Serious topic: Rebuilding relationships after cheating

[HisSweetness]

So many times when I see these kinds of posts it’s a little talking about how their Daddy betrayed them...but what happens when you’re the one who cheated?

 

Has anyone had to try and rebuild a relationship after cheating?

[ShayeDlady13]

My personal opinion is you can't in a lot of cases. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship. I mean think about everything you are rebuilding. You have no trust in the relationship, your partner has probably lost a lot of self esteem, and they probably will be a lot more intrusive with your privacy because of the infedilty. Best of luck but it is a long long process and is not a 100% guarantee anything will get better. I think if you cheat to help rebuild you would be giving up a lot of privacy and time to prove yourself. At least I know I wouldn't get over cheating.

[SamL]

I think that it is important for the person who was cheated on to remember that the way people treat us is a reflection of their relationship with themselves, not us.  

[DaddyDom3238]

Hi,

I have been cheated on twice over the last 11 years I have been a daddy by two of my littles and being on that end of it is certainly one of the worst feelings I have every experienced. I am not saying this to make you feel bad by any means as I do not know what the dynamic is in your relationship. Rather I am saying this because to rebuild after that is extremely difficult; in my case they both apologized a great deal and begged for forgiveness but the trust was shattered. Trust especially in any relationship is key, however in a DDLG relationship it is the backbone because of the vulnerability that is shown by both the Daddy and the Little. In my case I did not accept them back as I did not want to come to the point that I resented them and what they had done if we did get back together as that would have been toxic. That being said I am still close to one of them and we are very friendly. 

You need to ask yourself why you did it?? Was it because something was lacking?? Were you just getting off? The why must be established before there is any chance, if you do not address the why then it will only happen again. 

Best of luck to you and your relationship.

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

You don't, you're a cheater and will always be one. It's like a murderer, once you kill someone you will always be a murderer, you can't bring that person back to life.

 

Now is probably a good time to learn how to end things properly before you screw someone over again. You should also notify any potential future partners of your past infidelity. You know kind of like the sex offender list but for relationships. At least that way they are forewarned and should be prepared.

[HisSweetness]

I think I’m very fortunate to have found a man who operates on compassion and is willing to work towards forgiveness.

 

I can see that some of the posts here are not going to be helpful. I’ve acknowledged what I’ve done, accepted responsibility, and actively am working towards improving my relationship and my mental health.

 

Judgement like the one calling me ‘no better than a murderer’ has shown me that this site is poisonous, and at the request of my boyfriend, my lover, and my Dom, I’m going to leave the site.

 

Thank you to the few posts above who offered genuine experiences and opinions. I appreciate your time. To the other person, your response says more about you than it does about me. I sincerely hope that other people in this world treat you with more compassion and understanding that there is more behind the scenes than anyone standing on the outside will see, than you have shown here today.

[Guest Avi]

You don't, you're a cheater and will always be one. It's like a murderer, once you kill someone you will always be a murderer, you can't bring that person back to life.

Now is probably a good time to learn how to end things properly before you screw someone over again. You should also notify any potential future partners of your past infidelity. You know kind of like the sex offender list but for relationships. At least that way they are forewarned and should be prepared.

this is truly a bunch on bullshit. ive been cheated on as well but youre taking it way out of hand. let me make this very clear. i do NOT condone cheating. but cheating does not make someone beyond redemption. i know people who have cheated and i have scolded them for it but for fucks sake they werent even 18 at the time! get rid of that hate,for real.

[PrincessKittenCupcake]

I guess I am the minority, but I did sucessfully rebuild a relationship after I cheated.

 

I think what was different about my situation was that he genuinely cared about me. He wasn't sure he wanted to stay, but he was sure that he wanted to help me work through my issues. The whole thing sparked my (very long) journey into dealing with my "stuff," and I think it brought us closer together in a lot of ways.

