Transition Opinions

[Firematrix]

Apologies in advance since I'm new here and same for if I ramble during any of this. Very limited places to talk about D/S or DD/LG around where I live that won't involve a preacher knocking on your door to save you or a cop knocking wanting to ask a few questions (had no idea there were so many registered sex offenders that lived in my town). Tried other groups, but didn't seem to get a straight answer since a lot of the responses seemed to either contradict themselves or made your S or LG your personal slave.

 

Since my first relationship and almost all after they have been D/S roles. The use of blindfolds, handcuffs, silk tie downs, and the light choking seemed to come naturally and felt right. Once the pain levels started is when it felt like it's going too far. For some reason even though it felt right it didn't feel like myself. Each relationship ended with us just drifting apart. Even thought it was great for the physical intimacy, it just didn't seem to hit the emotional and life after the sex intimacy.

 

So fast forward through 5 relationships, a failed marriage and just about a year ago. I met up with one of my ex's (one of the few I'm still good friends with) and she just seemed so happy and playful. At first this was unusual for her because last time I met her she rarely ever smiled and had manic depression. After talking for a bit she mentioned she had became a little for her boyfriend (daddy). Yes at first I thought it was fairly odd kink since I didn't understand it, but if it made her life happy I was not gonna comment my ignorance. I decided not to pry into that topic since it was something I didn't know and would just look up the information later.

 

Fast forward again to a couple months ago, the same friend asked me if I could help her with a photoshoot as a surprise for her Daddy. She knew I was someone she could trust and wouldn't try to bone her is the photoshoot got too suggestive (Her words not mine lol). I managed to surprise her and got her hooked up with some cosplay café maid and school girl costumes that I borrowed from another friend that was in town for an anime convention. During the photoshoot I started asking her more questions about the DD/LG life she was in and with how happy it made her. With how she described the life it was more of a life style than the standard D/S life I was accustomed to. There seemed to be more emotional intimacy and a stronger trust than I was used to in the D/S life I had lived. The two lifestyles were similar at a general glance, but looking more detailed at it... it was something better something stronger. After that last meet (and yes the Daddy was very surprised and happy with the outcome), I started thinking and looking into it more and more. My general lifestyle with my hobbies would actually accommodate a little very easily and it seemed like a life style I wanted with someone.

 

Here's where the opinion part comes in... How does one go about changing from a D/S life style to a DD/LG life style. With my past the D/S just seemed to have stayed in the bedroom and everything else just seemed normal but unfulfilling. If I go into it with what I know and acted like as a D it could very easily make a little uneasy or scare off. My first step is understanding how to do the switch and once I get a grasp on that then comes my challenge of finding my little (which honestly will be the harder part).

 

I know the smartest thing to do would be to ask the little I actually know. She didn't want to do it because we have a past, a good friendship now, and she doesn't want to feel like I'm changed for her. After speaking with her Daddy for his opinions (after seeking her permission first), he agreed that learning from them could mess up my friendship with her and he doesn't want to take that away from her.

[XmochiX]

Hmm. This is an interesting topic. Personally, I'm not sure if I'd refer to it as transitioning since DDlg is, after all, a subculture of BDSM and not vice versa.

 

I think the first thing you should do is get yourself a little and begin exploring your relationship with him/her. Discuss rules for the relationship and maybe self-care chores, and a reward system for accomplishing those things. Also make sure you find out whether or not their little space is sexual. DDlg is a kink and this IS a kinky website, but, personally, I consider my little space more in line with CLGre because my little space is nonsexual and it would honestly freak me the fuck out if a Daddy or CG tried anything sexual with me in that headspace.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

I would not say get a Little first. lol Not many Littles are super keen to start a DD/lg relationship with a Daddy who's unfamiliar with the dynamic. 

I think a Little that you can refer to for guidance may be of good use, but not so much looking for one to enter into a relationship with. Not right now anyway. 

 

Research and advice from other MD/DD's or Littles should come first in my opinion. And I can see that you've mentioned this isn't your first foray into BDSM, but perhaps a mentor Daddy might be something to look into in this instance? Of course being an experienced Dom is advantageous, but ultimately they're different lifestyles.

 

It's better to consider DD/lg as a whole new subcategory in and of itself. There is the Dom/sub aspect to it, but I don't think you'll fair well if you follow that connection too closely because from what you've said it sounds like there's an emotional distance between yourself as a Dom and your subs. Unless the Little you're seeking is more subservient in nature- because we come in all shapes and sizes. The common ground for most Littles is that we want to be taken care of, babied (for some of us), nurtured, encouraged and motivated and we like cute or childlike things; but also want to be dominated, punished, sometimes forced to regress or enter the 'little space' mindset etc.

