Guest Aetherr Posted December 16, 2018 Report Posted December 16, 2018 5 months with no contact?? jeez uhh yeah personally if i was expected to be okay with that i wouldnt be around when this person came back, he will be off doing god knows what i mean if he was shipping off in the armed forces its kind of understandable but this is not the case and since he wont be trekking the peaks of mount everest or exploring tibet i cant see it being a big ask to take a phone along and a solar charger to keep the batteries topped off i would normally say "talk to him" and this may still be a good time to have a chat with him about your needs you should also tell him to stick "no arguements" where the sun doesent shine. 2
MasterPhotog Posted December 16, 2018 Report Posted December 16, 2018 LindyLou,Your expectation of a phone call contact once a week is NOT unreasonable. In addition, his attitude for 'not making time' if he were busy and that he 'doesn't want any arguing about it' regardless of him speaking to his friends for weeks or not, sadly indicates that you're not as important to him as he is to you. You both seem very different people, therefore, in my opinion, it's time for you part ways. Keep in mind that your needs are just as important as his needs. BTW, your English is fine and no, you didn't make any mistakes, therefore, grammar police is on your side! 1
SamL Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 I understand that due to age and circumstance you do not have much experience but, you've probably know many people who have had relationships. Has anyone you have ever known, asked the question, "Should I continue in this relationship?" where the answer has not been a very resounding 'No'?
TheTexanDaddy Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 Girl I don't even know you, but I'll call you once a week if you want lol. With all due respect dump him, and improve your taste in men. 3
DustBunny93 Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 This makes me feel sad for you and very annoyed at him! I understand that he will be going on a cool fun adventure, and of course he will be busy doing whatever, but it is absolutely necessary to talk to you. Not talking to friends for weeks is one thing. But expecting your girlfriend to be okay with not talking is definitely not okay at all no matter what. You didn't ask for daily/nightly phone calls... You said weekly. That to me sounds like you know he will be busy and you are trying to compromise with him. Weekly calls should be okay. No matter how busy. Him actually expecting you to be okay with what he says and not be able to stick up for yourself is really sad. You need something better. You need someone who will make time for you. To me it sounds like he doesn't care that much about your feelings and wants to go have a wonderful experience and for you to be sitting waiting for him to come home. You need to leave. You deserve someone who will cancel plans to just get 5 minutes with you. Please do yourself a favor and find someone better.
Quirkygrl16 Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 Sweetie, you need to find someone who puts you as a priority,travelling or not. <3
Alaskan Daddy Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 With his words he has told you everything you need to know about how his priorities in the relationship are different then yours. It does not make him a bad guy, it just mean he his in a different emotional space than you. At least there will be no surprises when he is gone. I personally don't feel you are asking too much, but you are asking more than he is willing to commit for. I feel you have 3 choices. One is stay in the relationship and see how it is when he is gone. The second is to put everything on hold and just be friends while he is gone and see how things are between you and him when he gets back. The third is to end the relationship totally. I understand your feelings and what you want from him. If you decide to stay I would put a wall around your heart till he gets back so he can not hurt it any more than he already has. Good luck. I hope this helps 1
redbabygirl Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 it sounds like he's lying to you and he just dosen't wanna commit, i say dump him before he cheats and you get more hurt
Guest PassionateDaddy Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 I'll just put it bluntly. That guy is full of crap and obviously does not value the relationship you have/had with him. Otherwise, he'd WANT to at least have a conversation with you once a week. Should you continue this relationship? Absolutely not. You can do much better and deserve much better.
Dark1927 Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 Trust your gut feeling , the fact you are writing here means that you know it's over.
