The Master Apprentice

[SamL]

Okay, full disclosure... I'm a writer who can't write at the moment.  I'm struggling with major depressive disorder and my doctor is having difficulty finding an antidepressant that works.  What I would like to do is put my last story up here - hope that it will generate some interest that I can use as fuel to get back to writing.  It is long - it's a full length novel written for young adults.  My publisher has it right now, but he doesn't carry the young adult genre so I expect that he is going to pass.  He did say that it reads like a cross between The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and The Karate Kid.  His assistant yelled, from the background, "Yeah with a healthy helping of Clan of the Cave Bear!" 

 

So, there you have it.  I'll post through the end of the first chapter.  If anyone tells me they want more, I'll post the next chapter and will keep doing it as long as there is interest. 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1

 

I've been staring at this page for a half hour now and have no idea how to begin.  My name is Josh and I'm about fourteen years old.  Typically, a guy knows how old he is and he doesn't have to guess, but here's the deal:  I turned fourteen years old yesterday.  I also turned fourteen years old six days ago. My girlfriend, actually she's quite a bit more than a girlfriend, was thirteen years old yesterday. Unfortunately, she's fifteen years old today and, unless I can figure out something pretty quick, she's going to die of old age before my fifteenth birthday.  

One of my mom's favorite songs, one that she often plays while she's cooking or cleaning around the house, has a line in it that says, “What a long, strange trip it's been.”  That, both literally and figuratively, pretty much describes these last couple of months for me.  Usually I don't much care for mom's music but that particular song has grown on me as my life has gotten increasingly strange.  How strange you ask?  I'll let you be the judge.

It began with me stopping by a dojo on my way to and from school.  The dojo was in a decrepit, old, stone building with a huge, street side window that allowed me to watch as the students went through their early morning workouts.  The sign above the window simply said, “The Dojo” but they specialized in mixed martial arts, something that I'd been interested in for as long as I could remember.

My father died when I was too young to remember him, but he was a third degree black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, so maybe it's in my blood.  In my room, over my desk, I have a picture of my dad in his gi and on my dresser are three trophies that he had won in competition.  I had just one picture of him in his military uniform – but it was a good picture.  He was decked out in his dress uniform and he was holding two-year old me who was all dressed in camouflage.  My dad had been sent overseas the day after the picture was taken and never returned.  There wasn't any huge or famous battle; it was a simple, homemade, roadside bomb.  

I know that I was too young when my dad died to really remember him, but sometimes it seems like I can.  Mom has always told me stories about him, especially stories about things that we did together, but it gets confusing.  Am I remembering time I spent with him or was I remembering the picture in my head that forms when mom tells me stories about the things we did?  I honestly don't know and though I'd like to, a part of me doesn't care; I have memories of my dad and they're good memories so what does it matter?  But I'm getting off track.

Once at the dojo, I'd watch through the window and try to pick things up.  Mom worked hard and we had everything we needed, but martial arts lessons were expensive and she said that we simply couldn't afford them.  I was disappointed, but you'd be amazed how much you can pick up just by watching carefully.  Too, Mr. Li, or Sensei Li depending on whether you were on the sidewalk side of the front window or the dojo side, was pretty loud and I could usually hear everything he said to his students through the glass.  I'd been stopping by to get my free lessons for about three weeks, when I had a strange encounter with an even stranger guy.  

For all the things I had noticed through the dojo window, I failed to notice that I too was being watched.  This was not the first time.  Across the street, sitting at an outside patio table of a corner coffee shop, sat a man who had been watching me very carefully for weeks now.  You're probably wondering how I knew about this guy since I didn't notice him, right?  Trust me; I'll get to that.  

Anyway, if you hadn't been looking for him, your eyes would pass right over him.  The man sat with his back to the coffee shop facing the dojo and sat neither too straight in the chair, nor too hunched over.  He blended in: wearing faded blue jeans, a nondescript sweatshirt, running shoes and a pair of sunglasses.   His light brown hair might have been a tad long, but it was the theater district after all, and long hair wasn't likely to get a second look amidst the bright blue and red hues and creative piercings often found in the neighborhood.  Actually, at first glance, the thing that stood out most about the man was how seemingly normal he looked.  

The newspaper was open on the table and he appeared to absently sip a cup of coffee while he casually read through the news of the day.  If one looked very closely though, one might have noted that while he appeared to be reading, with his head tilted downward toward the paper, his eyes peered over his sunglasses and were fixated on me across the street.   Closer still and one might be surprised to notice the aroma of tea, rather than coffee, wafting up from his cup.

A slow smile crossed the man's face, his eyes never leaving me, and he stood.  He had seen what he wanted to see and he knew my routine now.  We were about to become acquainted.

 

[baby_k]

I got curious XD

[SamL]

Yay!  I hooked one!  lol Welcome baby_k...

 

Chapter 2

 

I checked my phone and saw that I had about eleven minutes till the tardy bell.  I knew from experience that it took me seven minutes and fourteen seconds at a dead run to get to school from here. Unfortunately, on that particular day, I only had six minutes to get to class and so it was kind of lame – set a personal best, get detention anyway.  I glanced once more at the class, just in time to see Mr. Li sweep the legs out from under a student who was screwing around and not paying attention.  

I took off running for school.  No attempt at a personal best this morning; I was going to make the bell even at a fast jog, so I decided to take it easy.  I don't remember if I told you or not, but I'm in seventh grade.  My school, Madison Middle School, is just for seventh and eighth graders and so this is my first year here.  Mom had put in for a transfer from another hospital last year but waited until Summer to move so I wouldn't have to switch schools twice in one year.

It may not be cool to say but I don't mind school that much really.  I like learning, I just wish we could learn things we're really going to need to know once in a while.  I'm guessing that the year the first person sailed around the world, or what year the Spanish American war was fought isn't going to be of much value to me unless I end up on a game show some day.  

I ran through the front door of the school just in time to see the resident school bully, Charlie, knocking some books out of the hand of some seventh grader I didn't know.  Charlie is in the eighth grade and he's a class A jerk but he never really paid too much attention to me.  Unlike that kid who was picking up his books off the floor, I'm pretty big for thirteen.  If I had been in school with Charlie last year he probably would have tried to mess with me too, but I grew like eight or nine centimeters this year and put on almost that many kilos.  He was still bigger than me but I guess it was too close to an even match up for his liking, especially when there were kids a whole head shorter than he was around.

I made it to first period with plenty of time to spare – almost a full minute.  Getting in the door was the challenge though.  Morning rush hour was exceptionally heavy in the hallway as Christmas and New Years were over and it suddenly dawned on everyone that the next major holiday was Valentine's Day.  It seemed that everyone was busy trying to hook up so they wouldn't be the only loser without a boyfriend or girlfriend by their side for the Valentine's Day dance and I guess they decided that the best place to flirt was at the door to class.  Perhaps they figured that they could spend every second until the bell rang sucking face and still not be late that way.

I suppose, if I'm truthful, I wouldn't have minded going to the dance but there wasn't really anyone I liked enough to go with.  When the school year first started I had a thing for this girl, Alicia.  She seemed cool and all and she was certainly cute enough, but she just turned out to be a major game player.  While I was watching her and working up the nerve to ask her out, I found myself getting sick of seeing her string guys along while flirting with someone higher up the social food chain.  You know, to see if she could score there while keeping the second string on the line.  I hate that kind of game and quickly lost interest.

Anyway, first period came and went and the rest of the day went pretty fast.  Ms. Gallagher, who taught computer science, gave us a project that would be due at the end of the semester.  It was so ridiculously easy that it probably could have been started and finished it during lunch but I decided to knock my pre-algebra homework out instead.  After all, there were an entire five months for me to find a half hour to do the C.S. Project.  My last class of the day on Tuesdays and Thursdays was study hall and that got used up finishing the book we were reading in English class.  Seven minutes before the bell, I was homework free for the day.

Mom didn't get home from work till a little after four.  She knew all about my ‘stopping off at the dojo on my way home’ routine.  As long as all my homework was done before dinner, I didn't have to be home until she was.  With homework in the bag, that would give me like an hour and a half watching the classes practice before I had to head home.  I watched the clock drag the last couple of minutes and then flew to my locker, dropped off my books, and ten minutes later was outside the dojo watching Sensei Li putting an intermediate class through their paces.  Almost immediately, I had company.

“So, you're interested in the martial arts,” came a voice from behind me.  It wasn't a question.  I turned to see this guy standing there like he had been there all day.  Usually, I'm pretty aware of my surroundings, and it's pretty tough to sneak up on me, but this guy had just appeared out of nowhere.

“Yeah,” I said noncommittally as I tried to size the guy up.  You can't be too careful these days, as Mom reminds me regularly,  “Just because someone seems friendly doesn't mean he's not up to no good,” she says.  He was about thirty years old, long hair, and he was dressed casually with a ready smile.  

“Got someone in mind to beat up?” he asked.  

“What?  No,” I said suddenly, figuring out where that came from.  I guess he thought that if someone was interested in martial arts, he must be looking to hurt someone.  “I just like it,” I replied,  “Besides, the martial arts aren't for hurting people.  It's really about peace.”  

“Really,” he said, “who told you that?”  

“My dad,” I lied.

He looked past me into the dojo for a moment and watched the students.  “Your dad is pretty smart then; not everyone thinks that way.  Is he a martial artist?”  

I really wish I could tell you that my defenses stayed on high alert after this but I relaxed a bit.  I've got a soft spot for people who say nice things about my dad.  “He was really smart and he was a third degree black belt too,” I began, “but he's dead.”  

His smile faded immediately.  It seemed genuine.  “I'm sorry to hear that – really,” he said.   I decided that he might be okay after all.  

“Did he teach you anything before he passed?” he asked.  

I shook my head.  “No, he died before I was old enough.”  

“Well what about taking lessons?  Have you ever given it any thought?” he prodded further.  

“I've thought about it plenty,” I said, seeing no reason to lie to the guy about that, “but lessons are a bit out of my price range.”  

He nodded and headed for the door, “Come with me if you'd like.”  

Now I wouldn't normally have followed some strange guy that I just met anywhere but I figured that he wasn't about to try anything in front of all the people in the dojo.  Still, I hesitated as he held the door open.  “Are you sure we're not going to disturb the class?” I asked.  

“Nope,” he said casually, “parents and spouses hang out and watch the classes all the time.  It'll be fine.”  I shrugged and stepped forward, it would be nice to get a closer look anyhow.  As soon as we walked through the door the sensei beamed and bowed.  

“Master Daniel!” he exclaimed.  The students followed their sensei's lead and bowed to him as well.  He gave a quick bow back and walked over to greet the instructor.  Suddenly the sensei looked up at me with a friendly grin and said, “So, you have finally decided to come in, eh?”  I know he was just kidding around and trying to make me feel welcome but I was a bit embarrassed all the same.  

“Yes sir,” I stammered, “I mean, yes Sensei Li.”

“Ah-hah!  You have been paying attention out there.  In the future, please come in and watch any of the classes that you wish.  You are most welcome here anytime.”  

My brain yelled, “Sweet!” but I tried to maintain at least the appearance of cool, “Thank you, sensei,” I said and smiled back.  

He walked over to me and held out his hand, “I am Hu Li, it is a pleasure to meet you.”  

“It is nice to meet you too; I'm Josh,” I said, stumbling a bit as I realized that I almost forgot to give him my name.  

The man who he referred to as 'Master Daniel' had turned toward us as we had been speaking but now looked to sensei, “May we use your office Hu,” Daniel asked.  

“Of course!” Sensei Li exclaimed, “Please.”  

Daniel smiled and addressed the class, “I am sorry for the interruption, please continue.”  Then turning, he motioned for me to follow him and we headed into the office.  “Take a seat,” he said as he closed the door.  I felt a lot more comfortable with him after seeing that Sensei Li had known and obviously respected him a great deal but was still glad for the windows in the office.  He walked around the desk and took a seat and then got straight to the point.  “I have a job for you if you're interested,” he said.  “A half hour before school and a half hour after school cleaning up around here. The pay is one gi and an hour a day of private lessons.  Interested?”  

I almost came out of my chair, “Seriously?”  You know that filter you use when you're talking to adults?  You know, the one where you pretend you never even think about using certain words?  Yeah, I forgot about that for a second, “Hell, yeah!” I almost shouted and then catching myself, “Um, I mean, heck yes.”  

Daniel chuckled.  “Good.  Now, we need to clear it with your mom first.  Can you ask her to come in and talk to me tomorrow?”  

“Yes sir, absolutely!” I exclaimed, barely keeping it together, and then a thought struck me, “Are you sure it'll be okay with Sensei Li?” I asked.  

He laughed again, “This is my dojo, Josh.  Sensei Li is a student of mine and you'll be training with me.  So I think he'll be okay with it,” he joked.  “And the name is Daniel.”

I could hardly contain myself, “I don't know what to say, but thank you.”  

“No problem,” Daniel said, “what time do you think your mother can come by?”  

“She gets off work at four and works at the hospital, it's only like ten minutes away.  So maybe 4:10pm?”  

“One last thing,” Daniel said, “what's your GPA?”

“Three point six.”

He nodded and reached for a business card from the desk and handed it to me.  “Have your mom give me a call if that's inconvenient for her or she'd like to meet at another time,” he said as he stood and I realized that the world's weirdest interview was over.  I got up too, and reached out to shake his hand when another thought struck me.  

“Do you do this a lot?” I asked.  

“Do what?”  

“Well, I mean, taking on students for working around the dojo?”  I asked.

“Nope, first time,” he said.  

For some reason, I knew he was going to say that.  “I don't want to seem ungrateful,” I said, “because I'm beyond grateful, but why me?”  

He smiled and said, “People stop outside the dojo all the time to look, Josh.  They stop, peer in and leave.  Occasionally they come by a second time, or even a third.  They don't come back twice a day, every day for three weeks.  They watch through the window, but they don't see.  You don't just stand out there and watch, you study.  Every teacher wants a student like that.  Plus, even before your first lesson – even before you began watching at the window, you knew more about the martial arts than most people will ever learn.”  

I hesitated, I so didn't want to blow this but I had to say it, “But I don't know more than anyone; like I told you, I've never taken lessons before.”  His smile got broader and he reminded me of what I had said to him outside the dojo, “The martial arts aren't for hurting people.  It's really about peace,” he said, echoing my earlier words.  “Many people study for a lifetime and never learn that.”

[baby_k]

More?

Pretty please?

 

Edit: I'm really curious on where this is going

Edited November 21, 2018 by baby_k

[SamL]

Absolutely!  Chapter 3 coming right up...

