Advice from other Daddies

[softly]

Hello, I am a new little and new member to this group. *waves*
I've been interested in being a little and a DD/little relationship for over a year now, reading bits and pieces on the internet. This is my first time joining a community.

Anyway, have a possible, prospective Daddy who would be even more new to this lifestyle (like, a few weeks into learning about it).
This person who I will call "Z" wants to be completely discrete about being a Daddy, and gets too sheepish about looking anything up. Z is a sex-repulsed individual (outside of a relationship), so any resources containing anything suggestive wouldn't be used. 

When we talk, I voice my desires to Z, what I am looking for in a Daddy, what I want to receive and give as a little or pet.
Z says he likes all he is hearing, and says he enjoys the idea of being a Daddy in the ways I want, but says he doesn't know what to do or HOW to be "that way" (I'm guessing dominant). He's also voiced being afraid of hurting me, and would feel absolutely destroyed if he ever did hurt me (even on accident). He wants help working through this and has suggested he would need to see a sex therapist first.

I feel like I am receiving mixed messages. On one hand, Z sounds very enthusiastic to be a Daddy I'm attracted to (very dominant, sadistic, owns me) and on the other hand he sounds afraid and unsure. I don't want Z to force a change in himself, to become someone he isn't, but I also want to trust in his words to do something he wants to do. I've made it very clear that as long as it is consensual, nothing happening is violence or harming me, that you can put safe words in place, take breaks, etc. and he's still uncomfortable. He's afraid to even give my hair a pull.

I support going to therapy in general, but is this going too far? Has any other Daddy been on the fence, afraid, or unsure before growing into a very sadistic, dominating Daddy? 


Thank you in advance!
softly
 

[Alaskan Daddy]

Hi

I have been where he is now (minus the sex therapist). I am a kind, caring, gentle daddy. But once I understood how much pleasure it gave my partner for me to dominate her and use her body for MY pleasure, then it brought our sex life to another level. I told her I was going to unleash my inner beast and it would be up to her to tell me when to stop. 

My suggestion to you is to convince him to start small by spanking you and for you tell him how much harder you want him to slap your butt so he can see how much it turns you on. I would suggest that you do that with every dominating thing you want him to do so he can understand where your threshold is.

I would be will to talk to him also and maybe explain it him if you want.

I hope this help.

It is also possible you may never get him to give you the experience you desire.

[softly]

Thank you for that advice, I will try it out. I am glad things improved for you, too! It's difficult to see someone struggle, and not know if they're genuinely wanting to work towards a goal for themselves too, or just to make someone else happy. I wouldn't want that, it's not fair for either of us... But I'm glad it turned out differently for you!

[Alaskan Daddy]

if he does do something dominating, ask him how it made him feel afterwards, Tell him he has to be completely honest and not tell what he thinks you want to hear.

as a man I always had a fantasy of dominating my partner but was afraid to do it. I think that lots of guys are like that. I think your friend will love it once he sees how much pleasure it gives you. I feel he is almost ready to push himself with encouragement form you

[chateautal]

For this kind of Dom- aftercare is as important for the top as the bottom: remember to validate the play- let him know you loved it (or describe how it made you feel), let him now he was amazing, and what he did is very appreciated etc. Before long, it will become second nature to him- as any anxiety will slowly be dissolved.

[Dark1927]

Hi, I night be the odd voice out and please excuse me, changing someone in the BDSM community is only temporarily, people will change for you initially until few years down the line they discover that they are not what they pretend to be and move on and you both will find yourself with time wasted, Now, if you really really in love head over heels then go with the advice above, otherwise maybe it's better to just be friends (even with benifits) until you find your real match. I have been in the community for 20 years and took me time to move from stright BDSM to Daddy Dom, this means he also can change, but he has to have it in him, it's built in, sorry again for being stright forward, i'm sure you asked the questions to receive opinions and not as a support group, anyhow, whatever happens, best of luck to you and your Daddy.

[chateautal]

@Dark1927 - I agree people change very slowly- but if it’s more a case of a young new Dom discovering what was inside him all along - who has expressed interest and fantasy in such things - then the prognosis is not quite so bleak.

[softly]

Thank you to everyone who replied. I apologize for being slow to comment back, life is busy with the end of the year holidays. I appreciate all of the advice and help!

[Overhand]

This is very familiar to me too. Honestly it can be hard to reconcile your gentle, nurturing Daddy side - a person who wants to protect and augment and delight his little with every part of him - and the sadistic side that wants to make her feel pain and use her for his every whim. It can feel like a paradox. But the two are different sides of the same coin for so many people. Both things are about ownership and power.

 

Therapy is a great way to go. It does sound like Z has issues around sex and therapy is a healthy, safe way to deal with them. Best wishes to you both.