Is this an addiction??

[Soulmatesearch]

Edited January 10, 2019 by DD4BIBG

[Guest QueenJellybean]

i think this is a very interesting argument. 

 

largely speaking, i believe anything can become an addiction or an obsession if you let it take over too much of your life.

just like with the examples you cited (porn, food, etc) these things are great -- even healthy for us -- in the proper doses.

i think that people can become too dependent on relationships + people regardless of their orientation or participation in ddlg/bdsm/etc. 

i think... unpopular opinion time... 

 

i think that this community (not the forum specifically, but ddlg) does tend to be a slippery slope/breeding ground for people with attachment or dependency issues looking to be loved. i especially see this in younger members -- this is a sweeping generalization, + not about specific individuals, of course. i don't think it's safe, or advisable, to let "little space" or the desire to be nurtured to consume your life. we're still adults, + we need to function like them when the circumstances dictate so. this lifestyle is an escape for a lot of people for a reason -- it's a break from adulting, being a grown up, + the monotony. 

i think this can be a really healthy + helpful thing for a lot of people as long as they aren't using it as an excuse to ignore their problems or in place of functioning. like other cases of addiction, it shouldn't be interfering or infringing upon your ability to operate as a member of society. 

[Guest CharlieFPG]

This is a subject I've been deeply meditating for several months.

 

The fact of the matter is that anything can be used as a drug and can trigger an addiction. What you have to see is how the compulsion pattern appear. By compulsion I mean repetitive behavior to tone down anxiety and, most important, to trigger the reward mechanism.

 

There are reward mechanisms for many bodily functions, is how our bodies are rigged to help us repeat those functions and behaviors. Porn can potentially be an addiction (there is a lot of research around it) but so is food, masturbation, alcohol, sugar, etc. As long as you 'lose' control and you start repeating those behaviors to trigger the reward mechanism, it will count as addiction. Abuse of the reward mechanism via any substance or means is the problem.

 

Further reading,

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4600144/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4586272/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3050060/

[SamL]

This may be a small, even insignificant issue for others, but I tend to have some difficulties with the way the term addiction is used today.  Honestly, it may simply be semantics, but I can't tell - I don't usually lean on this but, if it is, let me chalk that up to Asperger's.  Speaking of which, I have 9,741 days clean and sober today after kicking a $3000 a day crack habit.  For the non-autistic, that amounts to a few months shy of twenty-seven years clean.  It's probably fair to say that I know a thing or two about addiction.  Anyway, dependency, abuse and dependency are often used interchangeably by folks, but I think that can be dangerous for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that the correct treatment, or solution, for each of these conditions is different.

 

For the most part, I'll just back off and let you all figure this out, but let me add this:

 

 

 

I spoke to a young girl who was craving someone to talk to her like a daddy. Comfort her online. 

I had to tell her not rely on it all too much. 
I think I helped her see the obvious.

 

I'm touched by the caring and kindness that motivated this thread and your attempt to explain things to this person.  That said, she was craving attention.  You gave it to her.  She was looking for that attention in the form of a 'Daddy' but really, anyone would do.  By talking to her through her anxiety, you were a replacement for the delivery system of her drug of choice (attention), but I suspect no real understanding occurred.  

[Maxibon]

I like this idea, because I've been thinking something similar about myself.

 

I'm new to DDLG, and I tend to obsess over things that I'm really into and really like (it's usually artists, because I'm a big music fan). I have felt myself growing obsessed with being Little: meeting other Littles, talking about how Little Space makes me feel, dressing Little, looking at cute stuff in the shops and slipping into Little Space, etc. I feel happy being Little, and it has helped me accept myself incredulously, so basically everything I want to do is Little stuff.

 

This has actually led to me having insecurities with my girlfriend, because we switch (although being Little is our main thing for both of us), and I feel like I can't allow myself to be Little with her, if I'm Little all the time. Plus, I've been really wanting more affection and for her to be Daddy (yes, we call each other "Daddy", despite both being girls) a little more obviously (like, to do the affectionate stuff, to help me from procrastinating—i.e. telling me to go to bed, or do my homework, or do whatever I was supposed to be doing—and giving me a little bit of gentle order, to reassure me, and stuff like that). The thing is, even before we adapted the DDLG dynamic, she would do those things, and I would do them back to her (or, I at least tried to). But, she's dealing with some emotions, and I should be there to give her all the affection, love, care, support, and safety, but because I'm so stuck in being Little, it's incredibly hard. Not only am I rarely capable of putting myself in the mindset in which I can think of what to do, but I also want it returned. So, it's kind of making me selfish.

 

And I think that's where obsessions draw the line. So, I'm trying to make myself less dependent and needy, so I can focus on being there for her when she needs it.

[Soulmatesearch]

I suspect no real understanding occured with that girl also.

 

I haven't spoke to her since because I could see she would get completely attached straight away.

Touch love maybe?

 

This has also made me realise a lot about the whole fake daddy trend.

I think if someone doesn't adhere to this need to be babies. Given what I'm starting to think can be negative attention, then they get called out and posts are made about individuals.

 

I've had some horrible messages in the past because I'm quite blunt, and talk like an adult (because I am one)

 

Don't want this to be a negative thread. But I think helping people understand how unhealthy this can all be is a good thing.

 

Thanks for your replies nice to actually get some genuine feedback. X

[Soulmatesearch]

Tough love*. That should have said

[Firematrix]

Very tired so I may ramble a little bit.