 

Chapter 3

 

I looked up from Sensei Li's class and checked my cell phone; it was 4:12pm.  I thought time was dragging during school today but it had nothing on how slow time was dragging by waiting on my mom to show up at the dojo.  Daniel was missing in action too, which only added to my nervousness.  I had stopped watching the class about four o'clock and just kept watch out the window.  I checked the phone again.  Seriously?  It was still 4:12pm.  I tapped the phone under the guise of making sure it was working and just then it changed to 4:13pm.  So, I tapped it again.  Nothing.  Argh!

I looked up and suddenly mom and Daniel both came into view.  They were walking together toward the dojo.  I flew outside to meet them; the door to the dojo slamming shut louder than I would have thought possible.  I grimaced apologetically as I saw Sensei Li look up and towards me, but he just gave me a knowing smile and turned back to his class.  

Mom saw me and interrupted a laugh to wave to me.  Daniel had her laughing.  “What a fantastic sign,” I thought and waved back.  “Hi honey,” she said a few seconds later as we came into hearing range.  

“Hi mom!  Hi Daniel!” I called.

Mom raised her eyebrows a bit at me referring to Daniel by his first name but he was right on it, “First name basis is at my request,” Daniel said, “as long as it's okay with you, Bobbi.”  Apparently, she had already introduced herself.  Mom's name was actually Alberta but not too many people knew that; everyone just called her Bobbi.

“Um, you guys know each other?” I asked, suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable.

I had to park a couple of blocks away,” she said.  “Daniel was walking by as I parked and guessed it was me.”  

“You look like your mom,” Daniel offered, taking the mystery out of it.  Mom beamed.  She always said that I took after dad, but loved it when someone said that she and I looked alike.  This was a good start.  “How about we grab something to drink across the street and then, if you like, I can give you a tour of the dojo,” Daniel asked her.  

Mom glanced across the street toward Starbucks and grinned.  I already knew her answer and that Starbucks would soon be down one venti Caramel Frappuccino.  “Try to keep up boys,” she said and started to cross the street by way of her answer.  I shot Daniel a look but he ignored it and simply smiled innocently as we tagged along behind her.  

A couple of minutes later we're all sitting at a table with our drinks and mom is just chatting away like she's known Daniel forever.  Finally, the topic got around to the job.  “Josh told me that you've offered him a job cleaning up around the dojo in return for lessons.  Is that correct?” mom asked, suddenly all business like.

“Well, it was a provisional offer, on the condition that it's alright with you,” Daniel said.  

You'd have to know my mother to know what a great choice of words that was.  I figured that if Sensei Li, who was fantastic, was Daniel's student then Daniel must be truly great.  On the other hand, if for some reason the martial arts lessons didn't work out, I could always take 'how to talk to my mother effectively' lessons from him.  

Then he continued, “There’s one more thing.  Josh tells me that his grade point average is a 3.6.  I'll be insisting on a 3.8 by the end of the school year if I'm going to continue working with him.”  My mouth dropped.

“What?” I began, but Daniel cut me off, “That's the deal, Jo...” he started to say firmly and then it was his turn to be cut off.

“Deal!” said mom with a self-satisfied grin.  “Let's go see the dojo.”  

I grinned back in spite of myself.  I can't say that I was pleased with the whole 3.8 thing, but the truth of the matter was that I was pretty much just skating by.  Mom knew that I could do better and wanted me to, but it's hard to complain about A's and B's, so she let it go.  Now she was going to get what she wanted, and I was going to get what I wanted.  I probably would have agreed to getting a 4.0 if that's what it took.  I have no idea how, but I think Daniel knew that somehow.

Daniel gave us the grand tour of the dojo, which took all of about thirty seconds.  There was seating for guests and parents by the window and then two main workout areas, one up front and one in the back.  To the right, as you walked in and sort of hidden from view from the front window unless you got real close and peered around the corner, there was the office.  Back a bit from the office and to the far right of the front workout area was the men's and women's locker rooms with showers and bathrooms.  Further back beyond that to the back wall was an area that was cordoned off by a couple of those Japanese room dividers.  

I was hoping that Daniel would ask me to start that evening, but I didn't expect it.  Besides, it was after 5pm by the time Starbucks and the tour was over and mom would have killed the idea in favor of dinner anyway.  School was from 7am – 2pm and so we made plans for me to show up about 6:15am, which I did every day anyway.  Just before we left Daniel excused himself for a moment, asking us to wait and disappeared into the men's locker room.  He returned with a gi.

“You can leave it here in a locker during the week if you like,” he said, “but why don't you take it home tonight and make sure it fits.”  I was really starting to like this guy.  We both knew it would fit; the gi's are sized small, medium and large so there's room for error but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew I'd want to try it on immediately and was making up the whole, “make sure it fits” thing for my benefit.  Mom and I said our goodbyes and I gave him what was probably the most sincere thank you of my life with a promise to be there bright and early the next morning.  

My first job and my first martial arts lesson would begin in less than fourteen hours.  What I didn't know was the extent to which my life was about to change.

[baby_k]

*waiting for more*

[SamL]

Chapter 4

 

I got to the dojo at 5:55am and came through the door with a couple of stragglers attending the 6am advanced class.  The majority had already arrived to change and get ready for the class but these two drove over in their gi's and were ready to go.  I was looking around for Daniel when Sensei Li caught my eye and motioned toward the office with his ever ready smile.   “Good morning Daniel,” I said as I stuck my head in the office.  

Daniel looked up and his eyes met mine with that same twinkle he nearly always had, “Ready to begin cleaning?” he asked.

“Absolutely,” I replied hurriedly, “and I want you to know that I'm pretty good at it.  I used to clean my grandmother's house regularly before we moved.  She even had a maid service come once a week when I was younger and she always said that I did a better job than they did.”

“Really,” Daniel said with apparent interest.  “So what do you think made you so good at it?”

“Well, my grandmother used to say that the reason I did such a good job was that I paid attention to detail,” I replied.

Daniel nodded his head in agreement, “I've noticed that about you while you watched the class practicing.  You don't know this yet, but the ability to pay attention is your greatest asset.  The cleaning up that I've got in mind for you is going to be very different than the cleaning up your grandmother had you do but we're going to work on improving that ability even further while you're here.”

“Well,” I said, “I promise that I'll do my best.”

“That,” Daniel said as he stood up, “is good, because that's all that's required in order to succeed here. In fact, I truly believe that if you give it your best, you'll far exceed my accomplishments.  Now let's take a walk and get started.”

I was taken aback by this latest comment and had to ask, “What belt are you?”  I knew that Sensei Li was a black belt and that he was Daniel's student so I was expecting Daniel to be at least a second degree black belt but was secretly hoping for higher.  I mean, if he expects that I'll exceed his abilities then I was hoping that he was a fifth or sixth degree black belt, or even higher.  

“We'll talk about that after school during your first lesson,” he said, evading the question.

We walked to the back of the dojo where those Japanese room dividers were, and walked behind it.  It kind of looked like a Japanese room.  Actually, having never seen one, maybe it would be better to say that it looked kind of like I’d imagine a Japanese room looking.  There were lots of plants and cushions on the floor, apparently for sitting on because there were no chairs anywhere.  There was a fountain and what looked like an altar of some sort that had some incense sticks on it, as well as a bunch of stuff that I didn't recognize.  “This is my sanctuary; welcome.  Go ahead and take your shoes off and take a seat on one of the cushions,” Daniel said as he placed his shoes on a mat to the side.

The cushions sat on top of some sort of pad or small rug; in fact, if you've ever seen a horse blanket, it looked almost exactly like that all laid out.  The cushion itself was about volleyball sized if someone was sitting on it.  It was round but a little flattened out.  I sat down and it felt a little weird like it was filled with unpopped popcorn kernels or rice.  Daniel sat on the other cushion facing me about four feet away.  “What do you know about meditation?” he asked suddenly.

I had heard of it before but little else.  I knew that at least some monks meditated but that's about all. “Not much,” I admitted.  

“Good!” Daniel exclaimed, “then you won't have to unlearn a bunch of bad habits and preconceived notions.  Most people have certain serious misconceptions about meditation.  For instance, some believe that mediation is some arcane religious practice, but it is not.  People from all religions and backgrounds meditate; in fact, even many atheists and agnostics meditate.   

I nodded, “I guess I'm guilty of making assumptions to a certain degree myself.  So what is meditation?”

“Well, it'll be much easier to explain that after you've given it a go but, in essence, meditation is complete awareness of each and every moment.  Your mind, which is not to be confused with your brain, is a distracting influence.  Meditation is the best way of cleaning up your mind.  Try this,” Daniel said picking up a hacky sack he had produced from who-knows-where, “I'm going to toss this ball to you and I want you to catch it.  Think you can do it?”

“I think so, but it'll depend on how hard you throw it and if it's a good toss,” I offered.

“Fair enough,” Daniel said, “it'll be a easy toss.  Here, try to catch it.”  Daniel tossed the ball underhand right to me and I caught it easily.  “Great, toss it back,” he said.  “Let's keep it going,” he said and we continued to toss it back and forth as he continued to talk.  “Many people think of meditation as deep concentration, but it is just the opposite.  In fact; it would be better to think of meditation as anti-concentration.  Meditation relaxes the mind and when the mind is relaxed, we can concentrate better.  For instance, how many times have we thrown the ball back and forth?”

  “I don't know,” I stammered.

“Weren't you paying attention?” Daniel asked with a smile that put me a little more at ease but I still felt like I had failed.  “We threw back and forth six times,” he said.  “Don't be too hard on yourself, it's just that you haven't been properly trained is all.  I'll bet you've seen some martial arts movies in your day, right?”

“Yeah,” I replied, “I think I've seen all of them.”

Daniel laughed and continued, “Now those fight scenes are scripted and choreographed but you've probably watched scenes in which the master takes on several opponents at one time, yes?”

I immediately thought back to Enter the Dragon with Bruce Lee, “Yes,” I said, remembering the image.

“The reality is that a true martial arts master can fight multiple opponents at one time.  Bruce Lee was a good example to think of.” Daniel said with the barest flicker of a smile.

I almost fell over.  “I didn't say I was thinking of Bruce Lee!  How did you know?” I asked.

He ignored me and continued, “How does one defend against multiple attackers who are throwing punches and kicks from every direction?  The answer is twofold.  First the master must learn how to repel an attack.  That part is easy.  Then he must quiet or relax his mind so that he is not distracted. Now, I'm going to throw this ball to you again.  I'm going to throw it toward you just like I have been doing, and at the same speed.  If you drop it, our deal is off – no job, no lessons.  Are you ready?”

I was mortified.  “Wait, no!” I almost yelled.

“Come on Josh, you've just caught the ball easily six times in a row while carrying on a conversation.  What's wrong?” he asked.

“This is important to me!” Then after a pause I added, “I'm scared I'm going to miss this time.”

“That's it exactly,” Daniel began.  First of all, don't worry, I'm not changing the conditions of our agreement; your job and lessons are safe.  I was however, trying to make a point.  When your mind was relaxed, catching the ball was no problem.  When you felt fear, your mind tensed and suddenly, you were unsure of yourself.”  To my relief, he put the ball down.  In order to be a master martial artist, you must train the body, mind and spirit.  Starting tomorrow we'll begin training your mind in the morning, your spirit in the afternoon and your body during what you think of as lessons; but in fact; every bit of what we will be doing here is a lesson.  Understand?”

“I think so,” I said, an excitement growing inside me.  This was not going to be your average, everyday martial arts lessons.

[baby_k]

 

I like how the story teached you things or makes you wonder. I guess in the beginning it was more about the plot but I now also notice to just enjoy the small remarks also ( were there before this chapter too, just to be clear ) and the bigger consepts.

 

Soo, waiting again

[SamL]

Chapter 5

 

Upon arriving at the dojo after school, I found Daniel in his sanctuary lighting some dried herbs and placing them in a rough piece of rock with a natural depression in it.  He had on a clean gi, except for the belt which, in spite of being black, looked pretty rough and filthy.  “Hiya Josh, go ahead and change into your gi and then come on in and take a seat,” he said without turning around.  

“How did you know it was me?” I asked.  

“Pay attention and the answers will come.  Watch and listen.  Now go change and I'll see you in a couple of minutes,” he said it kindly enough but I couldn't help but feel that there was a gentle rebuke in there somewhere.   I made a mental note to just watch and listen and not ask any more questions for a while.

Two minutes later, I was back and took a seat on the meditation cushion.  Daniel was still doing something on the incense table and hadn't seen me yet so I announced, “I'm back.”

He replied cheerfully, “Not only that, you remembered to take off your shoes.  Thank you.” I shook my head in awe.  This guy had eyes in the back of his head.  He finished up and took a seat opposite me.  I saw that he had also lit a couple of candles on the table and that the smoke from the dried herbs was rising uniformly from the rock.  

“Is that incen...,” I began before remembering that I wasn't going to ask any more questions for a while.  

“It's difficult, isn't it?” asked Daniel.  

“What's difficult?” I asked, knowing before I asked that he knew exactly why I stopped myself.

Daniel feigned a look of surprise as if it were obvious, which come to think of it, I suppose it was.

“Not asking questions for a while.  It's difficult for you to refrain, isn't it?”

“How on earth did you know that I had decided that I wouldn't ask questions for a while?” I asked, completely baffled and bewildered.  

Daniel began laughing and I felt a little self-conscious because I knew he must be laughing at me even though I didn't know why.  I knew too that he didn't mean it in a mean way and that took most of the sting out of it, but it was still embarrassing.  He looked up at me and stopped making noise but his eyes were still laughing.  “Well Josh, you decided that you weren't going to ask any more questions for a while and almost immediately, you asked three.”

“What do you mean three?” I asked.  “I only asked one.”  

Daniel almost fell off his cushion laughing. ““Is that incense?”, “What's difficult?”, “How on earth did you know...?” and “What do you mean three...?”  Would you like to go for five questions in a row?  I must have looked crushed because Daniel got a sympathetic look on his face.  Unfortunately, that only made me feel worse.  “Run and go grab a pen and paper off sensei’s desk,” he said.  A second or two passed before I registered that he wanted me to go right now.  I jumped up a little too fast trying to make up the second and ended up tripping over the cushion and almost falling.  I refused to look back at him  I made it back without further incident and held out the pen and paper to Daniel.

“The pen and paper are for you,” he said.  “Now sit down; I’m going to dictate a list.  Write each down on a separate line.”  Daniel began dictating almost immediately and I had to scramble to not miss anything.  “Blue, consciousness, 42, dolphin, primitive...”  He continued rattling of this list as fast as I could write until I had written on every line on both sides of the paper.  I couldn't even stop listening long enough to tell him that we had run out of lines and so I started a second column.  About the time I got to the bottom of the first side again he stopped.  “There you go,” said Daniel cheerfully.

“There I go, what? I asked, completely confused.

“Now you have all the answers,”  he quipped.

“But Daniel,” I protested, “this is gibberish!  What are the questions?”

