Fucked up badly

[xempy]

So let me tell you what happened, few months ago I kinda rushed my little into having sex with me and I hurt her badly, she tried to convince herself that she is okay with that but she isn't. Around the new years she started acting very bad towards me but I honeslty deserve it, she is trying to forgive me but it just makes her angry. I cant sleep at night and I feel really bad all the time because I realized what have I done and how bad of a person I am. We are trying to work things out, I am changing stuff but she feels very broken and angry almost all the time. I really need an advice from someone who is more experienced, thanks.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

ho boy. 

 

topics like this are sometimes frustrating because while i understand that you feel helpless + scared in the situation you are in, 

there isn't any magic or quick fix.

no one on the internet, no matter how experienced they are, is going to be able to tell you how to fix something like this. 

 

it sounds like you are doing everything right, from what i can tell. 

you are open to change, you admit you were wrong, you are being patient with her + you recognize that progress is slow. 

she's going to feel really angry + broken a lot of the time, you're right. 

+ you're going to feel really badly, probably for a while. 

 

but the only thing that you can do is continue to be patient with her + willing to do what she needs to heal. 

i'm sure you've already talked to her about this, but the only real answer to this question is going to come from her, not strangers on the internet.

 

i wish you both the best of luck.

remember to communicate. 

[xempy]

Thank you, there is no magic to fix it but comments like yours can really help. Thank you again.

[SamL]

Immediately upon reading your post I said to myself, "Self, with all my experience, I will totally be able to tell you how to fix this!"  But then I read:

 

 

 

no one on the internet, no matter how experienced they are, is going to be able to tell you how to fix something like this. 

 

 

 

and realized she was right.  Hope that made you smile at least.  Failing that, I smiled.  Everything babyjellybean said (per usual) plus this: Try to keep a sense of humor about everything - especially your failures.  Don't worry, life is long and you'll have lots of opportunities for practice.  

[fancysir]

When a person does something wrong there's really only one process that truely fixes it. First make a sincere apology and ask for forgiveness. Next tried to rectify the wrong. Finally make an assurance that the wrong will not repeat in the future.

 

In your case I believe you have reflected on the situation and can make a sincere apology. Next it is hard to rectify the wrong in this case. However you can role-play undoing it perhaps. This is something your little might not be comfortable with it all. Ask your little if there's any way you can rectify the situation. Even showing that concern is an action towards reconciliation. In regards to not repeating the behavior it sounds like you rushed your little into something she wasn't ready for. Talk about that and reassure her that you will be more patient in the future.

 

To move forward in a healthy fashion your little will have to forgive you and you will have to forgive yourself. I wish you the best of luck.

[SanDiegoDD]

So let me tell you what happened, few months ago I kinda rushed my little into having sex with me and I hurt her badly.

Can you clarify a couple things? When you say you rushed her and hurt her:

 

- meaning that you had sex too early (but she said yes) or she didn’t want to/said no and you did it anyway? What is “too early?”

 

- hurt her badly physically and/or emotionally?

 

- did she safeword at all during the act? If so, what happened?

 

- whats her sexual history like?