Personalities in caregiving

[Dancingwolf879]

Hey everybody, so, I’m relatively new to the community. My little introduced me to it all and explained it because before I had only been exposed to the media’s sexualized version. That made it something I wasn’t really comfortable with, but upon explanation I am quite the natural caregiving type.

 

My problem is, I know that the caregiver is supposed to be the strong type of the relationship, but, I’ve been going through a lot lately (depression, anxiety, college, work as well as hormone changes FtM) and I just, need some moments where I can be soft and everything.

 

What I’m trying to figure out, is how wrong it is to ask my little for support and everything outside of smaller things. I don’t want to ask too much of them but I feel like I’m drowning under everything. I know they love to be held and kept close and everything, but sometimes, as a Papa, I still need that too. Need those moments where I can be cradled and allowed to express my emotions, but I don’t want to do anything that isn’t ok. I’ve hinted it to them, but we’re kind of in a LDR (they live about 1.5 hours away), and I don’t know if being too forward would cause any problems.

 

Any advice that can be given, from littles to caregivers alike would be amazing, thanks in advance.

[CherieBits]

Daddies need love and care and support just as much as littles do. If you're having a tough time, let your partner know, and that you jut need some softness and comfort for a while. It's not wrong at all to request that. If my daddy were in your position, I would want him to let me know, so I could do everything I could to help him not feel sad.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Heya, 

Firstly, welcome to the forum & community.

 

First and foremost DD/lg is still a relationship between consenting adults who care very much about one another. If you're having some trouble dealing with your personal life by yourself, I'd like to think you can open up to your partner, your little girl. 

 

Communication is the spice of life (relationships). Without talking about something, you won't know. Speaking from experience myself, when my Daddy's gone through an extremely bad time- you put on your big girl panties and you be there for him, to love and support him. And there was a massive lack of communication leading up to a traumatic life event for the two of us. There was a lot he was keeping to himself, until slowly he imploded. And I wasn't mad at him for not telling me, I was hurt and upset. Because despite being his little, I still expect to be his rock just as he is for me. And I imagine most littles feel that way- caring, supportive and protective of their Daddies. 

 

Let her know you need to talk to her about something beforehand, and then ease into it. And make sure she doesn't feel guilty for you not having gone into depth about it previously. I mean I don't know her, I don't know how she'll feel about it. But I know that when you care a lot about someone you wanna be there for them. 

 

And best of luck. 

[Dancingwolf879]

Heya,

Firstly, welcome to the forum & community.

 

First and foremost DD/lg is still a relationship between consenting adults who care very much about one another. If you're having some trouble dealing with your personal life by yourself, I'd like to think you can open up to your partner, your little girl.

 

Communication is the spice of life (relationships). Without talking about something, you won't know. Speaking from experience myself, when my Daddy's gone through an extremely bad time- you put on your big girl panties and you be there for him, to love and support him. And there was a massive lack of communication leading up to a traumatic life event for the two of us. There was a lot he was keeping to himself, until slowly he imploded. And I wasn't mad at him for not telling me, I was hurt and upset. Because despite being his little, I still expect to be his rock just as he is for me. And I imagine most littles feel that way- caring, supportive and protective of their Daddies.

 

Let her know you need to talk to her about something beforehand, and then ease into it. And make sure she doesn't feel guilty for you not having gone into depth about it previously. I mean I don't know her, I don't know how she'll feel about it. But I know that when you care a lot about someone you wanna be there for them.

 

And best of luck.

 

Thank you for sharing your personal experience as well as the welcome. Since I’m new I’m still trying to figure out what is ok and what isn’t and don’t want to do anything that imposes on my partner’s little space, especially since it’s something that they find themselves unable to be in often with their current home life. So by that token I get scared about not giving them that chance to be themselves.

 

I want to be a good Papa, which I know that I’m doing something right because they’re trusting me with a lot that they’ve never trusted with. I’ve even gone so far as to offer them a spot in my room to keep their little stuff because of the fact that there are times where they come home from work and their mother threw it out or siblings took it. And they agreed that they would do it as long as I was ok with it.

 

I’m just, going to work out the best way to approach them about it, they know that I’m a very soft Papa, but I’m not always the best at talking. The mindset of ‘I have to be strong and take care of myself as well as my little’ and I get worried about failing and them thinking they can’t rely on me.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Thank you for sharing your personal experience as well as the welcome. Since I’m new I’m still trying to figure out what is ok and what isn’t and don’t want to do anything that imposes on my partner’s little space, especially since it’s something that they find themselves unable to be in often with their current home life. So by that token I get scared about not giving them that chance to be themselves.