“What questions;” he asked furrowing his brow and raising his eyebrow, “there are an infinite number of questions?”

“The questions to these answers you just gave me!”  I was really beginning to think I was in the twilight zone or something.

“Ah those,” he said,  “Why do you want those?”

“The answers are no good without the questions!”  Yup, definitely on a tour of the twilight zone and Daniel was the captain of this tour.

“Quite right,” he said, a satisfied look on his face, “forget the answers for a bit and seek the right questions first.”

Then he got serious, “This morning I told you that the brain and the mind were not to be confused. The brain says, “I shall not ask questions for a while.” and the mind says, “Is that incense?”  When you've learned to master yourself, you become aware of every moment.  As a result, when the thought of whether or not that is incense comes up, you have the opportunity to make a choice to ask the question or not, instead of it falling out of your mouth before you know it.”

“Earlier today you asked me what belt I was and I told you that we'd talk about it tonight.  Are you still interested?” he asked.

“Absolutely!” I cried, forgetting my embarrassment immediately.

“Originally, a martial arts student would be given a white belt,” Daniel began, “a tradition that still holds to this day.  The belt did not signify proficiency but instead, were solely used to hold up the practitioners pants.  At that time there was no running water anywhere, nor were there washing machines and a martial artist often had only one outfit to his name – his gi.  Occasionally, he might stop by a lake or stream to wash it off but there was no bleach to whiten it.  Over the years and decades, it would become dingier and dingier.  It would turn yellow, then brown and finally black.  In those days, the Far East was a dangerous place and thieves and other unscrupulous people would often prey on folks who were passing by.  A martial artist was often forced to fight.  One who had survived long enough that his belt became black was a talented martial artist indeed.   This unwashed belt method is how my original teacher's belt became black and that's how mine has as well.”

“Wait a minute,” I paused while I considered my next words, “may I ask a question?”

“Yes,” Daniel said, “Anything that I talk about that you don't understand or have questions about, I expect you to ask.  The questions you want to avoid are the idle curiosity questions or questions to which you can easily find the answers for yourself.  Do you understand the difference?”

“I think so,” I told him.  “Questions like, “Is that incense?” doesn't really further my training.  I suppose there's a reason why you burn the leaves and it might be important but that's not why I asked.  I asked just because I was curious.  Asking questions so that I don't misunderstand you are okay though.”

“Right,” Daniel nodded, “I'd even go one step further.  Asking questions so that you don't misunderstand is more than okay; I expect you to.”

“Okay,” I said, “Well then, you were talking about your original teacher.  Is he dead or did you change teachers for some other reason?  Come to think of it, is it even okay to change teachers?”

Daniel smiled, “Good questions, even though you did sneak two of them in there for the price of one. Yes, my original teacher died many years ago.  I worked with him for ten years.  As for changing teachers, you may change teachers at any time but it's usually a bad policy without a good reason. Examples of a good reason might be that you'd like to learn a new discipline that your master isn't familiar with.  Even then, you usually remain his student while you are on leave to study with the new master.

“One of the main drawbacks to changing teachers is that as he or she has gotten to know you, he or she has learned the methods that are most effective in teaching you.  When you start with a new teacher, there's quite a bit of review for both of you.  Any other questions?”

I had plenty but none that I thought would fall into the 'furthering my training' category.  I suddenly wanted to know how old Daniel's first teacher was when he died.  I mean, for him to have used such an ancient method, he must have been really old himself.  “No, no more questions.” I said.

“Well then,” Daniel said getting to his feet, “let's hit the mats.”

Finally!  I'm not saying that I minded the conversation because I didn't.  It was really interesting but I was so excited to begin training.  If I had known how sore and tired I was going to be an hour later, I would have thought up some more questions.  I won't get into the physical training we did that day because it was really just conditioning stuff.  Daniel did teach me a beginning kata but it was mostly just repetition to prepare my muscles for what was to come in my training.  

I never would have thought it was possible, but when the hour was up I was beyond ready to quit for the day.  I was going to just wear my gi home but Daniel insisted that I change before leaving for home. “Announcing that you are a martial artist to the world,” he said, “will bring you all kinds of attention, including the negative kind.”  That made sense I guess, but I'll tell you, changing clothes never hurt so badly.  After a quick trip to the locker room to change, I said good-bye, told him that I'd see him in the morning, and headed for the door.  As I was walking out the door, Daniel called out to me, “Josh?”

“Yeah?” I called back.

“He was 104 years old and died fighting.”

[baby_k]

Continue?   

[SamL]

Continue? 

Absolutely.

 

Chapter 6

 

I barely made it through dinner before crashing; I was completely wiped out.  I thought I was in pretty good shape, but obviously I wasn't in near as good of shape as I had imagined.  I crashed almost immediately after dinner and slept over eleven hours.  This morning, Mom dropped me off at the dojo on her way to work.  Yesterday, I had left the house right after she pulled out of the driveway and the dojo was on her way, so it made sense.  Plus it got me there a little early, which I certainly didn't have a problem with.  

I headed back to Daniel's sanctuary and found him already sitting on his cushion.  “Good morning, Daniel.”

“Good morning, Josh,” he replied looking up, “Take a seat and let's begin.”  I kicked off my shoes and he continued immediately, even before I sat down.  “There are many types of meditation,” he began.  “We'll be practicing breathing meditation.  It is a simple, yet extremely powerful meditative technique.  You can meditate in any position but the most important thing about your posture is that you are comfortable.  The second most important aspect of your posture is that you're stable.  In other words, you're not going to fall over.  The position that you're in right now, sitting on the cushion with your legs crossed is pretty close to a position called the Burmese position.  You’ll find that it’s slightly less comfortable than the exact position you are in, but it's much more stable.”

“I've seen pictures of people meditating before,” I said, failing to mention that all the pictures I had ever seen of people meditating was just yesterday on the internet at the school library, “and from what I saw, they all seem to be contortionists.  There's no way I could make my legs do that.”

Daniel nodded in agreement, “The position you no doubt saw is called the lotus position and I agree, it's pretty darn uncomfortable for your average physique.  The misconception that you've got to be in the lotus position probably has more to do with why meditation hasn't caught on in the Western world than anything else.  It's a shame, because the benefits of meditation go far beyond just the mind. Meditation lowers blood pressure, improves circulation, it even slows the metabolic rate which makes you age slower.”  

I didn't want to say anything, but all I could think of was those commercials and advertisements that promise you the world for just $19.95 plus $250.00 shipping and handling.  I forgot though, that there were times that Daniel seemed to be able to read my mind.

“Don't worry about having doubts, Josh.  It's critical thinking and it will serve you well.  Sensei Li began meditating when he was ten years old, just a few years younger then you are now.  How old do you think he is?”

“Oh man,” I cringed.  Whenever someone asks me to guess an age, I get uncomfortable.  I never wanted to guess too high because you can insult someone, but guess too young and I make Daniel look stupid.  I didn't want to do that either.  I figured Sensei Li was probably close to fifty years old but decided to say a little younger, “maybe forty-five?  I'm really not good at guessing people's ages,” I hedged.

“Agreed,” Daniel replied chuckling a bit, “you really aren't very good at this, even with that low-ball number you gave me.  Hu is seventy-seven years old.”

“SHUT UP!” I shouted and was immediately mortified as I realized that I just told my sensei to shut up.  “Oh my god, I am so sorry...I just...”  I quit talking because I realized that he couldn't hear me anyway.  He was laughing too hard.  

“Josh,” Daniel said between chuckles, “you have got to develop a better sense of humor.  No, I don't expect you to go around telling me to shut up on a regular basis but if I had any doubts about whether or not you were being disrespectful, which I didn't by the way, the look on your face when you realized what you had said would have washed that thought away immediately.  Now shut up and let me get back to our lesson,” he said with a conspiratorial grin.

Daniel first had me move my knees further apart so that they were closer to the ground.  I had to lean forward so I could readjust the cushion.  It was a little uncomfortable but it was doable.  “Good,” Daniel said, “now keep your back and neck straight and you want your head to just balance on top of your shoulders.  The trick is to use as little effort as possible to hold your head up straight.”  I did as he said; this was pretty easy so far.  “Now cup your hands and put them in your lap, palms up, like so,” he demonstrated, “right hand on top of left hand.”  

“There are a few minor additions to posture that you'll want to do as well,” he said.  “First, you'll want to open your mouth slightly.  Second, move the tip of your tongue so that it lightly touches the roof of your mouth.”  I made the adjustments as he was explaining them.  “Now for the breath,” he continued seeing that I had already done as he instructed.  “There are two things that you want to remember.  First, breath from your abdomen, not your chest.  Second, breath normally.  Don't try and take deep breaths, don't hold your breath, don't exaggerate your breathing – just breath.  Any questions?”

“I don't think so,” I started.  “oh, do I keep my eyes open or closed?”

“Whichever you prefer,” Daniel said, “although you may find that you experience less distractions with your eyes closed, ultimately it really doesn't matter much.  Anything else?”

I thought for a second, “No.  There's nothing that seems difficult in itself, but there is a lot to remember.”

Daniel nodded, “There is, and it can seem a bit daunting at first, but inside a week or two, you'll be doing most of this with minimal thought.  Here's the last part; watch your breath.  It helps to pick a focal point from which to watch it like the tip of your nose.  Watch the air as it goes by the tip of your nose, filling your lungs and again while you exhale.  Now here's the most important part: your mind will wander.  You'll be watching your breath and suddenly you'll be thinking about what time it is, about that assignment at school you have to finish, about how your legs are beginning to cramp.  That's your mind getting bored.  All you have to do is, when you notice that your attention has wandered, bring your attention back to your breath.  Do you think you can do twenty minutes?”

“Sure,” I said confidently, “piece of cake.”

Daniel smiled and I got the feeling that he knew something that I didn't.  “When you hear this sound,” he said while tinkling a small bell he had gotten off the altar, “your time is up.  Until then, keep going.  And...begin.”

I'd like to be able to tell you that it was as easy as it sounded, but it was a complete disaster.  I fidgeted like a two-year old.  I'd start thinking about some of the stupidest things, and apparently I'm fascinated by stupid things because I'd completely forget about my breath for what seemed like forever. I'd be like, “Whoa, what are you doing?  Pay attention to your breath, idiot!”  And then, rather than watch my breath I'd go off on a tangent thinking about why I let myself get distracted by this or that stupid thought...and then I'd realize that I still wasn't watching my breath and I'd repeat the whole cycle again.  Did I say that it was a complete disaster?

I knew Daniel was screwing around with me because I had been sitting there for way more than twenty minutes.  I figured he went up front and maybe got caught on the phone or distracted by a student or something, but now I was going to be late for school.  I thought about getting up but I figured that I'd show Daniel how committed I was even if I had to sit here for an hour or more.  It would be nice to get an apology from him, too.  I mean, I like Daniel but it’d be cool to catch him making a mistake, if only to prove that he's human after all.  Then suddenly, the tinkling of the bell.  I opened my eyes and Daniel was sitting on his cushion in front of me.  “What time is it?” I asked concerned.

“Twenty minutes after you started,” Daniel replied, “twenty minutes till seven.”  I couldn't believe it; I had only been sitting there for twenty minutes.  “So, how did it go?” he asked.

I lied, “Okay, I guess.”

“We'll talk about your session after school today,” Daniel said, “but take this with you today, it went a lot better than you think it did.”  

[Guest Avi]

youre a legend fot posting all this here. totally gonna read this later on! much love, my dude!

 

oh, real quick, we had a small interaction a while back and i just wanted to say you managed to strenghten my determination of wanting to travel to China and train with the warrior monks. youre a great human being and influence. much love♡

[baby_k]

More?

I start to kinda like this 'getting just a piece of the story'even normally it drives me absolutely crazy as I just wanna know what will happen. But there is lot to ponder in the text, so this gives timeto reflect I think <3

[SamL]

Chapter 7

 

I was so glad to hear the bell ring at the end of the school day.  It turned out to be one of those days and school didn't go any better than my lame attempt at meditation this morning had.  All day long I would catch my attention wandering and I'd try to watch my breath from my desk.  I couldn't sit right, of course, but Daniel had said that you could meditate in any position as long as you were comfortable and stable, so I tried.  And failed.  And tried again.  And failed again.  All. Day. Long.  

I was walking to the dojo dreading whatever Daniel was going to say about this morning.  I know he said that it went better than I thought, so apparently he couldn't read my mind after all; at least not all the time.  Here I was, on day two, and already hesitant about going back.  Some martial artist I was turning out to be.  Then it occurred to me, maybe he was going to let me go.  It was only then that I realized how much I still wanted this.  Before I realized it, I was in front of the dojo.  I took a deep breath and went in.

Daniel was in the sanctuary, as I had already come to expect.  “Hey Josh, have any interesting thoughts today?” he asked way too cheerfully.  I kicked off my shoes and took a seat.

“It's been a really frustrating day,” I said honestly.  I told him about my attempts to watch my breath that day at school and how poorly I had done.  Then I told him about my session this morning and what a dismal failure that was as well.  I'm not really proud of this but I was so frustrated that I was close to tears.  Daniel's smile wasn't helping.

“You apparently didn't hear me tell you this morning that it went better than you thought, eh?” he said.  “Do you remember me telling you yesterday that meditation would be much easier to explain after you had a go at it?”  I nodded weakly.  “You have just learned a fundamental truth about our existence that most people never learn.  Without that knowledge, not only can't you master the martial arts, but you can't master anything.”  I looked up skeptically.  “I'm quite serious, Josh.  What you have just learned will serve you far better in life than everything you will learn in school this year all put together.”

I've got to be honest, that kind of got my attention.

“Your conversation with yourself this morning probably went something like this: “Breath normally...there it is...I'm exhaling, the breath is flowing out now...”

“I wonder how long I've been sitting here?  Probably been at least ten minutes.  Halfway home...”

“Oh man, I'm supposed to be watching my breath.  Pay attention!”  

“Breathing in now...”

“What an idiot!  I can't believe I let my attention wander like that.  Oh. My. God.  I'm doing it again.  Pay attention to your breath for crying out loud...”

“Exhaling, where is it?  There...”

“I can't believe I'm having such a hard time with this.  Seriously.  Well, at least now I'm...”

“I'M DOING IT AGAIN!” Daniel shouted, in pretty much the same volume and tone of voice that I had used in my head while berating myself.  

“So,” asked Daniel, “is that pretty much how it went?”  The look on my face must have said it all because he didn't wait for an answer, “Who do you think you were talking to, Josh?”

“I was talking to myself,” I admitted.

“No, no you weren't,” Daniel said solemnly.  “It's a reasonable assumption though.  Let me ask you this then: Who are you?  In other words, are you your body?  Are you your thoughts?  Are you your feelings?  I looked at Daniel quizzically and he continued, “You weren't just talking; you were arguing. Who were you arguing with?  You either wanted to watch your breath or you didn't.  Josh said that he wanted to watch his breath and Josh's mind said, “NO!” in a hundred different ways.  Your mind is like almost everyone’s; it is a petulant child.  You are not a petulant child; therefore, you are not your mind.”

