Single parents

[Guest CharlieFPG]

Greetings,

 

So we had a child in our previous relationship. It ended on mutual agreement. I got shared custody and I have my child half the week. I pay alimony and I also buy things the mother of my child needs for her. She was my previous little, and now here I am again, back in the world.

 

How are you handling single parenting, dating again and DD/lg? It is an honest question because I see most people is not interested at all in single fathers. And while I invest a significant amount of time and resources on my child, it doesn't mean I expect my new partner to become the mother.

 

How do you navigate through this? I found it is important to come clean with these situations instead of hiding such facts.

[93243_1655600696]

I met my partner when I was 15 and he was 16, and I was pregnant shortly after with our daughter. Now we are 31 and 32! But I only recently learned about DDlg and my partner's not entirely sure about it. So, my situation isn't exactly like yours, but I can share my experience as a mother and a little.

 

My daughter is 16 now so she'd rather be on her phone than spend time with me most times at this point, but when she's not we have great, open talks and will watch shows or movies and beautify together. Make face masks, soak our feet, paint our nails ect.

 

I'm the type of little who is sweet and nurturing. Nature lover. Vegan. Loves babies and animals. Likely to bring home strays or be caring for an injured wild creature. Loves homemaking. Likely to be crafting something to make our home cozier, or making a big pot of soup when the chores are done. Ideally, I want daddy to come home and be appreciative of my hard work and talent. THEN I want him to take care of me. Dote over and baby me. Play silly games with me. Surprise me. Make me feel like the cutest little girl ever. I want him to to take care of the money and lawn mowing and driving - the traditionally males things, while I take care of the feminine.

 

It's probably best to take things slow when it comes to introducing your child to this new woman you are dating, but if things become serious, eventually they'll have to meet and spend time together. You can do all the necessary caretaking when you are around, but long-term, realistically, probably you'll want to look for a little who is a nurturer too. I wouldn't parse it as though you were looking for someone who could eventually act as a second mother figure to your child, but I would have that in the back of my head if I were you.

 

I would suggest that the proposition you make be so alluring to a little that concerns of a child are overcome. Tell them what you have to offer - tangibly and intangibly - and tell them specific sweet things you'd like to do with and for them. Explain that you have joint custody, a few days a week, of a child from a previous relationship (and their age), but also that you would want to take introductions to your child slowly. Not introduce them to anyone until the relationship is more serious and your little wants to. And not expecting your little to handle any caretaking of your child if/when they do meet - you can take care of them both!

[Nathalie]

I am a single co-parent. I try to make it clear upfront that I am a "co-parent" meaning there is another parent to pick up half the slack. "Single parent" can often communicate that you are a lone parent without help or support, which can certainly scare people away.

 

At the same time I also make it clear that I am a parent first, at least until my child is grown and gone. I draw firm boundaries around that part of my life; one of those boundaries is that no one I am dating or otherwise involved with sexually is introduced to my child unless it's been many months and we have decided to be in a committed, long-term relationship. So in other words, my child has yet to meet anyone I am romantically involved with. I have witnessed first hand the pain and tumult that can occur when lonely and/or eager single parents involve their kids at the early stages of a relationship that may or may not have a future.

[Guest CharlieFPG]

I've also read about those people. We agree there is no need to involve a child with every person you meet with intention of dating.

 

I will try the 'co-parent' clarification.