Should I end it before it begins? (Possible tmi)

[Guest Fleur-Angelique]

So, I met a guy through fet. I bet that's an opening you've heard before. We have been talking for months. We seem to have so much in common and are in the everyday sense ideally match. I have a serious crush on him. We have never met irl as we are in two different contries. I consider us dating, he seems more serious about it or at least more confident that we will be as connected in person. He is coming to my contry to see me in about a week. Everything should be awesome except.....

 

He continually says that he is a vanilla person who signed up just to check it it out. He claims he is cool with me going to dungeons so long as i dont have sex with people there. But he keeps doing these things where we fall into a CG/l dynamic. He reads to me, calls me 'a clever/wicked girl', says he 'love it when you do that little voice' which is when i went in headspace around him, has threathened to smack me on multiply occassions even though he says he isnt into that. he claimed for months that he would have nothing to do with anything bdsm but lately said he liked the ' dynamics' part of it.

 

I of course got scared and had a long talk with him to make sure he didnt do these things or speak to me like he did for my sake alone but he says that is not the case. Thing is, I have never been the ine in a relationship with the most experience. i cannot be without bdsm. i am terrified that I am causing him to overstep his own boundaries and that he might just be doing it because he doesnt want us to break up. I am terrified that he might decide that he doesnt want to explore it after I end up falling in love. I am afraid to hurt him and to be hurt.

 

Lately I have begin thinking whether I should end this before either of us fall in love? Should I instead look for someone who is certain they are into cg/l and bdsm? I am confused and scared and I would really like someone elses perspective on this. If i am not making sense just tell me how and I will try to explain. 

 

 

[Guest Aetherr]

hi there, if i may say i would wait until you two meet and have a heart to heart, show him the world you want to involve him in and see if making it real for him will give you the comfort and confidence to let go and fall in love

 

it sounds to me like he does not want to get your hopes up that he will like it but you also tell me he takes on the role and acts like it, i do not believe something like that comes to a person unless they already feel that way or do significant research

 

but what i will say is you need to trust him if things are to move forward, you had a talk with him and he said he was interested its not for you to decide what he does and does not like and what i mean is if he is interested because of you then that is not too far from how i fell into my role as a daddy, i met a little and for a while i was scared and anxious about the whole thing but after a while it came to me and it felt like a part of me i had been ignoring all my life and i finally let it free, this could be the situation here, my advice after all that is do a trial with him, spend a few weeks after meeting with the dynamic, give him patience and leeway to make mistakes and encourage him to find himself and show him your life and what yu love, but dont promise him that it will earn your love because if you are worried he is doing it for you then taking away the guarantee that you will love him even if he is a daddy should alleviate this...

 

i dont see a reason not to hold back but dont rush and be sure of what you want if anything seems wrong you are not in the wrong for wanting to call it off

 

 

 

good luck!

[Tinka]

i just came here to leave a shocked ''auch" so there it goes -----> Auch! 

 

ok well my opinion is to meet each other, discover things, its better to see whats going on and have a conversation face to face, than judge and possibly doom something that you would never be entirely sure about it.

Seems ok for now? A step at a time. Meet him (be very careful) do what you feel like doing, talk about it also (later) and then come and give us an update so we can discuss it again ! 

[Guest Rowan_]

It's not that complicated, DDLG. If he can't get into it, then he's not the one for you. Don't settle for less. 

[Alaskan Daddy]

Hi

I would do two things. One is to express your concerns to him in a kind and gentle way. Try to get him to open up and express his concerns also. The other thing is not give your heart completely to him until you are certain he is the one. Make him earn your love by his actions. I was once like him until I had someone I cared for deeply bring out the daddy/dom that was inside of me. You will never know if he is the one until you give me the chance. Once you meet with him you will know in your heart if the relationship is worth keeping.

[Bambi95]

There is the possibility that he started being more dominant and trying BDSM for you, but actually discovered he really enjoys it. I know just from my experience that I tried something just to make my Daddy happy, but ended up loving it for myself. And now it's one of the foundations of our relationship.

 

Yes he may have said he's vanilla, but maybe he's now interested in these kinks and lifestyle because of you. That doesn't necessarily mean he's only doing it for you. One way or another, we were all introduced to this lifestyle.

 

Don't knock the guy down just because you're worried. When you know, you know. I fell in love with my Daddy literally on night one we met on here a year ago. And then I moved country to live with him after only 4 months of knowing each other. Sometimes it's ok to follow your heart.