“So what can I do about it?” I asked.  It sounded a bit weird but it made sense too.  “How can I control my thoughts?”

“You can't,” Daniel announced happily.

“You have a special way of cheering me up.”  

Daniel laughed, “Oh, you want the easy path to martial arts mastery?  Why didn't you say so?”  Then he got serious again, “We don't invite thoughts, Josh.  Like a party crasher, they simply show up unannounced.  We only become aware of thoughts after they arrive.  You were having a meditation party and your thoughts crashed your party.  Like the tide at the ocean, thoughts come and go of their own accord.  You can't control them.”

“Then what do I do?” I asked, becoming exasperated.

“Do you remember me telling you yesterday that meditation relaxes the mind?” asked Daniel.  I nodded.  “Trying to control your mind requires effort, and the way to a relaxed mind is effortlessness. A key principle in many of the martial arts, that you are probably familiar with, is the idea of nonresistance.  For instance, when pushed, pull; and when pulled, push.”  I nodded again, getting really interested now.  “That's what you do.  When a thought pushes its way in, you don't resist.  You also don't follow the thought, you just observe it and let it go without judgment or attachment.  Eventually what will happen is that you shall transcend thoughts altogether.”  

He paused to let that idea sink in.  “Take the example of the petulant child I mentioned.  When such a child starts screaming and yelling at you would you start screaming back and get into a shouting match?  Of course not.  Yet that's the equivalent of what you did.  Training the mind is like training a dog.  When you first get a puppy and he runs to the other end of the yard, you call him back to you.  If he never leaves your side, you can't train him.  He must leave your side to get trained to 'Come' when he's called.  Eventually, calling him brings your dog back.  Same thing with your thoughts.  When you have runaway thoughts, recalling that you were watching your breath brings your attention back.  The dog won't learn to come the first time and neither will your attention.  If you are painstaking about being consistent, then your training will be successful.”

My head was swimming.  It seemed like a tremendous amount of information even though I knew it hadn't been that much.  It felt like what Mr. Sullivan, my science teacher last year, called a paradigm shift.  It's like everything I had known was being called into question and redefined.  I'm not saying that I was one hundred percent sold on these new ideas, but they did seem to make sense and my experience with meditation so far seemed to back it up.  

“I'm going to share things with you Josh that you're not going to be certain of,” Daniel began.  “Don't worry about offending me by questioning, because you won't.  One of the greatest teachers ever to walk upon the earth said that you should believe nothing just because he said it but instead to try it out for yourself and make sure that it is truth.  It is a good policy.  What I'll ask is that you consider it and try to prove or disprove what I tell you for yourself before making up your mind.  Now, any questions?”

“I probably have a bunch of questions, but I feel a little like I've just gotten off a roller coaster and my brain is short circuiting at the moment,” I said candidly.  “I think I have just one right now but I'll probably have some more after I think about this for a while.”

“Great,” said Daniel.  “Better a well thought out question than a question asked for the sake of asking.  You can revisit anything we've talked about at any time.  What's the one question you have for now?”  

“Well,” I began, “you said, “Josh wanted to watch his breath and Josh's mind said, “NO!” in a hundred different ways.”  So who is Josh?  I mean, I thought that I was just me but you're saying that there is me and there is my mind.  Who am I without my mind?”  

“That's a very long answer,” Daniel said, “and one that can't be answered today.  I will tell you this much: I've been teaching for longer than you would probably imagine and I've never been asked a more important and vital question.  Let's leave that one for now and go hit the mats.”

[SamL]

Welcome back.

 

Chapter 8

Days turned to weeks and things were going a lot easier in every facet of my training.  During mediation, for instance, I had let go of most of my expectations and stopped judging them as good sessions or bad.  Sitting for twenty minutes became easy and it started to feel like twenty minutes instead of an hour or longer.  

Daniel's talks after school were beginning to make a lot more sense as well.  It wasn't that he talked about things that were less complicated, or that I was more familiar with, either.  Listening to Daniel was sort of like building a puzzle but you're only handed one piece at a time.  One or two pieces into the puzzle it would be really hard to figure out what the picture was going to be, but once you get enough pieces put together it starts to take shape.  

As for my physical training, it was still, almost a month later, restricted to katas. The truth is, that while I would have loved to move on to something a bit more like actual fighting, I really had come to trust Daniel and his methods.  I think that the meditation exercises had even given me a little more patience.  There was something else about the katas that he had me practicing every day that gave me a little hope.  Actually, there were two things.  

First was that for all the watching through the window I had done, he was not only having me do all the katas that I had seen but also some that I had never seen before.  Not only that, but I wasn't the only one who hadn't seen them before.  Sometimes when I was going through the movements, I would see some of the other students, from all levels watching me.  I even had two students from Sensei Li's advanced class come up and ask me about one of them.  I didn't have much to tell them, but it was clear that they hadn't learned them.

The second thing about the katas that made them more interesting, was that he had me do the same kata in different ways.  I know at first that sort of sounds like I was doing a different kata but really it wasn't.  For instance, if a kata was mostly made up of upper body motions, then he begin by having me do the kata normally until I had built up a certain level of proficiency and then he would have me do the same kata crouched down so that instead of having my knees slightly bent as they would be in the original kata, I'd be doing it with my knees bent at a ninety degree angle.

My routine was pretty much set now.  I'd stop by the dojo for meditation on the way to school during the week and then after school I'd sit and discuss the topic of the day with Daniel for a half hour and then we'd do an hour of physical training.  Daniel gave me the choice to come in on weekends if I liked and I jumped at the chance.  Weekends weren't structured the same way though; in fact, they wasn't really a schedule at all.  

He did have me come in at 9am so that he could join me for meditation but after that, every weekend was different.  For instance, I'd meditate for thirty minutes instead of twenty and Daniel would go for an hour.  After that, sometimes I'd help Sensei Li by holding some pads for his students or corralling the younger kids who had classes every Saturday and Sunday mornings.  Other times Daniel would bring up topics he couldn't finish in a half hour and he'd start talks that lasted most of the day.  

Then there were the days that were almost all physical but he'd throw little twists in there.  He'd have me doing katas that I was familiar with till I could do them in my sleep, and then have me do them with earplugs in.  Other times he'd have me do them with arm and leg weights on, or even blindfolded.  I know they were just katas and there was no opponent who could clock me but there's something cool about going through the motions with a blindfold on.  

Today was Saturday and it had been a month since I had begun training.  Daniel told me that we had something special planned for the weekend and that we were going to start moving forward.  I really had no idea what he had in mind but was pretty excited all the same.  I mean, if we were moving forward, that meant that I had to be doing okay I figured.  I wasn't sure what special meant but it meant something new, and that was okay with me.  I arrived a few minutes before nine and met Daniel in the sanctuary.

“Good morning, Josh,” he said with his usual cheerfulness.  I noticed that there was a clock on the wall that hadn't been there before.  I greeted him back and looked pointedly at the new addition.  “Ah, you've noticed the clock,” he said.  “Good.  For starters, we'll be making some changes to your meditation practice.  For instance, today you'll be meditating alone, just you and the clock.  During the week, we're going to increase your mediation to thirty minutes.  You've been doing that during the weekends so it shouldn't be a problem.  Too, with your mom dropping you off on her way to work, you've got the time.”

He continued, “We're going to change regular weekend sessions to forty-five minutes and we're going to do it without the bell.  Starting today you'll be gauging the time yourself and stopping when you've reached thirty minutes during the week and forty-five minutes on the weekends.  When you've done thirty minutes you can verify the time on the clock, but no clock watching, okay?”

“Okay,” I agreed, “but how will I know when thirty minutes are up?”

  “It's been said that the mind makes a great servant but a terrible master,” said Daniel.  “You've made some real progress this past month and it's time to see if your mind is ready to take some instruction.  I want you to ask your mind to let you know when the forty-five minutes is up.”  

“Will it do that?” I wondered aloud.  “And how do I do that?  I mean, how do I ask my mind to do something?”

“Everyone has an internal clock inside them,” Daniel began.  “Your mind has access to that clock and can tell you when your time is up.  Will it?  Well that depends on what type of relationship you've developed with it.  The relationship between you and your mind is complicated and, just like when you asked me what meditation was, it's easier to explain it to someone after they have tried to communicate with it.  Also, I have someone else in mind to explain it to you.”

I blinked, very surprised.  Daniel had been really insulating me from other students and even Sensei Li to a certain degree.  I could help sensei with his students but when I'd ask him questions he was tight-lipped, referring me back to Daniel, so I was really surprised that he'd have someone else explain something that sounded so important.  He saw my surprise and went on to explain, “The person I have in mind is a very good friend of mine,” he said.  “She is a shaman and she was my teacher for a period of time.  She taught me the relationship between my self and my mind many years ago and, since I plan on having you meet her anyway, I'm going to leave it to her.”

“This is so cool,” I thought, “I'm going to get to meet one of Daniel's teachers.”  I knew so little of Daniel's past, it was more exciting for me than you might think.  And a shaman, too?  I didn't even know that shamans still existed.  “Is she coming here to the dojo?” I asked.  “Is she going to be here today?”

“Well,” Daniel said, a stern look on his face, “I suppose if you stretch it you might call that a question that pertains to furthering your training, but you really need to stop trying to score two questions for the price of one.”  I knew Daniel well enough by now to know when he was teasing me and this was one of those times.  I grinned up at him and his stern look melted away and he grinned back.  “No, actually we'll be going to see her.  And don't ask when; it'll be when you are ready,” he said, good naturedly cutting me off before I could ask.  “I'll be in the office; see you in forty-five minutes,” he said and left, leaving me alone in the sanctuary for the first time.

I ended up sitting for forty-nine minutes.  I'm pretty sure I would have quit right at the forty-five minute mark if I had only trusted my mind.  It had seemed like forty-five minutes but I was afraid to open my eyes to check the clock and discover that I had another five minutes or so.   I didn't know if it was appropriate to do or not; it was instinctual and I didn't stop to think about it but I thanked my mind for letting me know when to quit and apologized for not trusting it.  It seemed that it had let me know the right time but I didn't believe it.

Then things got really strange.

 

[SamL]

Chapter 9

“When I first opened my eyes and saw the clock, I was actually pretty ticked off.  I didn't mention it at first because,” I hesitated, “well, because it seemed stupid.  This was my first time and I thought I did pretty good.  It totally passed though; I'm actually in a fantastic mood now.”  Daniel wasn't there when I ended my meditation but he had come around the corner faster than I had ever seen him move. Typically he was extremely laid back so I couldn't quite place what I was seeing in his face, but he was either really concerned or really excited.  It seemed that he was concerned about my meditation session and was asking all kinds of questions.  He almost sounded like me for a minute.

“What were you angry about,” he asked.  

“I really don't know.”

Daniel got thoughtful for a second and then asked, “When did the feeling of being ticked off begin? Are you certain it was right after you stopped?”

I knew Daniel was being serious but I really couldn't resist.  I probably should have tried harder but, yeah, it wouldn't be me, “You really need to stop trying to score two questions for the price of one, Daniel.”  I didn't really think that out before I said it.  I knew Daniel was serious but it just came out.  I was feeling playful and apparently ten feet tall and bulletproof as my mom would say.  I shouldn't have worried.  There was this weird moment of silence and then Daniel exploded in laughter.

“That was,” Daniel said, after he could breath again, “absolutely brilliant.”  Did I mention how cool this guy was?  “Your sense of humor is improving after all.”  I thought I'd get back to his questions though and thought for a second.

“You know, I was going to say that I started getting mad after my session but actually, it was the very end of the session.  Maybe because I was starting to cramp up or because it was longer than I'd gone before?” I suggested.

“And after you stopped the anger dissipated almost immediately and you felt happy?” Daniel asked.

“Yeah, really happy.  Still am actually,” I said, “It seems this is important to you; what's it mean?”

“It means,” he said cryptically, “that we have less time than I thought.” Then he shook his seriousness off and grinned, “Let's go get brunch.”  You ever have any weird happy sounds come out of you when you're alone or somewhere you're not going to be mortified that it came out?  Unfortunately I picked being in front of Daniel for my new happy sound.  I think I actually purred.  Daniel was cool enough to ignore it which was pretty awesome because I don't think I could have pulled off a successful denial.

Ten minutes later, Daniel and I were sitting in a booth at Bobbi's Restaurant right down the street.  It was a favorite of me and mom's because it was named after her – well, it wasn't actually named after her, of course, but we would joke that it was.  Mom wasn't big on me eating fast food and we didn't eat out often, but this is usually where we would go when we did.  It wasn't the first time Daniel and I had gone out for lunch on the weekend, but this time apparently we were going to work through lunch because Daniel had that, 'I'm about to give a lesson' look in his eyes.

“Earlier this week you asked me when, as a martial artist practicing peace, you should fight,” Daniel reminded me. “I didn't answer your question then because to properly understand the answer, you've got to know some other things that simply can't fit into a thirty minute session.  The short answer is, as a martial artist dedicated to peace, you fight only when the harm done by fighting is less than the harm done by not fighting.”

“How do you know when that is?” I asked.

Daniel just looked at me expressionless, “You tell me.”

“But I don't know!” I exclaimed,  “If I knew, I wouldn't have asked the question in the first place.”

“I need you to listen to me very carefully, Josh,” Daniel said.  I had come to believe that everything he taught me was important but when Daniel went out of his way to point that out, it was time to really focus.  “This is life, not school.  The difference, is the difference between wisdom and knowledge.  In school, they give you the answers up front and then test you to see how well you've memorized the information or at the very least, memorized the technique to arrive at the answer.  For instance, what year did Christopher Columbus discover America?”

“1492,” I said, without a moment's hesitation.

“How do you know?” he asked.  “Were you there?”  I had a moment where I had considered pointing out that Daniel had asked two questions again for the price of one but decided against it.

“No, of course not,” I told him,  “We learned it in school.”

“I disagree,” Daniel said adamantly.  “Your teacher told you and you memorized it.  Assuming that your teacher was correct, you have acquired a piece of knowledge.  That knowledge is not portable though.  Knowing that Columbus discovered America in 1492 won't lead you to any other answers.  It won't help you to know when the Magna Carta was signed, or when George Washington became president.  

“One of the characteristics of wisdom is that it is portable and with wisdom you can answer multiple questions,” he continued.  “How many, depend on how much wisdom you have.  You've spent your life thus far waiting for the answers to be given to you, so that you can memorize them.  I'm not suggesting that this is through some fault of your own; it's the only way you've known to learn and the only way that your teachers have known to teach.

