How long before you tell a new partner about ddlg?

[kittyboo]

So I've started dating again after but I've never had to kind of out myself as being little before and it's something I explored with my ex and something I've only spoken about since with others already in the community.

 

How long do you wait before telling someone you're into it? When you're talking about other kinks, after you've had sex, when you're officially together?! And what's the best way to introduce/explain the idea?

Edited November 18, 2018 by kittyboo

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

Uhhh probably before you start dating!

[Koala]

Uhhh probably before you start dating!

 

That doesn't seem like an "always" thing to me, because people have different degrees of involvement with DD/lg. I would say that if DD/lg is a dealbreaker/you have to have it, then yeah, I would be upfront about it. If it's something you're okay with doing without, then in my opinion, it can come later. Personally, it took me a long time to spill the beans with my current Daddy, a few months into being on-and-off, so I know it's not always easy to do, especially if you're not sure you want to identify as a little to begin with. 

[kittyboo]

Uhhh probably before you start dating!

Well no, I'm not going to tell everyone I go on a date with what I'm into, even if it wasn't ddlg.

[Guest Aetherr]

Well no, I'm not going to tell everyone I go on a date with what I'm into, even if it wasn't ddlg.

 

 

then you run the risk of spending time with a person you like only to have them be incompatible or worse judgemental of you

[junebug0325]

Personally, I would do it pretty early into the relationship. Obviously, it's going to be whenever you feel comfortable but I recommend you telling them early. From my experience, you don't want to wait too long to tell them because you don't want to waste your time putting the effort into getting to know someone who won't like you for who you really are.

 

If they do like it and are into it, great! Now you know and can put more effort into the relationship and help show them more about your true self and DDLG. 

 

Hope this helps!

[kittyboo]

then you run the risk of spending time with a person you like only to have them be incompatible or worse judgemental of you

You run the risk of that whenever you date, without adding a kink. It takes longer than a couple dates to figure out if I even like a person and see it going anywhere, so that wouldn't be suitable for me although it may for others.

 

I didn't actually ask for anyone to tell me what to do, just what they did/do, so if anybody else wants to tell me what I personally should be comfortable with then how about just no.

[Daxter]

As a lot of people said I do recommend you talking as early as possible, it's not any kink, it's something that is relationship based.

If by all means it's not then I suggest you just talk about it, again, as early as possible, and if they don't want to partake then just add to the bucket list "successful icebreaker"

 

Yes. It can be very embarrassing, yet, love will accept everything. If you don't want to lose that person then talk.

Seriously, I know it sounds dumb, or even ingenious but you must talk and communicate with your partner everytime, always.

[Daddy.Astor]

depends how serious you are with the person I would say after a couple of days because of its a lifestyle not some small thing

[ShortSunflower]

early in the relationship, while still getting to know each other, but comfortable enough to share some fun facts about yourself. Maybe kind of hint that you're into ddlg at first let them see some parts, then later on perhaps maybe you could explain it to them what you're into and how it's like. Make sure you clearly explain that it's not actually pedophilia since many seem to confuse that with ddlg. But good luck sugarplum, hope they understand.

[Guest Aetherr]

You run the risk of that whenever you date, without adding a kink. It takes longer than a couple dates to figure out if I even like a person and see it going anywhere, so that wouldn't be suitable for me although it may for others.

I didn't actually ask for anyone to tell me what to do, just what they did/do, so if anybody else wants to tell me what I personally should be comfortable with then how about just no.

 

I don't recall saying anything of the sort, do what you want my day won't change.. good day and good luck

[WhysperKit]

I did it after about a month of us dating. He knew I was into BDSM already and I knew he was the same way *shrug* 

[SamL]

I would do so at the point where I knew that this person I am dating is someone I wish to take to 'relationship'.  So somewhere between, "Is this someone I can live with." and "This is someone I can't live without."

[APTX]

I'm generally speaking and it applies to those who actually could do with this advice, as I've seen it times and times happening in the DD/lg community. But if you're really serious about this lifestyle and it being a huge part of you, you'd bring it up early before you start getting really serious about the person.

Otherwise you risk as being just another repressed little who imagines and fantasizes about their boyfriend being so Daddy-like, or even refers to them as such on the kink communities, but in reality and real-life would never have the guts to bring it up.

In turn, they'd at times or always notice a part of them not completely happy with the situation and not totally feeling connected with their current partner.

 

But eh, it's their own life I guess, do what you want, just maybe stop being selfish and how about a little bit of honesty to the person you're about to enter/have a relationship with, unless of course it's something you actually could live without.

 

Edit: As for what I would do, I don't see myself being in a relationship with someone who isn't in this lifestyle pronto, so I'd bring it up early.

Edited November 19, 2018 by Levi

[SmartAssLittle]

Right away when we meet. It's really important to me that he is sadist, that he enjoy apply pain to me, like I enjoy receiving it. If he is not, then we can't have relation. And would be great that he have others kinks similar to mine.

[cutiepie002]

I always tell it before start dating. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't like to be my daddy.

[princessfreckles]

I would say before things get serious, so unfortunately there isn't an exact time table that I can give you. I'm also dating/looking for a Daddy and everyone I've been on dates with is in the kink community so they are well aware that I'm a little. So possibly try to date some one within the kink community if you're able to?

[Quirkygrl16]

I would definitely mention it when i felt things were getting more serious, like i actually saw a future with this person

[kittyboo]

Completely agree that those desires should be communicated before getting serious, I couldn't enter a relationship without them knowing and accepting this part of me.

[kittyboo]

I'm generally speaking and it applies to those who actually could do with this advice, as I've seen it times and times happening in the DD/lg community. But if you're really serious about this lifestyle and it being a huge part of you, you'd bring it up early before you start getting really serious about the person.

Otherwise you risk as being just another repressed little who imagines and fantasizes about their boyfriend being so Daddy-like, or even refers to them as such on the kink communities, but in reality and real-life would never have the guts to bring it up.

In turn, they'd at times or always notice a part of them not completely happy with the situation and not totally feeling connected with their current partner.

 

But eh, it's their own life I guess, do what you want, just maybe stop being selfish and how about a little bit of honesty to the person you're about to enter/have a relationship with, unless of course it's something you actually could live without.

 

Edit: As for what I would do, I don't see myself being in a relationship with someone who isn't in this lifestyle pronto, so I'd bring it up early.

I agree with a lot of what you said, however it's really not being selfish to not discuss my private/sex life with someone after one or two dates. It's also not being dishonest. Maybe try getting some perspective on that matter, it's hardly like pretending to be someone you're not in an actual relationship. Nobody owes anyone any information about their life unless they decide they want that person to be a part of it.

[SamL]

It's tough to be certain that we're being objective when we look at ourselves on an issue as subjective as this.  No matter what you choose to do, some people are going to say, "You should have said it earlier; you waited too long!".  Others will say, "You jumped the gun and told him too early!"  Still others are going to say that you did exactly the right thing.  It's this last group you'll ignore the most as you wonder which of the other two groups were right. So, let me ask you this - because this example, while not perfect, has a LOT of similarities...

 

When do you think a passable trans-person should tell the person that they're dating that they are trans? 

 

I mean, some are going to be freaked out by it.  Some are going to be open and curious.  Some will be creeps and some are going to be excited because they're trans too and now they probably aren't going to get hit.  Kinda like DDlg.  So, when do you think of the above question?   

[cosmicbalance8cmk]

I mentioned it 2 months into being with him, it worked out quite well