Feeling distressed

[ChamomileTea]

So to put this out there first- my Daddy and I are a live-in couple and we share finances. We have agreed to start setting aside savings so we can move out of our current place into one of our own. We didnt set up any rules about the rest of the money and what to use it on.

 

So two days ago I ordered him something special, and I ordered myself something to play with. Well I got the shipping text this morning and since we have an open phone policy, he checked my texts for me and out of curiosity looked at what I ordered. He then got upset with me and told me we "didnt have money for that s#!+" and so I in turn got upset because we defo still have money to do stuff with.

 

I also dont like when he swears at me. I consider it rude and disrespectful and i try my hardest not to swear at him either. But then he got kind of despondent and talked in a monotone to me while we played a game on our nintendo switch together.

 

I'm confused and upset. I dont know how to respond! He hugged me but didnt give me kisses before I left. Would you be upset with me if you were my cg? Do you think my Daddy reacted appropriately? How would you handle this?

 

Help ;3;

[WhysperKit]

I mean, Daddy and I share finances and as long as I (and I'm quoting him), "Don't spend $300 on a picture" he doesn't care, as long as it's reasonable and all the bills have been paid. I enjoy buying art of my OC's on deviantart. He enjoys buying stuff for his video games.

 

Personally, unless what you bought cost some exorbitant amount... I see no reason to be upset with you. Unless you had it in place that you have to run every purchase by him, he's a little outta line for getting so upset about this.

 

I'd probably talk to him later after he's calmed down and explain that 1, cussing at you is a no go, and 2, getting so upset over something you didn't see as a huge deal & then not talking about it was frustrating for you and you'd like better communication in the future. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope things get better. 

[SamL]

Would you be upset with me if you were my cg? Do you think my Daddy reacted appropriately? 

 

I make it a policy to not take sides or form an opinion when I only hear one person's interpretation of events.  It isn't that I don't believe your version - quite the opposite, I trust that you are telling the truth as you see it.  How he see's it might be different.  Okay, caveat over... there are some things that I can speak to.

 

He then got upset with me and told me we "didnt have money for that s#!+"  Unless you forgot, not setting up any rules about the rest of the money and what to use it on makes this his responsibility - not yours.  Now, I could see a guy getting annoyed with himself and the girl thinking that he was mad at her...but no kisses when you left seems to imply that wasn't the case.  If you have not yet told your cg that you consider swearing at you to be poor form and out of bounds, then you need to.  For some people, cussing means nothing - I know it means something to you but perhaps it's like breathing to him when he's mad, you would know better than I.  I think what troubled me as much, if not more, was this: "But then he got kind of despondent and talked in a monotone to me while we played a game on our nintendo switch together."  That does not sound like the behavior of a person with a good emotional range.  It sounds passive-aggressive and immature.  

 

If you were my (biological) daughter, I'm tell you that you need to have a sit down with him and be prepared to ask some hard questions.  

[Guest Arc]

It's hard to say much because I don't know the full situation. But.... if you hadn't made rules on what you can spend money on and if what you did spend money on was reasonable then there's no need to act like that. It's on him as well if he didn't make rules about what you could and could not buy. 

 

Swearing means nothing to a lot of people and it just comes out without thinking. I know I'm one of those people lol. However if you've told him how it makes you feel then he should be making more of an effort to limit it. And if you haven't told him that - you need to. Communication is important. 

 

The part about him talking in a monotone while you gamed bothers me because he should have ben talking about what bothered him and sorting the situation out. Honestly... you guys just need to communicate better. Have an honest conversation about what his issue with it was and maybe consider having rules surrounding spending money such as having to both agree, or having a limit. 

[ChamomileTea]

Thank you all for the input, I really appreciate it. Sometimes I wonder if my Daddy has autism to some degree, because he seems to have trouble communicating his frustrations when they immediately happen.

 

I know my Daddy doesnt think when he swears, so I try to point out to him, "hey, please don't swear at me" any time he does, so I've got that understanding with him. He does apologize in that moment.

 

I gave him a little time, and he came around and I was able to speak with him in a better mood and mindset after he took a nap. We are only a year into this relationship, and we want it to last, but we are still learning each other's quirks and behaviors. My Daddy saved me from a bad relationship and I wont let this devolve into the same thing. Be sure that I know my self worth, even despite the insecurities I have. I will walk away if need be.

 

Again, thank you all for the responses.