My little cheated

[mapscity]

Hey, so I have been into DDLG for about a year now, and I recently found out my little cheated on me. I have never felt so betrayed in my whole life and I'm really down about it. Has anyone been through anything similar?

 

If you want to know the full story, my Kik is ben.maps (I could really use someone to talk to right about now).

[Tinka]

i think 99% have been cheated on. 

Yes i have been , yes it sucks, yes you get over it (as regards not hurting you or causing you this burning sensation on your chest everytime you think about it) and 

yes it leaves some trust issues lurking in the shadows , ready to F.... up your next relationship

[sullenDaddybones]

If it was a relationship of the flesh I feel very bad for you. Although I will tell you, you are let off easy. 1 year is a small amount of time to devote to find out you are with a disloyal person. 

 

I will just count from 2003: 

 

1. Little that didn't cheat necessarily cause their job was a sex worker but stressed the relationship to death. IRL relationship and LDR.

 

 

All the rest 100% have cheated(so I drop the facade) and I no longer choose monogamous relationships unless a person has had like 1 or 2 life partners is a proven Devoted type. My niece is like this, 29 as far as I know has never cheated and has had a total of 2 Relationships. She is SELECTIVE. My Mother is the same, 2 Relationships and never cheated. I almost think cheating is genetic. And don't let it hurt it you...you'd be shocked how much is going on even in the mind of people. Hell, how loyal are humans we're built to be cheaters :/

Edited December 12, 2018 by sullenDaddybones

[baby_k]

Quick message: that is sh*t. No one should ever experience that.

 

Whatever happened or whyever it happened, it still is not about you. That sort of behaviour only tells about the person who cheated, their morals and standards. You are not at fault there in anyway. It was their choice. And they had their reasons for it, which mostly is that they have deep issues with themselves. Their actions tell about themselves.

 

It hurts now, and probably will for quite some while ( not gonna lie to you ). But you will get through it.

 

I wouldn't worry about messing your future rels as I have been cheated and that never caused any issues for me. I dealt with it and it is in past. Didn't get any trust issues from it. This was probably because I could see what sort of person my ex was and that how he is does not reflect how others are on this planet. Unless a person has same/similar personal issues as my ex... But I learned to spot the signs of people who would have more tendency for cheating, so now I can make better choices when it comes to partners. So, I sort of did win

 

Talk about your experience, share it, think about it, feel it even it's painful.... Meaning deal with it and don't get victimized, you owe that to yourself: choose to love yourself the way you should be loved. You are worth love and respect, honesty and kindness. One person choosing to treat you badly... well, again: tells about them. It happens in life unfortunately but all we can try to do is to face what happened and then move on while being bit wiser and one experience richer. Just don't get bitter, one occurance in life ( cauaed by others! ) should not mean prison sentence for you for life.

[SamL]

Anyone ever prepare to respond to a thread and just know it's not going to be well received?  Well here it is:

 

First of all, I'm sorry that you have to endure these feelings.  Betrayal is a very difficult feeling to sit with.  So, I have a couple of questions for you...

 

Do you know why she cheated on you?  Are you going to try and work through this challenge or is the relationship over?

 

I've decided to share a very old post of mine - made elsewhere but regarding cheating and a different way of looking at it.  My marriage ended for other reasons, but I stand by these words:

 

 

 

I shared with my wife that I too would forgive her if she cheated. I had read a post here some time ago and as I read it, I realized that this former deal breaker was not a deal breaker with her. She’s not just my wife, she’s my best friend and so, when you discover something fascinating about yourself like that, who do you go to? Anyway…

You talk about a man’s respect for a woman who stands by him; it’s not the standing by him he respects, it’s the love that the standing by him represents. Talk is cheap. The phrase ‘I love you’ is the most overused phrase in the world. When a woman stands by you under the worst of circumstances…it isn’t talk anymore; she’s either mentally ill, she loves you, or both.

Once you’ve determined that your girl isn’t mentally ill – or if she is, that she’s mentally ill in a way you like, then you can pretty well rest comfortably in the truth of the fact that she loves you. I, for instance, know that my wife loves me. I don’t have to guess or wonder or think she does – I know. Only because it seems to be the benchmark for gauging these sorts of things, I know that she would give her life for mine without a moment’s hesitation. 

Once a man knows that about a woman, once his past demons of insecurity and fear are overcome so that he can absolutely know that he is loved on those rare occasions when he actually is… then his typical reaction to cheating changes. At least mine did. Before I go on, I want to say that I have no fear that my wife will ever cheat on me – that’s not how she rolls but for sheer academic purposes here it is:

Because I know that my wife loves me completely and unconditionally, then if she cheated, it would necessarily have to be for another reason. Some demon in her past that she hasn’t overcome caught her in its grip and the result was cheating. Maybe some pathological insecurity or self-loathing or overwhelming fear that led to her trying to sabotage something more beautiful than she knew what to do with… but it wouldn’t be because she didn’t love me.

So now I’m left with a woman who loves me who is sick. It isn’t a disease of the body but of the mind and perhaps the soul – but it is still sickness. I didn’t promise in sickness and in health because I believed there would always be health, I promised because I wanted to be there for her when she was sick, because I love her – and that, by definition means that I put her needs ahead of my own. If she ever cheated on me, she would need me like she has never needed me before. And I’ll be there. Beyond male or female is the soul. How the soul reacts to such transgressions is different than the ways men and women react to them. 

I think when you find your soulmate, your capacity to love expands and old things, and ways of dealing with things, are passed away.

[Guest DaddyDN]

First post about this?

 

Interesting.

[mapscity]

Thank you for the replies everybody, I will respond to people tomorrow because I'm exhausted right now.