“Think about the question that I asked you: How do you know when the harm done by fighting is less than the harm done by not fighting?  It very well may be that some day your life will depend on the answer to that question.  Do you really want to trust the answer to someone else?  If you do, then a great deal of the knowledge you gain in life will only do you any good if you end up on a game show one day.”

It took me a moment to overcome my surprise; I had used almost those same words to describe school recently.  “Can I think for a moment?”

“Absolutely,” said Daniel, his grin returning, “it would be a nice change.”

I directed my thoughts to school and Charlie, the eighth grade bully.  “Okay, how about this: let's say that I see this 8th grader in a rage and about to beat up on a seventh grader who is a lot smaller and basically unable to defend himself.  I try to talk him out of fighting and get him to calm down, but it doesn't work.  Since the seventh grader is going to get creamed and since I have the ability to defend myself and him, it might be a good time to step in.  Well...as long as I can stop him by causing less damage than he would cause the seventh grader.”

“See,” Daniel said triumphantly, “you didn't need me to give you the answer after all.”

I sighed, “Okay, I came up with one example and I probably could come up with more, but the fact remains that there are still a lot of situations that I wouldn't know which would cause more harm.”

Daniel nodded, “You're right, of course, but in order to know what the skillful action is in those situations, you'll need to understand a bit more about your nature.  It's time to revisit your question, “Who am I without my mind?”  Let's take it up again back at the sanctuary.

[SamL]

Chapter 10

 

We finished brunch in relative silence and twenty minutes later we were tucked back in our little corner of the dojo.  I took a seat while Daniel lit some incense or potpourri, I couldn't see which, but the smell hit me almost immediately and it was incredible.  I'm not the type to be impressed with odors.  I don't care much for perfume on a girl, or on a guy either I suppose.  Typically I don't notice an odor unless it's foul, but this was pretty much intoxicating.  Well, I think it was, I've never actually been intoxicated before.  

“Dragonflower,” Daniel said, anticipating my question.  “It's a very exotic plant around these parts.” I nodded.  That explained why I had never smelled it before.  Then suddenly Daniel was all business as he started to address the question, “So, who are you without your mind?”

“First of all,” Daniel began, “As you may have begun to notice by now, explanations are often not tremendously helpful; experience is helpful.”  I thought back to some of our conversations such as the 'what is meditation' question and nodded my agreement.  “However,” he continued, “in order to give you a direction to begin experiencing, consider this: You are not Josh; Josh is simply a physical vessel for your true self.”

“Cool,” I said, “So, is my true self cuter, because I noticed that Josh didn't end up with a date to the Valentine's Day dance?”  

Daniel ignored me and continued, “And you are not your mind.  The idea of you is contained in the mind, but is not the mind.”

“Hold on,” I said, “that makes no sense to me.  You're saying that I'm not me and I'm not my mind? That would make me what?  I'm nothing?”

“The ‘I’ is not nothing, the ‘I’ is a character.  For instance, think of an actor playing a part.  The actor will never turn into the character.  The character is simply a vessel that the actor plays.  The character ends when the movie ends, it has no permanent existence – it is born of imagination and when the show is over, the character ceases to be.  Well, unless you count the cast of Star Trek at a comic con,” he added.  It must have been pretty funny because he was having a good laugh over it, but I was lost.  

“Daniel,” I asked when he recovered a bit, “can you say that a different way?”

“Take the actor Tobey McGuire, for instance,” Daniel said, trying again, “He played a character named Red in the movie Seabiscuit.  Years later, he played Peter Parker in the movie Spiderman.  Now, do you think he thought of himself as Tobey McGuire playing Peter Parker or as Red playing Peter Parker?”

“He thought of himself as Tobey McGuire,” I said, “assuming he doesn't have brain damage.”

“Right,” said Daniel, “His true self, from the perspective of acting, is Tobey.  It doesn't matter how long filming takes or how long he stays in character, he's not going to forget that.  In fact, it doesn't matter how many movies he makes or how many parts he plays, it is always Tobey who is doing the acting.”

“Okay,” I said, “I get that - I think, what does that have to do with who I am?”

“Consciousness is what gives you awareness, Josh.  Consciousness is awareness.  It is the divine spark inside us.  It is your true nature.  Our character's ego tells us that we are really the character and our mind believes it.   This is delusion.  Our ego is the great deceiver.”

“Okay,” I said slowly, trying to follow all of this, “So if this divine spark is me; if my true nature is consciousness, then what is your true nature?”

“Same as yours,” said Daniel.  “All sentient beings have the divine spark of consciousness.”

“Does consciousness have a personality?” I asked.

“Perhaps, but not individually, no.”

My head was swimming, “You're making my brain bleed, Daniel.”

“Well,” he said, with a grin in my direction, “at least it's nothing important.”

I tried to rally for one more go at it, “So if individual pieces of consciousness’s don't have a personality and my true nature is this divine spark of consciousness and your true nature is this divine spark of consciousness and everyone's true nature is a divine spark of consciousness...” I paused to take a breath, “then what you are saying is that we are all the same?”

Daniel took a second before answering, “That is exactly what I'm saying.  Consider it from another perspective; traditional Native Americans believe that everyone has a spirit and they refer to their god as the Great Spirit.”  I sat listening, curious as to where this was going.  “Let's say we looked up at the sky and noticed a bunch of, let's say ten, small clouds.  How many clouds would there be?”

“That's a real question?” I asked after a moment's silence.  Daniel nodded and I really thought this must be a trick question but I bit, “Ten?”

“Outstanding!” Daniel exclaimed sarcastically, “After all that time thinking about it I wasn't sure you'd get it right.”  He continued before I could object.  “Now, what if the wind blows all those little clouds in such a way as they all come together?  How many clouds would you have then?”

“One,” I ventured.

“Outstanding, again!” Daniel cried, “You are getting so much faster at answering these questions!  So what you're saying is that the number of clouds is really dependent upon how many times it's been divided and that no matter how many times it's divided, it remains a cloud.”

“Yeah,” I said a little cautiously because it seemed too obvious.

“That is, in a nutshell, if you ignore the oversimplification, is what the traditional Native Americans understood that modern man has forgotten.  Each of us has a part of the Great Spirit within us and together, we are the Great Spirit.  But we aren't talking together like you and I and your mom and Sensei Li, we're talking our true natures coming together – the divine spark in you and in me and in your mom and in Sensei Li and every sentient being the world over.”

“No offense meant Daniel,” I said, “but it seems odd that the Native Americans would be the only ones to get that.”

Daniel scoffed, “Now who said that?  They weren't the only ones to get it; you'll find similar idea's in all the great religions of the world.  For instance, from Christianity, I tell you the truth, whatsoever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.  Or from Buddhism, our body is like a new bud on a tree.  While the bud forms on the branch; it is created and fed from the root – not the branch.  Likewise, all the branches and all the leaves are not our 'self'- we come from the root.  The greatest lie is that we are separate from each other and from the divine.  Just remember that it was an actor in the middle of a scene who just explained that to you.”

[SamL]

Chapter 11

 

Daniel's latest conversation really gave me a lot to think about and I wasn't at all focused as I moved to the mats.  Today wasn't the day for a lack of focus though because Daniel, who usually left me to practice katas by myself for the most part, decided to join me.  That worked out for about a half an hour and he called it a day.  

“So,” Daniel asked, “any ideas why that went so poorly?”  

“Actually, I think I do,” I told him.  “My mind wouldn't quiet down and I was thinking about what we just talked about.”

“Precisely,” Daniel said.  He didn't seem aggravated about it though, so that was a good thing.  Come to think of it though, I had never seen Daniel aggravated so maybe it wasn't that great of a thing after all. “So, what do you think the solution is?” he asked.  I began to tell him that I didn't know but remembered just in time that I was supposed to be thinking for myself.  “Think about it while you change back into your street clothes,” he said, “and then we'll grab something at Starbucks and I'll give you a ride home.

I was pretty much devastated.  Daniel had never sent me home early on a weekend before and that comforting thought I’d had, that Daniel didn't seem to be aggravated, vanished.  I headed for the locker room kicking myself for performing so poorly on the mats and wondering what I could do to change his mind when it struck me, he had asked me a question and instead of thinking about the answer I was off trying to do damage control and had forgotten all about it.

It was my mind.  For a second, everything was clear.  Instead of thinking about the answer to Daniel's question, my mind was busy with something else.  It's exactly what happened on the mats.  Instead of thinking about the katas, I was thinking about our conversation.  In both cases, my mind was anything but relaxed.  I decided to meditate for just a few minutes until I cleared my mind.  

I didn't have a cushion handy but I did have a towel in my locker.  I folded it and rolled it up into a passable cushion.  Then I sat down in a corner of the locker room and closed my eyes.  I relaxed instantly; it was weird cause I had so much on my mind but it was almost like both of us wanted a break from its incessant chirping and my mind fell silent.  

It seemed like a moment later that I felt a presence. You know what it feels like when you get the sense that someone is watching you?  It was like that.  I opened my eyes and saw Daniel sitting there.  

“Hey,” he said lightheartedly, “if you didn't want to go to Starbucks, you could have just told me.”

I looked up at him for a moment without saying anything.  I felt almost too relaxed to speak.  At any rate, I was enjoying the silence while it was there.  “I think the solution is to take a moment and center myself before acting while I'm distracted.”

He nodded and smiled, “A truly wonderful solution.  You do have this strange idea about what a moment is though.”  I cocked my head, not following.  “Do you know how long you've been meditating in here?” he asked me.

“I don't know; fifteen minutes?” I guessed. I hadn't asked my mind to keep track and it dutifully didn't.

“Close,” he replied.  “Try almost three hours.”

“Seriously?” I asked.  I was completely blown away.  I didn’t even know it was possible to meditate that long.

Daniel grinned and nodded.  “It seems that your mind is relaxed enough to head to Starbucks now; but I should warn you, they close in two and a half hours so you'll have to get changed into your street clothes pretty quickly.  You think you can get dressed in time?”  I knew the question was rhetorical, he was just messing with me and so I didn't feel the need to answer out loud.  Getting to my feet and grinning back at him turned out to be sufficient answer and he got up to head out.  “I'll meet you in the office,” he called.

A couple of minutes later I stepped out into the dimmed lights of the dojo after it closes for the night. Sure enough, the street lights were on and provided most of the light inside.  Daniel saw me coming, locked the office and met me at the door wordlessly.  As we stepped out onto the street he asked me, “So, how do you feel after that particular session?”

“Really amazing actually, I said as we crossed the street, “I feel like I just got the best sleep of my life.  I think I'm calmer and more relaxed than I've ever been.”

Daniel opened his mouth to reply and then didn't say anything.  He closed his eyes for a moment and stopped where he was on the sidewalk. I had this split second where I thought he was having a heart attack or something but then he opened his eyes and there was something in them I had never seen before.  I felt some tension, but couldn't place it.  It wasn't coming from Daniel.

“Hey look guys, it's the Kung Fu kids,” a voice from behind us said.  Before we could take another step the voice was in front of us.  It was connected to a guy who was maybe in his late teens or early twenties.  He was close enough that I could smell alcohol on his breath.  Actually, that might not be a good description because I got the sense that if he backed up three or four meters I'd still be able to smell it; he was only about one away.  He had two friends flanking him and a quick glance told me there were two more circling around behind us.

Daniel's expression took on a frightened look, which I have to say, looked mighty out of place on him.  He addressed the guy who had spoken, “I'm not a student there,” he said, which was technically the truth.  “I was just cleaning up around there with my helper here,” he said motioning to me and I nodded.  It was really strange though, as outnumbered as we were and as unprepared for a fight as my training thus far had brought me, I remained perfectly calm.  Apparently three hour meditation sessions have that effect on me, because any other time I would have peed myself.  

“You're not going anywhere until you show me some moves, old man,” the mouthpiece of the group said before looking back to his buddies for some encouragement.  He didn't have long to wait, they were all egging him on.  

“Oh, come on, man,” Daniel pleaded,  “I can't afford any trouble, I'm on parole.”  

“Well then, this is gonna be like lose-lose for you,” he laughed.  “First we kick your butt and then you go back to prison for fighting.  Kinda sucks to be you, eh?”  He slurred the last bit and reached out to slap Daniel but just then Daniel lost his balance and fell back.  Luckily, he neither fell nor got himself hit.  Rather than be upset that he missed, the antagonist joined the others in laughing at Daniel's apparent lack of coordination.  

“Look guys, like you said, I'm old and clumsy and way out of shape...” Daniel began and was cut off.

“Shut up and fight or stand their and get your head kicked in; I don't care which,” the Mouth said.

“Can you let me stretch and warm up for a minute then, please?” Daniel begged and immediately started doing some clumsy jumping jacks.  The guys were laughing so hard at his attempts to warm up that it bought Daniel some time.  He made the most of it.

[SamL]

Chapter 12

 

While the idiots were laughing, Daniel switched to a kata that he had taught me almost a month ago. Ten seconds in, just as the laughter began dying down, he suddenly threw a vicious jab toward the corner of the building.  A nearly ten centimeter piece of stone broke off from the storefront.  Before the stone dust could hit the ground, Daniel took a step toward the street, wheeled and threw a spinning roundhouse which took the top of a parking meter clean off, sending it crashing to the ground.  

Daniel grimaced and exclaimed, “Oh no, we got to get out of here before the cops come!”  He looked at the boys who suddenly were not looking at all happy and begged, “Truce please!  I can't afford to get arrested again!  Please don't tell anyone it was me; let's just get out of here before the cops come.”  The boys pretended to appear reluctant for almost an entire second, but anxiously accepted Daniel's suggestion.  The relief was evident on each of their faces.

The boys turned tail and ran.  Daniel motioned for me to follow him and we ran to Starbucks which was only about a half a block away.  “Why are we running?” I managed as I struggled to maintain his pace.

“To keep up appearances,” Daniel said, “plus I'm really thirsty,” he added with a sideways grin.  We got our drinks: his usual Earl Grey tea and an Italian soda for me and took a seat.  Daniel looked up from his cup and asked, “So, how are you feeling after such a long meditation session?”  

“Seriously?” I asked incredulously, although I shouldn't have been that surprised.  I mean, this was Daniel after all.  “You knocked a building out cold, knocked the top of a parking meter out of the ring, got five guys looking for trouble to run off like their lives depended on it – and you're just going to ignore that and ask me about my meditation session?

“Yes,” said a stone faced Daniel.

I ignored him.  “Are you really on parole?”

Daniel sighed, “No.”  

“So that was all part of you just trying to get out of the fight so that you didn't have to hurt them?” I asked.

Daniel nodded, “The martial arts are, as we know, about peace.  They weren't bad kids really. Certainly they are misguided, but they don't have anyone to guide them.  But there's another reason that I didn't want to fight them even if I knew that I would win.  What is it?”

