the accusations are warranted and your admission true. 

Edited February 3, 2019 by I_AM_THE_SENATE

[MiniMochi]

I get where this guy is coming from...

If my partner was being "mean" to me as you said you were to him then I'd probably be like "yeah bye" as well IF I had already attempted to discuss it and that discussion had led to no change in "mean" behaviour. 

You say you said "bye" as a response. It sounds like you're relatively uninterested about how your behaviour impacts him. It appears you've both given up on dealing with this to the same extent from this. You cannot control his behaviour, but you can control your own. 

 

As for not wanting to be with you in little space whilst he's unhappy with you. This I understand completely. Littlespace can be used by littles to win arguments such as this in a very clever form of manipulation and emotional blackmail. In short as a formula: What guy wants to upset their little right? Ipso Facto they let the argument drop. 

If I have an issue with a partner I expect to discuss with them in their adult head space not littlespace. I may be willing to allow for some littlespace in the meantime if I am not particularly vexed by what's happened. If the issue is particularly grievous however there will be no littlespace, treats etc until it is sorted by two adults having a conversation to get the heart of the issue and solve it. Why should someone provide for littlespace if they've been rather hurt by something a partner has done until it is sorted. It is not a case of keeping things away but rather not putting pressure on a caregiver to be perfect all the time. 

 

Ultimately, I think his choice is fair. If you want to be with a person you ought to stop doing the things that upset them, provided they are reasonable. In this case his request whilst vague, appears reasonable. He ought to define vague but other than that it seems fair to me. For example, when my little and I got together I drank to deal with my problems and now I do not at her request. Likewise she has learned to deal with her emotions in a more collected manner during arguments eg listening when I talk and thinking about it rather than hearing it and immediately arguing; thus it becomes a discussion instead of a fight. There are many examples and these are just a couple. 

 

You have been accused of being "selfish", "bad" and have admitted to being mean. I suggest stopping this behaviour provided the accusations are warranted and your admission true. 

When i said i was being 'mean' i was saying mean because he said that i was acting like that, me and him have a sexual relationship, he asked me to send a picture of myself, i told him that i wasn't comfortable doing that at the moment, i dont like doing anything sexual in little space he knows that, thats when he got mad. the reason i said bye was because i was already falling out of little space and i didnt really want to argue if i knew what he meant by bye i would not have said it back. i have never used little space to win an argument usally he wins no matter what headspace i am in, he also said the only way for him to stay with me is if i do what ever he says and never say no.

[Amelia2610]

I’m a little torn about offering my input here.. but basically, I believe that if it’s a CG/l or DDlg relationship, then there’s usually the norm for the CG to accept their partner in little mode, or even encourage it... i do know mine might restrict little time as a form of discipline or consequence though. But it’s rare for me to hear of a CG who demands absolute obedience from a little unless it’s a M/s dynamic?

[Bambi95]

When i said i was being 'mean' i was saying mean because he said that i was acting like that, me and him have a sexual relationship, he asked me to send a picture of myself, i told him that i wasn't comfortable doing that at the moment, i dont like doing anything sexual in little space he knows that, thats when he got mad. the reason i said bye was because i was already falling out of little space and i didnt really want to argue if i knew what he meant by bye i would not have said it back. i have never used little space to win an argument usally he wins no matter what headspace i am in, he also said the only way for him to stay with me is if i do what ever he says and never say no.

If you meant he said you were mean, then why would YOU say you were mean if you don't see it that way? So which was it; were you actually mean or were you just saying that because your Daddy did?

[MiniMochi]

If you meant he said you were mean, then why would YOU say you were mean if you don't see it that way? So which was it; were you actually mean or were you just saying that because your Daddy did?

I’m saying because daddy said it, i naturally said it like that because he taught me to sorry

[MiniMochi]

I’m a little torn about offering my input here.. but basically, I believe that if it’s a CG/l or DDlg relationship, then there’s usually the norm for the CG to accept their partner in little mode, or even encourage it... i do know mine might restrict little time as a form of discipline or consequence though. But it’s rare for me to hear of a CG who demands absolute obedience from a little unless it’s a M/s dynamic?

We are in a CG/l relationship, we don’t have a M/s dynamic

[Misha]

He sounds like the mean and selfish one.

[Littlepiggy0]

He is mean! Bye! 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

It's rather unclear what your situation is both generally and in this specific example. 

Your opening post in this thread seems written almost as a little, but when you provide additional information, you seem to be speaking more as an adult - which is helpful. (This is just my opinion of course.)

 

I'm guessing things are more complicated than just this one example. If you think our opinions would be helpful, then it might be a good idea to write another reply here,  explaining more about your circumstances. As an adult.

 

Everyone is wiling to listen and help, but partial outlines don't give much for us to work with!

 

Looby 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I get where this guy is coming from...........

 

 

I don't want to take up space quoting your entire post, but I found everything you said interesting.  It might turn out that some of it's not relevant to this particular situation (as more information is shared by the OP) but it's an articulate & astute piece of writing - for many DDlg situations. I hope a lot of littles read it!

 

Looby 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

If I have an issue with a partner I expect to discuss with them in their adult head space not littlespace. I may be willing to allow for some littlespace in the meantime if I am not particularly vexed by what's happened. If the issue is particularly grievous however there will be no littlespace, treats etc until it is sorted by two adults having a conversation to get the heart of the issue and solve it. Why should someone provide for littlespace if they've been rather hurt by something a partner has done until it is sorted. It is not a case of keeping things away but rather not putting pressure on a caregiver to be perfect all the time. 

 

This is the only part I don't understand, and wouldn't accept in my relationship. i am free to be little whenever i want or need to be. Regardless of whether my Daddy is pleased with me or not.

 

Being little is a fundamental part of WHO I AM and i don't need permission to be little. 

 

Looby 

[Guest Acenya]

So, let me get this straight -

• His idea of you being bad was you not sending him a picture of yourself? (Seemingly of sexual type) 
• And he threatened to end the relationship if you don't do as he says? (Knowing you're uncomfortable with being sexual in little space)
• You only said "bye" to dodge falling into an argument with him, whereas he was ready to actually leave?

It is blackmail to threaten to end the relationship should you fail to behave in a way your partner wants you to, that's just someone taking advantage of you and wanting to benefit from you. Based on what I've understood from your writing, you weren't doing anything unreasonable and you have every right to decline taking a picture of yourself for god's sake, no matter how long you've been together or how detailed rules you've agreed to in your relationship. Your partner should respect your limits, and never demand for something that would knowingly make you uncomfortable (unless you've discussed and agreed to it, that's a different case). You are allowed to say "no". 

 

I'm sorry to say that I'm seeing lots of red flags here, and if I were you I would seriously consider ending the relationship. You shouldn't be begging for your partner not to leave. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and would never put you in a situation like that.