help, im out of my depth here

[Guest Aetherr]

my little got really upset and told me to leave her alone and when i told her i was going to go she got angry that i was leaving and every time i ask her to make up her mind she get angry and stressed out at me over me asking her to make decisions, what should i be doing.. she eventually decided she wanted me to help push her into little space and she just fell asleep but i need some care or something i feel fucking awful and i want to be angry at her for fucking with my head but i cant because she genuinely gets stressed out by me asking her to decide things too often

 

we are in a really sticky spot where it could end for good, she has as good as told me she wouldnt care if i left but as i said, when i did tell he i was going to leave she told me she felt bad about it, not bad as in guilt she told me she felt anxious or unsettled or something, she wouldnt explain or couldnt i have no clue what the hell is going on and i feel like i just sat there focusing on her and ignoring this big hole in my chest when she told me she didnt care

[Tinka]

can little ones stop torturing their daddies ?! 

i feel so sorry for you man, you dont deserve this!

[baby_k]

She probably wants you to be more solid for/with her. Not super nice but sometimes when person says leave and all nasty things, they actually really want you to say that "stop the crap, I'm staying, non negotiable, we get through this together". (<--- that is leadership )

 

Some people just like to run when in reality they would need support but because of their own issues they act in self sabotaging ways.

 

Different matter is if you want to be involved with that but hardly any person is perfect, so I would not be too quick to judge her. Person can be helped out from bad habits and in your case in oder to continue relationship, one goal needs to be that she communicates her needs in better manner and does not hurt you unnecessarily.

 

 

Edit: was too sleepy, added some stuff...

Edited November 26, 2018 by baby_k

[Guest parinaz]

im not sure what she thinks

 

but in the same situation if i tell daddy to leave me inside im screaming stay here hug me daddy

 

i think if she says that you should just hug her tight and tell her she is yours so you never leave untill she is fine

 

and she said she doesnt care which i think is just because she was mad or a way to show you she can be fine alone

 

i think she needs more attention

and people need attention from someone they love and care about

[Song`rim Redtide]

Alright, real talk you have a massive communication issue here that you clearly recognize. To be fair the media loves playing on the trope of relationships specifically with saying the opposite of what you want, so as several here have suggested yeah that could be the problem. I don't know both sides of the story and frankly, I don't need to know, but here is the reality of the situation regardless of if she means it, or means the opposite, you are getting hurt. This needs to be discussed with her. Yeah, it might be stressful for her but facing your problems is part of what it means to be alive sure she can run from them but they always catch up; whether she likes it or not you need to discuss with adult her and let her know this is causing a problem. Now don't be like me and be blunt that will go terribly, but let her know you care about and she's important to you etc. Then let her know what's bothering you and confusing you. Here it is important to choose your words wisely, It's to easy for anger to slip in and for things to be turned from a discussion to an attack, so be sure that you are clear that you aren't blaming her but that you are trying to voice something that is hurting you that you would like to get resolved so it doesn't turn ugly. If need be maybe consider going to couples therapy a mediator between the two of you can be helpful in resolving the conflict without stumbling on the words. 

 

 

Like I get the idea of DDlg being that the little gets to let go and be cared for while the CG gains a certain level of control and offers care, but the thing everyone needs to remember is that you as person regardless of if your a little or a care giver is that you still need to be able to function as a person outside of it. It's still an adult relationship you just get some fun perks. Giving up control and not having to make decisions is great and all but there are times a little needs to make decisions and right now for her this is one of those times. If she desires for the relationship to continue in a way that is healthy for both you this needs to discussed and each side needs to be clear about what is desired and if compromises need to be made then make compromises.

 

Now since I have a policy of being brutally honest, let me give my actual opinion on the matter. Now to be clear this is my opinion take it with a massive grain salt. It sounds like what you are saying is that basically you are getting hurt and she doesn't seem to care. To be clear she has voiced she's fine with things ending, but when you actually go to leave she becomes distressed. Sounds to me more like as far as relationships go you are unneeded here but the stability you bring is very needed as well as the sense of validation. To be fair I can be way off and as others said there is a chance that it's exactly as others have said and she just needs the attention and needs to feel that there is some stability that while you feel is there she doesn't quite feel it is there and she needs validation that she is safe and everything is fine and you aren't going to leave her. Like I said I don't know both sides of the story nor do I know either of you, so I can't say with any degree of certainty which is the case but here is a contrasting view in comparision to the others on the situation.

 

Alright to close this I want to focus on something that is getting overlooked here and that's you. You keeping that frustration and anger in then belittling it because of her to the point it suddenly becomes wrong of you to feel frustrated and angry is hurting you because it is you ignoring your own needs in favor of someone else's. There isn't a compromise there that's you flat out giving up things you need emotionally. You shouldn't need to be eggshells so to speak. You shouldn't need to ignore you own feelings. That isn't healthy and that isn't helping anyone. Keeping all the anger and frustration in is bound to lead to you feeling bitter and more often than not it will eventually come out in a super destructive way. If the correct answer to the situation is she means the opposite of what she says there. Just you knowing that for a fact will help as it then just becomes part of the routine and something you can ignore knowing she doesn't mean it. Sure it may hurt and honestly, that should still be addressed and resolved in a way to where you don't get hurt from it, but at least it's a start in the right direction.

[Guest Aetherr]

bit of a followup, we decided to part ways and call i a day, thanks all for the kind words and advice, honestly i am relieve it was not fun or pleasent for me from day one where i felt like ever other day i was upset over something or another

[littleone0201]

bit of a followup, we decided to part ways and call i a day, thanks all for the kind words and advice, honestly i am relieve it was not fun or pleasent for me from day one where i felt like ever other day i was upset over something or another

 

Sorry to hear about that. But it sounds like it was for the better, it's not good to be with someone that takes a toll on your mind like that. 

[Guest]