Questioning: little who doesn’t want a caregiver?

[wishfulthinkerer]

I hope this topic hasn’t been done to death— I didn’t have much luck with the search function, but maybe I’m doing it wrong. Also, apologies for the length here.

 

So, my “littleness” is a very new concept for me. Not the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that comprise it, but the realization that they fit within the CGL paradigm and the fact that I do identify as such. I’m feeling ambivalent about that identity, though, because I’m not sure if I actually want a caregiver. While I yearn for the structure, guidance, and affection that a relationship with this dynamic can provide, I chafe at the idea of submitting to it. Kink is not new to me, and I’m a natural sub, but this goes beyond what I’m familiar and comfortable with.

 

Additionally, I have a lot going on in my life (who doesn’t?), which I feel I should be able to handle without someone “holding my hand”— I’ve always considered myself independent (whether that’s an accurate or an aspirational self- assessment is up for debate lol). I know that many (most, probably) littles are mature, driven, and accomplished people in their own right, and that adds to my confusion. It’s the emotional impact of these recent events that convinced me of my littleness, yet I can’t help questioning my motives.

 

I know I’m not ready for a relationship; I wouldn’t want to be in one that I didn’t bring my best self to. I’m not into using people as tools, but I find myself longing for someone to hold me, stroke my hair, and tell me everything is going to be all right. Am I a bad little? Am I maybe not a little at all?

[Guest Avi]

im gonna loosely borrow someone elses words here. as a little, you freely give your submission and hand over the power, not because you need it, but because you want it. not everything in life has to make sense. I personally wouldnt like the DDLG aspect to be the main focus of a relationship, but i would like to fit it in there somewhere. im not quite the best at putting my thought to words in English. Anyway, the point im trying to make is that as you, yourself have pointed out, being a little does in no way mean that someone is incapable of being independant and strong and often its even the other way around. a healthy power exchange requires 2 confident parties. im gonna leave it at that bc else ill keep rambling lol. anyhoo, best of luck on your journey of selfdiscovery

[LittleBunnyCici]

You don't need a caregiver to be a little.  Full stop.  Your roles and labels are only for you to define, they aren't defined by your proximity to someone else.  I haven't had a CG in almost 11 years now, but that doesn't make me any less of a little or mean I don't go into little/sub space on my own.

[Guest SenpaiPleaseNoticeMe]

You aren’t a bad little. I’ve had a friend be a CG for me. He didn’t provide me structure but provided me affection I craved as a little. You can be what ever you want as long as you are clear as you can be about your wants and making sure the other person is accepting and okay with that. I would like to propose what you want to someone without putting a label on it. That way it tells them what you want and doesn’t put the preconceived ideals that may come with a d/s, dd/lg, boyfriend/girlfriend, and etc relationships.

 

Always use your guts to see what feels okay with you. It generally does a really good job with guiding you. Regardless of being an independent woman myself, I want to feel wanted and need the constant guidance of my partner. For me leadership can often be a very lonely role and having someone to share my troubles with to help me grow is something I often find solace in. My littleness is the yang to my yin.

 

To summarize, you know what you want so list them and don’t put a label on it!

[SamL]

I hope this topic hasn’t been done to death— I didn’t have much luck with the search function, but maybe I’m doing it wrong. Also, apologies for the length here.

 

So, my “littleness” is a very new concept for me. Not the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that comprise it, but the realization that they fit within the CGL paradigm and the fact that I do identify as such. I’m feeling ambivalent about that identity, though, because I’m not sure if I actually want a caregiver. While I yearn for the structure, guidance, and affection that a relationship with this dynamic can provide, I chafe at the idea of submitting to it. Kink is not new to me, and I’m a natural sub, but this goes beyond what I’m familiar and comfortable with.

 

Additionally, I have a lot going on in my life (who doesn’t?), which I feel I should be able to handle without someone “holding my hand”— I’ve always considered myself independent (whether that’s an accurate or an aspirational self- assessment is up for debate lol). I know that many (most, probably) littles are mature, driven, and accomplished people in their own right, and that adds to my confusion. It’s the emotional impact of these recent events that convinced me of my littleness, yet I can’t help questioning my motives.

 

I know I’m not ready for a relationship; I wouldn’t want to be in one that I didn’t bring my best self to. I’m not into using people as tools, but I find myself longing for someone to hold me, stroke my hair, and tell me everything is going to be all right. Am I a bad little? Am I maybe not a little at all?

 

You have so much here to unpack, it's incredible you fit it all into such a succinct package.  I can't tell you if you are a little with just this to go on, but I suspect you are.  You know, I've had about fourteen false starts on this sentence as I try to figure out how to say this so I don't hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone (including you) uncomfortable - but here's it is: I'm not going to share what I think on the forum.  No sense causing collateral emotional damage to folks the thread wasn't meant for and so, friend me if you like, I'll accept and send you a message with my thoughts.  

Edited November 21, 2018 by SamL

[Guest]

Your post has so many nods of agreement and heck yes! I identify the same way you do and struggle with the same. I do not want to pull another person into my busy life when I'm limited on time. I'm also unclear on whether I want that extra bit of gruff and command in every part of my life when I'm able to handle things pretty much on my own. The hand holding and cuddles and care would be bliss, that I'm not ready for yet. Having a Caregiver or Daddy is a strong desire for me, but not at the point of necessity for me to be little, if that makes sense.

 

Considering all that you wrote are you in the mindset of "what can I give back equally for this care?" that makes you feel like you would be using a person? You certainly don't need to question if you are a little or even a bad one. We all need something a little different, you aren't a bad for not fitting a wide spread generalization of ddlg needs. You can be on your own and that's perfectly fine. When/if you become ready to look for a caregiver you will likely find someone who is agreeable to what you need and want and ready to fulfill that role because giving you what you need makes him happy as well.