Attraction vs ideal partner

[Guest]

If you have a partner now or are searching what makes up your ideal partner's characteristics? Are they based on a role model, the complete opposite of someone that was once in your life? A mix of a few different people? Do they even match the people who approach (seem to be attracted to you) you irl or online?

 

I'm asking this question because I was told my "energy" and subconscious thoughts are attracting certain people. This is more of a question based heart desires vs mental thoughts. This is a really broad topic because there are so many types of daddys and littles from sadistic, soft and loving all the way to absolutley innocent and full on baby mode, so make of this what you will.

Edited December 23, 2018 by Baby_squee

[chateautal]

I think for me, an “ideal” partner is smart, kinky and attractive. These three things are incredibly broad - mostly because there’s a very wide range of people who I’d say satisfy them! Probably I judge “smart” against the friends I keep in real life, kinky against what I read on forums such as this (or fetlife or tumblr (rip)) as well as against prior kink relationships, and attractive based on people I pass in the street.

 

But the categories definitely have some overlap - things like being smart and confident definitely increase the attractiveness of a woman for me (which is maybe slightly paradoxical when I usually prefer to be the caregiver). However, I do believe that people’s “public image” and their private self can differ on this- and so I guess for me, it’s about outwardly confident people trusting me enough to share their vulnerability.

 

I’ve have more luck finding this in vanilla dating than in the kink scene though!

[Guest MentorMike]

Good question. Of course I have the idea of an "ideal" partner. That is mostly influenced by my past relationship and other couples I know. But I try not to get that ideal idea get into the way of reality. If there is a high enough percentage of characteristics that match I am happy to date. For me physical and mental attraction are more important than specific kinks. 

[sullenDaddybones]

If you have some spiritual attraction to 'someone' then you can tell almost instantaneously. Some may confuse being smitten with appearances/intellect and an idea ... OVER being truly enamored with someone. 

 

I find intellectual and genuine qualities in someone as well as a resemblance to almost all my first loves very attracting. 

 

I think the heart know's what it wants though it ultimately whether it be a beautiful face and a particular figure, person. Or whether the person simply wants someone that is a buddy and can hang indefinitely and talk about a trip to Mars...

 

Anything based on anything other than something that you will find interesting in 10 years will not last 10 years. No matter what it is. A hot body will get boring. A beautiful face will get ugly unless you seek nothing more. 

 

Whats in the depths takes a lot time to dig up. You have to be an archaeologist sometimes to dig up what's really inside someone... and some will never reveal their secrets!

[SamL]

A dear friend of mine wrote a relationship book entitled, "Be the Person You Want to Find".  Her name is Cheri Huber.  Her unique approach is that in order to find your hearts desire, don't worry about who they are - worry about who you are.  I have found that the closer I move toward becoming the person I want to find, the more I attract people who are happier and healthier.  

[Nathalie]

I have learned the hard way that if I have instant chemistry with someone it is a sign that we are unhealthy for each other. Apparently people are drawn to what feels like familiar dynamics from childhood, and since my childhood had its fair share of dysfunction, I am drawn to people who can replicate that with me

 

So basically these days I am seeking someone who is kind, compassionate, sweet, attractive (this is a must) and GGG, but who otherwise is kind of "boring" or "meh" to me in the beginning. As in, it will take time and patience to discover more about him or her, and whether or not we are a good match. For a codependent person like me, instant attraction means we are both screwed!