Am I a disappointment?

[cutxprincxss]

My Daddy has problems anger issues, and when he gets angry for something he tells me that I am a total disappointment and he insults me. He can't punish me for some reasons. I love him so much, but in these cases I acc don't know what to do? Any advices?

Ours is a distance relationship.

[cutxprincxss]

Ignore "problems" before anger x

[sullenDaddybones]

I can tell you from personal experience between the ages of 18 and 27 I was 'super angry all the time'. Abandonment issues with female figures in my life and then relationships that followed the same grain. By 30 or so I grew up out of it and became a man about it more or less. Though I still get that way sometimes.(I have lost just about everyone in my life to figure out that you cannot control life and loss, it happens...young males get anger over this and want to control what is out of control...It's dangerous) If you want a fictional reference think of Anakin Skywalker

 

This is a major psychological problem and will take years for him to fix and may never fix. You need to get out now cause it's 'abusive'. For most it's projecting their insecurities onto you and or venting their pain on you and it will only damage you. These things usually started when that person was a child and will go on for years. If you stick it out make sure they're not violent! Though you will play the battered wife/little/GF and he will be the abusive and mean Daddy/BF...

 

 

My Daddy has problems anger issues, and when he gets angry for something he tells me that I am a total disappointment and he insults me. He can't punish me for some reasons. I love him so much, but in these cases I acc don't know what to do? Any advices?
Ours is a distance relationship.

Edited January 6, 2019 by sullenDaddybones

[Lola Step]

Question, is there usually a trigger for these outbursts? NOT trying to victim blame at ALL, just wondering if he is angry in general like at something else and takes it out on you (which is NOT ok) or whether it is in response to you 'disobeying' him somehow. If it is the second one and he is yelling/insulting you for breaking rules then you definitely need to sit down with him and have a discussion about the RIGHT way to reprimand you, for instance- There is a HUGE difference between "I am disappointed in your actions/decisions" versus "YOU are a disappointment" the sooner your Daddy learns this the better.

[cutxprincxss]

Question, is there usually a trigger for these outbursts? NOT trying to victim blame at ALL, just wondering if he is angry in general like at something else and takes it out on you (which is NOT ok) or whether it is in response to you 'disobeying' him somehow. If it is the second one and he is yelling/insulting you for breaking rules then you definitely need to sit down with him and have a discussion about the RIGHT way to reprimand you, for instance- There is a HUGE difference between "I am disappointed in your actions/decisions" versus "YOU are a disappointment" the sooner your Daddy learns this the better.

[cutxprincxss]

Let's say, he texts me at 2:00pm and if 2 minutes later I don't reply he starts ringing me and gets mad; I know it's bad right, but I love him and after all he helped me through everything. I'll try and talk to him

[cutxprincxss]

I can tell you from personal experience between the ages of 18 and 27 I was 'super angry all the time'. Abandonment issues with female figures in my life and then relationships that followed the same grain. By 30 or so I grew up out of it and became a man about it more or less. Though I still get that way sometimes.(I have lost just about everyone in my life to figure out that you cannot control life and loss, it happens...young males get anger over this and want to control what is out of control...It's dangerous) If you want a fictional reference think of Anakin Skywalker

 

This is a major psychological problem and will take years for him to fix and may never fix. You need to get out now cause it's 'abusive'. For most it's projecting their insecurities onto you and or venting their pain on you and it will only damage you. These things usually started when that person was a child and will go on for years. If you stick it out make sure they're not violent! Though you will play the battered wife/little/GF and he will be the abusive and mean Daddy/BF...

[cutxprincxss]

But I can't leave him or idk, I love him and I wouldn't know how to get over. I'm sorry what you've been through..

[Guest Avi]

Havent read the topic yet but my answer already is no. No youre not.

[cutxprincxss]

Havent read the topic yet but my answer already is no. No youre not.

[cutxprincxss]

Thank you !!

[Guest]

Verbal abuse is punishment. It can be longer lasting than physical abuse and more hurtful when you haven't done anything to deserve it.

