Question for daddies/doms/caregivers

[Soulmatesearch]

So I have a very good understanding of why people have the need for the little side of Ddlg, Abdl babies etc...

Having grown up pretty much from a baby with the fetish/kink of being a baby sticking with me all my life. Often hated it but I think I know what could have triggered it etc..

 

 

But I don't understand the daddy side of all this.

 

Those that say the completely dominant, daddies, caregivers...

 

What does that even mean? And what are you searching for??

 

 

Its a genuine question to understand that side of it x

[DaddyDom3238]

Hi,

That is a great question, I have been a Daddy/Dom for over ten years and it is a very fulfilling role. That being said being a Daddy is different for all Daddy's and the specific dynamic of their relationship. For me being a Daddy means nurturing, loving, guiding, and being a support system for my little. Specifics are hard to say because every little needs different things to help them. Being able to make my little happy and to help her in feeling secure and loved is of upmost importance. 

As far as the Dom aspect of it, my dominance depends on the little that I am with and whether or not she is a sub or not. Sometimes I have complete control of her life to how she dresses to who she hangs out with. Again this is all very dependent on the little/sub I have. Feel free to message me directly with any questions as I have been in this lifestyle for quite a while and have had littles, subs, and slaves. 

[Guest Strictcoach]

In my experience I derive satisfaction from the nurturing, guidance side of things. That’s as a Dom overall including significant elements of DDlg in my long term relationship. A punishment/reward is so much more meaningful and satisfying if it contains a real element of those things. It’s the loving reprimand, the punishment, the aftercare which all generate a deeper relationship. The development of individuals and relationships satisfies such a need in me. I often have to stop myself from offering my help to someone who is in a day to day tricky situation. Actually that’s part of my “empath” attributes, and at times it’s a proper pain to deal with. By not offering to help I’m denying myself the satisfaction of doing so. arrghh!

Hope the above makes some sort of sense

[Soulmatesearch]

I've changed my profiles online a few times.

Never met anyone in the last few years of looking.

 

I'm a good looking guy but I just struggle finding someone I have a genuine connection with and mutual attraction.

I sometimes wonder if I just like girls that are out of my league. But I can't change who I'm attracted to.

 

There's times where I feel like a daddy and want a babygirl. But more often that not I have the babyboy sub side and really want a babygirl sister or mummy.

 

The good thing is I have a very good understanding what a babygirl wants. But maybe even that isn't true. It seems for guys this is more sexual, and for a lot of girls I'm sure it isn't. They just enjoy the dom side of it.

I love the sexual side of it all and crave an ANR relationship.

 

Non Sexually I think I can be naturally daddy dom and when I fall in love I care so much about the other person in that way.

Because I'm. 5.7 girls are automatically put off as the dom daddy so it makes me thing I shouldn't even bother searching anymore.

 

I think this has turned into a rant. Just getting off what's on my chest I guess.

 

Anyway. Anymore feedback from others on the daddy side would be great x

[Guest You're adorable]

Well,

 

First of all, I would like to thank you for and excellent question. Very few of those are popping up lately, so, once again, thank you.

 

Now, I think just as with littles, i don't think there would be a possibility to narrow down one specific goal or one specific reason that doms, whether caregivers, masters, etc. search for or why are the way they are.

 

I think, that as far as this goes, there are two very different sides of me. Just like the expression "Daddy Dom", there is "Daddy side" and "Dom side".

 

To my "Daddy" side:

 

For me, I think I would have to dig way back. I really don't want to portrait myself as some kind of victim, I think I had a great childhood with many happy memories and I was definitely very lucky in some sense. But since the early childhood, what I saw in my family was the general lack of care. I mean, my parents were taking care of me as well as they could and for that I am very grateful to them, but they didn't show me love very much, if any at all. The same with my grandparents, although they were  a little bit more caring. And what I usually saw around me, be it in kindergarten or in school, was how the kids interacted with their parents. They were smiling at them, saying "good luck, have fun at school", etc. I don't think my parents ever said something like that to me, but whatever. I kinda grew up numb to emotions, and kinda insensitive and wasn't very good at normal interaction that required emotions. 