Knoxdom Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 This raises a few red flags for me too, the fact that you even have to ask means your gut is telling you something is seriously wrong. The fact that his friends are ok with extended periods of no contact doesn't mean anything. Friends and romantic partners aren't the same thing, they just aren't on so many levels. It seems, from the outside, like you're more invested in the relationship than he is by far, and I know from experience that can be a hard and painful position to be in, but the best thing to do is take whatever steps you need to protect your happiness and your mental well-being, even if that means saying a very hard goodbye. Ultimately, you deserve to be with someone who, at the very least, won't fight your needs within the relationship, especially when it's something so reasonable. 1
baby_k Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 Others have covered this already but few personal experiences: I once dated a dude who went to army. He made sure to text and call me on EVERY possible occasion he could there. He also wrote me letters when there was no possibility for calls or texting. ( This was time before smart phones ) I also have travelled quite a bit. There are areas with no receptions, sure. There are times when you can't text as you focus on something else. BUT no matter where I have been, I have always found time and possibilities to text, email or otherwise message to my partner. There are so many places with "free wifi" that sending few messages at every meal hardly is an issue. Maybe one cannot do it every day depending where they are but still. Also one good idea is to buy local SIM card with mobile data -> one can without breaking the bank easily use internet as long as there is reception. And even most hostels have computer with crappy internet, so one can send at least an email. At least I have always considered it to be one of high points of my day when I have been able to tell my partner what I have been doing and hear how their life is. ( Oh, the sweet memories of trying to find the "free wifi" -spots years ago when it was bit harder XD )
Guest LindyLucky17 Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 Thank you all so much for responding. It does hurt but I'm also glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels weird about this. It's just hard, because I really love him. He was there when I was in a bad place and that made me trust him 100%. To know that I don't mean the same to him as he does to me is very painful... I've decided to talk to him, talk about how I feel and hope that he will acknowledge my feelings. A part of me hopes he didn't mean it or something. He's the first to make me feel that special... Thank you all for the advice ❤️ 1
MasterPhotog Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 Thank you all so much for responding. It does hurt but I'm also glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels weird about this. It's just hard, because I really love him. He was there when I was in a bad place and that made me trust him 100%. To know that I don't mean the same to him as he does to me is very painful... I've decided to talk to him, talk about how I feel and hope that he will acknowledge my feelings. A part of me hopes he didn't mean it or something. He's the first to make me feel that special... Thank you all for the advice ❤️ Good decision and good luck!
DustBunny93 Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 I hope everything will work out for you! I wish you the best. The majority of us here are caring people who just want the best for you and everyone else. Don't be afraid to seek further advice about this and other topics in the future!
Guest Fancysir Posted December 17, 2018 Report Posted December 17, 2018 When I was younger I had a similar experience. I had a 4-month trip away planned to work in the sticks as part of my training for school. Now, I'm dating myself a bit, but this was before cell phones. I worked with a group of about 40 people. I met my girlfriend after I had contracted this job. As I said the work was in the middle of nowhere. We worked 14 hour days for 13 days at a time, given only one day off every two weeks. There were literally 2 phones in the work compound. One was the office phone which was dedicated to the director and his admin staff. The other was one pay phone for the rest of us to share. The next phone was about a 45-minute drive in any direction. I called my GF at least 3 times per week. I always signed up for phone time as early as possible and we were only given 15 minute slots. Sometimes I couldn't call her until 2 a.m. but I always did. I helped her pay for a flight to come stay with me for a week in the middle of my tour. NO, one phone call per week is not too much to ask. If he won't put in that minimal amount of effort than I'm sorry. He is either very self-centered or doesn't care that much about you. Either way, this is not a good sign. I wish you the best of luck. You deserve so much better.
Guest MentorMike Posted December 18, 2018 Report Posted December 18, 2018 I am traveling quite a bit and with time differences and other things a fixed commitment like a phone call once a week is something I wouldn’t be happy about as well. Not because I wouldn’t want to but because of the possible arguing and disappointment if it is just text messages or emails for 10 days without a phone call. I believe of best effort in situations like this.
DustBunny93 Posted December 19, 2018 Report Posted December 19, 2018 I'm sorry he broke up with you. But believe me you deserve so much better than that guy. I promise this is for the best.
Guest Daddydomintraining Posted December 19, 2018 Report Posted December 19, 2018 I'm sorry to hear that he decided to do this, however what's the saying only be with someone who is willing to put in the same time and energy into a relationship as you are. Now you are free to find that person. Wishing you good luck.
Guest Aetherr Posted December 20, 2018 Report Posted December 20, 2018 Well here's just an update for you guys. We talked and he said that he didn't feel the same way as he did before so he wanted to end it here. It hurts when someone first promises you so much but in the end they just let you fall and don't care anymore... well atleast you got an answer now you can heal and you have 1 less thing to worry about!
Daddy'sBabyGirl1 Posted December 20, 2018 Report Posted December 20, 2018 As someone who was ignored (left on read or occasional, short replies that were brushoffs) for three months by a (now ex-)boyfriend, it is NEVER okay in a relationship to be okay with or be unconcerned with the idea of not talking to a significant other for weeks at a time. I'm so sorry that he broke up with you. In the end, eventually, this ending will become a blessing. You're free to heal from this hurt, take the lessons, and move on to find someone who will love and respect you the way you do them. When I first read your post (even before getting to your update), it sounded to me like he wanted to find a way to walk away from the relationship, or maintain it while entertaining others without you knowing. I'm sorry he ended it and you're hurting though, if you need to talk or vent, feel free to add me and shoot me a message!
Recommended Posts