I want to be a good Papa, which I know that I’m doing something right because they’re trusting me with a lot that they’ve never trusted with. I’ve even gone so far as to offer them a spot in my room to keep their little stuff because of the fact that there are times where they come home from work and their mother threw it out or siblings took it. And they agreed that they would do it as long as I was ok with it.

I’m just, going to work out the best way to approach them about it, they know that I’m a very soft Papa, but I’m not always the best at talking. The mindset of ‘I have to be strong and take care of myself as well as my little’ and I get worried about failing and them thinking they can’t rely on me.

That’s so sweet that you give them a little place in your room for their little stuff. I bet they love that.

 

And whether or not they can go into little space because you’re having some issues on your end of things and need support, is not directly your responsibility. We all experience dry spells out of Little Space, whether it’s because our partner is struggling and we need to “Adult” and be there for them, or because we’ve just kinda lost interest in it, or there’s too much going on with study, work or our personal lives. It happens. We all get over it and find our way back into Little Space.

 

You care a lot about your partner, and they sound like they’re possibly a very nice person. So I don’t think they’d be selfish enough to care more about their Little time than they do about you and whatever you’re dealing with.

 

I think that giving them that space of your own place is a really great start. Maybe after you guys have talked about whatever’s troubling you, you both ease up by doing some DD/L stuffs. And make a habit out of it, perhaps?

[Dancingwolf879]

Definitely, one of the things I got them for Christmas is this Scruff-a-Luv stuffie. Basically you get a stuffie (don’t know who it is) and they’re a bit scraggly, fur is all matted and everything. They’re going to be over at my place for next weekend and I was going to have them open their gift early and we were going to clean the stuffie up together (don’t want to assume anything until we see it). And just, then once it was all clean we could cuddle and watch a movie and everything.

 

Honestly, since I’ll have them over for a few days I’ll probably try and talk to them a bit more about some of these things because it’s better had in person than over the phone. I was actually really happy when we started delving into CG/LO a bit more. I’ve never felt comfortable with the terminology Daddy because it just doesn’t feel right, but they call me Papa and Wolf or Wolfy and I just love it, the pet name was probably one of their biggest holdups since they didn’t know what I would be comfortable with. I literally looked up different ideas until I found different ones that seemed like it would work and it was amazing. Makes me smile and feel giddy inside whenever they do cause it just reaffirms that I’m that person for them.

[LittleCelticLass]

It's already been said, but I want to add to the choir.

Sometimes Daddies need to be held and comforted too. In the end, we are all human, and humans need to be cared for.

As a sub, and a little, I see it as serving my guy to give him what he needs. Sometimes it's sex, sometimes it's to be the boss, and sometimes, it's simply to be loved, cuddled, and adored. There is nothing wrong with admitting you need care too.

[Dancingwolf879]

Thank you, I definitely do feel like I can talk to them about it all, I just didn’t want to do anything where I would hurt them. I know keeeping quiet about stuff isn’t the best, but I’ve been honest with them with saying that, due to past experiences, I’ve been holding back some things for fear of hurting them and scaring them away. So they know that there’s more than I show sometimes, I’m working on being more open with them, I’m just, glad that it’s not something to where I /have/ to be one way or another.

 

I’m a very soft Papa, not so good with discipline, just want to be loving and cuddly a lot, which is something they need and want too, so, I do also need that chance to be able to just, be the one that’s coddled and held. Cause there are some times where holding my Little is what’s helpful, but, others where I would just, need to be held.

[Guest Fancysir]

I had a friend once tell me it's okay to take off the cape once in awhile Superman. As a giver sometimes we think we have to be everything. I can relate. What I've learned is relationships are much better when there is shared responsibility. And of course I have learned this the hard way by doing the opposite and failing.

 

Littles want to take care of their daddys too. They just take care of different needs. We all have our roles to play. The roll that doesn't work is being everything. Look at the outpour of responses from Littles above all saying the same thing. I think you're on the right track. Good luck.

[chateautal]

I think all caregivers have an instinct to appear infallible to their little - and this can make it hard to show a vulnerable side. It’s totally okay to share this with your little- and since they love you, of course they will want you to be happy.

 

You may want to put a bit of thought into how you present it (E.g. not spring it upon them if they’ve gone very deep into little space; since you say it’s tricky for them to enter- it will be frustrating to be jerked out of it). For example, you could explain that you very much love having them as your little, but from time to time you need them also as a big girl/boy/person who is also a dear friend and companion.

 

Remember, a CG/L relationship is asymmetric- not one-sided! Two people in a healthy relationship are willing to care for each other’s happiness- and the asymmetry comes about through how the care is predominantly shown- not whether it’s there in the first place!