Little Space Guilt

[Guest CaptainAmerica97]

Since I live with my mother and brother, and we also have a room mate that lives with us. Well our room mate found out that I am into the BDSM/ DDLG World and that I am a Little, and not only makes fun of me but uses it against me to guilt trip me into doing things like if I don't do something he will tell my family what I am or that it is wrong and it makes me ashamed of what I am and guilty when I do go into little space. So what I am wondering if anyone has made you feel that way about yourself and how you handle it? Or you just feel that way naturally? 

[Guest You're adorable]

Well,

 

First of all. This is not about you being a little or being into BDSM/DDlg or anything like that. This is a textbook case of bullying. He just enjoys making you feel miserable and have low self-esteem. That's what bullies do.

 

As for me, I've never been made fun for who I am, and if ever, it was just a harmless joke that I always let slide since being super-sensitive about some part of you that is not really standard is not good either. And if I feel like anyone has gone too far, I will make to him perfectly clear that I am an adult person and what I like or what I am into is not changing that. I am individual with a certain level of confindence and I will not let myself be bullied by people who lack the ability to comprehend anything that you say to them.

 

So what you should do is simple. You need to raise your self-esteem. You need to show him that you are not afraid of who you are and you are actually proud of who you are. Nobody will make fun of someone who is confident and clear about what they are into as long as they show the confidence. So you really have to just stand up to him. Show him that you are not afraid. And just like most bullies, once he sees that he is not getting the reaction that he wants from you, he will lose interest.

 

So, stand up with your shoulders traight and your chin up. I am rooting for you

[Babybrattybat]

You should never ever be ashamed of you who are!!

 

Being little is ok! It is not gross and he is in the wrong. No one should be guilt tripping you or forcing you into anything!

 

Maybe you should sit down and tell your family the roomate is bothering you?

 

That or tell them about your little side though that may be a bit harder to do..

 

You could talk to him and be like hey this is not cool and you need to stop.

 

 

If all else failes just ignore him

 

Be proud of who you are cause it is 100% okay!

[Swimmy]

Naturally, I feel pretty guilty about being a little. I think that's a phase most people go through when coming to terms with their unique interests. That being said, you shouldn't be ashamed because you're doing nothing wrong.

 

I can appreciate that this is a challenging situation to be in. If I were you, I would probably tell my family myself in order to avoid him being able to continually blackmail you. If you do take this approach, make sure it is safe to do so (i.e. they won't kick you out or something). 

 

Best of luck!

 

Vanessa 

[Guest CaptainAmerica97]

You should never ever be ashamed of you who are!!

 

Being little is ok! It is not gross and he is in the wrong. No one should be guilt tripping you or forcing you into anything!

 

Maybe you should sit down and tell your family the roomate is bothering you?

 

That or tell them about your little side though that may be a bit harder to do..

 

You could talk to him and be like hey this is not cool and you need to stop.

 

 

If all else failes just ignore him

 

Be proud of who you are cause it is 100% okay!

 

I can't tell my mother because she has already made clear that she doesn't like hearing about the other life styles so I keep quite about it and I am trying to ignore it. It is just hard, and my mother already knows that he bothers me and is trying her best to keep him away.

[Firematrix]

Since I'm new to the DDlg I can't speak in terms of that, but I can speak on the terms of d/s. There is not shame or guilt that comes from you being a little (or a sub for what I'm about to say). While yes in this life style the dom (or daddy in your eyes) does have the power, it 's the sub that controls that power. You control their permissions, you control the boundaries that may be crossed, you also control their demeanor.

 

Example: You see a couple on the street. The female has a leash w/ collar on and the male is the one holding the leash. From an outside perspective of someone not familiar with this, they say the male is controlling and demeaning her. From the perspective of someone familiar with this, you know the female has full control over the whole situation.

 

The reason they bully you is because they are ignorant. They try to make you ashamed of what you are because they see you as weak instead of seeing you as the strong one in that scenario. Sadly it could also be that outdated saying " he's only teasing you because he likes you", which if that's the case... you have a whole different issue to be concerned about

[babygirlG430]

In all honesty, after personally saying something in the moment, I would go straight to my Daddy, and tell him what’s going on. I’ve never experienced this exact situation, but anything inappropriate I’ve had said to me just being a female, I’ve told him, and if needed he would handle the situation.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

**Staff Notice**

Your two topics have been merged together to transfer the comments across to this post for you, so you don't lose them with the dupe's removal. 

