ddlg judged too harshly

[babygirl12]

I am curious as to why, even in the world of kink, that ddlg is looked down on and harshly judged. 

 

And even on fetlife, even in ddlg groups, theres a lot of harshness between middles and littles and babygirls. 

 

oh boy

 

why all this harshness?

[special-blackbitkitten]

I think it's because in some peoples mind's it can er on the side of pedophilia and they see it as being linked to/connected to that and that's why outside groups might look down upon ddlg more harshly than other kinks. Of course that is not to say that these things can't be found in other kinks or even in the vanilla world. They can it's just that when you get to identifying as something childlike it can be close to the line for some people.

 

As far as harshness between people in ddlg.. perhaps it's because littles feel the need to compete to be the most "little" or middle they can be in order to win the affections of potential doms? I'm not really sure. Maybe the childlike mindset allows the feelings of jealousy and insecurity to come through more easily than when in big space?

 

It certainly is sad that there is so much misunderstanding and harshness even in ddlg for sure.

[Guest Penny]

Before I got into kink I wa 100% vanilla and when a boyfriend suggested we try handcuffs I was weirded out. But I discovered I liked it.

 

This has a point haha. With each new thing he introduced me to I was weirded out by it, tried it and we went from there but I remember him bringing up at one point that I dress or act like a little girl and I really didn't like that idea. It made me uncomfortable so we never did it.

 

Fast forward about 7 years and I am searching on YouTube in the middle of the night and I come across a video about adult babies. I saw diapers and flipped. "oh no, that's gross. Those people are freaks!"

 

But I was intrigued.

 

So I experimented with sleeping with a stuffed animal, coloring and Sippy cups out of curiosity and I discovered my little space and much like a lover finding their soul mate it was very much a "where have you been all my life?" moment.

 

Then I started searching and finding other people like me. Naturally that led into the world of daddy Dom and little girl. I was uncomfortable and immediately thought of pedophilia and I stepped right back out.

 

Some time went by and I discovered on my own that my little space can and sometimes is directly tied into my sexuality and I started to understand it a little better. I certainly wasn't a pedophile but something about it clicked in that way, much like my first experience with handcuffs.

 

It's easy to judge a thing, and I think most people do but what most people with kinks fail to see is that there are those who look at whips, chains and toys as degrading, unnatural and perverted.

 

It just boils down to the fact that people on the outside are quick to judge without having all of the facts and from what I've seen personally, very few people see DD/lg and think "oh I'd like to try that." what happens is they find it usually by accident or are introduced an in discovering that they like it they realize what it truly is about.

 

It difficult to explain to most people what dd/lg is but much like whips and chains, before 50 shades of grey became a thing (I hate that book) bondage was nearly just as taboo in some circles.

 

Sometimes you have to feel a thing to understand a thing. Sometimes thinking can only get you so far.

[GentleDaddyDom]

In my personal opinion, it's largely because so many people see the term "Daddy" and associate DD/lg with incest (which is has absolutely nothing to do with), and the term "little girl" and associate it with pedophilia (which is also has absolutely nothing to do with).

 

The majority of the people who judge the lifestyle either know nothing about it and ignorantly judge, or have those false impressions of the lifestyle and judge it based on that. Many, many people simply see the term "Daddy", and get scared away enough that they won't take the time to learn what it actually is.

 

It's really unfortunate. People like myself have been a part of this lifestyle for years, and we've had to defend ourselves/others from accusations that this is all about incest, or we want to take advantage of our daughters, or littles want to do things with their fathers... When in fact the dynamic couldn't have less to do with it. Some of the things I've seen people saying the dynamic is about on sites like Tumblr... Couldn't be further from the truth. And it's pretty disgusting what they think this is.

 

This topic is a bit of a sore spot with me, among many others. Thanks for bringing it up for discussion! Definitely something people should be open minded about.

[LB Chris]

It's unfortunate that some read our lives and see things in that don't apply but you may (and do) get issues around being a little and being transgender too, with individuals ostercized usually because they feel affects how they are percieved and the 'mission'.

special-blackbitkitten is I think onto something when it comes the origins of internal fractional harshness, competitiveness can have its extremes within a more child-like mindset (most of us can recall it first time around) as well as the idea to show what you feel you are it's necessary to criticize harshly others as from where I'm standing, I don't have the need treat those of you who are ab/dl in that way to assert being a middle.

[Guest Sae]

A lot of people get DD/lg mixed up with pedophiles and incest play. I think thats why it gets a bad name because a lot of people who also are kinky don't really give it enough time. I do think when you also talk to different kinky people, more so on fetlife you find more people who have the 'I am kinkier than you are' attitude.  I would say online treat it like most groups of people who are fans or like something, you have people who will basically tell you they know everything and they know whats wrong, whats right. Meanwhile you might have another group of people who are just like, "I just like this because I like this."

 

It sucks that the communities aren't as close together as they could be.  But I've also seen the strain and to be honest there also are some people who are into DD/lg and they like incest play ect, and I think a lot of people just see two people do it and they assume everyone must do it like that. Its a really generalized and stereotyped lifestyle. and I think sites like tumblr and fetlife don't allow it to be grown and have more people looking in. 

 

As for middles, littles and baby girls not being friendly towards each other. I haven't really personally seen that, but I'm also not active in the communities. This is the only one I am active in. But I think just like most things people have found a group and they most likely just look down on everything else because there is a group brain thought of that group being better or what ever. The only thing I do is I correct people when they call me a little because I'm not.  I accept people who are in DD/lg and bdsm no matter how they express it. As long as it isn't illegal.   

[DaddyJ]

Glad this topic was raised, as I have been thinking about it a lot recently.

 

What Penny said about having to feel through the thing to understand it really resonates with me. I've been working through this myself, trying to come to terms with what I want and how I want to relate to someone.

 

I've never considered my own interest was in any way related with incest or pedophilia. However I feel like I have to explicitly address this every time I talk with someone and 'explain myself', even with people who say they're into DDLG (though perhaps that's because they too feel accused and are looking for more words they can bring to the issue).

 

Anyway, I don't have much to add, mainly just wanted to say thanks to people who contributed on this thread!

[babygirl12]

yes, I agree. There are many who find ddlg who are really into incest role play and are age players. 

 

I've had to explain many times ,that what I'd really like one day is a Daddy Dom and explain what I need as a babygirl. 

 

I know now, years later after learning i'm submissive that I can never get into a relationship without love and respect and trust. I need someone to trust before I get into my true identity which for me is a combo of ddlg and bdsm. 

 

Someone willing to explore this journey with me. 

 

i still have hope that one day it can be a possibility.