Little Trying to Be A Caregiver

[herbabydoll]

Okay so, I'm a little, I always have been since I first started exploring and researching what CG/L was. My current partner is a switch and going into the relationship they were very inexperienced and had liked the idea of CG/L but had never done it before, she was leaning toward being a dom and I was a little, it seemed like a good match. More and more lately she has wanted me to be her dom and I havn't been able to do it. I can do it and enjoy it sometimes but not often enough for you to really be able to call me a switch. Because I am able to dom sometimes it's almost like she sort of expects that I am able to do it anytime I want to, I can't, I need to be in a particular headspace and it rarely ever happens. I've tried to explain this to her but I'm not sure if she understands or if she'd just stopped asking for it. I've tried asking her how I can help her feel little but she doesn't know because of how new she is to this, I'd try to give her what makes me feel little but I've never really had a caregiver who was 'good' at it if that makes sense? I'm struggling really badly with wanting to be a dom for her and since I can do it on the odd occasion I sort of feel like I need to learn to do it more often because I really want things to work with her and I want her to be happy. If anyone could give me tips on what typically puts them in a dominant or caregiver type headspace or how they help their little feel little I would really, really appreciate it. Thank you 

[Tinka]

But.....what about what YOU want?

[Guest Sophie290999]

Honestly I think rules are a good place to start, with me a switch into dom or little space can steam from rules being enforced or broken. Like say you have a rule on no swearing then to help her slip you could apply that rule to her when shes big occasionally which may help her go into little space and for you to go into a dom space. I totally get what you're saying about the different head space, I have that and its rare for me to be in that head space but things that typically help me into ti is enforcing rules like this but also if they are in little space and they draw something for me or something like that I get into dom space, not necessarily instantly but it does help. Honestly my biggest suggestion is to experiment with it and see what works the best for you both. Sometimes its about learning what doesn't work first before you know what does. I wish you the best of luck though. 

[Guest Aetherr]

if you don't want to be a switch..? don't be it's on your partner to decide if you switching every now and then is enough. if not...

[bigchocolatedaddy]

Don't force yourself. If you feel the tendencies to be a dom, then by all means tap into that. Pushing yourself to be any type of way could potentially be harmful to your own mental state though. I am purely a dom so I know that when my sub is doing something for me or is needy for me, that gets me feeling dominant for sure. If you want to be dominant, enforcing rules or taking what you want or giving an order is potentially a way for you to get in the right mentality.

 

I think getting your partner to feel little is about her. What are things that she likes when she's in little space? Use those as sort of triggers to help her. If you both are new to this dynamic anyway, its the best time to explore and find what you're both about in terms of roles and how to form a cohesive relationship. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it more. Been in bdsm and ddlg for many years so feel free to contact me if you wanna talk

[hurtnolivingthing]

Hello herbabydoll

 

I feel for you and your situation.

 

I really don't think you can make yourself something that you are not.

(Even though your motivation is honourable).

 

Please don't push that pressure onto yourself.

As you've explained.. you clearly identify as a little.

 

Do talk to your partner again. Explain how you are feeling, and how much this is troubling you.

 

The only idea I can offer.. and it's outside the box..

is that the two of you, could possibly consider trying to find a third person (care-giver/domme).

Of course that may be something you just don't want as part of your life.

 

I wish you both well, and hope you can both find a way forward together.

[herbabydoll]

Honestly I think rules are a good place to start, with me a switch into dom or little space can steam from rules being enforced or broken. Like say you have a rule on no swearing then to help her slip you could apply that rule to her when shes big occasionally which may help her go into little space and for you to go into a dom space. I totally get what you're saying about the different head space, I have that and its rare for me to be in that head space but things that typically help me into ti is enforcing rules like this but also if they are in little space and they draw something for me or something like that I get into dom space, not necessarily instantly but it does help. Honestly my biggest suggestion is to experiment with it and see what works the best for you both. Sometimes its about learning what doesn't work first before you know what does. I wish you the best of luck though. 

Thank you so much for responding, you've given me some ideas that I'm definitely going to try out. 

 

Don't force yourself. If you feel the tendencies to be a dom, then by all means tap into that. Pushing yourself to be any type of way could potentially be harmful to your own mental state though. I am purely a dom so I know that when my sub is doing something for me or is needy for me, that gets me feeling dominant for sure. If you want to be dominant, enforcing rules or taking what you want or giving an order is potentially a way for you to get in the right mentality.

 

I think getting your partner to feel little is about her. What are things that she likes when she's in little space? Use those as sort of triggers to help her. If you both are new to this dynamic anyway, its the best time to explore and find what you're both about in terms of roles and how to form a cohesive relationship. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it more. Been in bdsm and ddlg for many years so feel free to contact me if you wanna talk

Thank you so much for responding. I get what you mean, I have a mental breakdown when I try to force myself to when I'm not in that headspace. Thank you so much for the ideas.

I'm not sure what she likes when she's in little space, mostly because she doesn't know. Thank you so much for your offer, I've sent you a friend request.

 

Hello herbabydoll

 

I feel for you and your situation.

 

I really don't think you can make yourself something that you are not.

(Even though your motivation is honourable).

 

Please don't push that pressure onto yourself.

As you've explained.. you clearly identify as a little.

 

Do talk to your partner again. Explain how you are feeling, and how much this is troubling you.

 

The only idea I can offer.. and it's outside the box..

is that the two of you, could possibly consider trying to find a third person (care-giver/domme).

Of course that may be something you just don't want as part of your life.

 

I wish you both well, and hope you can both find a way forward together.

 

Thank you so much to everyone that responded. I get I can't really change to fit what she needs to help her without hurting myself, I have a mental breakdown every time I try to. For me, it's hopefully finding a somewhat organic way to bring about 'domspace' because it does happen once in a blue moon.

[TampaDaddy]

I have to agree with @hurtnolivingthing.  With a third person in the mix, a full time caregiver, you would be more comfortable being little most of the time, the two of you could be little together, and when you DID feel like being bigger, you could be your partner's big sister and both of you would still have a caregiver/daddy/mommy available.

 

Is that something you could see yourself doing?