I hesitated.  “Well, it's possible that you could have gotten in trouble with the law if you had hurt them.”

“It's possible,” he said, “but no.  I think a police officer would have a hard time justifying arresting me for defending the two of us against five guys.  However, even if I knew that I would get arrested as a result, that wouldn't have deterred me if there was no other way out.”  With that, Daniel drained his tea and stood up, “Let's get you home.”

On the way home, Daniel told me that he wanted me to stay home tomorrow but that he'd see me Monday morning.  “In the meantime, think about the question I asked you and don't skip your morning meditation session.  In fact, I want you to add an evening session as well, but you'll have to do that one at home during the week.  Okay?”  

“Yeah,” I said, pretty bummed about not going tomorrow and wondering if it was because I didn't know the answer off the top of my head.  Then I gave myself a swift mental kick in the backside.  I did my best today and Daniel had told me in the beginning that would be good enough.  Plus, he had been more than fair with me all the way through this training.  If that wasn't enough, I had thoughts like this before and they always turned out to be groundless.  I smiled to myself, “Good pep talk,” I thought.

Daniel pulled up in front of my house and turned to me, “That, my friend, is some of the best martial arts I've seen in a long time.”  I looked toward him confused.  A minute ago, you began feeling down. You started doubting yourself, which is pretty ridiculous because you have been doing fantastic and are proceeding well beyond my expectations; and I have to tell you, my expectations for you began mighty high already.  You just got broadsided by fear and doubt and you didn't give an inch.  You stood there, faced them, and then sent them packing.  It is a lot harder to face down ones own fears and doubts than it is to face down five guys.  Now get out of my car,” he joked.

I grabbed my gear and hopped out, waving good-bye as he drove off and headed into the house. Mom heard me as I walked in and yelled from the kitchen, “I'm in here, honey, but don't come in!”

“That was weird,” I thought.  “Why not?” I yelled back as I kicked my shoes off.

“Because I'm making your birthday cake for tomorrow, nosy!” she called.

“For tomorrow?” I asked dumbfounded and did some quick calculations just to make sure that I wasn't about to look really stupid, “Hey mom, I know you're getting older and all and that it's possible that senility has...”

Mom stepped into the doorway from the kitchen with her hands on hips and a fierce look on her face. Fortunately, it was a fake fierceness and she knew I was playing, “Pick your next words very carefully young man,” she cautioned with mock seriousness.  

“Oh mom, no,” I began.  “I was just saying that with all you do around here, you know, because with age comes responsibility and you being the most responsible person I know, that you might have been too busy to remember when my birthday actually is and so you asked grandma who, because of her advancing age, might have gotten a touch of senility and given you bad information.”

“Nice recovery, although a bit ironic.” she said with mixed emotions.  “Didn't Daniel tell you what he has planned for your birthday?” she asked coming into the room.  “Don't worry, the cake is in the oven now,” she added.

“He doesn't have anything planned,” I said.  “In fact, he told me to take tomorrow off.”

“Well yeah silly, that was our deal,” she said.  I just discovered that your grandmother has surgery next Friday and I'm flying out to be with her.  She's going to be alright, but I'm going to miss your birthday.  I talked to Daniel earlier today and we made a deal.  We're going to celebrate your birthday a week early because I can't be here next weekend.  So I get you for your early birthday all to myself, and you get to spend both Friday and Saturday nights at the dojo next weekend.   I expect to be back on Sunday.   I wonder why he didn't tell you?” she asked.

“Cause he's a brat, that's why,” I grinned.

“That explains it;” mom said with a grin, “it's no wonder you two get along so well.  Oh, and you got some mail today,” she added.

“Mail?” I perked up.  I couldn't remember the last time that I had received mail.

“It's probably a birthday card but I can't tell from who,” she said handing it to me, “there's no return address.”

I tore it open as quickly as I could without risking tearing it.  There could be money in it after all.  It was a birthday card; and it was from Daniel.  He had written a message inside.  It said,

 

Happy Birthday Josh,

You see, taking the day off tomorrow had nothing to do with what you feared.  

You are doing fantastic.  Yes, even after today – especially after today.

I look forward to your birthday next week.

I've got a special trip planned for us and I think you're ready.

Namaste,

Daniel

 

 I couldn't help but check.  It was postmarked yesterday.

[SamL]

Hi baby_k,   Just wanted to say 'hi' in addition to posting the next chapter and so... Hi!

 

Chapter 13

 

I looked up the word, namaste in my dictionary after dinner but it wasn't there.  The computer, however, yielded results.  Apparently, the word namaste comes from two words from an ancient language called Pali.  The words are namas, which means ‘blessings’; and te, which means ‘you’.  So it literally means, blessings to you.  The way people use it though is more specific it seems.  In actual use it means, more or less, that which is divine in me greets that which is the divine in you.  

There was a reason Daniel used the word, though. I was sure of it.  Otherwise, he wouldn't have used a word that he knew I didn't know.  He had to know that I'd look it up.  I figured it had to have something to do with his explanation about the individual spirits and the Great Spirit and the idea that there is divinity inside every sentient being, but I hadn’t figured it out yet.  I tossed the idea around for a while but got no closer to an answer and so I decided to shelve it for now.  I knew that sometimes if I was trying to think of an actor’s name or something, as soon as I stopped trying, the answer would pop up randomly an hour later or so.  Since I wasn't getting any closer this way so I decided to give it a try.

That’s what I told myself, and it was more or less true, but it was starting to get late and I was getting tired.  I didn't know what mom had planned for tomorrow but I figured that the earlier I went to bed, the earlier I'd find out.  I also decided that a three hour meditation session earlier today kind of took care of the meditation requirement for tonight and so, I went downstairs to say goodnight to mom and headed for bed.  Tired or not, it took forever to get to sleep.  I know all about allowing my mind to relax but it was having none of it.  Daniel had a trip planned for next week and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I know that Daniel said that the shaman would be coming to meet us, but I wondered if he changed his mind.  That was the only trip I could think of that we could be taking.  Then I wondered if we were going to a martial arts tournament.  That didn't seem to make a lot of sense because I couldn't imagine that I was ready for something like that.  You can't compete, let alone win a competition with only knowing katas.  Maybe though we were just going to watch, like a field trip or something?  I mentally shook my head; it just didn't seem like Daniel to do something like that.  The whole 'martial arts is about peace' thing seemed to clash with the idea of a tournament.  Besides, I don't think I could win a tournament by promoting peace.

I began thinking about Daniel's question again.  Why wouldn't he have wanted to fight?  It rolled around in my head as I drifted off, still completely unresolved.  Then I had this dream.  I don't usually remember my dreams in the morning but maybe there is something about waking up out of a dead sleep at 2:36 in the morning to help you remember it.  I didn't have the answer yet, but I instinctively knew the answer was somewhere in my dream.  I grabbed a pencil and some paper quickly, to try and write down what I could remember before I forgot it all.  This is what I remembered:

There was this martial arts ring in the middle of a stadium.  It looked a lot like a UFC fight was about to begin.  Suddenly, Daniel and I came out of the back and began walking through the crowd heading for the ring.  Then, apparently I didn't like my view from Daniel's side because I was watching from somewhere else high above the ring.  I think I was disembodied but it was a dream so stuff like that happens sometimes.  

Daniel climbed into the ring and then his opponent began heading for the ring with his entourage.  It was the guy we ran into on the way to Starbucks and his friends were following close behind.  The guy climbed in and went nose to nose with Daniel in the center of the ring.  The referee gave them their instructions and a bell rang to begin the fight.  They both backed up a bit but then Daniel sat down and began to meditate right in the middle of his match!  His opponent looked back to his friends and grinned as they all began to climb inside the ring as well.

They surround him and I was screaming for him to open his eyes, to get out of there, that there were five opponents now.  I didn't think he could hear me but suddenly he said, very softly so that only I could hear him, even though there were lots of people closer to him, “There are no opponents.”  I was freaking out in my dream; now was not the time for denial I remember thinking.  Daniel put his head back until he was looking directly at me, straight up over the ring and said, “There is only one cloud.”

I had no idea what he was talking about in the dream but was so desperate to have him get up and defend himself that I yelled, “Absolutely Daniel, just one cloud.  Now get up before they kill you!”  He shook his head, closed his eyes and dropped his head back to it's normal meditative position.  Then as I watched, the five guys started walking around him slowly and throwing feints.  

Daniel continued to sit there as the punches got closer until suddenly a white light began emanating from him.  From my perspective, I couldn't tell where it originated from.  It might have been his stomach or his head or anywhere really.  I don't know why I thought that was important but it seemed that it was.  Anyway, the light seemed to cause his opponents some confusion and they all just sort of stopped what they were doing and stared at him.

The light coming from Daniel got brighter and brighter and within seconds had enveloped his entire body.  I couldn't even see him anymore.  Then the weirdest thing happened, even for a dream.  His opponents began to glow as well until their bodies were enveloped in the same light as Daniel was.  As quickly as it began though, the light began to fade.  About ten seconds after it started to fade I could begin to see some of Daniels features in a sort of silhouette fashion.  He looked all right; in fact, he looked better than alright.  He looked like he was in a state of bliss.  I then turned my attention to the other guys and as their light faded, all I could see was Daniel.

I don't mean that Daniel was the only one in the ring either.  I mean, all five guys had somehow morphed into Daniel as well, and there were now six Daniels in the ring!  The real Daniel, whatever that means, got up and smiled at the other five Daniels and they all came up for hugs and handshakes. A moment later, the light returned and got brighter than it had before.  All I could do was shield my eyes and wait to see what would happen next but there was no next.  When the light faded a second time, the ring was empty and the crowd was going wild.

I was devastated.  Daniel was gone.  I started to cry from my perch a hundred feet above the ring and as my tears fell toward the ring I was aware of tears landing on me as well.  I looked up and saw a single raincloud had appeared inside the stadium directly above me and was drenching me.  I got a warm, happy feeling almost immediately as the rain washed away my tears and then stopped as suddenly as it had begun.  A gasp from the audience got my attention and I looked back to see a rainbow forming inside the stadium.  It was then that I woke up.

I know it was just a dream but it seemed more real than most of what I experience while awake. Then it hit me.  Daniel saw their true nature and was aware of his own true nature and saw the divine in each and every one of them.  He was as incapable of hurting them any more than he was of hurting himself. Had there been no other way, like his hand had been stuck in a machine and he was being pulled in, he might have cut off his hand to save his own life.  Likewise, if he had to hurt these guys in order to save his own life, he would have – but it would be a last resort.

I slept peacefully for the rest of the night.  When I woke up, I headed downstairs and found mom in the kitchen making breakfast.  “Good morning, sleepyhead.” she said by way of a greeting as I made my way into the kitchen.  “Happy Birthday!”  I thanked her and gave her a hug when she blurted out, “Oh!  Daniel called this morning for you.  He gave me a rather cryptic message for you and I wrote it down somewhere,” she said looking around the kitchen.  “Oh, there it is,” she said, “on the kitchen table.”  I turned and saw the yellow notepad paper and grabbed it anxiously.  

It said, “See, I didn't have to give you the answer after all.  Well done.”

[SamL]

Chapter 14

 

I entered the dojo Monday morning feeling like I hadn't been there for ages.  I know I had just missed one day, but after over a month of being there every day it felt strange.  Sensei Li was greeting his students as they came in and waved to me excitedly when I came in.  “Good to see you, Josh,” he called, “It's been so long I thought we'd never see you again,” he teased.  

“I needed a break from Daniel,” I joked back, “You know how he can be.”

“Of course,” he said, “we'll have to get together and compare notes one of these days.”  I gave him a smile and headed back to the sanctuary, marveling once again at the fact that he was seventy-seven years old.  Daniel wasn't in the sanctuary but I didn't actually need him there any longer - at least not in the mornings.  I knew what I was there to do and how to do it.  I had missed seeing him on Sunday though, and was looking forward to saying 'hello'.  “Ah well,” I thought as I sat, “maybe he'd be there before I left.”

Exactly thirty minutes later my eyes opened and I looked around for Daniel but I was still alone in the sanctuary.  I collected my shoes and backpack and scanned the dojo as I headed for the door.  Sensei Li called out to me from the mats, “Master Daniel had an errand to run and asked me to tell you that he'll see you after school today.”  I met his smile and mouthed the words, 'thank you', not wanting to interrupt his class further and headed out into another exciting day at school.  You know, I'm assuming that you all know me well enough by now to know this, but that last bit was what is commonly referred to as sarcasm.

Seven hours and twenty-six minutes after I walked out of the dojo, I was walking back in.  This time though, I really was excited.  Daniel greeted me from the office as soon as I came in and we headed back to the sanctuary.  He asked me about my day with mom and I asked how he ever got along without me for a day.  “It was hard,” he said sounding sincere, “without you here I actually had to do some work.  I'm glad you're back so I can relax again.”  I considered giving him a playful punch in the arm for that one but remembered what he did to the brick wall and the parking meter and decided against it.

“So,” Daniel said as we took off our shoes and entered the sanctuary, “do you feel the need to tell me about your epiphany while dreaming or would you like to move forward?”  

I looked toward him and tried to make a contemptuous looking face, “You know, you could at least pretend you don't know once in a while.”

“Oh geez, I'm sorry,” he said.  “Please, tell me all about it.  I'm dying to know!”

I pretended to sulk.  “Nope.  You don't deserve it,” I teased, “but I forgive you.”

“Oh, that is excellent news,” he started, “because forgiveness is the topic de jour.  How do you forgive someone?”

“Oh good,” I replied, “An easy question.”  I thought for a moment, “I've been told that forgiveness take time, but I'm not sure I believe that any longer. I know that you want me to start thinking for myself, but anything I say is just going to be a guess, so I'd really rather just hear what you have to say about it.”

Daniel flashed me a smile, “Don't be too sure that you weren't thinking for yourself already, Josh. You've been told something about forgiveness and you've decided for yourself that you aren't confident about the answer you received.  Doubting rather than accepting things blindly is thinking for yourself and not knowing, not just saying that you don't know, is the beginning of wisdom.  So let's take a look at forgiveness together and see if we can't find the answer.”

He continued, “What do you know about your true nature?”

“You've taught me that my true nature is consciousness,” I told him.

“And what is my true nature?” he asked.

“Your true nature is also consciousness,” I replied and then, thinking I could save a little time, “and so is every sentient beings true nature.”  I had planned on stopping there but a thought came to me and Daniel hadn't started talking yet and so I continued, “It was like my dream that you know nothing about.  In it, you told me that there are no opponents and that there is only one cloud.  Right aft...”

“Whoa there, “ Daniel interrupted.  “I told you that in a dream?”  I nodded, a little unsure of myself now.  “Wow,” he quipped, “dream Daniel is a pretty smart guy.”  