 

Then, when I first started dating, I discovered that there are people that can genuinely care about me. Not because they wanted something from me, but because they liked me. After experiencing this, something inside of me awakened. The deep desire to take care of someone, no matter what. If they need me, I will be here no matter what. If I have to cut sleeping, I will. If I have to miss all daily meals, I will. I still get extremely emotional whether someone shows a genuine interest in me. And actual love is on whole another level. For the person I love, I would do basically anything. 

 

And I think, that these feelings somehow degenerated into a desire to take care of someone, that is not really good at taking care of themselves, or they lack the mental fortitude to go through some hard time in their lives. It gives me a feeling of extreme satisfaction. The fact that someone chooses to entrust their well-being to me is simply beautiful and there is nothing like it. So there was always this caring side of me.

 

I actually discovered DDlg much later than BDSM, and I've always been a more of BDSM guy, but after discovering DDlg, I just can't go back. Nothing beats taking care of a little.

 

To my "Dom" side:

 

For as long as I can remember, but I think it really manifested when I was 6, there was this weird desire. As a child I was, I couldn't possibly understand it but whether I watched movies, and there would be a scene of a guy somehow mistreating a woman, I thought to myself "Yes, that's the way it should be". This was scaring me for many years. It was something I never told to anyone. But then, Short after I graduated high school, the first woman I dated, (it was a very brief relationship) has introduced me to BDSM. And that was it. It was like 2 pieces of puzzles fitting together. Now I had a way to fulfill that desire I thought was dark and scary. The fact of "owning" someone, was so satisfying. The fact that I can order someone around etc. But what makes it enjoyable is the fact that they actually like it. I don't think I would be okay with it if they didn't (it would also be a crime though). 

 

So I guess I can say I was always a dom.

 

At first, these 2 sides of me were very well defined and divided. I was either daddy, or a dom. Never blend of those two. But by time, those two sides somehow naturally blended together. And it has been that way ever since. Now I can put a little to sleep with a kiss on her forehead, but also punish her for disobeying the rules. And that's the way I like it.

 

Now that I look at it, it doesn't really make that much sense but I already wrote it so... , I would just like to say that we don't always need to search for a reason why we like something. And believe me, I am the kind of person that would like to rationalize everything. But doesn't the fact that these desires come from deep within you and are part of you much, much better? For me it definitely does.  

[DuskZA]

Getting the easy questions out the way then...okay. This is like the final boss of a question haha

 

It will probably vary quite a bit depending on who you ask. I can only speak for myself, so I'll try give that a bash.

 

Personally, going back to when I would consider myself vanilla, I always had a sort of more nurturing or caring side.

This kind of extra care/nurturing was not for everyone, but it was something about myself that just kind of came out no matter what, so like you hated the baby thing, I hated this extra care/nurture/love/protect thing I had going. At the same time an ageplay/roleplay kind of kink was growing. It also took years to figure out what it was. It was confusing and frustrating and only when I happened upon it by chance while reading up on other bdsm related interests (ageplay/roleplay/bondage etc) did the penny drop. Or rather, the bag of pennies dropped. DDlg just hit the nail on the head for me. Turned out there was a name for the sort of super duper caring, lovey dovey, soft, protector, nurturer thing I had that just came naturally. And that more kinky thing had a name too and it turned out these two things could be combined into one role, which I would find out later.

 

As far as Dominant goes, that was something that kind of grew independently from the daddy thing. I had a Dom kind of side growing, the sort of controlling, owning, slightly sadistic kink that was developing in parallel with everything else going on. Like I said, I would find that both roles could be kind of melded into one: the daddy dom. Which was a huge relief, honestly I could not figure out what was 'wrong' with me, but then everything came together and the world made sense again.

