A list of questions to ask a potential DD/lg partner

[xBabydollx]

Hello everyone. Something we are always hearing about on this forum is the importance of compatibility. How do u know when u are compatible with a potential DD/lg partner? By asking questions of course, but which ones? I remember when I was new and had no idea what to ask a potential Dom. I decided to sit down and make a list of questions to ask a potential DD/MD or little, that I hope will help increase ppl's odds of finding a compatible partner. I have skipped super vanilla questions like, "what's ur fav [blank]" as I think we would be sitting here all day lol. This is aimed for ppl seeking a serious dynamic vs a play partner or rp situation. Consider this a helping guide and by no means a rule book. Take what applies to u, edit questions to fit u, and leave the rest. My biggest tip when speaking to a potential partner is to not assume ANYTHING. No question is too small and no answer is obvious.

 

These questions are not intended to be asked in 1 sitting/1 conversation, but rather ideas of questions to ask over time in order to get to know someone better. It also helps with getting past the, "Hi. How are u?" dead end.

 

THE BASICS

 

1. How old are u?

2. Where are u from?

3. What is ur sex and gender? Female, male, intersex, transgender, genderfluid etc

4. What is ur sexuality?

5. Are u single in both the vanilla and DD/lg world?

6. Are u dating someone currently? If so, are they aware u are dating others?

7. Do u desire a long term or short term dynamic?

8. Is this dynamic nonsexual, strictly sexual, or a mix of both for u?

9. Are u looking for a platonic or romantic dynamic?

10. Are u looking for a gf/bf, gf/gf, bf/bf relationship as well, or a strictly DD/lg dynamic?

11. Are u mono, poly, a swinger or something else?

12. If u are poly, do u prefer a family dynamic where everyone knows and engages with each other? Or a dynamic where everyone knows about each other, but does not have romantic or sexual relations with each other? Perhaps something else?

13. Do u have any sexual diseases, mental disabilites, physical conditions or other alignments?

14. If a sexual dynamic is desired, will u be willing to get tested for STI's and provide paperwork?

15. Are u a virgin? If so, are u waiting for marriage, or something else?

16. What past experience do u have with DD/lg, or BDSM overall?

17. Can I have references of ur past littles/Daddies/Mommies? (If this is something u desire)

 

DD/LG RELATED

 

1. What do u like about being a Daddy/Mommy/little?

2. What do u look for in a Daddy/Mommy/little?

3. What can u offer a little?

4. What can u offer a Daddy/Mommy?

5. Do u desire a BDSM Power Exchange that all parties acknowledge and consent to; a powerplay element in your dynamic that is purposefully seeked after?

6. What sort of powerplay element do u enjoy?

7. Do u require a contract?

8. Do u desire a 24/7 dynamic, or something more occasional?

9. Do u consider urself clingy and if so, to what degree?

10. Are u a sadist or masochist?

11. Do u like things in the dynamic to be strict, laidback, or a balance of both?

12. Do u like rules, structure, tasks etc? If so, what is an idea of the sort of rules, structure, tasks etc that u enjoy and dislike?

13. Do u desire rewards and punishments as a behavior modifier and if so, what is and is not on the table for u as a point of interest?

14. Do u like high, medium, or low protocol? Or none at all?

15. How do u expect ur little to act towards other Dominants?

16. What sort of things within this dynamic do u need vs what do u want?

17. What does Daddyspace/Mommyspace look like for u? What helps trigger it?

18. Do u experience littlespace? If so, what does it look like for u and what helps trigger it?

19. Do u have various headspaces, besides being a Daddy/Mommy or little? For example, are u also a pet, slave, Master, Mistress, Switch etc?

20. If u are a Switch, do u desire to switch roles with me, or seek fulfillment of ur other role from somebody else? Are u ok with no switching within this dynamic/arrangement?

21. Are u an age regressor and if so what does that look like for u?

22. Are u into AB or AB/DL, and if so what does that look like for u?

23. If u are ok with diapers, are u only ok with them being worn, or are u also ok with them being messed and to what degree?

24. Do u have a little age and does it fluctuate?

25. Are u into Ageplay, and if so what does that look like for u?

26. What honorific titles do u like and dislike? Daddy, Papa, Sir, Mommy, Mama, Miss, babygirl, babyboy, princess, prince etc

27. What are ur soft and hard limits?

28. What sort of kinks/fetishes do u have?

29. Do u believe in and practice safewords?

30. Do u believe in and practice aftercare? What does it look like for u?

31. When have u pushed a partner too far and how have u handled it?

32. Do u know what is sub drop and Dom drop? If it occurs several days after a scene, how will u handle it/expect it to be handled?

