issues with closed groups

[Guest Avi]

alrighty so i just got invited to a closed ddlg chat by a very good close friend i trust. My friend disclosed i had to tell A/S/L and send the admin of the group a live pic. seems totally fair.

 

i do the whole A/S/L thingy and then the live picture gets asked. mind you, the admin has no picture of themselves up so i ask them to provide one first, using the argument that the newcomer should be ensured theyre talking to, just like the pre-existing members. the admin argues (and i quote): "I don't need to verify my self to you mate."

 

To which i replied: "hold on, dont we all need to know who were talkin to?"

 

They reply to that saying: "Nah. This is for ensure safety of who's joining the group" which they follow up with "If you wanna know who you are talking to that's the decision of the people involved"

 

now i dont know about you, but this sounds absolutely ass-backwards to me. as a newcomer, youre supposed to blindly trust this random person youve never met, yet they cant disclose the very same information. i dont think so.

 

Whats your opinion on this? was i wrong to decline?

 

Full disclosure: i stated that i would happily send a picture after they would.

[Guest Aetherr]

nah I totally agree,if they want a policy of openness and trust the admins need to lead by example that fact that this one you met seeks to thing they are better than you just because they are the reason you get in or not is a sign of a power complex, I've seen it countless times before in communities I've ran or just been involved in, if an admin things they don't need to follow their own rules it sets a very bad precedence to the rest of your experiance

[Guest Avi]

nah I totally agree,if they want a policy of openness and trust the admins need to lead by example that fact that this one you met seeks to thing they are better than you just because they are the reason you get in or not is a sign of a power complex, I've seen it countless times before in communities I've ran or just been involved in, if an admin things they don't need to follow their own rules it sets a very bad precedence to the rest of your experiance

Honestly took the words right out of my mouth. i really think the only reasons would be some sort of superiority complex or ignorance and refusing to admit you didnt think something through as an admin.

[Guest Avi]

I agree. If the Admins of the group don’t live up to the expectations they have for those joining the group then it’s unfair. Personally, I wouldn’t even bother with the group because that’s probably not the only unfair expectation going on there.

yup! exactly why i decided to pass on it. i could tell the conversation wasnt going anywhere so might as well call it quits. worth a shot though.

[Tinka]

i think those closed group chats are bullshit. The whole idea that you must provide a pic of yourself is idiotic. 

Maybe you don`t want to and that should be totally ok. I honestly don`t understand where does this policy helps a chat. 

[Guest Avi]

i think those closed group chats are bullshit. The whole idea that you must provide a pic of yourself is idiotic. 

Maybe you don`t want to and that should be totally ok. I honestly don`t understand where does this policy helps a chat.

 

i guess to prevent people from lying about who they are, stalkers and whatever? i can see the reasoning behind it, but the way some people go about it grinds my gears. elitist vibes for sure.

[Tinka]

i guess to prevent people from lying about who they are, stalkers and whatever? i can see the reasoning behind it, but the way some people go about it grinds my gears. elitist vibes for sure.

 

And how about if i would be a 65 year old man, that i just took a pic of my niece or grandaughter. 

 

or i am i am something else, and i just use a pic i took from a friend or sister , i dunno...

i mean that crazy creepy people will find a way out right? so this procedure brings no actual result.

[Guest Avi]

And how about if i would be a 65 year old man, that i just took a pic of my niece or grandaughter. 

 

or i am i am something else, and i just use a pic i took from a friend or sister , i dunno...

i mean that crazy creepy people will find a way out right? so this procedure brings no actual result.

i do agree with you that anyone could pose as anyone, but lets be real here. youre talking about extremes. lots of these groups use the Kik live picture to verify. i highly doubt that any of us come across anyone willing to go to such extreme lengths. you can make the same argument with cyber security. a veteran hacker can totally mess up your PC. Does that mean you should just forget about firewalls?

[Tinka]

i dunno man, i dont use kik, never even downloaded it so i dont care. 

i just think making a group outside this site and demanding pics of people is weird and creepy, its my opinion so i dont even interfere with such things. 

Anyway, whether you decide to send this pic or not, good luck to you ;p

[baby_k]

I'm with Tinka.

I skip all groups like that as I don't like giving any of my personal data to anyone I don't know and trust. Maybe my loss, or theirs. Or no ones.

 

If I really for some weird reason needed to give pic, definately wouldn't be real pic of me ( nowadays you can autogenerate faces with software, so not even stealing pics is needed ). So, what Tinka describes is not really that far from what probably happens anyhow.

 

Wanting to keep creeps out, well, that policy won't stop them the slightest. Just compromises the good people who are willing to be there with their own face.

( Did I just admit being a creep...? )

 

But to the original topic: yeah, seems pretty hypocrite. Thou I get that the admin would not want to share their own pic to everyone who asks. And if we think "real" world: sign in into any service and you need to give your details but you would not get same info from the service provider. Anyone can name their price or terms, and you can either agree to those or not. So, if their terms are not ok to you, move to next group and hopefully you have same values and ideas on how things should work.

 

* crawls back under her huge tinfoil hat *

[Guest Avi]

I'm with Tinka.

I skip all groups like that as I don't like giving any of my personal data to anyone I don't know and trust. Maybe my loss, or theirs. Or no ones.

 

If I really for some weird reason needed to give pic, definately wouldn't be real pic of me ( nowadays you can autogenerate faces with software, so not even stealing pics is needed ). So, what Tinka describes is not really that far from what probably happens anyhow.

 

Wanting to keep creeps out, well, that policy won't stop them the slightest. Just compromises the good people who are willing to be there with their own face.

( Did I just admit being a creep...? )

 

But to the original topic: yeah, seems pretty hypocrite. Thou I get that the admin would not want to share their own pic to everyone who asks. And if we think "real" world: sign in into any service and you need to give your details but you would not get same info from the service provider. Anyone can name their price or terms, and you can either agree to those or not. So, if their terms are not ok to you, move to next group and hopefully you have same values and ideas on how things should work.

 

* crawls back under her huge tinfoil hat *

you do make an undeniable argument as well as Tinka. Thanks for the input!

[Guest Sophie290999]

As an admin on 2 chats I totally understand why we have the policy, it helps us be able to regulate and be able to know who is who so any issues that arise can be dealt with easily, especially with any claims of catfishing. However I do agree with you. If anyone were to verify through me for either of the chats and asked for a live picture of me to see who I am I wouldn't hesitate to send one as well. There is no reason why I shouldn't. Yes I technically don't need to verify with them but I also don't see why an admin would say they don't need to. We should practice what we preach to make sure the chat is safe and remains safe. I'm sorry you had any issues. If you want to join a chta I help run and world wide one (very quite atm because had to recreate it and struggling with members) and a Europe one (also quite as few members as new) so message me or reply if you want to be in either. Sorry again you had to deal with that it isn't fair on people to deal with hypocrites like that.