[SamL]

Historically, responses like the one I am about to give, have a 100% likelihood of me getting chewed out and a 0% chance of anyone listening but what the heck...I'm just pollyanna enough to try again.  He who has ears, let em hear...

 

Of course, you're a disappointment to him.  I know you don't want to hear that but it is the truth and you asked the question.  In fact, every single person on this forum would be a disappointment to him because he is making the worst mistake one can make in a relationship, one that dooms the relationship before it ever starts.  He's coming to the relationship hoping you are going to fix him.  He's broken and he's making the very common mistake of thinking that someone else can fix him.  If he only had the right job, lived in the right neighborhood, had the right girlfriend.  If only his parents hadn't, or the priest hadn't, or his dentist's sister's ex-husbands dog hadn't...

 

You didn't break him and you can't fix him. At this point, only he can fix himself - perhaps with the help of a qualified professional, perhaps some spiritual means, perhaps he'll find and return a pot of gold to it's rightful leprechaun and get a free wish.  But I can promise you, it isn't going to be you that fixes him. Yeah, I get it - you love him.  I'm not being patronizing...I really do get it, but that doesn't mean anything helpful.  You believe from the very bottom of your heart that you love him - and he believes that he loves you from the bottom of his heart.  But neither one of you love yourself.  Without that, no relationship is going to last - and they're not going to end well.

[SamL]

Verbal abuse is punishment. It can be longer lasting than physical abuse and more hurtful when you haven't done anything to deserve it.

 

Sorry squee, I've got to disagree.  Strongly.  When punishment is abusive, it stops being punishment.  Abuse is abuse, never punishment.  

[cutxprincxss]

Historically, responses like the one I am about to give, have a 100% likelihood of me getting chewed out and a 0% chance of anyone listening but what the heck...I'm just pollyanna enough to try again. He who has ears, let em hear...

 

Of course, you're a disappointment to him. I know you don't want to hear that but it is the truth and you asked the question. In fact, every single person on this forum would be a disappointment to him because he is making the worst mistake one can make in a relationship, one that dooms the relationship before it ever starts. He's coming to the relationship hoping you are going to fix him. He's broken and he's making the very common mistake of thinking that someone else can fix him. If he only had the right job, lived in the right neighborhood, had the right girlfriend. If only his parents hadn't, or the priest hadn't, or his dentist's sister's ex-husbands dog hadn't...

 

You didn't break him and you can't fix him. At this point, only he can fix himself - perhaps with the help of a qualified professional, perhaps some spiritual means, perhaps he'll find and return a pot of gold to it's rightful leprechaun and get a free wish. But I can promise you, it isn't going to be you that fixes him. Yeah, I get it - you love him. I'm not being patronizing...I really do get it, but that doesn't mean anything helpful. You believe from the very bottom of your heart that you love him - and he believes that he loves you from the bottom of his heart. But neither one of you love yourself. Without that, no relationship is going to last - and they're not going to end well.

[Guest]

Sorry squee, I've got to disagree. Strongly. When punishment is abusive, it stops being punishment. Abuse is abuse, never punishment.

I agree abuse is abuse. From her point of view she said he never punishes her. However, he is hurting her with his words to the point that she is questioning her own worth, that is what I meant by punishment.

[cutxprincxss]

Historically, responses like the one I am about to give, have a 100% likelihood of me getting chewed out and a 0% chance of anyone listening but what the heck...I'm just pollyanna enough to try again. He who has ears, let em hear...

 

Of course, you're a disappointment to him. I know you don't want to hear that but it is the truth and you asked the question. In fact, every single person on this forum would be a disappointment to him because he is making the worst mistake one can make in a relationship, one that dooms the relationship before it ever starts. He's coming to the relationship hoping you are going to fix him. He's broken and he's making the very common mistake of thinking that someone else can fix him. If he only had the right job, lived in the right neighborhood, had the right girlfriend. If only his parents hadn't, or the priest hadn't, or his dentist's sister's ex-husbands dog hadn't...