33. Do u believe in collaring and/or collaring ceremonies? If so, what does that mean to u?

 

LIFESTYLE RELATED

 

1. Do u desire for this dynamic to be online only or is a in person dynamic the end goal?

2. Do u desire to one day live together, or even aspire to obtain marriage?

3. Do u currently work, go school, or have other responsibilities that effect ur availability? If so, how and to what degree?

4. Do u have kids or want kids?

5. What is ur religion? Are u ok with being in a dynamic with someone of a different religion?

6. Do u desire a dynamic where the little has small amounts of adulting to do? No work, school, house duties etc?

7. Do u smoke, drink, or do drugs?

8. Do u have a criminal history?

9. Do u like to party, have a lively social life, or something more chill?

10. What are ur hobbies?

 

 

I have tried my best to come up with many vast questions, and hope at least some ppl find my list helpful. If anyone have any ideas on what I should add, let me know.

Edited September 30, 2018 by xBabydollx

[Cell]

@_@

[Guest Arc]

I personally prefer natural conversation and getting to know these things over time, but this seems like a pretty good list of things to consider. ^^ 

[xBabydollx]

Thanks Arc. It wasn't made with the intent of all of it being asked at once XD rather questions to keep in mind/to ask over time. Questions to help determine if a person wants to commit to this new partner.

[Little Illy]

This is an amazingly comprehensive list. So much so I vote this be pinned. To be blunt and honest, it is disheartening to see the aftermath every single day of people jumping in a relationship without a compatible partner. Then hearing they didnt even take the time to get to know one another. 

 

You go through demographics, preferences and likes. I would also add negatives to this list (sorry if I repeated any of yours, I am sure I did at some point...):

 

Personality / Experiences

 

1. What makes you the most angry?

2.What makes you the most upset?

3. What makes you the most jealous?

4. What is the worst thing you have ever done to a partner?

5. What is the worst thing a partner ever did to you?

6. Have you ever ghosted someone?

     If so, why? [be receptive and understanding when they explain, literally give them a chance.]

7. Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?

     If so, do you still suffer from it?

     If so, how and will you need my help? [be Receptive]

8. How do you react to lost communication (broken phone, busy schedule, etc)?

9. What will you not tolerate in a relationship?

 

 

Mental Illness

 

1. What Triggers do you have?

     Can you explain why you get triggered by them? [be Receptive]

     As your partner, what will you need from me to help calm you down?

     What modifications to daily life do you need for these triggers?

2. How do you handle mental illness in general? 

     How do you expect others to handle mental illness?

3. What is your opinion of mental illness in the dynamic?

4. Which mental illnesses can you not handle [Do NOT shame them, this is a valid question.]

 

 

 

Kinks / Sex

 

1. What are your major turn offs?

     Why do they bother you so much? [Try to understand why; it helps prevent accidents.]

2. What kind of kinks can you not be around?

3. If I have kinks that you don't like, how would you compromise or handle that with a partner?

4. What kind of sex do you expect from me? 

5. If I cannot provide the sexual life you prefer, how would you deal with that?

 

 

The Dynamic

 

1. What are you real feelings about CG/L?

     What do you hate?

     What do you find inappropriate?

2. What kind of impact would revealing your kink/lifestyle (CG/L) to the public have?

3. Do you need to be secretive?

     If so, why? [be Receptive]

4. What are all of your identities?

     Which ones need the most attention?

     What happens if you identity isn't expressed every day, or every time you need it o?

5. Is this dynamic therapeutic for you?

     If so, please explain how.

6. What are the hardest things to express in the CG/L dynamic for you?

7. Do you slip into the mindset / headspace easily (littlespace, Daddyspace, etc), or do you need the help of a partner?

8. Do you need a partner to make you feel like a [little, Daddy, Mommy, etc]?

9. Do you have physical limitations/disabilities?

     If so, how does it affect you day to day?

     What do you need in a relationship because of this?

10. Do you have any limitations/disabilities you cannot handle in a partner? [Do NOT shame them, this is a valid question.]

Edited September 30, 2018 by Little Illy

[xBabydollx]

Thanks a lot Lily! I really appreciate it. I also love ur questions. They are all very beneficial to ask. I will take time to think and try to find ways to edit my list and add them in (love the categories u came up)! ur reasoning is exactly why I made this list. Seeing a little surprised their Daddy is also a little, ppl surprised their partner is poly, one partner valuing collaring while the other doesn't care etc.

