Is this a healthy DDLG dynamic?

[alb18]

My daddy and I are basically in a friends with benefits arrangement, in which he is my daddy but we are not exclusive and we can both sleep with other people. However, it really hurts me to see him with other girls; I have feelings for him so I often date others just to try and get over the feelings I have for him, as I know that we could never be together. Overall he is an excellent caregiver and I love the dynamic we have, but sometimes I just really wish we could be more. Is this bad? I've only ever been im DDLG relationships with long term partners so the idea of non-committed DDLG still feels weird and I'm unsure of whether this relationship is good for the both of us. Does anyone have any tips or advice on how to overcome these issues?

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

Well if it hurts, and you know you can never be together, the answer seems pretty simple to me.

[Guest]

If this hurts you why keep doing it?

 

My next question is have you spoken to him about it, is he the one saying it can't ever work? If he hasn't said this himself then I encourage you to ask him. The toxic/bad part about this situation is that you're giving your love to a man that can't/won't ever commit, on top of that you're giving your body to another few people that won't commit. What are you leaving for yourself in the way of self esteem and self worth? You have to ask yourself the serious question of whether you feel loveless, commitment less sex is all that you are worth. I hope that you believe you can do better and are worth more than this.

[alb18]

If this hurts you why keep doing it?

 

My next question is have you spoken to him about it, is he the one saying it can't ever work? If he hasn't said this himself then I encourage you to ask him. The toxic/bad part about this situation is that you're giving your love to a man that can't/won't ever commit, on top of that you're giving your body to another few people that won't commit. What are you leaving for yourself in the way of self esteem and self worth? You have to ask yourself the serious question of whether you feel loveless, commitment less sex is all that you are worth. I hope that you believe you can do better and are worth more than this.

 

I have spoken to him about my feelings. He says that he is not looking for a serious relationship right now and even if he was, he thinks that he isn't the right boyfriend for me, hence why we aren't together, and for the most part I agree that it probably won't work in that way. However, I think that the ddlg aspect of whatever we are is of far higher value to me than the sex. I do agree with you that I am worth more than this, but I don't want to lose him.

[Guest Aetherr]

if you want to be more, talk to him if for some reason it cant be like that then you should walk away

[Guest]

I have spoken to him about my feelings. He says that he is not looking for a serious relationship right now and even if he was, he thinks that he isn't the right boyfriend for me, hence why we aren't together, and for the most part I agree that it probably won't work in that way. However, I think that the ddlg aspect of whatever we are is of far higher value to me than the sex. I do agree with you that I am worth more than this, but I don't want to lose him.

I'm sorry I don't mean the sex. I'm saying your giving him something of yourself to keep him and feel closer, but your are fullfilling yourself with empty sex. That wears on your self esteem. You might not think so now, but it affects you psychologically. I'm referring to the hurt you are causing yourself by holding on to a person that doesn't have your best interest in mind as a whole. If you told him you weren't going to have continue your friends with benefits and ask him to still be a CG (or a close friend) for you and his reply is no then what loss is there, but an illusion of who you thought he was? Or want him to be.

Edited November 11, 2018 by Baby_squee

[Guest CollateralBeauty]

However, I think that the ddlg aspect of whatever we are is of far higher value to me than the sex.

 

Do you really feel this way, or do you really just not want to lose him?

 

This is just my opinion and observations from what you've shared, but I feel like he's the one benefiting from this arrangement. A question for you is are you comfortable with being in an open relationship? To me, it sounds like you're not, and he is the one that is pushing for the open relationship. In my opinion, it would probably be best to find a caregiver who can take care of all of your needs while also being exclusively yours. There's nothing wrong with not wanting an open relationship. Everyone has their own preferences. I would also suggest maybe asking him what he is wanting our of this arrangement.

 

And feel free to correct me if what I've observed is wrong.

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

You are 18. I encourage you to lose as many men as you can. Helps you learn happiness versus settling.

[SamL]

There's an old song from 1977 with a line in it, 'It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along.'  And I'll tell you, I've found some girls that I wanted to be with but she was with someone else and so I showed no interest and walked away.  Is your relationship with this guy worth the right guy walking away?

[LittleGirlEmilia]

I think you need to leave and I don't say that lightly. Open relationships/friends with benefits/poly isn't for everyone and that is okay. It's okay to be a monogamous person. It feels like this situation you're in is maybe having a somewhat detrimental effect on your mental wellbeing.

 

He says that he is not looking for a serious relationship right now and even if he was, he thinks that he isn't the right boyfriend for me, hence why we aren't together, and for the most part I agree that it probably won't work in that way.

 

He even said to you that if he was looking for a serious relationship it wouldn't be with you and you agree with that. 

 

If you really do want to work through your issues, you'll need to do some research and read articles on FWB situations. Maybe you could suggest a poly or open relationship type deal to him and see what he says.

 

I wish you lots of luck. 

[Guest parinaz]

i really dont want to hurt you but if you're not happy in this relationship and you dont want i (the open relationship i mean) and you talked to him about it and he said NO this relationship is not for you

i know that you love him and you think he is the one or no one can be like him for you i had the same experience before but now my heart is filled with so much love and im much happier right now with someone else

its gonna make you sad maybe for a long time but you should know that the love and respect you deserve is somewhere else