 

Daddy's, Doms and Daddy Doms will all be different though, some are softer and some are more dominant, some lean more towards lets call it 'harder bdsm' and some are more laid back.

It's a scale really, and you can land anywhere on the spectrum. From controlling, dominating, sadistic all the way to caring, nurturing, loving...and these can and do all mix and match too.

It also depends on the little and what the dynamic is. Some little's might lean towards a more submissive or masochistic side. Little's come in all shapes and sizes, just like their counterparts.

 

To wrap up, it's a pretty common thought that the little depends on the daddy, but for me at least, the daddy depends just as much on the little. They need each other. Where a little might find care, stability, love, nurture, protection in a daddy, a daddy finds the same in a little. This is how it is in my case. Stability, love, the feeling of being needed, wanted...all the vulnerable aspects of being a daddy, are nurtured by the little, and when these things are nurtured, I get out of it what I suppose the little gets out of it when looked after, loved, cared for, nurtured, protected, etc. and that kind of loops and feeds back and on and on it goes.

 

This is just my perception of how this happens in my head. It will be different for everyone, hope this helps a little though. Great question!

[Soulmatesearch]

Wow

Thanks for sharing

I was starting to think that this side of things was really a lot of creepy guys trying to take advantage but the way you have explained it is like. The exact opposite of little.

 

So growing up I was shown a lot of love. And even now in my nephew. I see my move mollycoddling him so much. Maybe too much.

I sometimes think he's gonna be submissive because of it.

Part of me wishes I wasnt shown that kind of love because I have hated the sub side of me.

 

I think a fetish can be engrained from one moment, even as a baby.

I have this weird thing where I can rememeber what I was thinking even when I was a baby. 2 - 3. Even as a baby it's like I had this old man brain. Deep thinking about the world around me.

I remember looking at kids being silly thinking they were idiots.

 

There was one moment I think triggered my fetish.

 

Its surprising you guys struggled with it as the dom.side is more. Natural and more. What most girls want.

The submissive side of me still haunts me to this day. Maybe until I meet someone who accepts me for me. But I feel online is the only way of finding that. And the catch 22 is online is so fake I don't think I ever will.

 

My only experience from Fetlife was an extremely calculating horrible.woman from. USA Who ended up stealing literally everything from me. All my money etc..

 

There's so much of this that it makes it seem almost anything to do with mummy, domme etc.. Is just fake

[DuskZA]

I am sorry you have had yucky experiences, I would suggest checking out some safety tips, red flags, online safety, safe meeting tips and other general safety stuff. Always put your own well being first so that you don't fall into the same kind of trap again. Doms and subs can both burn their fingers, so it does not matter which side of the line anyone falls on and you can't really know for sure either, again all you can do is take the steps to protect yourself.

Edited January 13, 2019 by DuskZA

[Guest CharlieFPG]

So what does being a Daddy mean for me,

 

I would say, nurturing, caring, but also control. It has both a positive and a negative side for me. While I would compare being a Daddy to pruning and caring for a rose plant, or woodcarving to shape raw wood into something beautiful and useful. I also recognize there is a need to 'control' and 'save' another individual if only to avoid 'being left behind'.

 

An example might be, whenever I talk with someone and this person has a problem, he or she might be just looking for sympathy or someone to listed, but it's hard for me to avoid giving plausible solutions that this person can apply and being a bit insistent with the subject.

 

There is, of course, an erotic component to the 'control' part which is part of the BDSM practices agreed and consented with my partner. But to help someone improve, and have a person feel thankful for your effort and dedication is also satisfactory. Even if it comes from 'I was right when I told you this will make you feel better'.

 

This is a draft of sorts on what means for me, much of the negative aspects I work with a psychologist that I see once a week.

Edited January 11, 2019 by CharlieFPG