[SmartAssLittle]

It's like police investigation. Hhhhh.

[xBabydollx]

Have to investigate to get to the bottom of things! Haha or in modern times it is just called 'getting to know someone'

[Guest Dulci]

*eye twitch* I really want to replace the letter 'u' with you.... 

 

But other than that, yes they're good questions, but if someone asked me half of these on the first conversation I'd say bugger off. I much prefer natural conversation. 

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

I guess it also depends if your bride is mail order or not. Gotta make sure you fill out the form right.

Mine came with a dingaling. But is okay, we cool. Best Daddy.

[xBabydollx]

Lol Im used to chat talk, but know it drives some ppl crazy. I also couldn't imagine being asked 100 questions in 1 sitting lol. Just questions to keep in mind/touch base on at some point while dating/talking. I suppose I should've mentioned this in my post, since many seem confused by it. I personally like a mix of casual conversation and asking important questions...otherwise wont find out things I need to know. Over the course of time, I like to be able to know a huge chunk of that info about someone (ones that apply to me).

[Guest Aetherr]

saving this for later

[Little Illy]

I know this list seems crazy and long and invasive...  But... most of these things are what Daddy and I discussed in private chat (back when the forum had it in the chat room) for our first 4 hour conversation. Im not kidding - triggers, disabilities, fears, goals, achievements, failures, relationship history, relationship goals, kinks, traumas, theology, world views, political stand points, beliefs on marriage, beliefs on child bearing and MORE.

 

So yeah, laid out in black and white, it is hella daunting. But if you find someone who you have that Spark with - this list is an easy 1 conversation itinerary. 

 

And I am going to toot our own horn - Daddy and I had this conversation prior to us ever swapping info, and then some. And look at us now. Overcame a stressful LDR, moving countries and are living together in a house where we have our own little room. We laid the ground work with this information and found we are compatible. The above is honestly what every single person should think about with any potential partner. Does it need to be covered in one sitting? Hell no - but a good chunk should be covered before deciding to start a serious relationship.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

^

My Daddy and I started out in an LDR for a few months (after knowing each other for years prior) and a lot of those things were covered naturally in the course of time. We’ve been happily together for years now.

 

I don’t think anyone’s reading the lists above assuming they’re to be asked in the first few conversations with someone. But having a structured list of things to ask makes it seem too regulated and set up, therefor taking some of the fun out of meeting someone and getting to know them. Especially if you’re constantly referring to a list and wondering when you’ll have the opportune moment to ask these things.

 

It’s good if you’re awkward at initial socialization and don’t know where to start or how to keep conversation moving. But for those of us who prefer the natural flow of things, it can seemingly take some of the fun out of it and make it too procedural.

 

And ‘a large chunk of it’ is common sense to ask your potential partner those things. However it won’t make much difference for some people, like those who already have idealized the fantastical amazing person they want to match up with and follow the list as “well on paper we don’t agree on all these things.” When it’s okay to have a difference of opinion and be different people. That’s probably the most important part for people to remember if they’re going to utilize any of these lists.

 

Does it render the list of things to ask useless? No. And nobody’s going to stop anyone from using it if they genuinely find it helpful.

But I think this is just the alternative POV from persons such as myself.

[xBabydollx]

The list was mainly created to give ppl ideas of questions to ask. It's not structured or to be used as a rule book at all. Like I've mentioned, I had no idea what questions to ask a Dom when I was new. The questions u ask a vanilla person vs a Dom is entirely different. There is more that needs to be known on top of the basic vanilla questions and not everyone knows what to ask. I never thought to ask a Dom if they were poly, had a vanilla partner at home, never thought to discuss aftercare we may need, what actually helps trigger them to reach a Dominant headspace etc. Questions I've had to realize overtime and learn. There is tons of ppl who commit to a dynamic before they know 90% of the answers to those questions (even the basic ones) and wonder why they don't match. Everyone is differnt and move at their own pace, but I don't want to date someone 6 months to find out they are poly and expect to have 5 other littles, or they are a switch and got a Mistress somewhere, or to commit to being their little then I find out they expect me to be in little mode 24/7 etc. That would mean I've wasted my time for all those months, and yes because I didn't know to ask these various questions at some point while dating ppl I had a lot of 'surprises' down the road. Different questions are important to different ppl, but u have to know what to ask in the first place and many honestly don't know.