Learning a balance between being little and adulting

[LyraFaye]

So I have been, for the past week, taking a step back and actively trying to not be little. I’ve been told that I’m not good at adulting and this is true. I’m 19, and I had a sheltered childhood so I wasn’t able to grow much and learn to be independent. Now I’m living with my Protectors, Squiggy and Puddin, and have been for almost a year. A little background on my Protectors, they are a couple and he is her Daddy and she is a little. They had noticed that I’m not independent and I am not social like I don’t go out, and I don’t really talk to people much or initiate conversation. And so they told me as it was their concern and they want to help me grow into an adult who is little not a little who can sometimes adult. We are moving in January so I need to learn to adult soon because it’s going to be a whole new city. I’m going to have to get a new job and make friends. I will also have to get confident with driving too.

 

Anyhow my actual point is this.

•Does trying to not be little actually help me learn to adult?

•What can I do to find a better balance with being little and adulting?

•What can I do to show that I am trying to adult?

I know there are some older littles than I am that can maybe help.

 

On a happy note though,

I’m super excited to move because I’m going to make a closed little space for myself with my closet or getting a tent or having Squiggy build me one. I’ll get to paint my room pink and have more room for collecting Disney and cartoon funko pops.

[baby_k]

To be little, you would first need to be an adult imo. A child can't be a little as then they just are...well...children.

 

Being little also should not stop you from being an adult or "adulting". Some use being little as an excuse to not adult but that is not how it should go. I think it is really good that your protectors have pointed this out and try to make you more independent ( this is what they should do also! So, they clearly care for you and want what is best for you ). As you should be able to function as an full adult, without anyone else. Because you are still your own person and it makes you super vulnerable and bit of a shadow of a person if you can't take care of yourself properly.

 

Seems that maybe you are little too much of the time because you ask about the balance? This would mean that being little stops you from fuctioning properly in this world somehow. Which then again means there is an issue. Just like they say that mental issues you need to solve are anything that prevents you from living full life, causes significant distress or stop you functioning. People can be weird as hell and this is okay but if their weirdness prevents them from doing something or otherwise hinders them, then there is an issue.

 

Not sure if you see an issue in your own behaviour? Then those things that you see as issue are the ones you need to focus on first. Or maybe you don't really see an issue but because you have been told about it, try to now make a change. If that is the case, talk to your protectors more about this and ask specific examples on how you should try to change your behaviour. They anyhow know you and how you act better, so they probably have good insight to it.

 

To me adult is someone who takes cares of needed things, is responsible, looks after themselves and also others around them, does not hide from issues, takes iniate to solve things, is proactive ... Lot of things. Without knowing you and how you are, hard to say what are your "issues".

 

Just stopping to be a little won't take you far imo, as being a little is not really an issue. But not being an adult is.

[LyraFaye]

This is true. I am legally an adult at 19, however due my sheltered upbringing I was not taught adulting skills.

 

I have caught myself in the past using being little as an excuse to not make decisions and I’ve been working to rectify that. That one was pretty easy since once I was aware of it I made sure that when asked a question I made a decision the best I could even if it was to say I don’t have an answer right now.

 

You are correct. I think most of it is that I’m socially awkward and don’t understand social cues because I’m autistic but that’s in no way an excuse. If I were able to be social maybe it’d be better. I mean I do chores because it needs to be done without being asked. I do my own laundry. I cook when I can. I’m bad at having a routine but I’ve made goals to try to improve at that.

 

I think giving myself goals and pushing myself will help.

 

I see an issue with my behavior at times. I had asked them and they said they weren’t going to tell me to change because I should do it for myself. I need to figure out what I want to change.

 

Sometimes I am able to be littleish while still doing adult things. It’s just my personality so it comes across as giggly, playful and relaxed. I do think I am little too often at times which is why I have been not being little. My Protector Puddin has been depressed and I’m not going to be obnoxiously little when she feels that way so that is the main reason I haven’t.

 

I do a lot of those things you consider adulting however it can sometimes be inconsistent. One thing I always do is take care of others though. I take initiative depending on the situation.

[junebug0325]

I think giving yourself goals and pushing yourself will help you learn the adulting skills you need.

 

I've had to learn from a very young age how to do things for myself, so transitioning from high school into college wasn't that big of a deal for me on the adulting aspect. But, of course there are still some things that I don't understand how to do, and won't need to know how to do because I have my Daddy to do it for me. And I'm okay with that. If I ever need to learn certain things then I will teach myself how to learn.

 

I also can feel littleish while doing adult things. For example, sometimes I slip into accidental littlespace while I'm shopping in the store when I see something cute or something that reminds me of Daddy. It's not a bad thing, as long as it doesn't prohibit me from carrying out what I need to do.

[SamL]

Anyhow my actual point is this.

•Does trying to not be little actually help me learn to adult?

•What can I do to find a better balance with being little and adulting?

•What can I do to show that I am trying to adult?

I know there are some older littles than I am that can maybe help.

I've got to tell you, I'm impressed with the course of action that your protectors are taking with this issue - good on them.  I also think baby_k made many excellent points in her post.  I would suggest discussing these questions with your protectors but here's my two cents worth...

 

No, trying not to be little does not help you learn to adult.  However, learning to protect and care for your little yourself will.  Parents don't create adults from children; children create adults from parents.  In other words, the act of being a parent turns people who have reached child-bearing age into adults.  So, try to think of ways that you can parent your little.

[LyraFaye]

Yeah I agree. They’re pretty amazing. Today I did cook dinner and go to the store and got the stuff for it (and actually stuck to the list) so I consider it a small victory).

 

Last night I didn’t procrastinate I jumped right into a task even though I didn’t want to do it. Little things. I’ve allowed myself to be little briefly. While I’m completing adult tasks if I can do it properly while being little like dishes, grocery shopping, or at work I was super hyper and it just came across that way but I was actually kind of little. But acting that way makes me more of a positive vibe kinda person.

 

I had discussed it with them and we agreed goals would be good and I came up with some. I’m struggling to meet some of them like waking up and being ready on time but I think it’s due to not feeling great physically. I tend to unset my alarms.

 

That’s true. I will definitely work on that.