Please do not post the same topic in multiple sections of the forum. 

Thenkyou, and hope you get the advice you're looking for.

[baby_k]

What You are adorable said and some others.

If you allow someone blackmail you, it will never end. And it will just get worse and worse every time you let it happen. -> So don't allow that to happen.

 

In my experience bullying happens with low selfesteem and when you let it affect you ( this does not mean bullying isn't wrong and that you would be somehow responsible of it, you are not, just that you can try to prevent it or get out of it by accepting who you are and not giving reactions ).

 

Often people say that kids get bullied if they are different. Well, I'm quirky as hell and still have never had any issues. I just laugh at the wannabe bullies and look them with pity. Where as my way more normal and nicer friends.... They got bullied and as they could not stand up for themselves and it lead into worse and worse situations as the bullies got away with doing their crap. So, please, for you, stop that horrible tail spin.

 

You can be an adult and just start standing up for yourself and not feel guilt of being who you are. You being you is not wrong. You doing stuff in your own privacy or in way that harms no one is not wrong and there is nothing to be guilty about it because of that. If someone has an issue with you being little... Well, means they have own issues and that is in no way a reflection of you.

 

In someways you can even consider that if that bully starts telling you are little, will others believe? And so what if they do? Most people don't want to get too much involved with other peoples personal stuff and will get uncomfortable if someone talks of other peoples sex life, kinks, weird likes etc. It tells ONLY about the bully if they go around telling personal matters around, specially things like that. And others will know that the bully can as well start telling same stuff about them also, so it gives negative impression.

 

 

* You can even tell the bully that "oh, go ahead and tell everyone that my room is pink and filled with glitter and I call my boyfriend daddy and can't tie my shoelaces" ( or whatever exaggeration you can imagine that sort of is "little" but in no way is about you ).

 

* You can just say "you have free will, I'm not here to prevent you on acting and behaving as you want to". Bonus points if you can guilt trip them a bit about being a nasty person or otherwise take higher ground ( if you are into sarcasm "telling others about other peoples private, delicate matters is always respectable thing to do" )

 

* You can just start ignoring them if that is easier ( bonus points for giving them bored but slightly amused look before focusing on other stuff ). Ignoring is pretty great and normally drives people insane. Meaning that your bully either ends doing their crap as they get confused and their own demons lift their head making them insecure, they try even harder to push you ( so be prepared that to happen ) or they start flipping. What you just need to know is that if you do that, you change the roles: you are in control at that point where as they are in mercy of their own emotions and reactions. It can help to try to have attitude of researcher at that point "let's see how that person reacts next". And realising that you are now in charge and can choose HOW YOU ACT. It can be truly empowering as you are no longer on mercy of your own reactions.

 

* You can also be really turd and get nasty towards them and find something to bully or black mail them. If they like to bully, means they have some serious weakpoints and insecuritites themselves. I still don't recomend this as it just makes you as crappy person as them. But can help to think their insecurites and so on, so you can see how sad humanbeing that person really is, so you are no longer so afraid of them.

 

 

 

Anyhow, you can't never get guarantee that the bully will not tell things forward ( or you would need to go so far that... yeah.. I don't recomend it at all ). All you can really do is change yourself. In this case meaning that you need to accept who you are and being little is not wrong. You need to be able to face people seeing who you are and not be ashamed of it.

I almost wrote that being little might be little different from how most people are but in reality that is not true. I think every humanbeing has tiny little inside them, others just let it shine bit more than others So, let your little shine bright and don't be ashamed of it.

 

 

 

Edit: person who bullies has a lot of their own issues. Otherwise they would have no need to bully and try to oppress other people. You can try to start seeing things from that view point: that person is in severe pain and therefore is sort of lashing out on you. If you are able to be away bigger person, you can try to even help them but it nothing else, it can truly help you mentally to see that the bully is just troubled person. And learn from that what you don't want to be, and that instead of that negativity and fear they try to grow around them, you can try to make yourself spreading love and kindness.

Edited January 5, 2019 by baby_k