 

It could be an addiction (anything could be an addiction) and or turn into a self-sustained medical condition

 

Examples:
OCD - Could be fed into with brat acting out for not something happening a specific way or a little's repeated actions

Bipolar - Can be seen as acting out - Brat

Schizophrenic - When a little goes into little space it could change their personality completely

 

Sometimes things are for pleasure (addiction possible) or a way of life (medical condition). Everyone ahs one or multiple.

[SamL]

I suspect no real understanding occured with that girl also.

 

I haven't spoke to her since because I could see she would get completely attached straight away

 

 

Good call.

 

 

 

 This has also made me realise a lot about the whole fake daddy trend. 

I think if someone doesn't adhere to this need to be babies. Given what I'm starting to think can be negative attention, then they get called out and posts are made about individuals. 

 

Well, personally, I think that this demand to accept every dynamic as valid perpetuates abuse.  For instance, if there is no 'right' way to do Ddlg, well then, who are you to say it's wrong?  To be clear, I think that is complete and utter B.S. but it's pretty well accepted and established.  Sure, there's sexual predators masquerading as daddy's, there's also daddy's/caregivers who haven't got a clue what the heck they're doing but their ignorance and insecurity is so intertwined and enmeshed that they can't separate one from the other long enough to dispel the ignorance.  Just take mental health for instance - people here are explaining and giving their opinions on a variety of mental health issues: i.e. "I'd say that you don't have multiple personalities because..." WTF?  I mean, I've worked in the mental health field as a professional and I know it would be the height of arrogance for me to try and diagnose someone over the internet - but there are plenty of posts from people spewing some really dangerously incorrect information about mental health around here.  If you have questions, seek a professional in person.

 

For what it's worth, and I'm sure the OP knows this, Daddy's aren't the only ones who play games.  Littles using CG's as sugar mommies and sugar daddies, using little space as a way to avoid adulting,  First and foremost, ours is a relationship between two adults. Into that relationship, we bring our Ddlg dynamic.  If, as a little, you are coming into the relationship to avoid being an adult - you shouldn't be in one.  Period.  The biggest issue I have with 'fake daddy's' is not maliciousness but ignorance.  When some little writes a personal ad whose 'about you' section of the ad explains that she love stuffies, coloring, glitter, unicorns, anything Disney, bunnies that poop glitter, cuddles and attention...and include nothing about the adult who is actually going to be making the decision to enter or not enter into the relationship, what kind of healthy relationship could she possibly enter into?  I mean, she just described every little in the world.. Worse, at least one 'daddy' is going to respond, “OMG, you sound perfect!” ~facepalm~  What could possibly go wrong?  

 

 

 

Don't want this to be a negative thread. But I think helping people understand how unhealthy this can all be is a good thing. 

 

I am reluctant to call Ddlg unhealthy, but it certainly can be used in an unhealthy manner.  I think it's like alcohol.  There is nothing wrong with the average (non-alcoholic) adult having a cocktail.  However, most would agree that giving a shot of whiskey to a three year old is a pretty bad idea.  Entering a Ddlg relationship as an adult is fine and I don't think there's anything unhealthy about it - but many, if not most, don't enter that way.

 

Edited January 13, 2019 by SamL

[Nathalie]

I really appreciate all the responses on this thread, especially because they say much more succinctly and thoughtfully my own thoughts and misgivings about this dynamic, mostly in terms of myself and my ability to turn anything fun into something addictive and unhealthy!

 

One thing I feel compelled to add/highlight: I keep seeing personal ads on here and on the Dd/lg groups on Fet that are pretty much ... Insane. Posted by both sides of the slash. They reek of potential or intended physical and emotional abuse, predation, unhealthy and unsafe expectations, and glaring ignorance about negotiation, consent, sanity. Ads that would be flagged, taken down, or laughed at/called out elsewhere ... Or at least discussed. But somehow they are left standing with no comment, and I cringe to think of how easy it is for damaged and/or predatory people to blow their dog whistle on boards I would have expected to be "safer," or at least have higher standards for personal ads than, say, the casual sex group on Fet.

[Soulmatesearch]

I agree with it being the way in which people go about this and about finding this can be the problem.

 

For me, this is mainly a sexual thing. A fetish. Being a babyboy and breastfeeding for whatever reason I am. Programmed to be turned on by. Not something I would ever have chosen.

It's something that has really stopped me from sexual experiences and relationships.

 

Non Sexually I have the natural caring daddy side of me so like the dynamic for that.

 

I have posted personal ads for years with no success.

Sometimes bend the truth to try and become more attractive as a daddy. Ultimitely of course there is no point doing that.

 

I could easily get addicted to the little/baby side of things. But through the years I've made a conscious effort never to do it.

Have been months or years with not thinking about it.

Like being an alcoholic you could say.

 

Maybe to me this is a fetish and nothing like a lot think of with any of this.

Can you call a fetish an addiction when it's so hard wired in the brain. Or is that how addiction works.

 

I repeat the same thing. Sorry for rambling. I think when I reply all sorts of things come to mind and it's good to get it out

[Groon]

Is this an addiction? Well, sure it can be in a number of ways and for a number of reasons. That's the best I can come up with because I'm not in the mental health field and know that's it's not just a black and white issue. The underlying causes that lead people into addiction are many and varied. With that said I really appreciate this thread because it's on my mind when interacting with someone from the DDlg world the times I've been unattached. It's a deep chew for the mind.