 

And welcome to a giant mess of people trying to give you alternative definitions of DD/lg terminology to cater to what they personally believe DD/lg to be. lol

[Firematrix]

Hmm. This is an interesting topic. Personally, I'm not sure if I'd refer to it as transitioning since DDlg is, after all, a subculture of BDSM and not vice versa.

 

I think the first thing you should do is get yourself a little and begin exploring your relationship with him/her. Discuss rules for the relationship and maybe self-care chores, and a reward system for accomplishing those things. Also make sure you find out whether or not their little space is sexual. DDlg is a kink and this IS a kinky website, but, personally, I consider my little space more in line with CLGre because my little space is nonsexual and it would honestly freak me the fuck out if a Daddy or CG tried anything sexual with me in that headspace.

 

That's kinda what I had in mind. I figured boundaries and ground rules would be needed in place first. I honestly am looking for a relationship connection with the little I pick so the sexual side would need to be addressed at some time.

 

I would not say get a Little first. lol Not many Littles are super keen to start a DD/lg relationship with a Daddy who's unfamiliar with the dynamic. 

I think a Little that you can refer to for guidance may be of good use, but not so much looking for one to enter into a relationship with. Not right now anyway. 

 

Research and advice from other MD/DD's or Littles should come first in my opinion. And I can see that you've mentioned this isn't your first foray into BDSM, but perhaps a mentor Daddy might be something to look into in this instance? Of course being an experienced Dom is advantageous, but ultimately they're different lifestyles.

 

It's better to consider DD/lg as a whole new subcategory in and of itself. There is the Dom/sub aspect to it, but I don't think you'll fair well if you follow that connection too closely because from what you've said it sounds like there's an emotional distance between yourself as a Dom and your subs. Unless the Little you're seeking is more subservient in nature- because we come in all shapes and sizes. The common ground for most Littles is that we want to be taken care of, babied (for some of us), nurtured, encouraged and motivated and we like cute or childlike things; but also want to be dominated, punished, sometimes forced to regress or enter the 'little space' mindset etc.

 

And welcome to a giant mess of people trying to give you alternative definitions of DD/lg terminology to cater to what they personally believe DD/lg to be. lol

 

I think a part of what I said came across bad, that's on me. While I was a Dom, I wasn't the kind to make one bow down and submit to me all the time. I actually tried to have an emotional connection with those I was with. As an example it was like master in the bedroom and caretaker-like outside the bedroom. I've never really been all for someone bowing down to me entirely all the time. What needed with a general majority of littles I'm comfortable with because it actually has bits of their own personality and identity involved... Jeez, I'm probably making this sounding more confusing than what it really is.... "The common ground for most Littles is that we want to be taken care of, babied (for some of us), nurtured, encouraged and motivated and we like cute or childlike things; but also want to be dominated, punished, sometimes forced to regress or enter the 'little space' mindset etc." is basically what I want to do with the one I'm with, but I'm guessing those I was with wanted the bedroom dominant mentality around the clock

[Guest JasmineStarshine]

[Firematrix]

My Daddy and I were actually having a discussion about this a little while back. He was saying that being my caretaker is not too different from being my dom, as the both of us are very involved in our local BDSM scene.

 

The way he described it was with the words; "Protection, Punishment, Play, Praise." As a dom he puts more focus on Punishment and Play and switches to more Praise during aftercare, while as a daddy he puts more focus on Protection and Praise and switches to Punishment and Play when the situation calls for it.

 

Basically, depending on our headspaces he changes the ratio accordingly. Having it all in quantifiable terms actually helped me understand the D side of D/s a lot more, actually! Granted, I know this will not apply to everyone, it's just how he organizes his thoughts! 

 

Being a daddy isn't too different from being a dom. I always tell Daddy that my favourite part of BDSM isn't the play, but the nurturing, guidance, and love aspect. Kinda sounds like a parental figure, eh? 

 

That... Actually makes some sense to since it address the Dom part I'm experienced with. So from what I'm learning from everyone: It really isn't any form of transition, but really just changing gears basically.

[Guest JasmineStarshine]

That... Actually makes some sense to since it address the Dom part I'm experienced with. So from what I'm learning from everyone: It really isn't any form of transition, but really just changing gears basically.

 

Exactly! It's all about expressing your Dom side in a way that is more gentle while still maintaining your authority if you have a power exchange dynamic! 

[Firematrix]

That I know I can do fairly easily since I can naturaly switch between a Play Dom (bedroom) and a Protector. It would take only some minor adjustments and finding a little that's also on a learning curve. I guess I was just overthinking it really.