[Sneakylittle]

There’s so much stigma around cheating and it’s so out of place. EVERYONE is capable of it, it is NOT the worst thing you can do, believe me. I’ve cheated twice, and talked in depth with one of my past partners about cheating. People do not cheat for the reasons people think they do, typically. I cheated because I’m terrified of commitment and can’t accept someone’s love. What does that say about me? I need to do some serious emotional work with myself. You ABSOLUTELY can successfully rebuild a relationship and I would highly highly suggest EVERYONE watch some talks by Esther Perel to really understand this more. But you have two options... take this disaster and turn it into the exact point where there becomes TOTAL honesty, openness and create a relationship even deeper than the one you had before. Or allow this to ruin everything. That’s not all up to the person who cheated and do not forget that. The person who cheated has a lot to make up for and the person who was cheated on needs to keep the issue at hand (the “reason” for cheating) in their mind and not forget about it. Talk; talk more deeply than you ever had before. Lay everything you have into their hands and let them have you fully. Reignite love, passion, trust and honesty and just be there for each other. It won’t be easy but it’s so possible

[Amelia2610]

You don't, you're a cheater and will always be one. It's like a murderer, once you kill someone you will always be a murderer, you can't bring that person back to life.

 

Now is probably a good time to learn how to end things properly before you screw someone over again. You should also notify any potential future partners of your past infidelity. You know kind of like the sex offender list but for relationships. At least that way they are forewarned and should be prepared.

Your remarks are judgemental, and let’s hope you never commit an error, for you will then burn in hell for your sin?

 

=_=

 

An immature comment deserves an immature response.

[Guest BabySammyWolfie]

Soooo... This is gonna be about my parents. So, it's not ddlg related. But it is "cheating" related. My mom has left my dad several time. Everytime she'd leave him(thinking that she really was done with him) she'd end up being with another guy.

Eventually she would go back to my dad after he promises things will be different (like he ways does). So yeah, he convinces her to come back, knowing that she had been with another man.

This kinda shit has gone on for like 20 or 21 years.

Why my mom leaves: My dad is a bit of an asshole. Always bringing up the past. Always always brings up the past.

Why she "cheats": my mom doesn't think she's cheating. She really believes that she's done with my dad.

Why she comes back: My dad will beg and beg and beg for her to come back. "Oh I promise I won't accuse of shit"(more than just cheating) "Oh I promise I'll keep my promises this time"

 

I guess what I'm saying is. My parents relationship is broken and shit.

My mom never really cheated. Not in her eyes. She'd leave him because he can be verbally and mentally abusive.

But than he begs her to come back. He'll say he forgives her, but he doesn't. The trust is just gone. Now I dunno if this will be everyone's outcome, but my dad can't forgive my mom. As long as she stays with him, it's just gonna be a trustless and loveless marriage.

 

But me and my family are also just a little fucked in the head. So... I dunno.

 

My dad just tells her he forgives her. But he doesn't.

 

So make sure that if he says he forgives you, that he is 100% sure.

 

But you're gonna have to build trust back up.

My dad always thinks my mom is up to shit. But, like I said. My dad's kinda messed up, so maybe you won't have to worry about that.

Edited January 9, 2019 by BabySammyWolfie

[Guest QueenJellybean]

as someone who has been cheated on a lot, i can say that it takes a lot of work to rebuild that kind of trust. 

 

i'm polyamorous, which means that while cheating is still absolutely possible, it can be especially frustrating because... like...why... would you do that? 

all you had to do was tell me you were into someone else? 

 

the last relationship i was in was a long-term one that ended because she cheated on me & i was willing to work on our relationship & try to move past it,

but nothing really changed.

she went on to continue seeing the person, & we went our separate ways. 

 

i think the most important thing, if you are the one who cheated, is that you keep in mind that healing is not linear & it isn't an overnight process.

they might not trust you for a long while.

they're going to need extra reassurance for a while.

they might not even know what they need. 

& for fuck sakes, please don't keep the person you cheated with in your life. especially not while you are healing your damaged relationship. 

that doesn't send the message you want to be putting across. 

[#ZOMBAE#]

I'm just gonna go ahead and share my experience for the sake of hope. I cheated on my Daddy a little over a year ago by talking to a guy over the internet. He has forgiven me since then and our relationship has strengthened so much. In my opinion, if you both are truly meant to be together your relationship will heal.

 

Best wishes <3

[Guest MoominPoppa]

For all you Littles, you have to remember when you are a real serious Daddy and you are cheated on, two things happen. 1) You feel angry and hurt because of all the work you do to give someone you care and love a home and 2) Some of the magic of your innocence is lost because you did something that only "Big Girls" do. It's hard on any relationship but it hurts more when you have this dynamic. Both take time to recover from. But it's possible!