I ignored him and continued, “Right after that, you and all five of your opponents were surrounded by light and when the light dimmed you had all morphed into the same person – you.  A moment later, all of you vanished and became a single cloud.  When we ran into those guys last week, I saw them as different from you but you saw them as the same as you.  Hurting them would be like hurting yourself and so you did everything you could to get out of it.”

“I couldn't have said it better myself,” Daniel said and grinned, “Although technically, I suppose dream me did say it myself.” He got serious for a moment and continued, “So if someone injures me in any way, physically, emotionally, or otherwise, who are they really hurting?”

“They are hurting themselves,” I said confidently.  “If they knew that your true nature was simply a part of their true nature, then they'd realize that hurting you was not only the same as hurting themselves but everyone they love and care about too and they wouldn't do it.”

“So what would be a skillful way to respond to someone who tries to hurt you?” Daniel asked.

“It's confusing,” I told him.  “I mean, I'd try and prevent anyone from being hurt which means I'd try and avoid both being injured and allowing them to injure me.  If at all possible, I guess I'd try and get them to see and accept their true nature because without understanding that, they'll simply try to injure me again – or someone else, which is me too – and them.”  Daniel nodded, waiting to see if I had anything to add.  “I see the truth in it Daniel, really.  It just gets confusing trying to describe it.”

“It is difficult to describe,” he agreed.  “Since people don't normally look at the world this way, language has not developed in such a way as to describe it properly.  That said, I'm confident that you understand it from an intellectual level if not an internal level.”

“What's the difference?” I asked.

“When you leave here today,” said Daniel, “let's say you head over to Starbucks to order something to drink and the person behind the counter ignores you and keeps asking the adults behind you what they would like.  The adults, in turn, step around you like you weren't even there and give her their order and the pattern repeats over and over again.  How do you react?”

“Oh, that's not a fair example!” I exclaimed.  “I hate that when people do that.  My money is just as good as anyone else; I don't care how old you are.  I guess I'd be mad.”

“Why?” Daniel asked, still serious.

“Because it's rude for one,” I exclaimed, and they're treating me like I'm a second class citizen!  It happened at the bank last week when I ran in to make a deposit for my mother when she couldn't find a parking space.”

“What's the message that they are giving you when they treat you like that?” he asked.

I began to answer when I had this split second where I saw my mind was losing it.  I was getting caught up in the feelings that I had at the time and was getting just as aggravated as I was then.  My mind was anything but relaxed.  It was a strange way to have a conversation but I figured Daniel of all people would understand and accept it and so I simply adjusted my position, closed my eyes and found my breath.  Seriously, it was like thirty seconds later that I opened my eyes, already calm.  I was surprised at how fast it had happened.  

“That's the relationship between you and your mind improving,” Daniel said, “you're getting there sooner.”

“When people ignore me they're saying that I'm not as important as they are,” I said, getting back to the point.  “or that kids aren't as important as adults.”

Daniel shook his head, “What they are saying, is that they think that adults are more important than kids.”

I frowned, “Isn't that what I said?”

“Oh no,” Daniel said adamantly.  “In your version you said that they are telling you that you are not as important.  In my version they are telling you that they think you are not as important.  It is as important for you to not believe everything you think as it is for you to not believe everything they think.  Believing something does not make it true.  Let me ask you this:  If one of those adults came up to you and told you that you could fly, would you look for the tallest building around to give it a try?”

“No, of course not,” I replied.

“Why not?”  asked Daniel.

“Well, I mean, besides the fact that I'm not a complete idiot?”  I asked. “They either believe what they are telling me or they don't.  If they believe what they are saying then they are nuts...”

Daniel interrupted, “Let's go with the idea that they have an unskillful understanding of gravity.”

“Okay, “ I said, “If they believe what they are saying then they have an unskillful understanding of gravity and I shouldn't believe them.  If they don't believe what they are telling me then they are trying to hurt me which shows an unskillful understanding of my true nature, and theirs.”

“In either case,” Daniel continued, “how do you punish them?”

“Who said anything about punishing them?” I asked a bit anxiously.

“Well obviously their demonstration of unskillfulness is going to make you mad, isn't it?” Daniel asked.

“No, of course not,” I said.  I mean, one way or another, they're still off a bit.  To tell you the truth, I'd probably feel sorry for them.”

“What's the difference between the unskilled thinking of the people at the bank and the unskilled thinking of this fellow who thinks that you can fly?” asked Daniel.

I could see where he was coming from but it didn't feel the same.  “Well then, why do I get angry at one and not the other?” I asked.

“Excellent question!  I cannot wait to hear the answer you come up with after your next dream,” Daniel said with his typical grin.

[SamL]

Chapter 15

 

The rest of the week passed quicker than I expected with me looking so forward to spending the whole weekend at the dojo.  I didn't know what else Daniel might have had cooked up but all I could think about was the trip he had planned for us.  Daniel had offered to take mom to the airport and pick her up so that she wouldn't have to pay for parking.  I was really surprised when she accepted.  She likes Daniel and all, but she's one of those people who don't have a lot of close friends and would much rather be the one doing the favor than the one accepting it.  I'm a lot like her in that way.

Anyway, most of our talks this week were review mostly, just looking at things different ways.  Often, we wouldn't even use the whole half hour.  I'm still waiting on the dream Daniel talked about, or maybe joked about; I have a hard time knowing with him sometimes.  Meditation sessions were effortless and I know it sounds weird but I had really come to look forward to them.  It felt like I'd get rejuvenated afterward, like I had just got up from a nap.  I found myself wondering that since my mind can get rest when my body rests even though they are not the same thing...then can my body get rest when my mind rests like during meditation?  How cool would that be?  I made a mental note to ask Daniel about this.    

The only part of my training this week that was really noteworthy was my physical training.  There were no new katas but he had me doing them non-stop.  He was always there now, too.  Before, the only time he was there was when he was teaching me a new kata and waiting till I had it down.  Now though, he was like a drill instructor.  He was still Daniel and all, so he wasn't mean or anything, but he was constantly making small corrections or telling me to stop and start again, or to go faster or slower.

As soon as he was satisfied with one, we'd move on to the next until we had gone through all four that I was familiar with.  When that was done, we'd start all over.  With our talks this week usually being only fifteen or twenty minutes long, that was another ten or fifteen minutes on the mats.   By the time the weekend rolled around, I had worked out any kinks in my technique and if someone wanted to test me on them, I'd never be more ready.

In fact, I had begun to wonder if Daniel was preparing me for a test for my next belt.  It kind of made sense with all the repetitive practice he was having me do.  I was hoping that wasn't it though.  I really liked the concept of 'the unwashed belt' method that Daniel had talked about on my first day, and was looking to forward to using it myself.  

Friday morning Daniel picked mom and I up, along with our luggage.  Mom had hers for her trip to see grandma and I had my things for the weekend.  She didn't have to be to the airport till 8:45am but she wanted me to come to the airport with her to say good-bye and so I was going to get to school late. I felt really bad about being late for school but I tried to handle it like a man.  That was that sarcasm thing we talked about earlier, okay?

After we dropped mom off, Daniel dropped me off at school.  I did make a halfhearted effort to get Daniel to consider forgetting school for the day but he was having none of it.  In fact, I would have thought that a simple no would have worked but he found it necessary to laugh at the question the whole way to school.  Fortunately, it was only a twenty minutes ride.  He almost stopped laughing once, but I made the mistake of asking him where we were going on our trip and that set him off again.

Five long, grueling, impatient hours later, the bell finally rang.  Philadelphia thinks they've got the only Freedom Bell; they should see it around here at 2pm on a Friday, when the bell signifying the end of the school day rings. I got to the dojo ten minutes later and found Daniel in the sanctuary.  “Hi Daniel,” I greeted him as I kicked my shoes off and leaped into the cushion all in one motion, “miss me?”  

Daniel turned to look in my direction and cocked his head.  “You do look a little familiar,” he said.  “I had a student once who looked a bit like you.  Problem is, he always took days off of his training.”

“Oh yeah,” I said, playing along, “I think I remember that guy; wasn't he the lazy one?”  

“Could be,” Daniel said, preparing to raise the stakes. “I tended to think of him as the stupid one but, come to think of it, he was pretty lazy too.”  

Suddenly, Sensei Li stuck his head behind the curtain and announced, “Good afternoon, Master Daniel.  I heard you call for the stupid, lazy student so I came right away.”  We all shared a laugh until Sensei Li spoke again, “The delivery arrived; I had them put it in the alley behind the dojo.”  Daniel thanked him and Sensei Li left to get back to his students.  

“I suspect that you've started wondering if you'll be tested this weekend,” Daniel said.  “The truth of the matter is, you shall be, but not how you think.  This test isn't about belts; it's about desire.  There is an outer strength and an inner strength present in everyone.  This weekend we'll be testing your inner strength.”

It seemed like the obvious question, “What's inner strength?”

“You know, every month or two you come up with a really good question,” Daniel said.  

“Oh good,” I replied, “I'm glad you liked it.”

“Oh no,” Daniel replied with his patented smart aleck looks, “this wasn't one of those times, I'm just looking forward to the next time you ask a good question.”  He continued before I could protest, “Inner strength is healing when you want to destroy; it's forgiveness when you wish to exact revenge.  Inner strength is perseverance when everything in you screams for you to quit and practicing peace amongst those who cry for war.  For the next few days we'll be testing your inner strength and if you persevere, you'll not only discover an understanding of how strong you truly are, but the experience will open up new worlds for you.”

“Sounds exciting,” I said.  “When do we start.”

“We already have,” he replied, a bit cryptically.  “Now let's hit the mats.”

I spent the next eight and a half hours, except for a short break for take out that Daniel ordered, repeating katas over and over again until I could literally do them in my sleep.  We went till about midnight.  The challenge was, that after twenty minutes of making certain that I was doing them as close to perfectly as possible, Daniel had me do them blindfolded.  Twenty minutes after that, he had me doing them with noise canceling headphones.  Twenty minutes later I was doing them with noise canceling headphones and a blindfold for an hour.  Then we'd move on to the next kata.

Doing katas this way wasn't as hard as you might think.  I'd been working on them for a while and they really were almost instinctual by now.  In some ways it even seemed easier because it really cut down on distractions not being able to see or hear anything.  The only distractions came from my own mind and these days, that was as quiet as it had been my whole life.  

When Daniel signaled that it was time to quit for the day, he had to do so by throwing a pillow at me because of the earphones and blindfold.  Well, I suppose he didn't have to.  He could have walked over and tapped me on the shoulder gently or something but if you think that's how Daniel operates, then clearly you began this book in the middle somewhere.  Anyway, I was so ready for sleep by the time katas were over that I was thinking it might not be worth it to unroll my sleeping bag.  I could just crawl over to it and use it for a pillow.  If I woke up in the middle of the night cold, I could always get in it then, but at least then I'd have a little nap first.  

I began heading to the sanctuary and Daniel piped up, “Well done, Josh,” he said, “I was beginning to think you'd forget about evening meditation but nope, you immediately headed over that way as soon as katas were over.”

I looked over at him to see if he was joking.  He wasn't.  I considered appealing to his compassion, but then remembered that he didn't have any when it came to training.  I just nodded and headed for the cushion.  Clearly this was some of the testing he was talking about and there was no way I was going to cry uncle.  Thinking about that for a minute, I felt a surge of energy come in the form of determination and I came very close to telling him to “Bring it,” but at the last second my sanity returned.  No need to egg him on or anything.

“Forty-five minutes,” I asked him nonchalantly, while holding out hope that he would shorten it.  

“Let's see,” asked Daniel, “is this a weekend?  Do we do forty-five minutes on weekends?  I wonder who around here would know the answer to that question?”  He asked another couple of questions but I had already begun and ignored them.  I sat for forty-three minutes when I opened my eyes.  I was surprised; I had been nailing the times perfectly the last few weeks and hadn't opened my eyes early once.  I closed my eyes again and sat for another two minutes until the forty-five minutes were up.

“When was the last time you've thanked your mind for letting you know when it was time to quit?” Daniel asked, continuing before I got a chance to answer.  “You'll find your timing will improve when you do.”  He was right; it had been a few days.  “Get some sleep,” Daniel said, “it's going to be an even longer day tomorrow.”

[SamL]

The story is getting close to a major transition...the end of chapter 17, beginning of chapter 18... hang in there!

[SamL]

Chapter 16

 

The meditation bell tinkling brought my attention back to my breath as I opened my eyes.  Something seemed wrong.  I closed my eyes again and tried to remember how long I had been meditating but drew a blank.  Man, I was tired.  I opened my eyes again and after a moment or two I realized what was wrong.  I hadn't fallen over meditating; I had been sleeping.  Actually, the fact that I had been sleeping wasn't the problem; the problem was that I was no longer sleeping.  I looked around until I found Daniel.

“Please tell me that was just a fire drill and we get to go back to sleep,” I pleaded.  

Daniel tinkled the bell again, “Oh no,” he said, once again way too cheerfully for the situation, “I already let you sleep in; it's nearly five o'clock in the morning.  I should have woken you up ten minutes ago.  You have just enough time, if you hurry, to take a quick shower and get back to your cushion for your first session of the day.  If you don't get your shower in now, you'll have to take it in forty-five minutes and you'll miss breakfast.”

I hadn't even realized that I was hungry until he said something and suddenly I was famished.  No surprise after yesterday and over eight hours of katas.  “I'm up, I'm up,” I said, more as a pep talk to myself than as a news bulletin to Daniel.   I sort of clawed myself into a kneeling position and waited for the energy to come to push myself the rest of the way up.  While I was waiting, I saw the clock on the wall.  I had six minutes to get back here and start.  Apparently that was the motivation I needed because I found myself halfway to the locker room before I even registered that I was up.  Five minutes and some odd seconds later I was back and, after a quick request to my mind for some help letting me know when my forty-five minutes were up, I began.

I slipped into a meditative state easily.  It was becoming easier and easier to get there as time went on.  In spite of this though, I couldn't help noticing the smells of breakfast wafting over.  The sensations became so overpowering, I began to think Daniel was cooking on my lap.   I hadn't been practicing this long though, without developing some skills, and I allowed the smell and thoughts of breakfast to pass. Soon thereafter, I realized that the forty-five minutes were up and opened my eyes to find Daniel cooking on a hibachi in a corner of the sanctuary.

“We have fifteen minutes to finish breakfast and talk,” Daniel said as he handed me a plate he had just loaded up with what looked like stir fry.  Your meditation schedule today is forty-five minutes on, fifteen minutes off, until the dojo closes tonight at nine.  

I had taken a mouthful just before he began talking which made the sound of incredulity that came out of my mouth kind of muffled.  I swallowed and did some quick calculations, “That's sixteen sessions of forty-five minutes!” I exclaimed.  