 

You didn't break him and you can't fix him. At this point, only he can fix himself - perhaps with the help of a qualified professional, perhaps some spiritual means, perhaps he'll find and return a pot of gold to it's rightful leprechaun and get a free wish. But I can promise you, it isn't going to be you that fixes him. Yeah, I get it - you love him. I'm not being patronizing...I really do get it, but that doesn't mean anything helpful. You believe from the very bottom of your heart that you love him - and he believes that he loves you from the bottom of his heart. But neither one of you love yourself. Without that, no relationship is going to last - and they're not going to end well.

[cutxprincxss]

Historically, responses like the one I am about to give, have a 100% likelihood of me getting chewed out and a 0% chance of anyone listening but what the heck...I'm just pollyanna enough to try again. He who has ears, let em hear...

 

Of course, you're a disappointment to him. I know you don't want to hear that but it is the truth and you asked the question. In fact, every single person on this forum would be a disappointment to him because he is making the worst mistake one can make in a relationship, one that dooms the relationship before it ever starts. He's coming to the relationship hoping you are going to fix him. He's broken and he's making the very common mistake of thinking that someone else can fix him. If he only had the right job, lived in the right neighborhood, had the right girlfriend. If only his parents hadn't, or the priest hadn't, or his dentist's sister's ex-husbands dog hadn't...

 

You didn't break him and you can't fix him. At this point, only he can fix himself - perhaps with the help of a qualified professional, perhaps some spiritual means, perhaps he'll find and return a pot of gold to it's rightful leprechaun and get a free wish. But I can promise you, it isn't going to be you that fixes him. Yeah, I get it - you love him. I'm not being patronizing...I really do get it, but that doesn't mean anything helpful. You believe from the very bottom of your heart that you love him - and he believes that he loves you from the bottom of his heart. But neither one of you love yourself. Without that, no relationship is going to last - and they're not going to end well.

[cutxprincxss]

Then theres anything I can do?

[SamL]

Then theres anything I can do?

 

Not to fix this issue - no.  Let me ask you a sincere question. You don't have to tell me what your answer is because the only person for whom this answer will matter to - is you.  First though, I have to tell you a story:

 

Let's say that two years from now, you give birth to a daughter.  What would you name her?  What does she look like; does she have your nose?  What would her room look like?  Take a moment and think about these questions.  I want her to be real - and since you have one of the best imaginations in the world, now would be a good time to use it.  Speed up the tape and watch her get older...in your mind, watch her take her first steps, lose her first baby tooth, taking her to school on her first day and holding back tears until she gets inside so she doesn't see mommy crying.  Learning to ride a bike, middle school, first date, driver's license, first relationship, first job, college applications...

 

And then she comes to you all serious and says, "Mom, can we talk?"

"Of course, honey.  What's up?"

And then she tells you.  It's your story.  She got into this lifestyle too.  You are in utter shock as she describes this EXACT situation that you find yourself in now.  What do you tell the person you love most in this entire world?  What advice do you give her?  Take that advice.  Dare to love yourself half as much as you love this fictitious child of yours and your life will get much, much happier.  Best of all?  You will start making changes now so that when you do have a child and she learns how to do life by watching mommy do life - she'll learn how to love herself.  If you won't do it for you, do it for her.  She's not here yet but she needs you now.

[mischief_kitten]

I’m so sorry this is happening to you- you definitely do not deserve to be treated that way and I agree with everything SamL said above. You are not a disappointment, and anyone calling you that is not someone you should keep in your life. While we all sometimes do things that are disappointing to people around us, we are not our behavior and calling someone “a disappointment” or other dismissive put down is a harmful tactic to erode your self-worth. The situations you describe are completely unreasonable for that kind of vicious reaction; though I would also say that his behavior is completely unacceptable period. You deserve a daddy who helps you grow and who supports you, not a relationship that makes you feel less than. While it is very difficult to leave people we love, I hope you can see that sometimes it is not enough to make a healthy and mutually supportive relationship. Learn to love you first, and don’t let it waiver ❤️