[Guest JasmineStarshine]

Sometimes it helps to just get it all out there! I wouldn't call it overthinking 

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

"I think a part of what I said came across bad, that's on me. While I was a Dom, I wasn't the kind to make one bow down and submit to me all the time. I actually tried to have an emotional connection with those I was with. As an example it was like master in the bedroom and caretaker-like outside the bedroom. I've never really been all for someone bowing down to me entirely all the time. What needed with a general majority of littles I'm comfortable with because it actually has bits of their own personality and identity involved... Jeez, I'm probably making this sounding more confusing than what it really is.... "The common ground for most Littles is that we want to be taken care of, babied (for some of us), nurtured, encouraged and motivated and we like cute or childlike things; but also want to be dominated, punished, sometimes forced to regress or enter the 'little space' mindset etc." is basically what I want to do with the one I'm with, but I'm guessing those I was with wanted the bedroom dominant mentality around the clock"

 

Sorry, that was my misinterpretation of what you meant about your D/s relationships, not your fault. ^^ 

 

I think that being a Daddy Dom sounds like it will suit you well. As others have said, you just need to put yourself out there and test the waters a little bit. 

 

The majority of advice is from Littles, since we're hyper lil individuals always ready to give our advice on anything and everything, lol 

But connecting with fellow Daddies/Mommies would be more beneficial, in my opinion. Even if you joined some group chats (kik, skype etc) and could get to know a few and ask questions, get ideas or advice. Perusing the forum topics in Caregiver Cafe may help, but also may not since a lot of questions asked are relevant to the Poster themselves and their personal situation so may not transfer directly to what you're wanting to know. 

 

And there are a lot of different types of Daddies, Mommies and Littles out there- since we're just people, after all. So it will be a journey finding the kind of Little that fits what you're looking for, and what they're seeking as well. 

But every DD/lg relationship starts out (after getting to know one another of course) with compromising Rules, Punishments/Rewards, expectations of one another, whether you're both wanting to follow a stricter style of DD/l relationship and what each others' boundaries are. And I'd say that process probably is not too dissimilar to the beginning of a D/s dynamic. 

Either way, when you get started you're both there to help each other out when setting the guidelines. ^^ 

[Firematrix]

"I think a part of what I said came across bad, that's on me. While I was a Dom, I wasn't the kind to make one bow down and submit to me all the time. I actually tried to have an emotional connection with those I was with. As an example it was like master in the bedroom and caretaker-like outside the bedroom. I've never really been all for someone bowing down to me entirely all the time. What needed with a general majority of littles I'm comfortable with because it actually has bits of their own personality and identity involved... Jeez, I'm probably making this sounding more confusing than what it really is.... "The common ground for most Littles is that we want to be taken care of, babied (for some of us), nurtured, encouraged and motivated and we like cute or childlike things; but also want to be dominated, punished, sometimes forced to regress or enter the 'little space' mindset etc." is basically what I want to do with the one I'm with, but I'm guessing those I was with wanted the bedroom dominant mentality around the clock"

 

Sorry, that was my misinterpretation of what you meant about your D/s relationships, not your fault. ^^ 

 

I think that being a Daddy Dom sounds like it will suit you well. As others have said, you just need to put yourself out there and test the waters a little bit. 

 

The majority of advice is from Littles, since we're hyper lil individuals always ready to give our advice on anything and everything, lol 

But connecting with fellow Daddies/Mommies would be more beneficial, in my opinion. Even if you joined some group chats (kik, skype etc) and could get to know a few and ask questions, get ideas or advice. Perusing the forum topics in Caregiver Cafe may help, but also may not since a lot of questions asked are relevant to the Poster themselves and their personal situation so may not transfer directly to what you're wanting to know. 

 

And there are a lot of different types of Daddies, Mommies and Littles out there- since we're just people, after all. So it will be a journey finding the kind of Little that fits what you're looking for, and what they're seeking as well. 

But every DD/lg relationship starts out (after getting to know one another of course) with compromising Rules, Punishments/Rewards, expectations of one another, whether you're both wanting to follow a stricter style of DD/l relationship and what each others' boundaries are. And I'd say that process probably is not too dissimilar to the beginning of a D/s dynamic. 

Either way, when you get started you're both there to help each other out when setting the guidelines. ^^ 

 

Since I'm pretty good with learning curves, I have been picking up on things in the Caregiver Café as well as in the chat (most watching during day and interacting at night). Things seem to be pretty tame on chat during daytime, but seem free game at night where I seem to learn more.

 

Even though you guys maybe "hyper lil individuals always ready to give our advice on anything and everything" It's actually opinions from the type of people that would be on the receiving end of my actions. Stuff like that actually gives me slightly more confidence than the advice of another dom/daddy.

 

Because I am learning that they're are so many different versions of daddys and doms… That it might actually work in may favor to combine the 2 rather than trying to leave 1 version behind and trying to learn solely a different one.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Sounds super ^-^ I’m glad to hear it’s going well so far.

[Firematrix]

funny thing is I just took that more detailed version of the bdsmtest.org... and I scored higher as a daddy than I did as a dom lol