Daniel nodded with a mouthful of food.  Swallowing he said, “Your math skills never fail to impress me, Josh; and you did that without a calculator even.  Very impressive.  Yes, but more to the point, you've only got fifteen left.  And even more to the point, you only have to do one at a time.  Try and stay in the moment.  All you have is 'now'.  If the idea of fifteen more sessions back to back trouble you, then just take solace in the fact that a meteor might slam into the dojo at any moment effectively ending your sessions.  For all you know, you might only have one left.”

“You're right,” I said as I finished off my plate, “I'm feeling much better thinking about that.  Come on meteor,” I called.  Now as fate would have it, no meteor fell through the dojo all day and it quickly slipped into a pattern of forty-five minutes of meditation followed by fifteen minutes of trying to walk off the stiffness in my legs.  On another day this might have bothered me, but I was distracted by some other really strange things going on.  

For starters, occasionally throughout the day, I would get these flashes of energy that were overwhelming.  It seemed as if I would spontaneously combust if I didn't go and run a marathon right now.  Other times, even during the meditation itself, I would feel super emotional and find myself alternating between about to cry and about to laugh hysterically.  Throughout these experiences, I also was dealing with these weird heartburn type symptoms.  Collectively they eventually became a sufficient distraction that I brought it up to Daniel during one of my short breaks.

“I had noticed the change,” Daniel said.  “I do understand that what you are experiencing can be distracting, but it's a positive sign.  What it is that you are experiencing is an awakening of an energy center that flows up the spine.  It's a natural process, so just let it happen.  While it's nothing to concern yourself with, I actually have something that I plan on using tomorrow which will shorten the process.”

“I hate putting things off,” I told him, “we should start using that stuff, whatever it is, immediately.” Daniel laughed, “We'll begin using it tomorrow morning or, whenever your computer science project that you've been stalling on starting for the last month is completed.  Whichever comes first.”  I had been considering it for a while but decided right then and there that there is a definite drawback to having a teacher that can read your mind.  Anyway, fifteen minute discussions are pretty short and I found that it was time to begin another forty-five minute session.

Nine o'clock felt like it would never come.  As the day wore on and nine o' clock approached I was struck by alternating sensations of both distraction and calm.  I'm really not sure what was happening to me.  Meditation became easier to do in some ways, but minor distractions by my mind that I wouldn't have even noticed yesterday seemed insurmountable today.  It was as if, yesterday's whisper was today’s scream.  Yeah, that's it exactly.  

Anyway, eight forty-five rolled around eventually and I felt really good aside from some cramping in my legs and tightness in my back..  In spite of that, I was bursting with energy and excited about hitting the mats.  I assumed that there wasn't much more we could do with the katas.  I had been practicing each for two hours each in a makeshift sensory deprivation tank.  It seemed like we had already stretched the boundaries of what could be practiced and so I was expecting us to move on and for me to learn something new finally.  

Daniel had cooked us some food and since I hadn't eaten all day, I was famished.  We didn't do a lot of talking while we ate; I was too busy shoving food in my mouth.  I finished eating a couple of minutes before nine and asked Daniel,  “So, what's next?”  

“Well,” Daniel began, “personally, I'm overjoyed at your progress today.  I don't expect you to understand all that happened today but you've gone far in awakening the energy center that I spoke about earlier.  In fact, you've done so well...”  I want to take a second here to set the scene:  I had just completed a meditation marathon that began about sixteen hours ago.  Despite being sore, I was on top of the world.  I felt good, I was proud of myself and physically I was raring to go.  On top of all that, Daniel had just implied that I had done so well that there was some surprise waiting for me.  Okay, the scene is set.  “In fact, you've done so well...”

“...that I think we should continue on till midnight.”  

I almost puked.  To think, all this time I had thought Daniel liked me.  “What?” I exclaimed, almost levitating off the cushion.

“Three more sessions,” Daniel said.  “You've got about thirty seconds before you begin,” he said, glancing at the clock.

I glanced up too, and saw the second hand rapidly approaching the twelve.  I sighed and sat up straight.  I tried to make eye contact with Daniel, hoping I could put on a pitiful enough face that he would have some mercy on me but he just busied himself with collecting the plates and utensils we had used.  I closed my eyes and began the worst meditation session of my life.  

Disappointment turned very quickly to anger.  Annoying cramps became completely debilitating. Every tool I had previously used to quiet my mind seemed to stop working and I was all over the place mentally.  In fact, thoughts and feelings were coming so fast that I couldn't even begin to recognizing watching one before the next one would slam into me.  It felt like I was in the ocean with mental waves crashing over me again and again, causing me to lose my footing.  Suddenly, the unexpected tinkling of the bell came and I opened my eyes.  It was 9:03pm.

“What's going on?” I asked looking at Daniel.

“About the meditating until midnight you mean,” he asked.  I nodded as I stretched my legs out and he smiled that Cheshire cat smile he has, “I was only kidding about that,” he said.  For a moment there I truly wanted to throttle him.  “I just wanted to show you how active your mind could still be.  Those three minutes made it much more clear than thirty minutes of discussion.”

He was right.  It was clear now.  I found myself suddenly wanting to give Daniel a hug and cry and laugh, all at the same time.  I found myself wondering where the desire to throttle him had gone.  “So, he interjected, “ready for the mats?”

[SamL]

Chapter 17

 

We came out from behind the room divider heading for the mats when I saw it.  Daniel had constructed these series of...I have no idea what they were.  A couple of days ago the dojo had received a delivery of cinder blocks and bricks which they left in the alley behind the building.  Today, those cinder blocks and bricks were all inside and piled up in what appeared to be random stacks on the mats that all appeared to be about eye level.  “Cool,” I thought, “something new.”  I really should have known better.

Daniel explained what he had in mind and I've got to tell you, I was split evenly between thinking that he was losing his mind and thinking that I was, because a part of me thought the idea was pretty cool.  Anyway, his plan was for me to go through the four katas that I had been working on while wearing the headphones and blindfold like the other day, except today I'd be doing it from the series of perches that Daniel had arranged.

I hadn't notice it from the ground level but apparently the individual perches had been arranged so that if my foot landed where it was supposed to, then I'd place my foot directly onto a brick.  If I was off even an inch or two, I'd risk falling.  Falling almost five feet might not have been terribly daunting on it's own, but the perches were created, more or less, pyramid style with a much bigger base than the top.  Therefore, if I mis-stepped, then not only would I fall, but I would be bouncing off cinder blocks on the way down.  

My mind recalled when Daniel had first taught me meditation and we had thrown the ball back and forth.  Catching it was easy; catching it when I had thought that my future lessons depended on catching it was much more difficult because my mind became absorbed with fear and got distracted.  I let the fear go.  I could do this easily as long as I didn't think about it too much.  Daniel brought a step ladder forward and set it up right next to the first platform.  Climbing up, I began to see the katas pattern in the perches.  

Daniel handed me up the blindfold first and then the headphones.  I put the blindfold on first.  Before I got the headphones on, he gave me my instructions.  “When you finish completing the kata, remove the blindfold and the headphones,” he said.  “Then jump down and come on back.”  I nodded.  “That's it,” he said, “time to get to work.”  I put the headphones on and took a moment to silence my mind.  I saw the layout in my head clearly and took my first step.  It landed solidly on a brick.  Then my mind seemed to shut off.  I don't even remember taking the next step, or any part of the kata actually.  It was like I became aware that I was done only after I was.  I took off the headphones and the blindfold and hopped down easily.

As I headed back, Daniel had already began re-arranging the platforms.  “Not that difficult, was it?” he asked.  I told him about my comparison to catching the ball and he agreed.  “That is exactly it,” he said, “and the reason that we are moving on to the next one immediately.  You've got an understanding of how to do this effectively, now we just have to practice doing it a few more times.”  I've got to admit, it felt pretty cool to have accomplished the kata under those conditions.  It felt, so much more than anything that I had done up till this point, like I was becoming a real martial artist.  I knew though, that it wasn't simply a physical skill that I had learned.  Like Daniel had said even before we began my training, this was about mind, body and spirit, and without knowing how to quiet my mind, I would have failed miserably.

An hour later, we had gone through all the katas that I had learned up till then.  It was only about 10:15pm but I was feeling more energetic than when we began.  It was weird because I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and I would have expected to be completely exhausted but it just wasn't so. Daniel had me carry the cinder blocks and bricks back out behind the dojo which I totally would have expected to wear me out but again, I was feeling more energetic than when I had started.   “What's next?” I asked him as I came in from stacking the last of the cinder blocks out back.  

“Bedtime,” called Daniel and I felt such a let down.  I didn't want to go to bed; I was raring to go.  

“What about my evening mediation session?” I asked, trying to extend the day a bit.  

Daniel just shook his head, “You need some sleep, regardless of what your mind is telling you right now.  Besides,” he reminded me, “we've got a trip planned for tomorrow.”  I had completely forgotten about the trip and he saw it on my face.  “I was going to tell you about it tonight but clearly you aren't interested; you've forgot all about the trip already.”  There wasn't a snowballs chance in hell that Daniel had ever intended to tell me that night and I knew it.  Knowing that allowed me to pretend that I had some dignity and refrain from begging as I unrolled my sleeping bag.

The tinkling of the bell woke me up the next morning feeling surprisingly refreshed.  I glanced at the clock and saw that it was seven o' clock and I had been sleeping for about eight hours.  “Morning Josh,” Daniel said.  “Why don't you grab a shower and I'll make some tea and breakfast.”  I noticed that Daniel looked freshly showered himself and like he had been up for hours.  I found myself wondering, not for the first time, when this guy slept.

“Back in ten,” I told him as I scurried to the locker room for my shower.  I had not even stepped out of the locker room before the smells of breakfast had infiltrated my nose.  I didn't recognize everything but I did notice the scent of dragonflower; it was hard to miss.  I don't really know how to describe it but when the scent of it hit you, it was almost as if you could taste it.  It had almost a strawberry flavor to it and I felt a little like an infant that just wanted to put it in his mouth.

I hurried back to the sanctuary after my shower and plopped myself down, anxious to eat.  Daniel must have seen my anxiousness because he chose this particular moment to start a conversation.  “I have a bit of a warning and a choice for you this morning,” said Daniel.  He had a way of getting my attention.  “You no doubt recognized the tea brewing,” he said.  “As we discussed before, this particular plant is very exotic to these parts.  What we did not discuss was the plants properties, and you should understand what they are prior to making the decision on whether or not to have some.”

“You'll recall,” he began, “that yesterday you were experiencing some unusual feelings while meditating – both physical and emotional.”  I nodded in agreement.  “I explained yesterday that these experiences are due to the opening of an energy center; do you recall?” he asked.

I nodded again, “You said it was a positive sign.”

“That it is,” Daniel agreed.  “It signifies the awakening of what is called the kundalini and is a very good sign indeed.  Dragonflower has certain properties that stimulate the awakening of this energy center.  The consideration one needs to take prior to utilizing this particular tool is that it helps to awaken the energy center whether or not the user is ready for it to be awakened.  Utilizing dragonflower before one is ready can lead to very real discomfort, up to and including permanent psychosis.”

“Nothing serious here,” I thought.  Then suddenly, “I'm ready.”  Daniel knew me pretty well, and I trusted him.  He wouldn't have offered if he hadn't been certain I was ready.  

“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” he said, “and you're correct.  I believe that you're ready.”  With that he handed me my plate and poured us both a cup of the hot tea.  Anticipating my questions he continued as he took a sip, “While it begins working immediately, it is unlikely that you'll even notice it at first.  It'll take a few hours to reach its full effect.  The more the energy center has begun to open, the less you'll actually feel it.  To tell you the truth, you're progressing well.  Under almost any other circumstances I'd just let nature take its course, but it would likely cost us another month and we have a trip to take today that frankly, can't wait.  The folks we are going to see need some assistance and a month from now will be much too late.”

I had been sipping on my tea since Daniel had begun speaking.  The smell was simply too alluring to have a cup in front of me and not take a drink.  The experience of drinking it was so strange. Remember that I told you that it smelled like strawberries and that I could even taste the strawberries while smelling it?  Well, it did, and having it in front of me made the sensation that much stronger, but when I swallowed it, the flavor changed immediately and drastically.  Once swallowed, the strawberry taste vanished and was replaced by a really powerful peach flavor.  I could still smell the strawberries but tasted peach.  Like I said, it was really strange.  

I had questions, but decided they could wait.  The clock read a couple of minutes to eight and I suspected that Daniel was going to start a meditation session on the hour.  I had no intention of putting my plate down before I was finished and as I hadn't perfected asking questions with a full mouth, I decided to forgo the questions for now.  Right on time Daniel spoke up, “Forty-five on and fifteen off beginning at eight,” he said.  I nodded, my mouth still full with the last bite.  I looked up and saw that I had less than a minute, swallowed quickly and downed the last of the tea.

“See you in forty-five,” I said and, setting the plate and cup aside, began.  It didn't take long before I became aware of a pressure in my throat that seemed to be rising up.  I let the thought go but it was quickly replaced by the next thought, “Was I about to puke?”  It didn't feel like any nausea that I had experienced before but then again, it didn't feel like anything else I had experienced before either and so my mind was grasping for answers.  I let that thought go as well, and soon settled into a deep state of meditation.  

The next few hours were increasingly unnerving.  It wasn't that anything hurt, or that meditating became difficult, it was just that I kept experiencing things that I never had before.  I could still smell the lingering odor of the dragonflower in the air and as I watched my breath go in and out, I began to see colors where the scent was.  I mean, I can tell you what purple smells like now.  I can tell you how scents in the air mix with the air around it like paint poured into a tub of water.  It was sort of cool and all, but it was weird cool.  

Then, sometime in the early afternoon, I had another new experience.  The smell of purple had disappeared and was replaced by the smell of ozone in the air, like there had just been an afternoon thunderstorm.  My mind alerted me to the fact that the forty-five minutes were up but I just remained there with my eyes closed experiencing the changes.  

Out of nowhere, it felt like there was this gentle breeze hitting me in the face.  It seemed to bring a host of new smells with it.  I could smell hay, flowers and water.  A moment later, any thoughts of new smells had given way to a bunch of unexpected sounds.  There were bird songs but I couldn't hear the sounds of the dojo.  I heard the wind passing through the leaves on trees but couldn't hear the traffic outside.   Then, stranger still, I felt warmth like the sun beating down on me.  

I opened my eyes slowly and was immediately assaulted by a pale orange and yellow light.  Now I know I described the light as pale, but don't take that to mean it wasn't bright, because it was.  I closed my eyes, but not before I saw Daniel's silhouette in front of me on, I assumed incorrectly, his cushion. I tried to open my eyes again and this time I wasn't taken by surprise by the light.  Good thing too, because there was plenty more to be surprised about.  

“Welcome,” Daniel said cheerfully, “we've arrived.”